It had been days since Ian had last seen Mickey, and it was beginning to feel like torture. Even the time Ian had been beaten didn't hurt as bad as this. This pain went deep, so much deeper than a bruise or a fracture. This pain shook him to his core. It was stabbing and it was aching at the same time. Ian tried to block it out, to distract himself, to push it down, but he couldn't shake it.
He wondered every once and a while if Mickey felt the same way. If this was killing him the way it was Ian. Probably not. Mickey was the one ducking his calls after all. Ian had even thought he saw him at one point, but when he looked again there was no one. It didn't matter, though, because Ian still saw Mickey in everything. The shadow of him followed Ian like a weight he couldn't drop.
It didn't help of course that Mandy wouldn't talk about that morning in the kitchen. Every time Ian asked her about what she'd said, she changed the subject. Today, however, he wasn't going to let that happen.
"Mandy!" Ian called as he heard her walking past his room. The floorboards creaked in hesitation. He could tell she was debating making a run for the stairs. He turned around in his chair. "Mandy, please." He said softer this time, standing and walking to the door of his room.
"Hey," she smiled as he came into view, "look I-"
He shook his head. "No, Mandy, I just need to know one thing." She looked strained and he knew she didn't want to talk about this. "Mands, it's killing me. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep living every day like this. He's all I can think about. He's everywhere and not knowing is driving me insane. You have to understand. You have to know what that feels like. Being away from him is like not being able to breathe. What if Lip was avoiding you? Can you imagine how much that would hurt?" He sighed and his gaze fell to his shoes. "I just need to know if what you said that morning was true. I need to know that this isn't just me. I need to know if my fucking soulmate even likes me. God, my soulmate won't talk to me. Fuck, Mandy. I just don't get it. It doesn't... Fuck, I don't know." He leaned heavily against the door-frame. His whole body felt heavy. The tears pricked his eyes and he tried desperately to hold them back. "He's supposed to be it. He's supposed to be the one and he won't even return my calls."
"Yes." The word spilled out so suddenly even Mandy looked surprised. Ian's head shot up and she nodded. "Yes, of course he does. He loves you. He loves you, Ian. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know why he's being this way. I'm so sorry." She pulled him in to hug her. "I'm so sorry my brother is such a shit-head. He told me he loved you. It just slipped out one day and he made me promise to never tell."
Ian pulled away from her, and she looked at him confused. "Wh-why, why would- fuck. I need to be alone, okay? I just need to be alone."
"Yeah." She smiled half-heartedly, concern steadily growing. The look he had in his eyes was one she had never seen on him before. He looked so empty and raw. He didn't look like Ian.
"Fiona, I'm telling you it's-it's- I've never seen him like this before. I thought he was just upset and he'd get up eventually, but- Fi, I'm scared." Mandy stood facing Fiona in the kitchen, her eyes red and puffy from crying. "I keep putting food by him, but he won't respond. Debs, Carl, Lip, hell even Liam, we've all tried and he-he just lies there."
Fiona blew out a long breath, and leaned heavily on the counter. Mandy could see each word piling up in her mind. She was just as frightened as she was. This was bad. A long silence passed as Fiona tried to collect her thoughts, "What about Mickey?"
"What?"
"Mickey. Has he tried talking to him?"
Mandy shook her head. "No, that's what started all this. He won't talk to Ian. I think he's scared, but not about this. He doesn't know about this yet. I wanted to wait until you got home, but you were gone for so long."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. V and Kev needed me for a bit and then Jimmy came back and I've been with him working things out."
"You're here now." At the sound of Lip's voice, Mandy and Fiona both turned. He descended the last few stairs and looked at Fiona sternly, "It's bad, Fi."
"Like Mom?" She whispered, visibly holding her breath for the response.
Lip nodded. Fiona raised a hand to her mouth, "Fuck." She ran the hand through her hair and tightened her ponytail. "Okay, we can get through this. Okay?" She looked at Mandy and Lip. "Okay? We can do this."
They nodded. Mandy grasped Lip's hand tightly. Fiona took a deep breath and started to walk up to the boy's room. Adding over her shoulder as she ran up, "Get Mickey."