DECEMBER 1 WEDNESDAY

Outside the Great Hall in the morning.

"And now they ALL have amnesia!" said James, telling Sirius all about last night's episode of Spells & Curses.

"Excuse me," said Remus, because they were blocking a piece of wall that was perfect for putting up a poster. There he put up a poster.

"What's this?" Sirius asked, tearing down the poster. "Nativity Play?"

"Yes. Did you ever audition for it?"

"No because nativity plays are so primary school."
They entered the hall and pulled up chairs.

"But it's a musical!" said Remus.

"With songs like Don't Go Breaking My Heart and Honey Honey," said Sirius.

"How do you know that?"

"Because I have heard them rehearse. It's just such a lazy piece of work! Like, where are the visions!"

"I don't know. Every year, you've been involved in the yule show somehow. And been a very driving force. What happened this year?"

Sirius had a flashback, of what happened this year.

"That's what happened," he said, after the flashback.

"Oh yeah now I remember. Too bad it would be too late for you to write that original nativity musical you were talking about, Jesus Christ Super Baby."

"He was drunk," said James. "And joking. Right?"

Sirius finished neither his marmalade on toast nor tea. He stood up.

"No. No it is not too late."

"Oh God," James groaned. "Not another musical! I hate musicals!"
"If you hate musicals, Prongs, how come you cried at the end of Godspell?"

"Because they just disappeared around the corner and I didn't want it to end!"

"That's what I thought. Well I'm going to talk to McGonagall now. Come on, Moo."

"What do you need Moo for?"

"He's the Tim Rice to my Elton John. The Gilbert, to my Sullivan. The Paul McCartney to my John Lennon. The Keith Richards to my Mick Jagger. Or the Mick Jagger to my Keith Richards? I'm not sure who I'd rather be."

"I thought was those those thing!"
"You could be but you don't like musicals!"

Sirius and Remus left.

x

Professor McGonagall sat in her classroom, waiting to teach a different class.

"Good morning Professor McGonagall!" said Sirius. "Can we do the nativity musical?"

"Next year?" McGonagall asked.

"No this year."

"You're too late."

"A wizard is never late."

"Maybe you can do it next year."

"I know I'm not super early but half the work is practically done really. I have this old draft."

"Miss Spielberg's drama class is putting up the nativity play. They've been rehearsing it for months. Maybe you can still join them."

"But I don't want to join them! They have no visions!"
"Well that is just too bad. Now you better go so you're not late for runic class."

Then Sirius and Remus had to leave because the classroom began to fill up.

"Whatever happened to The Theatre Troupe?" Remus asked, when they were walking to runic class. "You used to lead the Theatre Troupe. The Theatre Troup would put put a yule play every year."

"I abandoned the Titties to pursuit my rockstar dream and it fell apart after that."

"Oh. Well, if you ever have an idea for a show, you can probably put it up some other time."

"And nobody told us," Sirius sang. "'Cause nobody showed us! But now it's up to us, babe! Oh I think we can make it!"

"Did you hear what I said?"

"All I heard was: But now it's up to us, babe!"
"That's weird."

"Because you are right. It is up to us, babe."

"Don't call me babe."

"Why not, babe?"

"You're going to ask Dumbledore aren't you?"

"Did Messier look for comets?"

X

Dumbledore sat at his desk working on his yearly gingerbread house entry for the yearly Hogsmead competition.

"Just once, I'd like to win," he said, his nose touching the baking parchment he was drawing on.

Another straight line with a ruler and then he put both pen and ruler down.

"So, what can I do you for?"

"We want to do a nativity musical," said Sirius.

"Next year?"

"No, this year."

"But Miss Spielberg is already putting up a nativity musical."

Sirius began to fear, that Dumbledore was actually going to tell him no.

"If you can call it that!" Dumbledore then said. "People are always looking for an excuse to sing Don't Go Breaking My Heart, aren't they?"

"Yes, Professor! Exactly! So you can see that my musical would of course be a lot better."
"I do not doubt that at all! If McGonagall said you can do it, then I'm just so excited I could just put on a dress and do the hula!"
So could Sirius, if McGonagall ever said he could do something.

"Well the thing is... She said we can't."

"Ugh! Typical!"

Dumbledore leaned back, looking a little sour.

"Sir," said Remus. "Would it be at all possible to just have two nativity musicals?"

Dumbledore just stared blankly at him, before breaking into laughter.

"Two!"

Sirius laughed too at the silly thought and shook his head at Remus.

"I'm glad you were just joking about that," said Dumbledore. "Because that would just be TOO absurd!"
"Ha ha... yeah...,"

Dumbledore sighed and braided his fingers thoughtfully.

"The nativity. The whole story... It's just so.. heteronormative. You know? Tell you a little secret. I've sometimes wanted to write my own musical version of it. But alas, I lack both time and skill. But I just know that if anybody has the balls to write a queer nativity musical, it is the two of you! So, are you up for it?"

"Sure," said Sirius.

"Where Mary and Joseph is a gay couple."

"Of course, no problem."

Sirius glanced at Remus.

"Are you okay with all this? It's ok if you have questions."

"No I don't have any questions," said Remus. "No questions at all."

"Some people will have a problem at first, but they'll come around."

"Yes I think so too. I don't understand... Have I given the impression that I'm the sort of person that would have a problem with this?"

"I was just thinking that maybe you have a problem when an adaptation strays too far from the original source material."
"Look, I honestly do not have a problem with the lesbian couple Mary and Josephine-"

"Erm hold it, hold it," said Dumbledore. "I said gay couple."

"Yeah?"

"And of course by that I mean man gay."

"Oh right."

"I'm so glad you two are both so very open minded!"
"Well I try to be but... I'm sorry, is there going to be no pregnant?"

"Of course there will be pregnant. Can't have a nativity if there's no pregnant, is it?"

"Well... Kind of difficult to achieve with two blokes isn't it?"

"You are SO ignorant," said Sirius. "You forget that God can knock up anybody he wants and doesn't let any biological restrictions he invented get in away."

"It's true, it's in the bible," said Dumbledore. "Some of the women are like 100 when they have their firstborn. You see, the story of the birth of the founder of classic transfiguration is full of magic and wonders, I mean, science. A bit of mpreg would hardly be the craziest part."

"Ok," said Remus.

"Ok?" Sirius asked.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Nothing you want to say?"

"Nope."

"Nothing about mpreg? And how you feel about it?"

"To be perfectly honest, the idea of mpreg does make me squeamish."

"Then you disappoint me," said Dumbledore. "Only joking! But seriously, you better work on that."

"I will, sir."

"We better start working on that show now!" said Sirius. "You shan't be disappointed!"