Chapter 7: The Fear
18 BBY- 1 Year after the Rise of the Empire
The walk to the caves outside of town was a long one, so at the crack of dawn, Ahsoka and Rex decided to run there. Most people in the galaxy hated running, but then again, they weren't really most people.
As they booked it, placing one foot in front of the other, they grew less tense. Loosened their shoulders. Relaxed their spines. They could pretend they were back in the war, sprinting across the battlefield to their next position, dodging blaster fire and jumping over battle droids and explosions. Ahsoka even threw in a couple front flips and somersaults as they ran, for the heck of it. Rex just rolled his eyes, hiding an amused smirk, and kept up a regular double-time pace.
The wind whipped across the base of their skulls and stung their cheeks. The sun hid behind dreary, overcast clouds that sent a dash of rain drizzling down. They relished in it. They savored it. They felt a spark.
The caves loomed ever closer, and along with it, the promise of tactical preparation, defense construction, and strategic planning. In other words, everything a pair of military geniuses would thrive on.
Ahsoka felt as if she'd dove headfirst into an icy lake: shivering, awake. Rex's eyes were alert and the hard lines around his jaw had softened. His lips were slightly parted as he breathed in the crisp outside air.
By sunrise, they had passed through the fields, keeping careful watch to make sure they were unseen. They slowed to a walk, although a bit reluctantly, as they climbed up the jagged rocks to access the cave entrances. Finally, they pulled themselves up onto a ledge that opened up to three separate caves mouths, one large and the other two more narrow.
"Let's start with the medium one," Ahsoka said, pointing to the in-between cave. "It's less obvious than the biggest one but not as uncomfortable as the other small one." For Rex's benefit, she left out that the medium one would probably be too tight for him. And that she knew how much he hated tight spaces.
Rex nodded, determined, and stepped into the mouth of the cave. Ahsoka saw his hand reach up through the shadows to flick on the flashlight clipped to his helmet only to lower slowly when he realized it wasn't there.
"Here," Ahsoka said quietly, digging around in her satchel before giving him a hand-held flashlight.
"Thanks." He did well to conceal the dejected embarrassment that lingered in his tone, but Ahsoka still heard it.
The flashlight flickered on, but it was of poor quality. Dim, grey-ish white light bounced off of the rugged stone walls. Stalactites dripped down from the cave ceiling, casting dark, looming shadows that danced across the walls and the floor.
"We'll have to break some of these off if they're too low," Rex grunted, leaning awkwardly to the far right to avoid hitting his head on one of the longer stalactites. "They could injure someone if they don't see it." As soon as the words left his mouth, he bumped backwards into an equally-long stalagmite rising up from the floor, sending him stumbling to the ground.
Ahsoka snorted. "Like that?"
"Oh, shut it," Rex growled, getting up slowly. He rubbed his tailbone tenderly. "It's not my fault I'm still taller than you."
"It may not be your fault, but it is your problem."
A drop of water dripped off the ceiling and splashed on Rex's forehead.
"Yeah," he muttered, wiping it away with the back of a hand, "it is."
The cave continued deeper. It got darker, and colder, but it started to widen as it went further down. Eventually the ceiling rose so far above them—or had they travelled so far down?—that it towered above them, far out of reach. The cave hollowed out into a cavern of sorts, the walls growing wide and round to form a sort of alcove before splintering off into three more narrower, darker tunnels.
"Now this," Rex said, "is what I had in mind."
"It's got plenty of space to store crates of food, as well as several crevices in the wall to stack blasters and tuck away smaller arms," Ahsoka nodded. "But if we want to fit crates in here, we'd have to knock out those stalactites to clear the way, like you said."
"Where would we be getting said crates and weapons, anyway?"
Ahsoka paused. She hadn't quite thought of that part, yet. "We… could steal them from the Imperials? They've got a couple storage sheds near the barracks."
"And break into those, all by ourselves?" Rex shook his head. "I know we've got some skills, but not enough to go two-on-twenty just for some crates of food."
Ahsoka pursed her lips. He was right, and she knew it. It was just hopeful thinking.
Unable to come up with any ideas, they sank back into what they knew best: routine. Military procedure. They slipped into processes without a second thought.
First: check for danger. Any animals, shady figures, reconnaissance droids, or anything that could be living there or listening in.
Ahsoka held the flashlight over Rex's shoulder while he stood in front of them, blaster locked into his hands, ready for anything. They travelled carefully at least thirty minutes deep into each narrow passage that branched off of the main cavern.
Second: stabilize your area. Any obstructions or potential hazards that could cause injury or harm.
They checked for loose rocks on the walls, knocked off the tips of stalagmites that were too sharp for their liking, and removed any obstructions from the ground that could trip someone up.
Third: stage your gear. Organize yourself and your resources, keeping in mind a list of priorities of what you would need in an emergency.
They hadn't brought much, but they did with what they had. Rex had made a handful of ration packs of uncooked patuu rice, raw potatoes, and dried vegetables which he stacked neatly on a naturally-formed shelf in the cave wall. Ahsoka sorted and stashed the array of parts she'd brought from the shop in a divot in the along the wall.
Last: Settle and set up a watch schedule. First patrol begins immediately, rotating with other watch standers on a four-hour basis in high-tension areas, eight-hour in others.
Rex took their two bedrolls out of the back and laid them neatly near the weapons area and away from the entrance. Wordlessly, Ahsoka took the first watch. By a silent agreement, they'd understood that the last bit of procedure wasn't feasible or necessary. But she stood near the entrance of the cave either way, occasionally travelling up to the mouth and back to be safe, holding the flashlight to help Rex when she could. But the faint sunlight filtering in from the far-away cave entrance was dimming.
Her mind wandered as she gazed at the light of the setting sun. Its burnt-orange glow trickled into the cave, sharp against the dark blues and cold purples of the cave. The water droplets dangling from the ceiling were set alight and the flecks of quartz-like stone in the walls glinted. The Force danced in all of it.
Ahsoka squinted past the long shadows cast by the amber light and tried to feel it, to feel the Force as she used to. Her head started to ache and her retinas burned, but it was around her, everywhere. She closed her eyes, where mauve and violet sunspots bloomed across the inky black of her eyelids.
The omniscient presence of the Force wreathed around her like silk. It left whispers of a caress down her spine and brushed against her shoulder blades. It murmured against her montrals and sighed under her lips, relishing in her presence.
No one had been in these caves for a long, long time. And, gentle and soft, from far deeper within the cave, a scattering of kyber crystals lifted their voices to sing their age-old hymns.
"We should get back soon."
Ahsoka started at the touch of Rex's calloused hand on her shoulder and sucked in a breath. He flinched back and a silent question of concern flicked across his gaze, but he stayed silent.
"Right," she stammered, "it'll be dark soon."
Ahsoka pushed herself up onto their table and took a seat. Rex closed their door and set his rucksack down before moving over to the window. He pulled back the tattered curtain with two fingers and peered out the dusty window for a moment before letting it fall back into the place. "I don't think we were followed," he stated.
"Why would anyone want to follow a pair of mechanics?"
"We can never be too careful," he warned, walking past the shelves full of blasters, tools, and droids they needed to fix. He paused in front of a crouched pit droid and stared at his reflection on its shiny metal cap. Her rubbed the stubble-turned-beard on his chin. "Not good," he muttered.
"It isn't too bad," Ahsoka shrugged. She cocked her head to one side. "Kinda gives you a rugged look. Like a pirate, or a gunslinger, with roguish good looks and a devilish intention."
Rex scowled at her.
"Relax, relax, I'm kidding. Your face is gonna break if you keep frowning so hard. And no one likes a broken face."
"We should start trying to move some of our gear over to the caves throughout this week," Rex went on, changing the subject.
Ahsoka rolled her eyes but listened anyway. She really didn't think the stubble was that bad.
"We should go together, maybe one trip per day, but at irregular times. The Empire knows to look for patterns, so that's the last thing we want to create."
"Maybe we should make separate trips," Ahsoka put in. "If we split up, one person can stay with the shop so we stay open. It'll be less suspicious than if we were closing at random times during the day."
"That's true," Rex admitted, thinking it over. "Right then. We'll take turns bringing supplies to the caves. But it might take longer, so we'll bump it up to two trips per day, one each. We can start tomorrow." Satisfied with their plan, he started to go through the shelves, deciphering what would be useful in the caves and what could stay in the shop.
Ahsoka stayed still in her spot on the table. "We won't be able to do this alone," she murmured.
Rex stopped abruptly and turned looked at her. "Why not?"
She shifted uncomfortably. "You said it yourself. Two-against-twenty are impossible odds. We're not fighting them head on, but… we can't gather everything—weapons, food, water," she counted them off on her fingers, "—by ourselves. We'll need help."
Rex crossed his arms, stern. "And where do you suppose we get that? This is a planet of civilians, not soldiers. We don't have any troops, any backup, and definitely not anyone we can trust. It's just us."
"We could trust our friends, Rex," Ahsoka argued, the word feeling odd in her mouth. Even he raised a brow at the term.
Neither of them had really had "friends" before and she wasn't sure either of them were ready to admit that that's what their cantina/crokin group was quickly starting to become.
But she decided to go on. "They could help us. They could help us gather all of the supplies we need."
"But they are farmers," he stressed, running a hand through his hair.
"And we've trained farmers before," she countered. She got off the table and stalked over to him, arms folded crossly. "Don't you remember the nysillin farmers on Felucia? Or the Lurmens on Maridun?"
"I do," he answered steadily, "but this is—"
"Different?" she cut him off, scoffing. "I hardly see how."
"Because it is! The people on Raada know nothing of war, and we have no resources—"
"They can help us get those resources."
"Not if they kill themselves doing it!"
"Well, we won't let them! We will train them, and we can protect them."
"Protect them how? Just us?" he furrowed his brow. "It's impossible. And it's too dangerous. We'd be risking too much."
She glared up at him, the tip of her nose a breath away from his chin. "And just what would we be risking, Rex? We have nothing to lose anymore. Nothing."
"That's not true—"
"Then tell me what there is to lose!"
"You!" he shouted, grabbing her shoulders and startling her. His fingers sunk into her skin.
"Each other. We could lose each other," he insisted. The desperation gleamed in his eyes and his breath was trembling as it brushed against the bridge of her nose. He loosened his grip, but still held her close. His voice shuddered into a low whisper. "I can't lose you."
Ahsoka stared back at him, dumbstruck. Her tongue was numb and her lips were cold but her cheeks felt warm. "Rex, I…"
"We've lost everything, Ahsoka," he murmured, releasing her and looking away. He turned his back to her and lowered his head into his hands. "And the thought… the fear… of losing all I have left is… it's—it's too much."
"Rex," she began softly, but drifted. Her head was starting to spin and words were failing her.
She reached out with a tentative hand and placed it with feather-light on his shoulder. Her palm met the heat of his skin and the tension in his shoulder.
"You won't lose me. Not this time. I… I promise."
Slowly and reluctantly, as if he was ashamed, Rex looked over his shoulder to face her.
The grief swirled like gold in the warmth of his tawny brown eyes, and Ahsoka felt herself sinking.
So she let herself drown.
So... yes, this is now a Rex/Ahsoka slowburn, and if I'm being honest, it always was and I was just kidding myself. I would never want that pairing in canon, but alas, this is not canon! It's fanfiction.
But it's not going to be overly... romance-y, or whatever. Like I said. A slowburn.
Apologies to those who came for the BroTP- but honestly, you could probably still read this as such, just kinda depends how you look at it.
Anyway, that's my defense. Love always. Enjoy.