DECEMBER 6 MONDAY
James and Sirius were playing exploding chess in the evening for a rare change.
"My rook eats your bishop," said James.
Toc, toc, toc.
The bishop exploded all over Sirius's face, which meant he had to pour himself another shot glass of Professor Slughorn's vile Amaretto.
"We should probably try not to get too pissed," said James.
"Never hurt us before has it? What's the odd...farm animal casualty..."
"But it hasn't snowed yet and there are still toadstools out. What will I tell the press?"
Sirius made the impression of a moose.
"They'll never believe me. There are no wild moose here."
"So tell them," Sirius made another impression of a moose.
"That I swam here? Now that's just silly."
"I thought you said you didn't speak moose."
The door creaked. Fletcher peered inside.
"Oh," he said when he saw that the dorm wasn't empty. "Wrong door."
"What do you want?" James asked.
Fletcher opened the door and came in. He scanned the dorm.
"I really have to hand it to you this time. I have searched for the pumpkin everywhere and I just can't find it! I'm a disgrace!"
He sank down on the floor.
"Why are you so interested in the pumpkin?"
"You mean you don't know?" Fletcher snorted. "You Gryffindors can't even find a triangle on a pyramid!"
"It's just an ordinary pumpkin innit," said Sirius.
Fletcher fell back laughing.
"You really don't have it?" he asked and got up on his feet. "And I was really hoping I wouldn't have to search dormitory S."
"It's not there either."
"You Gryffindors can't even find a square on a Rubik's cube."
"And you can't even find some balls so what if we were to help each other out?" said James.
"You Gryffindors couldn't find balls in a ball pit!"
James and Sirius resumed their game of exploding chess shnaps.
"Where's Rem? I would much rather talk to him," said Fletcher.
"Well that's just too bad but his mum has mad cow disease," Sirius replied.
"What? Again? How many times can a person contract mad cow disease?"
"At least twice."
"Poor auntie, she JUST recovered from her fifth bout of dance fever. You know I'm starting to suspect, she's a bit needy and controlling. Well I guess I better give you all the facts then."
Fletcher pulled up the desk chair.
"As you know, I grow acid marigolds. I grow them, dry them and export them worldwide. Not so long ago these two gnome relic collectors got in touch with me. They asked, could they have 20 grams of acid marie and pay with a legendary axe? Sure, I said. They told me I had to keep it secret. Like they have to tell me that! I can keep a secret, like I haven't told anyone that Beau thinks his aren't the same size have I?"
"What aren't the same size?"
"They're the same size, it's all in his mind. So the axe had to be posted to me secretly. So I suggested, why not stick it in a butternut pumpkin and ship it with the butternut pumpkin boat? The axe was that small. I thought I was so clever. But now I fear that somebody has found out what's inside it!"
Fletcher scratched chin.
"I feel like such an idiot!"
"If you told us you must have told others," said James.
Fletcher dug a flea from his nose.
"Well I might have mentioned it to a couple of people. Not anyone shady, mind you! Just Rora, Toady, Beau but you know, they're in the hide and seek club! They can be trusted!"
"You really don't know the meaning of keeping a secret, do you?"
"Well excuse me if I don't believe in total secrecy! Why must we always be so secretive all the time? Just because the press likes to blow things out of proportion doesn't mean death eaters really are lurking behind every corner! And what would a dark wizard want with Mordag the Cutter? Come on!"
Fletcher gave the dorm one last scanning before continuing his search for Mordag the Cutter.