DECEMBER 20 MONDAY
The chaps spent the night in the toy factory. They found themselves some old mattresses and blankets and made themselves snug near a fire in the elf staff room.
They had been hearing that voice for hours.
Heeelp! Heeelp me please!
"You're right," said James. "That is obviously a tape. Like the boy who discovered it was only a tape, I have learned my lesson."
They turned off the lights and tried o fall asleep.
Heeeeelp! Aaaah they are going to eat me!
Sirius switched on the lights again.
"Damn annoying tape, 'though!"
"Yeah let's smash it!"
And so the chaps, all four of them, even Peter who had found them, got up and went down some mysterious stairs.
They came to a big, warm room that smelled of haute cuisine, whatever that meant. A man lied bound to a table, covered in sauce and wrapped in plastic foil. He was fat, naked and had goat horns.
"Goaty Man!" Peter gasped.
"Heeelp!" Goaty Man cried.
There was a big, big pot of boiling water in the middle of the room.
"It's the French Mafia!" said James.
They did their super-spins. Peter had to go out and change clothes. It took him five minutes.
"Where are they?" Remus asked.
Indeed, there was no fro-mage to be found.
"Well, well, well!" came a voice behind them.
A fro-mage in a venetian mask stepped out of the dark.
"The Mischief Managers," he said.
James opened his hands.
"Misman Shocko-hoops! I like my cheese grilled!"
Electricity came out of his hands and burnt the fro-mage to a crisp. He toppled back like a cardboard cut-out.
Two fro-mages in venetian masks stepped out of the dark. One of them kicked the cardboard cut-out out of the way.
"Well, well, well!"
Then a big net fell down, trapped the chaps and hoisted them in the air.
The two dark wizards looked up at where they were suspended at about a height of two meters.
"The Mischief Managers," said one of them. "I love to have old friends for dinner, don't you, Raz?"
"You know me, Ro, mon frere, I much prefer to cook for others."
They shared an evil chuckle.
"Cook others... for others..."
They chuckled evilly some more. Maybe it was the Cablis that made it a funny joke to them.
"Cook others for others!"
"What are you up to this time?" James asked.
The two wizards sighed, and argued over who's turn it was to do the explainy part.
"My scissors take..."
"Ip dip dip.."
"Accept it, Raz, you lost!"
So it was Raz who had to do the explainy part.
"How do you ip dip dip in french?"
"Mon petite baguette, bonjour, ca va, tres bien."
"Oh yeah now I remember."
"There isn't much to explain," said Raz. "We want to kill Goaty Man, grind him down and sell him as a Christmas hams made of pea protein."
"I thought you just wanted him dead," said Sirius.
"Yes. Before we grind him down and turn him into vegan Christmas hams. Then all the dumb vegans shall become WENDIGOS!"
They went: MWAHAHAHA.
"It's wichiganoogoo," said James.
The two wizards sighed and groaned.
"We really don't give a coucher. When we've turned all the vegans into wendigos we will get those people next, who say we can't call wendigos wendigos. Don't facking tell me folklore isn't mine. It isn't yours either! Did I say folklore? I mean science."
"People who say that are morons," said Sirius. "Folklore belongs to everybody. I meant to say science."
"How strange that we could find one thing to agree on. I almost want to let you all go. But we won't. Goaty Man is going to become pea protein, and you will become soy protein."
He pulled a lever. The net moved across the room and stopped above the boiling water, where it began to move down.
"Well this is going to take a while," said Raz. "Let's go out for some air, mon frere, maybe we can catch a movie."
"Yeah ok. I wish we wouldn't have to wait so long. But I know that a build up of anxiety and dread makes the meat better."
"Yes but mostly we do it because well insert spoof villain reason here."
They untied their aprons and left.
"We shouldn't have bothered to do the super spin," said James. "Since wands are against the super code. I fear we will just have to hope to be rescued again."
Remus burned a big hole in the net by squeezing acid on it from his acid marigold. He climbed through the hole, and hung on to the net with one hand, and opened his snake nut can with the other. The big bubble gum snake came out, went down to the floor and raised its head and body. The chaps could reach it with their feet and the snake lowered each of them.
Goaty Man, in the plastic foil, had passed out. He had a very weak pulse and needed immediate health care.