Der Unterburger
The tension inside the room was suffocating.
In this sunless room located deep within the bowels of the mighty Kuromorimine school ship, the assembled students huddled together like a flock of sheep seeking safety and protection in numbers. A single fluorescent light provided the sole illumination inside the room, which revealed the sullen faces of the gathered high school girls wearing the black and crimson uniforms of Kuromorimine's Senshado club.
At any given time, these young commanders were known as the elite without peer. They were the best of the best, the cream of the crop, and the most promising students within the German-themed tankery school. In battle, they reign supreme, casting their foes to dust under their mighty tracks.
And yet, in this depressing, windowless room, they were all reduced to lambs, cowering from the presence of a mighty tiger.
Nobody wanted to be here. Everybody wanted to go back to the surface and practice Senshado. However, a dire circumstance about an upcoming event hosted annually by their Senshado club was fast approaching, and it must be dealt with immediately.
The braver ones, those possessing the most senior of ranks, stood right in front of the other tank maidens in full scrutiny of the one who was the source of everybody's dread.
In front of the gathered tankers sat a girl with silver hair behind a wide mahogany desk. She was garbed in a black commander's uniform, the same as the rest, but the silver cross pinned on her collar showed why everyone was standing at attention and why she was sitting behind her desk.
Erika Itsumi was not in a good mood. She had not been in days. In fact, she barely had any sleep at night as her problem only grew more urgent as the days before the upcoming event drew near.
In her desk laid dozens of pamphlets with their contents bare for her to read. She had her head bowed low as she studied each and one of the spread-out fliers with utmost scrutiny. She frequently adjusted her glasses as if doing so would change the sentences within said pamphlets to her liking.
Of course, that never happened, and neither did ignoring the words of the Jagdpanther commander explaining to her about the direness of their situation made her problem magically go away.
"Pravda has bought all the burger patties in all the major meat shops located from Sendai to the Kantai region," reported the brown-haired commander of the Jagdpanther. She pointed her finger at the brochures of the stores with empty stocks of burger patties. "We've already sent a second urgent order to Sunkus for Angus beef, but they said they couldn't supply us on time for Oktoberfest."
The Jagdpanther commander stiffened her posture as she prepared herself for her superior's reply.
"Koume will deal with our order with Sunkus," the silver-haired commander muttered in a low voice. She waved her hand dismissively toward her subordinate, not even raising her gaze to acknowledge her report.
The Jagdpanther commander gulped. Beads of sweat started to form on her forehead as she felt an icy chill run down her spine.
"Mein Kommandant…" she forced the words out of her lips. Her voice cracked at the implication of what she was about to say. "Akaboshi-san…"
"Akaboshi-san didn't have enough funds with her," the Panther commander completed her counterpart's report. "She wasn't able to secure the order of Angus beef from Sunkus."
The room's temperature immediately dropped below dreadful. Everyone suddenly felt like being transported into the Easter front in the winter of 1941.
For the next few seconds, the silver-haired Kammandant didn't respond. She didn't even seem to have heard her subordinate telling her that Koume Akaboshi failed in her task to secure Angus beef from Sunkus. For a moment, Erika continued browsing the brochures in front of her.
Then, with a trembling left hand, she slowly took off her glasses and placed them down on her desk.
"The commanders of the following tanks will remain here…" she muttered cooly. She didn't raise her voice, nor was there any hint of anger in her tone. "Panzer III, Panther, Jagdpanther, und Maus."
Without a word, everyone who didn't command the tanks she mentioned walked out of the room. The sound of their hurried strides betrayed the relief they felt at being spared from their Kommandant's inevitable ire. None made any swipe glances toward their four senior commanders, who all stood like condemned criminals already resigned to their fates.
The Panzer III commander, and the leader of the scout team, bowed her head low as she wished to anyone up in heaven to deliver her from this suffocating place.
The commander of the lead Panther balled her hands into tight fists to maintain her calm.
The Jagdpanther commander felt sweat running down her forehead but made no attempt to wipe them off. As the bearer of bad news, she knew she would never recover from this.
The last of the senior commanders, the commander of the mighty Maus, seemed to be the only one who maintained a semblance of a spine. Like the lead panther commander, she had her hands balled into fists, and her expression seemed to show a hint of defiance at what was about to come. Even still, the slight tremors in her hands could not hide the fact that a Maus still fears the Tiger.
Not everyone other than the four senior commanders went outside. Behind Erika stood two of her fellow third-year students that seemed too confident and too assured that they had the right to stay inside despite her order. The first was a girl with ginger-colored hair, knotted into twin-tails. She was Leila Rou, Erika's confidante, and friend. She appeared empathetic to the four senior commanders' plight but didn't say any word to help them out. The other one was a girl wearing the white officer uniform of the Morals Committee assigned to the Senshado club. Sheska had a smug expression on her face. Unlike Leila beside her, she was clearly enjoying the inevitable roasting of Akaboshi's peers.
The four senior commanders stood silently as they awaited their Kommandant to address them.
They didn't have to wait for long.
"That. Was. An. Order!" Erika banged her hand on the table, her face contorted with unbridled rage. "Koume's mission was an order!"
The commanders who were told to go outside of the room remained standing near the door. They could easily hear the muffled fury in their Kommandant's voice.
"How dare you call yourselves fellow burgers-in-arms?!" Erika snarled, pointing an accusing finger at the four senior commanders. "You couldn't even do a proper accounting of funds?!"
Erika's expression was raw and unbridled for everyone to see. She channeled the fury burning inside her out of her entire being.
There were three things in life that the silver-haired Kommandant would never allow anyone to insult. Mock her, or belittle her on anything else, and she would not care.
Ridicule Senshado in her presence, however, and expect to get run over by the heavy tracks of a Tiger II.
Make fun of Maho Nishizumi and expect a shell fired at you from an 8.8 cm Kampfwagenkanone with you uncoated in protective carbon.
Inform her Angus beef couldn't be served on Oktoberfest?
Run.
Just run and never step foot on Kuromorimine's school ship ever again.
The number of people standing outside had doubled. Now the crews of the gathered commanders arrived to hear what the commotion was all about. There were also some first years sobbing silently as their fears of a canceled Oktoberfest celebration now appeared to be inevitable.
"You've all been lying to me about your love for burgers, even the Morals Committee!" She berated as she staggered to stand up. This got a raised eyebrow and a deep frown from Sheska.
"You commanders are nothing but posers and fake burger comrades!"
"Mein Kommandant, I can't permit you to insult our love for burgers like that!" The Maus commander shot back, her teeth clenched in defiance.
"You eat burgers with a fork!"
"Mein Kommandant, that's outrageous!" The Maus commander had to force herself to look down while she opposed the silver-haired Kommandant.
"You commanders should just admit you don't love burgers!" Erika threw her pencils at the brochures as she screamed. "You have no honor!"
This time, the Maus commander did not object. Her other peers didn't even try to look at her. They might even presume her as insane for talking back to the Kommandant.
"You call yourselves burger connoisseurs," Erika raged, glaring at each of her senior commanders. "But you only spent years eating at McDonald's!"
More and more people were flocking outside the room. A couple of students from the Naval Studies wandered by to take a peek at the commotion, but they were barred from approaching closer by members of the Morals Committee attached to the Senshado club.
"For months, you've obstructed me from purchasing expensive Angus beef," Erika continued, spit flying off from her mouth. "You've always thwarted me with budgetary constraints!"
The Jagdpanther commander flinched. Her secondary job was the club's budgetary officer, and she kept her gaze at the ground, terrified to look into the eyes of her Kommandant.
"I should have sent you all to Siberia just like Katyusha!"
Erika sat back on her chair to catch her breath. A tear fell from one of her eyes and immediately wiped it off.
"I was never a Nishizumi," she continued, her face still fuming red with anger. She beat her chest with her hands to emphasize her point. "And, yet I conquered Kuromorimine all by myself!"
Another pause.
Erika sat hunched on her seat. Her shoulders sagged. The revelation of Koume unable to purchase Angus beef seemed to cost her dearly.
"Fakers…" She started before bursting out. "I've been surrounded by fake burgers-in-arms from the very beginning!"
Her voice teetered from fury-filled to sound genuinely hurt.
"What a monstrous betrayal to all burger enthusiasts of the world!" She seethed.
Before Maho Nishizumi left, she told her to reform the Kuromorimine Senshado club by being more considerate to her fellow tanker's needs. As such, on her first day as the overall Kommandant, she delivered a rousing speech about her love for hamburgers and burger steaks. She still remembered the stunned expressions of her subordinates, seemingly awed at her passion for burgers.
That day, she discovered she was not alone in her love for grilled beef patties pressed between two sesame seed buns. From then on, she made changes to the lunch menu in the cafeteria to burgers all day to satiate everyone's appetite.
"But you all fakers will pay," she added, pointing her finger again at her senior commanders. "You'll all pay by eating mayonnaise with ketchup! You'll all drown in mayonnaise with ketchup!"
While the enclosed room muffled Erika's voice, everyone outside knew the prospect of a successful Oktoberfest was becoming ever grimmer. One of the first years sobbed uncontrollably, and she had to be comforted by her friend to calm down.
The silver-haired Kommandant now looked haggard and tired. She spent days preparing for the annual festival, only to be told the primary food attraction, besides Kuromorimine's famous 'non-alcoholic' beer, couldn't be served on time.
Maho Nishizumi hosted one of the best Oktoberfest celebrations held by Kuromorimine in years. The weight of such pressure as Maho's successor was now simply too unbearable to bear.
"My orders have fallen on deaf ears," Erika muttered low. "Under these circumstances, I am no longer able to lead… It's over."
The sudden admission got the four senior commanders glancing at each other with confusion.
"Oktoberfest is lost." Erika lowered her head in defeat.
The Maus commander adjusted her collar as if unable to breathe. Erika's admission seemed to suck the oxygen out of the room.
An uneasy silence fell. No one dared to ask the silver-haired Kommandant for a clarification. Jagdpanther commander started fidgeting with her hands. She seemed to want to say something but just couldn't put her thoughts into words.
The same goes with the Panther and the Panzer III commanders. They stood in silence, paralyzed on what to say or what to do.
As for Leila, she started to reach out a hand to comfort her friend, but a sharp glare from Sheshka shut her off.
Now was not the time to disturb the Kommandant.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Erika raised her head to face her senior commanders. "But ladies, if you think I'll just request Anzio to cater for us, then you're sadly mistaken. I'd rather eat raw chicken before letting another school help us with Oktoberfest…"
Erika once more lowered her head, defeated and entirely spent.
She had failed to uphold the legacy of her beloved predecessor and, without burgers being served, there was no point in celebrating Oktoberfest.
"Do whatever you like…"
A/N:
Merry Christmas everyone! For those reading this after the Christmas of 2020, I actually uploaded this fic on Dec 25, 2020, as a Christmas special. As a sort of tradition, I always publish either a short story or an update to one of my stories.
As such, just for fun, I wrote this Downfall parody with Erika ranting about burgers not being served on Oktoberfest. This short story actually follows closely that famous scene in Downfall. I suggest watching that famous scene again and see how close this story got the sequences. ^^
Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this short story and, once again, Merry Christmas!
Art Credits goes to my good friend, Kuroumikei. You can follow him on Twitter and on Pixiv.
Twitter: kuroumikei
Pixiv: Kuroumi
Revision History:
- Originally published on Dec 25, 2020