THE BACK AND FORTH BUTTERFLY
"Graham? Graham it's me.
I'm sending this telepathic signal to you, it'll lay dormant in your mind until January 1st 2021, ideally I'd prefer if it were activated on Christmas Day, but it's known to the Judoon that I've been involved in several galactic wide threats centred around those dates, so they'll be monitoring the day very closely for any shred of activity from me.
If you could only imagine what kind of pig swill passes for prison food in this place. Granite pudding, I've never tasted anything quite so foul.
I know you're all missing me, you, Yaz, Ryan, but I just remembered what year we were all living in, 2020, let's talk about it a little.
Oh where to begin? Why should I even begin? I told myself after Orphan 55 I wouldn't irritate anyone with commentary on the current state of the human race and what they do on this planet, but when the planet itself is inventing new ways of poisoning its population, I just have to speak out about it.
I love the Earth, I really do, and I defend it whenever I can, you know this, and it pains me to see acts of nature act against the people that live in it. It's not like it was a spiteful attack, it was just the stupid apes being careless with what they eat.
I can't imagine what you're all going through, how vulnerable some of your loved ones are, I know you have mates that you play cards with, how are they keeping? Have any of them shown symptoms? I know you can't give me details straight away, and I wouldn't pressure you, but if they do have symptoms, and they do feel unwell, or feel overwhelmed by everything that's going on, give them my best will you? I know they're total strangers, but I hope you've spoken of me to them, if you did I already feel welcome at their table, if you did then I'm a part of them, and I want to be there for them through good spirited word than in plain sight. A good word about someone has just as much power behind it.
There are things I think about when incarcerated. Faces, people, all the lives I've lived, all the lives I thought I never knew about until now...all the lives that have yet to come, and I often wonder how much further I can go being me, who I am, as opposed to who I was. I keep changing, and no matter how much parts of me beg and plead for the change to stop, it can't can it? I'm ever the Chrysalis, from caterpillar to Butterfly and back again. It's a cycle, a cycle of nature, I turn just like the Earth, and neither I nor it can ever truly let go.
I don't want to think nature is intentionally hurting the human race just to get back at them for all their times plaguing it in return with their toxins, and their arguments, and their divisions. I don't want to think it's angry with all of you, because unlike me it can't turn away in shame and stay out of our affairs. Nature is a part of you, it's your cocoon, it changes you, and as you change you're supposed to learn. Too few of you do.
You're among the best of us Graham O'Brien, the strongest person I know, and the days we spent together count amongst the strongest I've ever had. I still very much regret not being as strong as you were when I played down your cancer concerns. I tried to justify it as social awkwardness, but in reality I was scared to lose you and the fear was choking me
If you see me again, please don't think I abandoned you, because I know people assume so many things when they haven't processed the full facts. Their minds instantly rely on the worst case scenarios when the hope begins to erode, when it becomes so much scarcer, in those quiet moments where your mind drifts elsewhere, you give in to the raw emotional beats.
Please don't assume the worst of me Graham, I hope you won't, I hope you keep the best of me in mind.
I count on you.
I love you.
And look after Yaz, she's quite vulnerable, I can sense it, I think there's a side to herself she's keeping from me. I 'd love to find all the time in the world to deal with that, three people in the TARDIS is a handful, but I'd hate to lose any of you.
Take care of the Earth, take care of yourselves, and I'll see you real soon
Your back and forth butterfly
The Doctor.
Kisses"