Chapter 7- Olivia
January 2005
"Harder, Langan," Olivia cried as he slid in and out of her in fast strokes.
"Don't call me by my last name when I'm fucking you," he groaned.
"Faster, Trevor," she corrected as she flipped them over and rode him until he finished. She slid off him and settled into her bed. She wondered how long she should wait before asking him to leave. He loved to do the pillow talk routine, and she did not. Ten or so minutes of silence went by before he spoke,
"Will you let me take you to dinner sometime?" he asked as he rolled over to face her. His hand rested on her belly, and it raised with her shallow breaths.
"And risk being seen with you, in public?" she said with a raised eyebrow.
"I'm not that bad, Liv,"
"Don't call me Liv," she corrected.
"Oh right, only Stabler can call you that, huh," he said with a cocky smile on his face.
"My friends call me Liv, and you are not my friend," she said as her hand gripped his penis. He hardened instantly against her touch.
"Weren't satisfied the first time?" he asked, and she nodded as she bit her lip.
"Alright, Olivia," he said with emphasis on her full name as he entered her again.
Trevor was sleeping softly when her phone began to ring. It was almost midnight and she didn't know who would be calling her at that hour.
"Benson," she answered because she didn't have the number saved as a contact.
"Liv," a female voice said through the phone. It took her a minute to put together who it could be, but when she did, she felt her chest tighten.
"Maureen," Olivia said into the phone, "Is everything okay?" she asked as her mind went to the worst places. Elliot's biggest fear was getting a call about one of his daughters.
"I'm fine, I'm calling because I wanted to know if I could schedule a time to meet with you," she said, and Olivia could hear that the young woman was nervous. Olivia sat up on her bed and ran a hand through her hair as she tried to understand why Maureen would want to meet with her.
"Sure, honey," Olivia said, and she instantly felt foolish for letting the term of endearment slip. She'd heard Elliot call his daughters 'honey,' so it seemed like they were 'honey' to her by extension. She silently cursed herself for thinking she had the right.
"Are you free tomorrow night?" Maureen asked, seemingly unphased by the nickname Olivia had used on her.
"Yeah, when I get off work, what is this about?" Olivia asked, even though she was beginning to suspect the answer.
"I'm worried about my dad," she said with a heavy sigh into the phone. Olivia didn't know what to say. She'd been worried about Elliot too. The sight of him bending over his knees, after he verbally assaulted the mother of a victim, plagued her tired eyes.
How do you just walk away after twenty years?
Olivia's heart broke as she watched her partner grapple with his failing marriage. She wanted nothing more than to take him in her arms and promise him it would all be okay, but she knew it wasn't her place.
He wanted his wife back.
She told Maureen she'd meet her at a nearby restaurant the next day at 7:00 p.m.
"Who was that?" Trevor asked as he sat up behind her and pulled her against his chest. She felt his hands rest under her breasts, and she couldn't deny that it was nice to have someone beside her at night. Maybe she should let Trevor take her to dinner, maybe she owed it to herself to try with someone who could give her the things she wanted. Trevor's hands were warm against her belly, and she thought about how their children would be attractive.
"Maureen."
"Who?"
"Elliot's daughter," she said as she let her head fall onto his shoulder. He kissed her neck as he said,
"I don't like how his name always comes up when we're in bed."
She closed her eyes as she thought, me neither Trevor, me neither.
"Thanks for meeting me, Liv," Maureen said as she set her clutch on the table and pulled her chair out. Olivia smiled at how casually the young woman used her nickname. She realized it was because that was what Elliot called her, so therefore, she was 'Liv' to Maureen by extension, sort of like how Maureen was 'honey' to her.
"No problem," Olivia smiled as her eyes took in the sight of Maureen. She was the spitting image of Kathy Stabler. Before they could speak more words to each other, the waitress came up to take their drink orders. Olivia ordered water, and Maureen ordered Sauvignon Blanc. It startled Olivia that Elliot had a child who could legally drink when she was still wishing for a baby.
"I know you work crazy hours, so it means a lot that you'd make time for me," Maureen said, fumbling with her napkin as she kept flicking her eyes up to Olivia like she was afraid to look at her.
"Of course," Olivia said as she held back the 'honey' that wanted to slip out.
"So, as I'm sure you know my mom took Kathleen, Liz, and Dick to my grandparents," Maureen began, and Olivia felt the tone of the evening shift.
"I heard," Olivia began, but Maureen continued on like she hadn't heard her.
"My mom told me after she did it; she didn't even bother to call me first. I know I'm away at school, but it would have been nice to know what was happening with my family," Maureen said more to herself than to Olivia.
"Your dad didn't tell me at first; I only found out a few weeks ago," Olivia said, and she was surprised she was revealing as much as she was.
"Really?" Maureen questioned as she let her eyes land on Olivia fully for the first time that night. Olivia began to open her mouth, but Maureen interjected,
"I just assumed you'd be the first person he would have called," Maureen said as her eyes filled with emotions that Olivia wasn't prepared to dissect.
"Your dad mostly calls me for work," Olivia clarified.
"I didn't mean, I mean... I know it's not like that Liv, even though mom always wondered, but I just meant, Dad always says you are his best friend. I thought he'd call you first," Maureen said, and Olivia felt her stomach still as she listened to the details of her partnership with Elliot through the lens of his grown daughter. Best Friend. Olivia couldn't help but laugh internally at the notion. She didn't know what Elliot's role in her world was anymore, much less what her role was in his.
"I wish he had," Olivia said, and she was shocked at her own candidness. Then she remembered that night a few months back. Trevor had been kissing her neck as she picked up Elliot's call. Are you busy tonight? She recalled the pain in his voice, but she assumed he was upset about the case and wanted to talk shop. Now that she thought about it, she could trace the change in him back to that phone call. Dammit.
"Mom's dating again," Maureen let drop; Olivia clutched her water glass.
"How do you feel about that?" Olivia asked as she suddenly felt awkward with the direction of the conversation. She didn't want Maureen to think she was prying for any information.
"I'm happy that she is happy. You know, she had me when she was just a kid, so I'm happy she can explore what she wants outside of being a mom, I'm just worried about dad," Maureen said as her eyes flicked to her menu.
"Does he know?" Olivia asked.
"That's what I wanted to ask you," Maureen said as she tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.
"He hasn't mentioned it," Olivia said, and Maureen sat with a pondering look on her face. Olivia couldn't help but take in her beauty. She had grown into everything Elliot wanted for her, and Olivia couldn't help but feel proud, by extension.
"What do you and dad talk about?" Maureen asked, and Olivia could tell she was nervous at posing the question. Olivia inhaled as she tried to process why everyone always wanted to know what she and Elliot talked about. Trevor had been asking her the same question for months.
"We talk about you and your siblings all the time," Olivia smiled.
"What?" Maureen laughed as she brought her wine to her painted lips.
"Oh yeah, I know about every boyfriend you've ever had, every time you tried to sneak out, all the school dances, your freshman year of college transgressions," Olivia laughed as she watched Maureen's face flood with embarrassment.
"Oh dear, I'm sorry you had to hear about all that," Maureen laughed, "I hope I'm one of the less problematic Stabler kids," she added as her blue eyes twinkled.
"I think Kathleen definitely causes your dad the most grief," Olivia confirmed, and Maureen grinned.
"She's his favorite," Maureen said.
"She is," Olivia confirmed, and they both broke out in a laugh. The shared laugh surrounded them, and after a moment, Maureen broke the fun with a question that deflated Olivia's lungs.
"Do you think he'd ever hurt himself?" Her eyes were so earnest with fear for her father.
"Maureen…" Olivia began as she tried to grapple for an answer. The thought of Elliot hurting himself burned her alive. She wanted to keep eyes on him all the time, but she knew she couldn't.
"His partner before Alfonso, Dave...he ate his gun," Maureen said, and the known fact hit Olivia like she was hearing it for the first time.
"How did you know that?"
"He prays for him every night," Maureen said as tears sprung to her eyes. "When I lived at home, I would spy on him. He'd go into the living room long after everyone else was sound asleep, and he'd pray on his knees with his head bowed to our couch," Maureen said, and the image of her partner praying unfolded before her eyes.
"He'd be so mad if he knew I spied on those private moments of his," Maureen said as she cleared her throat. Olivia didn't know what to say. A long pause transpired before Maureen added,
"He prays for you too, Liv," she said as a soft smile ghosted her lips. The news hit Olivia's ears, knocking her breath from her chest.
"He does?" she asked in disbelief, and Maureen nodded.
"What does he say?" Olivia asked. She wasn't sure she believed in a God, but in that moment, she knew she would never let another night go by without praying for her partner, praying that he never hurt himself.
"He asks that you be kept safe. He asks that Dave be forgiven for his sins, and he prays for us kids and mom of course, but he always ends his prayer by asking that nothing ever happens to you," Maureen said, and then she swallowed a long pull of wine. Olivia drank half of her water glass because she didn't know how to respond.
"Our job is very dark," Olivia began, but Maureen interjected.
"You mean a lot to him, Liv, that's why I knew you would know if I should be worried," Maureen said as she locked eyes with Olivia.
"Your dad is very strong," Olivia said as his boiling anger over the last few months flashed through her mind.
"I know he is, I just," Maureen trailed off, and Olivia wasn't sure how to fill the silence.
"Will you promise me something, Olivia?" Maureen asked, and the use of her full name wasn't lost on Olivia. Maureen was serious. Olivia nodded, and Maureen sighed as she said,
"Promise me you won't ever leave him too; he couldn't handle it."