Beta: paleseptember10
III
February 2020
Everything seemed right in Christian Grey's world now that he had been sleeping with Ana in his arms at night, and they would make love almost everyday. Her hormones seemed to have shot through the roof lately, and her need for him only boosted his ego.
He may still not be fully on board with the baby but he certainly wasn't rejecting it anymore. He had taken up to reading about pregnancy, and they had been discussing plans to renovate the penthouse, or even thinking about moving into their new house. He sought comfort in knowing that she was just as scared as he was, and they could go through everything together.
As long as the baby was healthy, he wouldn't care if it was a boy or a girl, or if he was having it having only met her seven months ago.
"You don't seem all that excited for a father-to-be," Ros rose from her seat opposite of him, taking her time collecting her documents getting ready to leave after their impromptu briefing regarding the aftermath of their Africa mess.
"Get lost, Ros."
"Oh come on, you volunteered that information and you expect me to just forget about it?"
Then, a knock on the door interrupted him from his sardonic response to shoo off his COO. He knew it would be his wife because Andrea didn't announce any visitors and despite how many times he emphasized that she could just barge in whenever she wished, she would still knock each time before opening the door.
"Not a word, Bailey." He got up from his chair to greet Ana at the door, taking the food from her hand after giving her a chaste welcome kiss.
"Ros, hey!" Ana's face lit up at another familiar face that she hadn't seen in months.
"It's been a while," Ros reached up to hug her, and Ana tensed slightly knowing that her loose sweater could only cover up so much now that she was in her second trimester. "You should come to lunch with Gwen and me some time, you know, take a break from his intenseness."
Ana giggled nervously, throwing a look behind her shoulder unaware of the glare her husband was sending the other woman.
"I will keep that in mind."
"Good, good. And by the way, you are absolutely glowing." She clasped both her hands on Ana's arms and examined her up close from top to bottom, her eyes conveying a deeper meaning than her words, and Ana immediately knew what she was referring to.
Her smile dropped but returned when Ros raised her eyes back to hers. Though, it was a rather forced smile compared to the genuine one earlier. She nodded her thanks, and was now aware of the tension radiating off of the man behind her, and she just knew the past couple of weeks was too good.
"Thank you, Ros. I will see you around, I guess."
"Think about that invite, okay?" Ros waved at her, and then nodded at Christian before closing the door behind her.
The second the door clicked Ana turned to him, her hands on her hips slightly straining the wool showcasing her protruding bump.
"You told her?"
Christian's eyes zeroed in on her stomach but her less than friendly tone shook him out of his daydream of her naked in their bed.
"We didn't even tell our parents, and you told her? Nothing against Ros personally, but seriously?"
"It slipped," he admitted. "I'm sorry."
"How? Why would it slip out of your mouth?" If her flabbergasted face wasn't any indication at the unusualness of his behavior then her stuttering voice would've told him that what he did was extremely out of character for him. "God knows how hard we've been trying to hide it from our family over the holidays, and now you've just let it slip?"
"This time last year I would've been somewhere on a business trip to avoid family gatherings, and Ros thought I'd be going this year as well, but I turned it down because of you and the virus."
She frowned, the little dip in between her brows making her extra adorable these days especially because of her oversized clothes. He kept getting distracted by her cuteness lately that he couldn't even defend himself properly.
"Since when do you have to tell people why you do what you do?"
"I just want to get her off of my back," he said but that was only a tiny part of the truth.
He actually wanted to use that chance to see if he could say it out loud, and if he could admit the pregnancy aloud, maybe it would be easier for him to accept it. He also wanted to test how it sounded coming from his mouth. Besides, there was no better excuse than that to refuse a trip that he so desperately wanted to go if not for the pandemic that was now influencing the States.
Maybe he was being an asshole again, but he never shied away from that title—he knew he was a prick and he was only trying not to live up to it around Ana.
"Am I keeping you from your work?"
It was such an innocent question, and the way she asked it harbored no hatred, no anger, no disappointment, just pure curiousness. She was truly concerned about his job and his business, and it made him feel like a dick once again.
"No, you're not. Don't ever think that, Ana," he pulled her to him just to reassure her better. "You could never keep me from anything, I'd always choose you over work."
"Who else did you tell?"
"No one, just her. Just Ros."
"Flynn?"
"No," he shook his head vehemently.
"So, when you practiced your little speech to get in my panties with him, he didn't know what exactly it is that you've done?"
His face froze, and he once again contemplated whether to confess outright or just let the issue slide as if it never happened. And, like the coward that he was, he released that breath and pretended to ponder what he and Flynn had been discussing lately, he chose to keep Brie out of it.
"I didn't say that you're pregnant but I think he's figured it out by now because I have been painting this scenario for him insisting that it's hypothetical."
"Oh, so two people that aren't our family knew about this and you don't think it's a big deal?"
"We are going to tell our families the next time we go over for dinner." He tilted his head sideways trying to gauge her mood, and also trying to understand what was the fuss about because his employees were sworn to secrecy. Flynn had a patient confidentiality clause that was legal binding, and Ros signed a legal-binding NDA. "Right?"
She nodded yes, but that didn't seem to do anything to dismiss her obvious disturbance.
"You said we're going to keep it to ourselves until after your second trimester screening which is the end of this week."
She nodded again, and he only got more and more confused. He still couldn't see where he had gone wrong. He still failed to see how big of a deal it was for him to inform two non-family about it before they told their own families. It didn't ruin the element of surprise, so why?
"I did, and I understand that you have to tell Flynn because he's your therapist and it'd help if you tell him exactly what's bothering you, but Ros? Really? You couldn't have waited until we told our parents or better yet just tell her to mind her own business like you always do."
His lips tightened into a thin line and he wanted to argue but her presence atop of his crotch made it hard to concentrate for him. So, instead of coming up with an argument, he remained silent.
"When did you tell her about it? Before Christmas?"
He nodded mutely, and quite frankly, her persistence regarding this small slip up was getting on his nerves. He had no idea what he had done wrong other than telling Ros who might spread the news if she was someone else, but she wasn't.
"Why Christian?"
"Why are you making such a huge deal out of this, Ana?" He snapped, his earlier thought on checking what she brought in for lunch replaced with the frustration that she wouldn't let it go. He would've apologized if he wasn't so annoyed by her reaction, and that was unfair but he was an asshole.
"You ran out on me when I told you that you knocked me up, and when you're finally on board, I asked that you come to my second trimester screening so we can select sonograms for our family. I didn't even ask that we tell my parents first, and now you just so carelessly tossed it out at your place of work?"
"She won't say it to anyone."
"That's not the point!" She screamed at him, and he had read enough about hormones in pregnant women to brush her outburst away as the unusual behavior induced by those estrogens—or whatever it was that made women crazy.
They both knew that if she wasn't pregnant, she wouldn't be yelling at him for not understanding what he had done wrong.
"Do you even care about the baby?"
"Of course I do," he answered automatically. Even if this may not be the most accurate answer at this point but he was absolute that he would get there eventually. He cared about her more than the baby but he wasn't going to admit that now to poke her further.
"Then why can't you wait until we're sure that it's safe until you blurt it out to people? What if I had a miscarriage but everyone seems to know that we're pregnant, what then? We're going to have to deal with a bunch of people trying to console us by kissing our asses. It's going to be suffocating."
"But that didn't happen!"
"You can't just reveal this to people so carelessly, that's my point!"
"I didn't! Ana, I didn't just throw it out and leave like you insinuated, I told her this because I really do want to get her off of my back."
"You've had better means to get her off your back before, why didn't you employ that? Why did you have to tell her the one thing we agreed to not tell anyone?"
"Why is this such a huge deal for you?" He snapped but his eyes immediately softened after his tone, he wanted to tell her that it wasn't intended for her but they both knew that he had reached his patience.
"I'm being paranoid," she buried her face in her palms and leaned back against the edge of his desk. The warmth of her core still affected his groin but he made no attempt to adjust it.
He very much wanted to bend her over the desk and fuck her until she forgot about this small slip up, but this was his first time dealing with a pregnant woman, and honestly, he was so lost right now that he would like a consult from Flynn.
"What's the matter, baby?" He frowned, hating that he didn't know what was bothering her and she seemed to be in some kind of pain.
"It's probably the pregnancy playing with my brain." She shook her head trying to move on from the topic but now he was going to want to know more because this was so unlike her.
"Tell me," he demanded, worry etching each of his words.
"It's nothing. I'm being paranoid."
"Even so, tell me. I am positive that you're not paranoid because paranoia is my thing but just tell me baby, I am your husband and you can tell me anything." His attempt at humor did nothing to lighten the mood, and her frown only made him more curious.
Usually, he would be screaming at her out of frustration and irritation that she had been talking in circles and keeping things from him that affected them both, but now that she was clearly pregnant by the looks of her baby bump, he knew he had to tread carefully.
As much of a selfish prick as he was, her wellbeing was still his priority and he knew he had been doing a piss poor job lately at taking care of and meeting all her needs in life.
"I wonder what you're not telling me, because if Ros hadn't made that jab at you I'd never know that you told her about the baby months ago. And, if you're telling her about intimate details of your private life, I wonder what else have you been telling people."
His heart skipped a beat, and it wasn't the giddy kind of reaction, it was nervousness. He could hear his blood pumping through his ears but he had to remain impassive. She was sitting in his lap so she couldn't feel his rapid heartbeat that was giving his façade away.
"I mean, that's just it. You tell me what you choose to tell me, yet you know exactly what I am up to. I knew that when I married you but now it seems like you're taking advantage of it. I trusted you to tell me everything and be up front with me, but seeing how you so flippantly toss out the intimate details of our lives to irrelevant people before the relevant ones even know, I don't know if I should be worried that you're dishing out more stuff about how fat I have become or something like I've trapped you."
"Stop! Ana, just stop talking," he squeezed her sides to stop her from uttering another syllable but more to stop himself from yelling in her face. "First, I love how your body changed, and if anything I'm trying to trap you not the other way around. And secondly, how many times do I have to tell you that I did not toss it out so flippantly as you put it, and I apologize that I used it as an excuse when I could potentially come up with better ones or just tell her to fuck off; but, that is all I've been thinking about lately."
"Then why didn't you tell me that you told her!"
"Why is it so important?"
"Because then our family members wouldn't be the first to hear the news."
"Ana, they won't know that Ros and Flynn knew about it. They won't even know that I stormed out that night like the bastard that I am. We don't have to tell them anything other than we're expecting and we're excited."
"Are you?"
"Am I what?"
"Happy about it? About the baby."
"I am, I told you that. You have to believe me, Ana."
She sat there in total quietness, and after a very pregnant pause, she said.
"I'll know."
"I'm sorry?"
"They won't know that they're not the first ones to hear the news but I'll know, and it just fucks with my conscience. It feels like we're betraying their trust, and you letting Ros in on the news before everyone else made me feel like you've betrayed me."
She really had nothing against Ros, she adored the woman and admired her for putting up with Christian and his bullshit since college. It was a hell of a long time. If it was Andrea, or anyone else that wasn't his therapist or their personal security, it would feel like he had let someone onto their secluded island that was supposed to be theirs.
"I know that Ros won't act on it, but it still feels like you've let someone else into our lives without discussing it with me."
His mind instantly went to Brie. Had he unconsciously and unintentionally allowed someone else into their lives? Was she the person that he had betrayed his wife with?
His fleeting gaze landed on their untouched lunch just in time to hear the grumbling protest from her stomach.
"You need to eat, for you and for the baby." He announced, effectively putting an end to their heated discussion.
The conversation may be shelved for now but they both knew that it would come up in the future.
He for one still couldn't fathom what her problem was but it still made him ponder his delicate situation with the flight attendant. She had helped him get his wife back into bed with him, and for that he was thankful for, and he thought about sending her something as a thank you gift, but after Ana's speech about letting an outsider in, he was re-evaluating.
On the other hand though, he only told Brie that he was married and that his marriage had hit a rocky path but he hadn't given any indication that he wanted out of it. If nothing he had sent the message that what he was going through in his personal life was nothing he couldn't get through with his wife.
That wasn't betrayal was it? It was simply him seeking support and help from a third-party. Albeit different than Flynn, but still it helped their relationship in the end, didn't it?
…
Of all the times that she had visited this clinic since she found out that she was growing a human, her focus had been solely on the screen and listening to everything that Dr Greene had to say, but for the first time, her eyes weren't on the monitor.
She could feel the cool gel being squirted on her stomach, and she could feel the probe making contact with her skin spreading the gel to cover a wider surface area, but her eyes were glued to the man standing beside her bed holding onto her hand.
This was his very first visit to the doctor's office with her. She had no idea if he had been here with other people before her but she knew that this was his very first time witnessing an examination on a pregnant lady. Her only prayer was that he wouldn't go thermonuclear on simple demands such as allowing a vaginal scan or something.
Since finding out about the baby, she had been counting down the days to when she could actually see the little blob turning into some sort of a more distinguishable human form. Yet, she had no idea that the first time that she got to do it, she would be paying more attention to her husband than her child.
"Here's the heartbeat," Dr Greene turned up the volume and the room instantly filled with the swoosh that came from the tiny species still barely recognizable.
When Ana saw the small smile that began to tug on Christian's lips, she felt her eyes watering. It was such an insignificant moment yet it warmed her to the point it brought tears to her eyes. Her hand tightened around his fingers unconsciously and he returned her grip.
He turned his boyish grin to her when he finally regained his composure and let everything sink in. It felt so magical and so surreal but he loved this feeling with her.
"I'm sorry I had been an ass."
She smiled through her tears and brought his hand to her lips. Her eyes never left his face as she observed his reaction to the changes on the screen, she was fascinated by him and he was fascinated by the creature they created that was currently growing inside of her.
Despite the disagreement they got into earlier in the week, this was the moment she had been waiting for and despite initially having very little hope that an appointment would change his mind, it did make him happier about the notion of an additional member to their family.
"When can we know the sex?" Christian asked, still staring at the small blip with the strong and rapid heartbeat that filled the entire ultrasound room.
"Come back in four weeks and if your child cooperates, we can determine the gender."
"Can we have a few copies of the sonograms?" He then asked, without missing a beat as if he got those questions loaded in the back of his mind.
If Dr Greene had treated his former lovers and had seen his attitude toward them, she didn't comment on the drastic change in him. She must have known about how adamant he was about not having a child, and how distant he was back then. It was a question that plagued Ana constantly but she never got the chance or the gut to ask, and she appreciated the doctor's professionalism immensely.
"Yes, of course. Just give me a few minutes. I need to draw some blood from Mrs Grey."
"Draw blood? Is something wrong?" His back straightened and his stance rigid and stressed, the other hand thrusted into his hair without much notice from his own.
"Nothing's wrong," Dr Greene answered carefully, effectively forcing Ana to swallow back a passing comment about how it must be routine procedure. "I just want to get a more thorough check done on the mother and the baby. More of a precaution and a note for further monitoring."
Christian nodded but that wasn't what he had read from the internet and all the other sources he had been looking into lately. He knew that Ana had been reading similar materials as him, and for a split second the worrying feeling that he'd no longer be the center of her life resurfaced. He was reminded how much of an intruder this baby actually was.
As cute, and adorable, and probably lovable as it was, they still interrupted his alone time with her, and he just found her not half a year ago. He wasn't the least bit up for sharing her with anyone when they first started dating, it would be ridiculous to assume that he'd be okay to share her now that they were married.
Even if it was his own kid, he still hated that her time would be even more divided among all the people in their lives. His life began and ended with her, and during their honeymoon, he felt like hers began and ended with him, too. That was a feeling he wished to keep.
"I will call you if there are any abnormalities from your blood test, otherwise, I will see you in a month, Mrs Grey." Dr Greene handed the freshly printed off sonograms to the couple, the pages still hot from the printer and the warmth spread around her chest as Ana watched Christian study those images.
"Thank you, Dr Greene," Ana nodded at the doctor and waved a small goodbye at her before being ushered out of the place by her eager husband.
"Let's go home," he said in her ear as they get into the back of the SUV.
"It wasn't that bad, see?" She nudged him lightly and took the photos from his hands to take a closer look at their baby herself as she didn't get the chance to do it inside.
Her attention was on the pictures that she didn't notice the stoic expression on his face. Flipping through scans one after another, she was once again brainstorming ways they could tell the family. She wouldn't be surprised if the parents had already figured it out given how they behaved the last time they visited but to actually confirm it would be different.
"Which one do you think we should make copies of?" She leaned sideways spreading out the few that she had deemed best on the space in between them.
He turned his attention to the films on the seat, the black leather emphasizing the bright gray dot in the middle of the pages. When he had been silent for too long, she looked up at him and furrowed her brows.
"Christian?" Her voice laced with unspoken confusion and doubt. It was like she thought she had upset him with something she did again, and she was waiting to be wrongfully reprimanded.
His eyes met hers but he couldn't seem to form the right words this time, so his mouth remained shut even though there were tons of words running through his mind enough to write a dictionary, none which could form a sentence good enough to be spoken aloud. His silence only increased the volume of the self-doubting voice in her mind.
"Are we still going to Bellevue?" She asked with trepidation.
"We are," he nodded, finally letting words come out of his mouth.
"So, we need to select a picture for the family, right? Or is that not the plan anymore?" Her innocent question took an unintentional jab at him and his best laid plans that she's always been accused of ruining.
"It is still the plan," he said slowly unsure if he should say something about his infamous plans that seemed to cause the tension in the first place. "How are we going to announce it?"
"Well, I'm still thinking about that, do you have any suggestions?"
He collected the photos and started to go through them one by one, his mind debating whether it was a good opportunity to bring up the dark thought that had been looming over his head since they resurfaced during the ultrasound.
"Ana," instead of answering her, he stowed the pictures and turned to look at her, his face stern and unsmiling. "I need to ask you something."
She nodded unhurriedly, her eyes now focused on him and her mind running a mile a second trying to figure out what prompted the sudden shift in his mood.
"Would you choose the baby over me?"
Her frown deepened not because she was scowling at the question but the reason why he asked it. She had to know that it was a trick question despite him not phrasing it as one. Without any context she didn't dare give him any kind of answer fearing she would enrage him even more.
She knew him well enough to know when something was bothering him, and a single incorrect statement might send him into a downward spiral.
"Why… why are you asking me this?" She picked up her initial faltering voice and mustered up enough courage to look him in the eye as she gauged his reaction.
"All you talk to me about is the baby this and the baby that, you hardly ask me about my work and you don't tell me about your day either. We have dinner together, and on occasion you would complain about a cliché plot twist from a seemingly perfect book, or other people's life at your work. You would routinely ask me what I want for lunch and dinner but why do I feel like you're going through the motions?"
This was probably the most he had spoken about his feelings to her lately, and it saddened him that he had probably said more to Brie in the three times they talked to each other. He had been told by more than one person that communication was important in a relationship and even more so in a marriage, but he also felt like he shouldn't be the only one to blame.
"I do ask you about your work. I know about your incompetent assholes in Africa, your potential loss in Asia due to the pandemic, and your worries about the economy now that it becomes worldwide. I asked about it, I just don't know what else to ask because I know nothing about running a company. All I know is how to edit fiction stories."
"You haven't answered me."
"Christian, you can't just ask me something this broad without a context."
"Well, under any circumstances, would you choose the baby over me? You seem like you're already doing it lately anyway."
"We do have to prepare for its arrival," she pointed out.
"You're only just sixteen weeks."
"There are a lot that we have to prepare for."
He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair one at a time.
"Say, there's been an accident, would you insist the baby lives rather than us? Or if I say we put this baby up for adoption, would you leave me because of it?"
"Where is this coming from?" Her inaudible gasp went unnoticed by him but now that her emotions were all jumbled up, she couldn't even know if she wanted to break down and cry or stare ahead blankly. She knew he would be thinking the worst of everything but surely this was way over the top.
"Just answer me."
"Yes, I would rather let the baby live if we have to make a choice."
"And what if I said I don't want this child?"
Her face fell and stared at him as if silently pleading him to stop with his line of questions because it would only hurt him if she was being honest, and it would hurt him if she wasn't honest. So, it would only upset him even more no matter how she responded because he had put her on the spot.
"You already made the decision to accept it into our lives."
"I know I have, but I just want to know."
"I think you know the answer to it…" she confessed in the tiniest voice that would be inaudible if the inside of the car wasn't so quiet.
He sighed loudly. He had no idea why he tortured himself like that by asking. He knew she would keep the child no matter what, and it wasn't like her to give it up when they were capable of raising one.
"You would leave me."
She felt for his hand blindly only to find that it wasn't in the middle anymore, he had folded them in his lap. Her eyes followed his arms up to his slumped shoulders and his crestfallen face.
"Christian," she tried again, this time her voice a little louder than a whisper through her tears. "It won't happen now because you're in this with me. I'm not giving up on you for the baby, and you're not giving up on the baby."
She watched him, half expecting and half hoping that he would reach for her awaiting hand.
But, he only stared out the window blankly and unmoving.
However much she tried, there was only so much she could do about him despite how much she understood his thinking process.
…
Sometimes it was best to go with the flow, play it by ear… or whatever you called it, because when they showed up at Bellevue not knowing how to break the news to their parents, Elliot blurted it out and all they had to do was nod to confirm.
"Dude, you were so weird last week when you turned down the wine. We all know that Ana's not much of an alcohol drinker, but you? You never refuse wine." Elliot patted Christian briefly on the back as they shook hands, that was his way of congratulating his brother without voicing his concern as to how he took the news.
The parents teared up, and Kate and Mia hugged Ana for so long that Christian felt like they had been hogging her all night long. Everyone asked questions and the girls oohed and aahed at her stomach, then asked for the ultrasound pictures.
Once she handed them all out for the family members to pass around, she followed Christian who had disappeared into the kitchen so discreetly and quietly that it almost went unnoticed.
"Christian…" she hopped up the kitchen counter next to the fridge, waiting for him to fish his head out from it.
"Do you want something to drink?" He interrupted with his head still inside as if it was a deep storage space when all the drinks were superficial and almost all laid out on the door.
"No, I want you."
He sighed and shut the door behind him. He accepted her outreached hand and allowed himself to be pulled in between her thighs.
"Ana, let's not do this here."
"I'm sorry I freaked out on you," she ignored his request and pulled him closer by his waist, her legs locking behind his to keep him in place. "They're all happy about it and I know that they won't care if Ros knew before they did. They're just happy about us."
"And I'm sorry I even asked you to picture those terrifying scenarios that aren't ever going to happen."
Her hands ran from his sides to his abs then up his chest, his breathing sped up but other than the discomfort of the foreign feeling that touch was to him, there was no pain or panic. Her hands left his front and rested atop of his shoulders before travelling up his neck and tangled up with his hair after a single caress to his cheeks.
"We're having a baby together," he leaned his forehead against hers and brushed his hands up and down her bump, sending goosebumps all over her body. When he lowered his head so their lips met, she felt her body melting further into his embrace.
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