Beta: paleseptember10

I am sorry that this story is hitting too close to home for some of you, and I did warn you to proceed with caution.

According to my beta, things are going to get REAL, so there will be a general trigger warning at the beginning of the especially dark and twisted chapters.

The portrayal of Dr Greene is most likely inaccurate (as a physician in general), so if she's showed any unprofessionalism, please just tolerate her and think nothing of it.

VI

March 2020

Reading about herself on the internet was yet another aspect of this life that she hated, or at least starting to let it get the best of her. It made her believe that she was going out of her mind. Her thumb scrolled down the page of yet another article but her mind wasn't registering any of the written letters.

She wasn't a prideful person, she never had been, and that was one of the many things that her husband loved about her. However, even she was surprised by her own spitefulness lately. She blamed it on the hormones but she couldn't be sure. Her hurtful remarks cut him deep, and despite her many heartfelt attempts at reaching out to mend the broken relationship, she had been unsuccessful.

And now, he wouldn't even come to the bedroom when she was in there, and if he needed something he would send Gail inside.

As she stared at the latest gossip speculating about her pregnancy because they caught her being carried out of the facility by her husband after her AFT over four weeks ago, it was all because they hadn't released a single statement. Today, however, was also the day when she received her results.

A part of her fantasized that her husband could come around or stomach the hurt because they both knew that she only voiced an unspoken reality. She knew that as much as he tried to conceal it, there was a part of him that couldn't help but feel trapped. And they both knew that he wouldn't feel that way had the baby been perfectly healthy.

The knowledge of their baby suffering from some terminal illness before its birth only fed into his self-loathing, and comforted his belief that he was fucked up, and her words in a moment of weakness only solidified his pessimistic view of himself.

No matter how many times she apologized, he just wouldn't look her way, and she felt so helpless and lost just like she was about the baby in her stomach. She was all on her own, and the only consolation to her was that she wasn't able to juggle the care for her mental wellbeing on top of being considerate of his fragile emotions.

She had to choose, and she chose herself because there were two hearts beating in her.

It was in times like this that she really wished Christian could be more emotionally mature, and utilize some of his control freak streak on managing his own emotion and mentality, and it would sometimes make life a whole lot better for her.

"Gail," she dragged herself through the empty house knowing that he was at work because the 'stay-at-home' order from Washington State was only just issued and they would be required to stay home next month when it became in effect, before then, she would still have to wear a mask to go to work. "Can you please move some of my clothes and toiletries to one of the guest rooms, please?"

Gail nodded, but she could still see the pain on her face.

"I'm really sorry, Gail," and this was the best she could offer at this point, because she was emotionally incapable of pitying another human being when her own situation was less than ideal. "I sincerely hoped that it would be different."

Whenever she and Christian fought, the staff were always the ones stuck in the middle, and it would add a lot of strain and unnecessary stress to their lives. It was extremely unfair of them, and Ana would normally try her best to keep the arguments contained but this time, she was too exhausted.

"I need to get to my appointment, and if my husband asks, just tell him where my stuff is." She instructed rather monotonously, Gail nodded and offered a sympathetic smile as they both knew that Christian wouldn't even notice as he wouldn't even step foot into their room. "Let's go, Sawyer."

…

"You have a baby on the way, Christian? That's fantastic news! Yet, you look rather bummed." Brie put down her phone on the table as she took a seat across from him in the private suite of the Mile High Club. "Is this lunch or are we just drinking?"

Somehow, there was no communication barrier between the two of them, and it baffled Christian because he never thought it would be an issue between him and Anastasia.

"Have you had anything for lunch yet?" He asked, he was slowly warming up to her that during their last few meetings since Ana's amniocentesis, he had been needing less and less goading from Brie's part to start talking. He was more open at least with her now, and genuinely liking their friendship.

"I had brunch," she grinned cheekily.

"And that's enough?"

She nodded, still with that toothy grin whenever she was with him. Her carefree demeanor and laidback attitude relaxed him instantly.

"Then, we're drinking."

"Fine by me," she shrugged. "Although, I finally grasped just how big of a deal you are and why we're always meeting in those high-end places."

"We wouldn't be meeting in these places had it not been for the virus."

"Not because you don't want to be seen with me?"

"You're my friend, why would I care if we're seen together?"

"Wouldn't it bring home trouble?"

"There are enough troubles at home," he told her wistfully, waiting for her to say her order to Taylor who would be acting as their servant today. Once she did, the words tumbled out of his mouth. "Do you think I'm too emotionally unstable to handle a kid in sickness?"

"So, the news isn't a rumor?" She teased lightly, picking up her phone indicating the news she was just reading about Ana walking into the OB's building accompanied by her bodyguard earlier in the day. still trying to get an answer from him about the baby news because she knew better than to trust the tabloids. When he remained impassive she moved on.

"Just answer me, Brie. It's been bothering me."

"Well…" she sipped at her newly arrived drink brought in by Taylor, the same man that would escort her to him. It was obvious that Christian had been extremely careful about who saw them together. "I don't know you all that well, but from what I've learned about you in the few times that we've met up, especially lately, I don't think you're emotionally unstable. I think you have a lot of baggage, which we all do. So, no, you're good; you're perfect."

She giggled as if she was just being silly about the last part, but that lightheartedness in her response lifted the dark mist clouding his eyes. He suddenly didn't feel too bad about himself, and felt that maybe his problems weren't that big of a deal in the end. Everyone had problems, and his probably weren't any special.

"You're a good man, Christian. Obviously, I don't know everything but I know enough to know that it'd be her loss if she gave you up. I liked you, as a person, and I think the majority of the people would agree with me if they only knew you personally."

Taylor watched from the security feed as Christian met with this same woman over and over again under the guise of meeting with Flynn. Though, sometimes he truly was meeting with his therapist. He had been dying to tell Ana about it, but on the other hand, he didn't want to risk a bigger war than this cold war they currently had going on. He wasn't worried about his employment, he was more worried about the couple as he watched Christian fall deeper and deeper into the illusion that would be a friendship to him but not to her.

The moment he met Brie at that bar after Christian came out, he just knew that she would be trouble and what was worse was that she was those hidden ones like a wetland where he would sink in slowly and gradually, and when he realized that he was sinking, it would already be too late. There was no protecting him from her because it was so gradual and subtle that he would never admit that the girl was a threat. The girl had this charm that Christian hoped he possessed because she was more spirited than Ana, and this was enough to suck him in, until he made a grave mistake shaking him awake only to find that he had been in too deep.

The girl wasn't an evil person, and he saw her backing off once she knew that Christian was married, though Taylor couldn't help but worry that the boss would unintentionally lead her on. She was after all a young, single woman not looking for anything more than a fling, and Taylor was unsure of her intentions.

Brie wouldn't intentionally take advantage of Christian's vulnerability but she also wasn't going to reject his advances, unknown to him of course, and that was what Taylor worried about the most, yet it was also the one thing that he couldn't warn Grey about.

It was the sole reason why this friendship was so dangerous to begin with.

Sawyer just texted him that Ana had received the results, and that she wasn't looking all that great. The icing on the cake was that Gail only texted him not an hour ago saying that Ana had requested to have her essentials moved to a non-sub guest room. He stood frozen and still as Grey laughed with the flight attendant over drinks, and he could honestly say that he had never felt so suffocated since he served his country.

When Grey married Ana, all of his personal staff adored their new hostess, and they were always free to share everything that went on in their job, and what was going on with the couple like girls gossiping over mimosas.

However, he couldn't even tell Gail where Grey was truly at lately, and he knew for a fact that Sawyer was keeping secrets for Ana. Moreover, Gail was stuck in the middle because she was the buffer between them if they needed to communicate about household decisions.

It was getting tiring and they were getting exhausted because it seemed like they were now keeping secrets from one another.

He sat back down, and just stared blankly at the screen. No one would dare defy Grey and enter the private dining room without his permission, especially when his job lately also entailed serving them as Grey didn't want to risk allowing others to witness him with another woman in what could be easily perceived as an intimate setting.

The job had never been so… difficult to him. All the threats, the hardcore, and physical actions he could endure, he even got through the phase when Grey was still involved in the lifestyle. This, however, this sneaking around and keeping information, it was torturing him.

Before he knew it, he was told that they were going to meet in her hotel room next time as policies regarding safety measures against covid-19 became stricter, and they would suddenly standout among the thin population in public despite the fact that they had masks on. Taylor sighed, he was now tasked with ensuring Grey's discreet entry and exit of the hotel in god-knows-when.

…

Sawyer pulled Ana against him and wrapped his arms protectively around her belly as he guided her through the crowd. Looking down more than once to adjust her face mask, and somehow they were able to maneuver through it rather easily without much of a hustle. All thanks to covid-19, even though he was pretty sure that a paparazzi crowd was definitely against social distancing rules that some people just didn't give a damn about, he was still grateful that it was a rather insubstantial group that welcomed them.

"Ana," he met her eyes in the rear view mirror as he moved them out of the camera lenses in the tinted car.

"You're going to tell Christian everything tonight, right?" She mumbled as she tried to swallow back the ball of emotions lodged in her throat since she read the results in black and white on print earlier. She nearly fainted as her worst fears were confirmed, and she didn't want to be the bearer of bad news to her husband when he was already in a foul mood, and for the first time, she wished that Sawyer would inform him during his debrief tonight.

It was one reason why she showed him the results, and almost forced him to read it when he declined. Her intentions were clear.

"I won't if he doesn't ask."

"You're not reporting every second of my day to him or Taylor anymore?"

"I haven't for a while because I value your privacy."

"Do they still demand that?" She frowned, feeling so much gratitude toward the man behind the wheel.

"Not really, but I have kept small incidents to myself."

"So they won't be hearing about the paparazzi from earlier?"

"You got out unharmed, so I deemed it benign. I will still report it if asked."

"Can you at least hand the copy of the repot to him? I'll leave it on the passenger's seat for you."

He was silent, and she took it as him agreeing to it.

She nodded. "Okay, you clearly have something more to say before I interrupted you."

"I don't want to burden you anymore than you already are, and I want you to focus on your own wellbeing, but I do feel like I have to communicate with you. We're not strangers, we work together and I want you to know that I am on your side. Married or not, Ana, I am responsible for your safety so I am always on your side."

She nodded, and wiped a tear under her eyes. He had been really sweet to her lately, and despite how uncomfortable it was to him sometimes, he tried to be there for her for support as a friend because her husband was absent.

"Now on to the more serious stuff, and I hope this is the only time it happens. Don't ever apologize to me like you did this morning, I understand what my job would be like when I accepted the position. I understand and like that you are a compassionate and empathetic person, and I get that you don't want to involve us, but your invitation to join you in the room today, that was me crossing a line. We're going to keep it between us, and it's going to be a one-time occurrence because I can see the state that you're in, you want me in there for support, but what you did today, it was inappropriate and very unprofessional."

"I'm sorry to put you in a difficult situation," she muttered in a small contrite voice, and it made him feel bad for telling her off. She was weak, and he had never spoken this much to anyone, but he felt like it was important to get the point across that she shouldn't turn to him for support even if he was the closest person to her lately, physically.

"You need to stop apologizing, Ana."

"I must be stressing a bunch of people out."

"Ana, focus on yourself, and forget about other people. Forget about us, we work for you, and you compensate us more than enough with your generosity and hospitality, and I'm not only saying monetarily."

"Thank you, Luke," she sniffled. She wanted to tell him that he couldn't be the next person to dump her because she would need to hold his hand the next time she visited Dr Greene, but he was right, it was blurring the lines of their professional relationship.

Toughen up, Ana.

She took out the latest sonogram and studied it closely, despite the tears that were pooling in her eyes and obscuring her vision, up until today when Dr Greene pointed everything out to her frame by frame she would never have thought that their baby girl would have any kind of genetic disorders. She once again wondered if a DNA test just to trace the family history was necessary.

She wondered if Grace knew when she first saw the sonograms, but then again, it wasn't so obvious back then compared to now.

"You know, this girl in me might not even make it out," she muttered to no one in particular but a part of her still anticipated some kind of reaction from Sawyer.

"I really hope that she does."

"Would you keep a baby whose life basically has an expiration date or best before, whatever?" She threw up her hands in defeat, and she didn't even know why she was talking this much right now but it certainly didn't feel awkward or wrong for her. Perhaps it was uncomfortable for Sawyer but she couldn't give a fuck right now.

"Ana…" he sighed. He wanted to help her but what she was asking him to do right now was what her husband should be doing. "You know I can't tell you what to decide."

"Oh, come on, just help me out here. I just got the news today, and you've witnessed it. You know just as much as I do that this is real, and it's happening. I just have to be prepared for whatever decision that I make because let's be honest, this baby is going to die anyway."

Sawyer sucked in a deep breath, this was turning dark really quickly, and he had never once seen Ana in a place like this. He had seen Christian in his bad times but he had never seen Ana being so pessimistic. The whole pregnancy plus the excess hormones in her body was seriously taking a toll on her.

"This really is between you and your husband."

"You know that he isn't talking to me!" She exclaimed, louder than both of them anticipated but she didn't let that shock register as she wasn't even over the previous one over the diagnosis of her baby. "You can't just walk out on me now and dump me in the streets."

"I'm not, Ana," he wanted to chuckle at her metaphor but it wasn't really the mood.

They both knew that he had to stop her advances before she got attached to him in her time of need, and they would ultimately cross that professional line. Not physically per se, but it would be sharing too much with him as an employee, and there were just certain guidelines that they had to follow to ensure that they didn't complicate their relationship.

Once at home, she left a copy of the results in the passenger's seat before heading upstairs in the elevator and Gail was in the kitchen. She slammed down her copy of the result on the breakfast bar, making Gail jump as she spun around. Her face were horrified as she studied Ana, and the latter knew that her stance was probably accurately reflected on the housekeeper's reaction.

"My husband shut me out, Sawyer dumped me, and now I'm left to deal with this heap of a mess. I need your help and I don't want to hear another excuse about you being a staff or that kind of crap."

Gail stood at her spot frozen in shock, she had never once—since meeting this sweet girl—witnessed or heard her speak like this. Not only the tone of her voice was demanding, bossy, and some could argue, rude; but, her entire demeanor screamed hierarchy. It was like she was utilizing her rights as their employer to order them to talk to her.

Whatever their boss had done, it had done some serious damage on their naturally lovely hostess. Even after what she had just seen from Ana, Gail still didn't believe that this was her; Ana clearly wasn't being herself.

She had probably been silent for too long that Ana had started to doubt herself, and she now felt thoroughly embarrassed because she knew she had lashed out on the wrong person. She couldn't handle another pitiful look, and she knew that was the exact motherly look that she would get from their housekeeper if she apologized, so she scurried away scouting for her new bedroom.

Gail wiped her hands on her apron cursing as she saw the pool of water on the table where her hands were still dripping wet. The piece of paper stood out on the empty table, and its presence resonated in the spacious penthouse. Her eyes darted everywhere hoping to find someone, just any physical presence that told her that she wasn't alone on this floor, because the longer she stayed with that piece of paper, the more she felt like she was prying into the personal lives of her bosses.

She wiped the table dry and scurried back to her quarter. Taylor wasn't back yet, and she honestly had no idea when he would be back or even he would be back tonight at all. They had seen Grey lash out before, and being holed up in his office was him lashing out, she had just never seen Ana went beyond control with rage.

"Luke, can we talk?" She made her way into the security office, and there he was with another security team member that she had probably made a meal for before but couldn't remember the name of at the moment. "Now," she added emphasizing on the urgency and that had Luke jumping out of the seat.

"Call someone else in," he threw it over his shoulder before rushing out with Gail. "Is she okay?" He patted his belt for his weapons and headed to Ana's room.

Gail thought about stopping him just so they could talk about what happened at the doctor's office, but she wanted to check on the girl herself too, she just had no courage to do so ever since she yelled at her, and slammed that piece of paper down.

"Don't startle her," Gail settled, calming Sawyer only slightly. He seemed to have gotten the message that she wasn't physically harmed or in danger, so he slowed in his steps and relaxed his hands to his sides. Shooting Gail a quizzical look in which he only received a shrug in response, he proceeded to the guest room and quietly breathed out when he saw that the door was left opened.

Peaking over the door frame, he made sure to stay out of her sight as he observed her from the door. Gail stayed behind waiting for his report but he knew she was also nervous from the wringing of her hands, and the worrying look in her eyes.

Ana sat in the center of the bed with the sonograms spread out in between her legs, all ordered chronologically. Beside her was her laptop opened to tabs after tabs of sonographic observations on abnormalities in fetuses, medical journals or webpages, anything that she could comprehend even just a little. She picked up one frame after the other to look for early signs that matched the symptoms. She was thankful that Dr Greene had done the screening when she was supposed to, but that didn't meant that she was thrilled about the result.

In fact, before she had received the result, she had thought about the possibilities that the baby might be suffering from some kind of syndrome, but the reality was so different than expectations. First of all, she thought her husband would be with her. Second, she never thought she could be hit this hard with the news because she had been preparing herself for its announcement since they did the amniocentesis.

Luke knew, he knew that her calm and collected façade was on put on for show to convince herself that everything would be fine. She was only doing so to remain strong, and he was only getting angrier at Grey for jetting out of her in a moment like this. No mater what had been said, or what had happened, he should still be here. Yet, he wasn't, and Jason wouldn't say where he was because Luke knew for a fact that Grey wasn't at Flynn's all the time.

"I need to talk to Jason," he turned around to Gail. He saw what she did to her in the kitchen, and there was nothing he could do other than to sympathize with her. "It's tough for everyone right now, and she's in shock."

"What can we do?"

"For now, nothing. She has to let the news sink in, and even then, we can't do much to alleviate the pain. I can only imagine what Grey's face is going to look like tonight."

"Force him to reach out to her, you have to."

"My job is to protect Ana, Gail. Tell me when Jason gets home."

"He's probably not coming home."

Luke sighed angrily.

"I know that this whole thing is probably turning you two against each other because you're both keeping secrets for them."

"She needs support right now, and the only form that is acceptable is from her husband. I can't let her turn to me, and I can't let her make the mistake that I bet my entire salary that her husband's making right now."

Gail gasped at the implication. "What… Luke, are you sure?"

He shook his head. "That's why I have to talk to T."

"He's not going to tell you anything, he won't even tell me what Mr Grey's been up to lately."

"Well, I'm not telling him what she's been up to either," he shrugged. "He can sack me, I don't care. Ana doesn't need Grey's bullshit right now, and I'd rather let him approach her when he gets his ass out of his head."

"Try not to bite Jason's head off," Gail offered weakly, that was the only comment she could make because she knew that the two guys were loyal to a fault, and they would start up a fight once they forgot who they were. She already had to mediate between the married couple, and now she could see herself mediating between the two bodyguards in the near future.

It was not what she signed up for in this job, and there she thought the worst was over when Grey met Ana.

…

At midnight, Luke knew that he had to take matters into his own hands and act, because Grey would not show up if he just sat there and waited. Making his way to the service elevator passing Gail's quarters on his way, he saw that the lights were still on, and he could only imagine how hard this was to everyone around them.

Their friends and families were all trying to reach out as both of their phones were ringing nonstop all day long, and yet none of them seemed to be bothered to make the slightest acknowledgement. Either of them could've sent a text to say that they were doing fine but none of them picked up their phones. Gail sighed, she had been receiving reports on the well-being of the both of them from their personal security and they weren't doing well, at all.

"Gail," Luke poked his head in softly. "I'm going to head to Grey House."

"It's the middle of the night," she exclaimed, checking her watch then the clock on the wall.

"I know, and I'm not going to be a literal sitting duck."

"Don't bite his head off," Gail pleaded, and Luke was pretty sure that she meant Grey but he really wasn't in the mood to cut his boss some slacks because his felt for Ana and he saw how she had been firsthand, and it was a brutal image to be engraved in his head.

"Don't worry about T," he played dumb and hurried away before Gail could correct him.

"Wear a mask!" Gail hollered, settling on their silent understanding instead of making him promise verbally that he wouldn't lay a hand on Grey. He probably wouldn't but he would definitely make his feelings clear, and would probably lay it into him thick. It wouldn't be a pretty scene either way.

Once he reached the garage, he rounded to the parking lot and came face to face to a slightly disheveled and disoriented Carrick. He looked like he simply threw on a bunch of jackets and coats over his pajamas and got shoved into his car and drove here.

"Mr Grey," Sawyer halted in his steps because he had to stop the parents from going up, he honestly couldn't care if they found out but he knew that if they did, it wouldn't be at the wee hours. He knew the aftermath would not be pretty, and he wanted to be there for Ana when it happened.

Carrick opened his mouth but he couldn't remember his name, he had only met him a handful of times because it was usually Taylor or no one that accompanied the couple back to Bellevue, but he knew that he was Ana's bodyguard. He didn't even have a mask on which only emphasized just how much of a rush he was in when he got into the car.

"Are they okay? Has something happened to them? None of them has been picking up their phones, and not even returning a text for a few days now. It is really unlike Christian to do that, and Ana's parents has been saying the same thing."

Sawyer did a double take because in the times that he had known this elder gentleman, this was the most he had said in a sentence. Perhaps this peculiar situation had made everyone more verbal and Ana less talkative, how ironic.

"Mr Grey, I must advise against heading up. Not only it is the middle of the night and with all due respect, given the current circumstance, I do not want to risk anything."

"What's going on?" He demanded. "There must've been something that they're not telling us because to have Grace kick me out of bed in the middle of the night means there's something big."

"Mr Grey…"

"You know what's going on, don't you? So, tell me."

"Mr Grey, I am sorry but you need to head back. I can drive you back if you are too tired."

"You're Ana's bodyguard, you must know," Carrick challenged.

"Mr Grey, you won't get anything out of me, and I won't allow you to head upstairs either. I am sorry but it is for the safety of my employers."

Sawyer steered him away by the elbow and helped him into the car as he got into the driver's seat. Carrick tried being persistent and tenacious but Sawyer was just so much more insistent, and he respected his level of loyalty, he was just annoyed that he drove all the way here for nothing. It still worried him but he also really wanted to go to sleep.

The car drive back to Bellevue was dead silent, and all Sawyer could think about was how he missed a chance at getting a step closer at what Grey had been up to. If he wasn't going to tell on him, he still wanted to know what he had been doing just for his peace of mind.

Once the car was pulled in park and he assured Carrick that he had means to return to Seattle, he took out the piece of paper that he was supposed to be delivering for Ana tonight during his security briefing, and he unfolded reading through the content for the second time.

Final diagnosis: Edwards syndrome.

It's too real, too gritty, ain't it? Oh the suspense, the angst, and the heart-wrenching conversations... prepare your heart because we're only just getting started.

I'm on Facebook (Sapphire Trafficker) or you can PM me here. I might end up slipping a snippet of the next chapter to you if you reach out though.

Leave a review too please, I'll update more often once the epilogue is finished.

Message from my beta: Y'ALL ARE NOT READY!

X

Saph T