DECEMBER 18 SATURDAY

A snow flake fell on the Hogwart's Express and it broke down, forcing everyone to go back to Hogwarts,

Which meant Sirius was going to have to convert to islam, like Cat Stevens, since it it was Allah who had answered his prayers.

He laid out his mat in the dorm and made a rough estimation of where Mecca was.

"Mustapha, Mustapha, Mustapha Ibrahim..."

James was reading Local Mead.

"Anyone teaching disco dancing to geriatrics at the old folks home?" Sirius asked.

"Padfoot!"

"It's Yusuf Islam."

"Imagine if a famous muslim singer-songwriter decided to convert to Christianity and changed his name to Jesus Christianity."

"It's what I would do."

"Yusuf!"
"What is it?"

"Listen to this headline: Goaty Man mysteriously missing!"

"Maybe it was the tik balang."

"What's the tik balang?"

"It steals couples from funerals and has no anus."

"Aurors suspect kidnapping. Experts believe that Christmas is under threat. First his little helpers went on strike and now this."

James skimmed some more articles, most of them boring.

" Mrs Trellis took this photograph of Vincenzo the Wonder Stag tripping balls on old toadstools. Can't a wizard find a creative way to trip balls without the press getting involved?"

Sirius got bored with praying and rolled together his yoga mat.

"When was Goaty Man supposed to have been kidnapped?"

"Monday. It must be the Tojours Fromage. They don't have the Breadscalibur, 'though."

"I think we better go down to the cave, to find out more."

They put on clothes and went down to the cave.

"I'm not even sure what that was meant to achieve," said James when he and Sirius returned from the cave. "I think we better stop doing those drugs!"
"Drugs don't confuse people. Werewolves do. Hey Moo, there you are. We were just wondering where you were, when you weren't here. But here you are now. Hey, did you hear about the tik balang?"

"The horse leg in a tree?"

"It kidnapped Goaty Man."

"I saw that Goaty Man has gone missing."
"Where does he live anyway?" James asked. "In some Christmas candy cane land?"

"He lives in the Candy Cane district of the Snow Globe."

"Ok let's pack some liquor for the journey."

"Grab your fake ID's everyone," said Sirius.

"I thought you had converted to Islam," said Remus.

"What's your point?"

"I don't think muslims are allowed to drink."

"Yes they are, if it's kosher drink."

They set off to raid teacher liquor cabinets and packed the golden sleigh full.