Chapter 1

"Goodnight Doctor!" Amy yelled from up the stairs as she made her way toward her bedroom with Rory.

"Goodnight Ponds." The Doctor responded smiling softly to himself before his joy drained from his face. The Doctor had been struggling recently with the adventures him and the ponds have been on. They were recently on a foreign planet and as always things went wrong and a stranger they had met along the way gave their life for the doctor, jumping in front of a blast from a gun pointed at the doctor. Watching someone die for him time and time again…. Why would they do that? He was nothing. If anything he deserves to die. It didn't make any sense and the more he thought about it the more he wondered why people traveled with him in the first place. All he did was put people in danger and risk their lives. Doctor! These people just want to impress you! Those words rang through his head time and time again. People wanted to impress him but ends up getting themselves killed. He was a danger to everyone around him.

These thoughts racing through his head made him angrier and lost. Letting his head fall he made his way out of the control room down the stairs towards his bedroom. Closing the door behind him as he entered, he took off his jacket and placed it on a chair next to his desk that hasn't been used in years. He walked over to his night stand and opened the top drawer. Inside was a box of razor blades, carefully he took one out of the box and fiddled it in his hands turning it and feeling the metal on his fingers debating with himself if he should or not. His emotions got the best of him as he rolled up his sleeve to his elbow and hovered the blade over his scarred forearm. Biting his lip he placed the blade on his already abused skin, pushing the blade on his arm until he finally moved the blade in a straight line across his wrist. Blood started to form already as it rolled down his arm. The pain was addicting and he did it again just above the first cut, and again, and again. Each cut with a purpose. Rose, Cut, Donna, Cut, Martha, Cut, Sarah Jane, Cut, Jack, Cut, River, Cut, he stopped…. All of those strangers that he had only known for minutes before they died sacrificing themselves for the Doctor and his goals. Why was he so important that others had to give their life? He started to count all the people that risked their life for him. 1, 2, 3, cut, cut, cut. 7, 8, cut, cut, 15…. 21…. 34. Cut, cut, cut.

Blood pooled from his arms, switching between both arms as he opened his skin time and time again. His hands where shaking and he dropped the blade. Realizing that he was kneeling on the floor he moved to get up to clean himself off. But as he did so his vision slowly started to go black. Not good he thought to himself. He grabbed onto his abandoned desk to prop himself up as he tried to reach his bathroom. He reached for the door to the bathroom and missed. Falling to the ground with a thud. No energy, no motivation, he let the darkness take him.

Amy woke up to a weird muffled bang. Laying still she peaked over her pillows and check the clock. 3:28 am. Sighing she moved to get out of bed as quietly as she could carful not to wake Rory. She opened her bedroom door and bear footed made her way down the hall towards the control room. She poked her head in to see if the Doctor was awake and tinkering away the night like he usually did. But there was no sign of the doctor. Thinking that the Doctor was finally getting some rest about time Amy made her way to the kitchen for a glass of water before heading back to bed. She went down the hall and opened the first door on the right to where the kitchen was normally but apparently the TARDIS had different ideas because she was greeted with a brick wall covering the entrance. Sighing Amy figured this was gonna be a long game of charades as Amy had no clue what the TARDIS wanted this time. Closing the door, she tiredly looked down at the floor and threw her arms up as if to say ok, know what as started walking back to the control room but when she went to turn down the correct hallway it was closed off. Great she thought as she continued down the hall. Every time she passed a door, she would grab the handle and see if it was locked or not, and most of the time even if it wasn't locked there would be a brick wall again. After what seemed like an hour or so (really only 15 mins) of walking she saw a door in the middle of the hallway and lazily reach for the handle and found it lock and went to leave before she ran into a wall that just appeared in front of her.

Startled she looked back at the door and grabbed the handled once again trying to open it. Was this the Doctors room? "Doctor?" she called pressing her ear to the door but didn't hear anything. Suddenly a panic settled in her stomach whether it was from the TARDIS or just her know emotions she didn't know but she had to get the door open. A thought imprinted into her mind of his screwdriver still in the console room, not thinking anything of it she quickly ran back to the console room (now that she could access the room again) she grab his screwdriver and hurried back to the door that was locked. Pressing the button and pointing it at the door knob she her a click and tried the door again and thankfully it opened.

Bursting into the room she didn't notice anything at first until she saw some blood on the floor near what should be the Doctor's bed. That's when she noticed it. Her Doctor, her imaginary friend laying on the floor surrounded by blood. She quickly ran to the doctors side and looked at his arms bleeding and torn up. Instinctively she yelled for Rory. She screamed her husbands name for what felt like forever kneeling over the Doctors body scared to touch his in fear of hurting him further. Finally, probably thanks to the TARDIS Rory ran into the opened door room and found his wife kneeling over the doctor, that when he noticed all the blood.

"My god –"Rory started rushing over to her and the Doctor.

"Help him," Amy was crying holding her knees to her chest.

Rory hesitated for a minute before telling Amy to go grab the First aid Kit from the control room that Rory made a mental note of when he saw it a few weeks ago. She returned in a few seconds and by the time she got back Rory had rolled the Doctor on his back and taken off his shirt. Scars littered not only is arms but his stomach and ribs. Most looked self-inflicted but others looked like scars he had gotten on his adventures. Rory snapped open the First aid Kit and dug through the box until he found some gauze, disinfectant, medical tape and some scissors.

"Amy, I need a wash cloth and a bucket of water." Rory said very calm

Amy nodded, tears still staining her face, she stepped into the doctor's bathroom just feet from where he was laying and found a wash cloth and ran it under the water from the sink. She handed it to Rory then started looking for a big enough bucket or cup to hold the water that Rory was going to need.

Rory started dabbing at the Doctors arms. The Doctor didn't show much of a reaction beside a wince every now and then when Rory applied the wash cloth over his damaged arms. Amy soon appeared with a mini bucket she found in his shower and filled it with water and placed it near Rory, who immediately rinsed the wash cloth he had been using and the once clear water was now muddied with the Doctors blood. After Rory had washed all the blood from his arms, she could see the scars that had been covered up with new open wounds. How long has he been doing this? She thought. Rory opened the package of gauze and put some disinfectant on the cloth as well as the Doctors arms which resulted in a slightly bigger recatch from the Timelord as before. They silently waited to see if the Doctor was going to wake up and after a few seconds had passed Rory sighed and continued with what he was doing.

Rory sat up a bit after covering most of the Doctors cuts.

"Are you done? Is he going to be ok?" Amy started to ask.

"No, I covered most of his cuts but these ones," Rory pointed to a few that were bigger and deeper than others, "These ones, need stitches. I can't find a needle or thread in her so I need you to go bring me my medical bag that is in our room. I think I have the right supplies."

Amy was back after a few minutes holding Rory medical bag. Sighing Rory put on some gloves that he had and took out more disinfectant. He found the surgical packet with a few needles and medical thread. Pouring some disinfectant on the needle and his gloves he got to work.

30 minutes later Rory ripped his gloves off of his hands and popped his back when he sat up. Amy had perched herself on the Doctors bed as Rory worked watching the Doctors face for any sighs of life.

"He's lost a lot of blood and probably needs some water. He could use an IV but I don't have any of the equipment here with me," Rory paused looking up at his Wife whose eyes were trained on the Doctors, "Help me get him up, we are going to put him in his bed." Amy stood up and carefully reached for the doctors shoulders to help him up, careful not to touch or bump his tender arms.

They carefully managed to place the Doctor on his bed and Amy threw a blanket over him. Pulling up the chair that the doctor places his jacket on, she waited for him to wake up.

To be continued….