"It figures that the one time you take your helmet off in the field, you'd end up getting hit full in the face by a strange plant on a stranger planet."

"Oh, believe me, I'm never doing it again."

"Armored in the womb, armored 'til the tomb, huh?" Cortana pulled up his biosigns on her datapad as the Spartan nearly stormed his way back to their camp. A huge bug the size of his hand had attacked its reflection in his visor, and though he'd squished it, the mess it had created had been disproportionate to its size. He'd been forced to take off his helmet to clean it so he could see - only to have a teardrop-shaped flower spit a cloud of blue pollen in his face.

"Hmm."

"What?"

"Your body's reacting to something in the pollen, I'm guessing; your heart rate and temperature are higher than normal and still climbing. I know we don't exactly have a full medical suite, but I'm going to check you over back at camp."

"Great. Just what we need."

When they reached the clearing where they'd set up camp, John collapsed heavily onto the stump he'd claimed as a seat. That alarmed Cortana more than anything else she had seen; even fighting his way through High Charity to retrieve her, he'd been steady as a rock, his breathing and heart rate a little elevated but regular. Now he was all over the map, up to the point of hyperventilating then lowering almost to the point of unconsciousness.

The Spartan reluctantly removed his helmet so she could take a blood sample from his neck, and Cortana almost choked. "John!"

"I'm fine."

"Bullshit! You're as red as a tomato, and your pupils are as big as the sun!"

"You're exaggerating."

"Only a little." She set the vial of blood to run through everything the testing machine had to offer, then reached back and tilted his head up to take a closer look.

Though he'd had a little time in the sun recently, now that the war was actually over and the Spartans actually took (were forced to take) leave time, John was still pale, making his flush stand out. His pupils were blown wide, though, leaving only a thin ring of blue at the rim. His lips were parted and as red as his cheeks, like he'd been biting them, and though his armor concealed the rise and fall of his chest, Cortana could see that he was panting heavily. "Describe your symptoms," she said.

"Hot all over. Armor cooling's at max, but it feels like it's barely doing anything," he managed, "Joints starting to ache. Headache - light's too bright. Some nausea. And-" He stopped abruptly, flush darkening. "Fuck. The pollen was some kind of aphrodisiac."

Cortana's eyebrows went up. How did he kn- oh. The MJOLNIR wasn't exactly built to handle Spartans with erections; he was probably in quite a bit of pain. "All right, plates off, at least, but leave the reactor connection, let the cooling stay on."

"Cortana, we're-"

"-in the middle of nowhere with the ship still hours away, because Halsey thought she saw something interesting on the planetary scans, surrounded by perimeter defenses that you set up, the scale of which would probably be overkill even on a hostile planet. Really, John? Six automatic chain guns, with a thousand rounds apiece, and mines, and who knows what else you've put out there? Now, armor off."

The Spartan scowled but started shucking plates.

Yep. Aphrodisiac. The former AI turned her gaze away to give him at least a little privacy.

"Did we at least get anything from the formation analysis?" John rumbled, carefully arranging the plates so he could pull them back on relatively quickly if something came up.

"Running the data now." She hooked her datapad up to the transmitter to process the intel and send it back to Infinity, then turned back to look at the Spartan again. Even if the MJOLNIR's cooling was on maximum like he said, the man was still starting to sweat, firelight glimmering on his skin. "John…"

"I'll be fine," he gritted out.

She made a disbelieving noise and sat down next to him, guiding him to look at her once more. While her mastery of medicine was not quite as good as her maker's just yet, she knew enough to know that the Spartan's state was about as far from ideal as it was possible to get without dying. His cortisol levels were elevated, thickening his blood, forcing his heart to work harder to pump, which would wear the muscle out faster. In addition, it weakened his immune system and there for his body's ability to fight off any one of the million potential diseases on the planet just waiting for a way in-

She cut the thought off before she could finish it and eyed him again. He was tense enough that he looked ready to grind his teeth to dust. 'Well, this isn't exactly how either of us planned on this happening, but beggars can't be choosers - especially not now.' They had been moving glacially slow towards something like a relationship, but they had been moving - and now this. She sighed, then checked his biosigns again - and almost choked, shooting to her feet. "All right, no. Come on, all the way off."

"Cortana-?!"

She pulled her uniform shirt off and nearly threw it on the ground, glaring at him. "Your blood pressure is approaching hypertensive territory. Do you really think this pollen's effects are going to wear off before you have a heart attack - or worse?"

He ground his teeth even harder, but now his gaze was almost as hot as the fire he'd lit in the center of their camp. Finally he disconnected the reactor panel and stood, going for the seal on the MJOLNIR techsuit. Cortana finished pulling off her uniform, then moved to help with the undersuit below it.

John hissed when the last layer came off, and let Cortana pull him over to their bedrolls, which she promptly kicked together to make one larger one. As she did so, however, the former AI couldn't help but admire his form. Objectively she knew she was innately biased towards him - a little bit had carried over from Doctor Halsey, but it was also her own - but even without that, even when she had been just an AI and only understood attractiveness in the abstract, she had seen him in his uniform and thought him handsome.

It was even more true now. His eyes were still the same clear blue they had always been, but his dark hair now had the barest brush of distinguished gray. He was tall and muscular but not cut the way bodybuilders were, wasn't all sculpted muscle to the point of being gross - more like he belonged at one of the Strongman competitions from centuries ago.

'And if they were still running, he would beat out everyone but a fellow Spartan,' she thought to herself, pausing for a moment to just lay a hand on his bare skin - but then she squeaked when he scooped her up like he barely felt her weight even out of armor. He laid her out on the bedrolls and knelt between her legs to lean over her, but she had never felt safer - except maybe when he'd come for her in High Charity.

"Come here," she said softly, and he did. It wasn't the first time they had kissed, but it was decidedly less chaste than all the ones before. Those had been gentle breezes - this was a typhoon, and Cortana wanted nothing more than to be swept away. She reached up blind and ran her hands down his chest, and he shivered and broke the kiss to pant against her lips.

"Cortana…"

"All right?"

He swallowed thickly, then nodded and leaned down to kiss her again. This time he shifted his weight back a little and smoothed his hands down her sides; despite all his years in armor, his hands were still callused and rasped faintly over her skin. Now it was her turn to shiver.

Despite his obvious hunger, the Spartan was gentle with her, mindful of his augmented strength, but not so gentle that she felt like glass in his hands. In a way, it was kind of thrilling; he had so much power packed into a not-so-compact frame, but he made it completely clear that he would never, ever hurt her. Although, when she pressed a kiss to his shoulder…

"Blech. Your skin tastes like the techsuit."

"Then maybe you shouldn't lick me until I've showered," he murmured against her throat, his whole body taut as a wire as he eased inside her, "And why do you even know what the techsuit tastes like?"

"I wasn't licking you," she gasped, "and it's definitely not 'skin-flavored', so what else would it be?" The vibration of his voice from where their chests were pressed together did pleasant things to her insides, to say nothing of where he filled her, thick and hot.

Too hot. "Come on, John. Your heart's going to give out at this rate."

He grunted quietly, as if that was nothing to be concerned about, which she would have vigorously objected to if he hadn't started to move, thoroughly distracting her from everything she'd been about to say. She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and arched into him, panting against his throat, and felt him tilt his head against her own.

Even though this was new to them both, they were as in sync as they had ever been; Cortana ground up even as John thrust down, their heads tilting together to kiss again just so, and even though their teeth clacked together, they didn't stop except to breathe.

The former AI felt utterly overwhelmed by the warmth and friction of the Spartan's skin over her own, the rough, hot drag of his hands over her breasts, her sides, her legs. John's own body shivered where she touched him, and as close as they were she heard every sound he made - right up to the end. He climaxed before her, his whole body going taut - not unexpected, given the effects of the pollen - but he did not leave her unsatisfied, pulling out and pressing two fingers inside her while finding her clit with his thumb.

He found exactly the right movement and pressure on the very first try, the lucky bastard.

Cortana had no breath in her lungs to cry out; she just arched up into him with a sharp gasp that made her throat burn and her chest ache, and clutched at his shoulders, legs still clamped tight around his waist. Then she went limp, and he caught her and lowered her to the bedroll, then collapsed next to her.

Cortana turned her head to look at him, doing a quick visual check - then lifting her head to peer over his chest. Her tablet had fallen off the crate she'd left it on, which let her see that the Spartan's biosigns were returning to normal. As a result, she felt no guilt in rolling over to curl up against his side.

John wrapped an arm around her waist and tilted his head against her own with a soft sigh. "Thank you."

"Please," Cortana murmured, running her hand down his chest and earning another faint shiver, "Don't act like it's a hardship to sleep with you, John."

"Still. Thank you."

She tilted her head up and let her lips twitch into a smile. "You're welcome."

A/N: PORN! Such as it is. I have a list of at least a few more planned, but two are currently in progress: a Time Travel Semi-AU and a Hades & Persephone AU. Which would y'all like to see first? Vote now on your phones