Chapter 3
She dropped me off in front of my house, handing me a white envelope containing a plane ticket similar to what grandfather had handed me. I knew that she was right; I didn't want any chance of ever seeing Yonekuni ever again. He is what I want, and can't have. With his nature he will never dedicate himself a single person, I won't deal with him sleeping with another either. My nature won't allow it, and I refuse to be hurt that way.
Only two weeks left until graduation. Only two week left until my birthday when the spell mom placed on me will fall. Without my mate accepting me I will never be able to have my own offspring, wolves can only conceive with their mate. He will never accept a man as his mate, nor do I want him to love me only for my body. This isn't fair. Why did my soul have to choose him? Why did his soul acknowledge that I am his mate, yet he would not accept me?!
Only two weeks left. Somehow, I will have to live alone for the rest of my life, without my other half however short the life maybe. Somehow, I will have to live through the rest of my life without a family of my own.
How?
In all honesty I do not know.
I fell into a restless sleep by my window still praying to the moon for guidance, and salvation. When I woke up the next day, my whole body was stiff from the awkward position I was sleeping in. Following my morning ritual I made my way to school, facing my fear. I ignore him when he walks into class at the last minute. I ignore his rare approach during lunch. The whole day I never made a single request as to our usual agreement. I did not speak with him unless I had to, fulfilling my duty as class president.
It hurts me, deeply. I knew. However, I must strengthen my resolve so I can accustomed to living alone in the future. After the last class I approach my homeroom teacher to change my choice of college, declining Tokyo University which I had been accepted to. Disbelieve, he looks at me, he wanted to say something but in the end the choice is mine.
"I hope you know what you are doing. You are one of the brightest students I have ever taught. Do not do something you'll regret later."
"I'll regret it if I don't."
When I returned to my home room he had already left the classroom, armful of female classmates. The pain is unbearable as I watch them leaving the school gates from the class window. Will it hurt less if I have not seen it?
By the end of the week news of my decision to decline the acceptance of one of the most prestigious universities in Japan for another. It did not take long for the news to spread far and wide. Politely I accept all of my classmate's well wishes. During lunch I was approached by Kunimasa on the roof top.
"Is it true that you are leaving the country?"
"Straight to the point, you two don't look alike; you both act very similar. Yes, I am."
"You are hurting yourself like this."
"At least I'm not going to be hurt by him anymore."
"By distancing yourself like this, what can you accomplish?"
"Loneliness that I choose instead of having him forces it on me." I felt numb this past week, building a strong wall around myself. However, the wall crumbles as I'm dealing with Kunimasa, they really are too much alike in their charisma and actions. Tears stings my eyes, by sheer will I force them back. "I will stay only if he realizes it by himself, nothing more, nothing less. I made my move, it's time for him to make his. I will not wait for him for the rest of my life, if doesn't want me now... You will not tell him this."
"Will you be ok like this?"
"No. Perhaps, never. However, this is the lesser of two evil. I will wait only till graduation, if by then, he still hasn't… then I guess we were never meant to be."