Bella was dying. In her wildest dreams, she had never imagined it would hurt this badly. Her muscles were on fire, her lungs burned, and her heart beat frantically, desperate in its attempt to continue pumping life into her poor, broken body. 'Who would ever volunteer for this!?' her mind wailed piteously.
Above her, the sun shone brilliantly, winking merrily through the tree tops. Birds skirted through the broadleaved canopy, their canorous song seeming to mock Bella's misery.
"Feel free," the teenager grunted out, teeth clenched in pain, "to eat as many of them," she waved her arm above her head, "as you'd like at any time."
Beside her, Tanya rolled her eyes, but couldn't hide the smile that pulled at her lips. "You need to take a break, champ?" she asked, teasingly.
They'd left Mount Cook Village at sunrise; Bella sporting the smaller, thirty-pound backpack, while Tanya carried the much, much heavier Denali pack. Before they had left the hotel, Bella, always curious, had attempted to lift the pack Tanya had prepared for herself. Both human and vampire had laughed at Bella's fruitless attempts to lift the bag from the ground. All things considered, the mood had been light, bordering on exciting: like the first day of long planned for vacation.
That had been four hours and twelve miles earlier. Tanya could not remember a time since she had become a vampire when she had walked so slow.
And yet.
And yet…
Tanya felt invigorated, refreshed, inspired. Had it really only been a handful of days since she sat, despondent in the snow, contemplating the purpose of her life and existence? How had she forgotten how green the world was? How crisp the air felt at higher elevations, how beautiful and ever-changing life seemed to be?
She felt fucking giddy.
Everything was tinged with colors and sounds that Tanya swore she'd never seen nor heard before.
And smells.
Briefly, she wondered if it were possible for vampires to get high.
Bella was fucking intoxicating.
Literally.
Four hours of walking through the wilderness, up the trails, had transformed the human. Blood pumped furiously through her body, making her cheeks and skin glow red like the fingertips of dawn. Her hair had begun to fall out of the bun she had spun it up into earlier. Loose strays danced in the wind, waving jubilantly to Tanya. She'd spent at least a half-hour earlier counting the wild wisps.
But the best thing, by far, was Bella's scent. The physical exertion had caused the human's smell to build and build and build…until it poured forth from her pores in a luminescent sheen.
Normally, all humans smelled good to vampires. Delicious, as it were. Sure, there was the occasional unwashed teenager or adult who smelled of dirty clothes, dead skin cells, and fetid body oils. Most of the time these were mortals who had come a little too close to contacting the…otherness of the world. Their poor hygiene was a subconscious reaction to their experienced trauma, a prolonged flight instinct meant to camouflage them from garnering the attention of things that stalked the night. It usually worked, too.
Bella, however…
Bella.
Isabella.
Bella.
Tanya ran her tongue over the top row of her teeth. Venom pooled in her mouth.
'How did any of them resist this smell?' Tanya wondered. It was a scent that could launch a thousand ships. The hotter Bella's skin grew, the more sweat that poured from her body, the headier, the lovelier, the more alluring it became.
Except, Tanya had to admit, it wasn't a smell that called to her hunger. She couldn't quite place the effect Bella's fragrance had on her, but she'd spent the past few hours bathing, luxuriating, basking in its wake. She felt she was becoming something of a Bella connoisseur.
The first scent that teased the senses was floral. Lavender after a heavy rain. The crispness of late spring born on a southern gale. Then, slowly, the smell of fallen leaves, wet pavement, a storm-swept wind. It was relaxing and electrifying all at once. Bella was the changing of seasons. A living tempest. Tanya felt sure she could walk a thousand miles, a thousand years, in the wake of that smell and not get tired.
Which made her feel guilty.
Bella looked fucking miserable.
The young woman had turned to stare at Tanya blankly after the vampire had asked her question, before dramatically falling over onto her back, cushioned by smaller rucksack she carried. The girl lay there with her eyes closed, arms and legs spread wide, chest heaving.
Tanya rolled her eyes again. 'Humans,' she mentally sighed, walking over to the girl.
Bella's chest rose and fell rapidly. Her head was titled back, eyes closed, mouth open. 'A million ways to die,' she thought, 'and I die from walking.'
She heard the crunch of shoes approaching, but she didn't bother to open her eyes. 'It's just a stupid vampire,' she thought. She would have giggled at how nonchalant the thought was, had she had the energy.
She felt something nudge her leg.
"You look like shit," the vampire told her. "Drink some water."
Bella opened her eyes and squinted up into the light. Tanya was silhouetted against the sun, at once both dazzlingly brilliant and dark shadows. She couldn't see the vampire's face, but she heard the amusement in her voice. 'This bitch,' Bella thought, still trying to regain adequate amounts of oxygen to her deprived, mortal body, 'doesn't even remember what it feels like to be tired.' Weakly, Bella brought her hand up to rest on her chest, middle finger and thumb raised to her companion. Her efforts were rewarded with a genuine laugh from the older woman.
It was the best laugh Bella had ever heard. Not soft, yet masculine, like Edward's, nor light and ringing like Alice's, but…smokey, lilting, like an echo soaked in aged whiskey and rubbed into cracked leather. She wondered if she could get Tanya to read Auden or Millay to her. The thought pulled at things inside of her in ways she was too tired to even recognize.
Bella was startled from her thoughts by something pressing against her lips. How had she not seen Tanya lean down and pull the hose of the water reservoir from her shoulder strap? She opened her mouth to take the hose in her mouth at the same time her hand came up to grab it from Tanya's. The moment her hand touched Tanya's she moaned deliriously, lost to the ecstasy of the vampire's cold hand against her overheated skin. She quickly pulled it up and placed it against her cheek, using her other hand to hold the water hose as she drank.
It was a precarious position. The human stretched out, propped up against the hiking pack, holding the vampire's hand to her cheek. The vampire, balanced on her haunches, one hand against the human's face, the other desperately clawed into the soft earth beside her boot. Less than a foot of space separated them.
Brown eyes stared into deepening gold.
Searching.
Falling.
Lost.
Laughter floated down the trail from somewhere up ahead. It shook Tanya from her thoughts. She should have heard it sooner, would have heard it sooner had she not been lost in a cloud of concentrated Bella essence.
Bella turned her head to follow Tanya's gaze. She couldn't hear the voices yet, but she knew something had caught the vampire's attention. "Is someone coming?" she asked, looking back at the vampire.
Tanya nodded.
Bella tucked her water hose back into the slot on her shoulder strap and struggled to sit up, letting Tanya's hand slip from her own so she could steady herself.
Apparently, the vampire had other plans. Lithe arms reached out – one under Bella's legs, the other around the small of her back – and effortlessly scooped the human against her chest, standing up smoothly, easily, as if Bella and the backpacks weighed nothing.
A noise of surprise left the girl's mouth. Instinctively, her arms wound their way around Tanya's neck, pulling herself closer to the ancient immortal. "I can walk," she told her, "you don't have to..."
The words caught in her throat as her gaze locked with the vampire's. Midnight pools swirled in Tanya's eyes like the darkest depths of the ocean, whispering their mysteries, dangers, and secrets. Bella blinked to keep herself from falling into those depths. She felt the vibration of Tanya's growl more than she heard it.
"Tanya?" she whispered, confused.
"Faster…this…way," the vampire ground out between clenched teeth.
Bella nodded, more worried for the people on the trail than herself. They were close enough now for her to hear. Laughter. Conversation. Humans as far as she could tell. What would happen if they stumbled across Tanya like this?
The thought had no sooner entered her mind than Tanya took off, the world around Bella blurring to shades of brown and green.
.
.
.
The sun hung low in the sky, casting a warm, orange glow across the field and beech trees where Bella sat, her back against a large rock that had been worn smooth with time. The field in front of her was painted in pinks and blues and purples that stretched as far as she could see. Lupins, Tanya had called them. To her right, in the distance, a vast lake reflected the hues of sunset. Mountains framed the world on all sides. It was breathtaking.
Bella couldn't stop watching Tanya.
The vampire had run with her for what felt like hours. It had been difficult for Bella to tell exactly. It was always a disorienting experience, traveling that fast. The last time had been with Edward, over half a year ago. Memories, carefully sealed and stored away, had been knocked loose and spilled across her mind, leaking into her thoughts. The rock she leaned against dug into her back, but Bella ignored it, tugging at her bottom lip absentmindedly; her eyes still followed the vampire, but her mind was a thousand years away.
'She's so different from them,'Bella thought. The Cullens had always been so calm, so collected, so careful. Even Jasper, right up until the moment he had snapped, had carried himself with composure and a certain sangfroid. Each had fit into the perfect niche of a fairytale, albeit one tinted with danger: mother, father, beauty, gentle giant, eccentric, dangerous…tortured. There were very few surprises in the roles they played and stories they lived. Only Edward had stood apart, with his self-hatred and loneliness. At one time, Bella had thought she might have been the missing piece to complete his story. Her story. But now…
'What would have been my role?' she wondered, picking at the emotional wound that hadn't yet scarred over. 'The homebody? The down-to-earth? Edward's mate?' It had always bothered her, secretly, that she couldn't see how she fit into the picture without Edward, as part of Edward.
And then they had all left. Quickly. Efficiently. Emotionlessly and detached. No words, no calls, no letters. It had hurt in a way that went beyond the heartache of lost love. Bella could see that, could understand the situation better, now that time had put distance between herself and the hurt. Their departure had cut into her insecurities, had silently affirmed that she was not good enough, that she wasn't anything to them without Edward. It may not have been what they intended, but the message was there, regardless.
Until Tanya showed up. Tanya, who claimed that Alice had sent her. Bella did not know what to do with that information yet. It did not fit into the conclusions and assumptions she had made over the months since their departure. It was a labyrinth she could not navigate, so she left it alone for now.
But Tanya…
Had she really only known the vampire for five days? Already she felt that she had a more dynamic understanding of the thousand-year-old vampire than she ever had with any of the Cullens. Tanya did not fit into one stereotype, one pattern, one personality. Anger, passion, humor, protectiveness – in less than a week Tanya had shown herself more complex than any other vampire Bella had known. 'Not that I've known many,' Bella thought ruefully. It made her wonder if she had really known the Cullens at all, or if there was something special about Tanya. The question nagged at the back of her mind.
Tanya had said little since the incident on the trail. She had eventually set Bella down, but offered no explanation for what had happened. They had hiked silently for a few more hours until the vampire had advised setting up camp before it got dark. The vampire had been quick to begin gathering materials for a fire, while Bella opted to dig the tent out of her backpack. She valiantly fought the tent poles for ten minutes or so before Tanya had appeared at her side, smiling slightly, gently taking them from her frustrated grasp.
Tired, sweaty, and sore, Bella had handed over the task willingly, retreating to the rock she presently leaned against. She ate a chalky-tasting, dehydrated meal while she watched Tanya finish setting up the tent at a human pace. She was slow, methodic. It had been what sparked Bella's reflection between her and the Cullens.
Returning to the present, Bella turned her attention back to her surroundings. She must have spaced out for longer than she realized. The tent was up, a fire was blazing, and Tanya had, at some point, drug two large, fallen tree trunks close to the fire. She was leaning against one, watching Bella.
Bella watched back. The fading sunlight created a golden glow that seemed to highlight the curves and angles of the vampire's face. A shining beacon in the wilderness and testament to nature's wickedest since of irony. Bella doubted death had every looked so beautiful.
Tanya tilted her head to the side, not breaking eye contact, but clearly sending an invitation for Bella to come sit beside her.
Bella's smile was shy but instantaneous and unbidden. She pushed herself up, away from the rock she had been leaning against, brushing her hands off on her jeans as she walked over to sit beside the vampire. She had planned to sit a few feet away, but her feet turned traitor, carrying her over to sit so that her shoulders were inches away from Tanya's.
The fire burned brightly against the ever-growing darkness. Neither human nor vampire were inclined to speak immediately, both content to enjoy the warmth and silence of the night.
'It's strange,' Bella thought, 'to feel so relaxed considering everything that's happened. But I am. If it weren't for Charlie, I think I would want to stay here, like this, forever.'
Her father, however, was a looming cloud of pressure at the back of her mind, threatening to spill over into a headache when she thought about him for too long. How could she have ever been so cavalier about dying before?
"What are you thinking?" Tanya asked quietly, gently nudging Bella's shoulder with her own.
"I used to dream of becoming a vampire," she told Tanya. "All I wanted was to be perfect and beautiful and young and with Edward forever." She sighed. "I never really considered how it would realistically play out with my family. I just assumed I would fake my death and both of my parents would get over it and move on." She shook her head, frowning. "Now, though, all I can think about is what my parents must be going through. Charlie, my father, must be searching for me, for answers." Bella blinked back tears. "And my mom? She hasn't seen me in months. I hadn't texted her in over a week, and now I may never get to see either of them again." She ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "What's worse, though, is I know they're somewhere out there right now mourning me," Bella's breath hitched, "while I'm half way across the world enjoying myself. I'm a terrible daughter."
The fire swam in and out of focus as her eyes filled with tears. The pressure in the back of her head throbbed in time with her pulse, promising a headache in the not-to-distant future.
A cold arm wove across her shoulders. Tanya pulled Bella against her side, her thumb gently stroking her arm.
"What has happened with you father was not of your choosing," the vampire growled softly. "I was the one who set things in motion." Tanya tucked her chin into her chest, grimacing. "I did not stop to consider what the consequences of my actions meant for those in your life," she sighed. "For all my years and experience, I am still ruled by instincts. I thought to keep you safe, but I do not know how well that succeeded. There were enemies that night. My actions were rash. Whatever guilt you feel is mine to shoulder."
'What a stupid, stupid vampire,' Bella thought. Reaching up, she placed her left hand on top of the one Tanya had rested on her shoulder. She squeezed gently. "Your actions are probably all that saved me," she told the vampire softly. "Please don't think I'm anything but grateful."
Tanya turned her head to look at Bella, bringing their faces within inches of each other. They were so close they shared the same breath. A shiver of thrill ran down Bella's spine and settled somewhere below her navel. She felt her face flush with embarrassment, but she did not break the vampire's gaze. 'Do not look at her lips,' she told herself. 'Just don't look at her lips. Don't make it weird, don't make it weird, don't make it weird,' she repeated the mantra like a prayer.
"If I cannot regret my actions, then you cannot regret yours," Tanya told her, voice barely above a whisper. Her free hand reached up to gently take Bella's chin between her thumb and index finger. Her eyes searched Bella's face, but for what, she didn't know. "My sisters are watching your father's house. They will keep him safe. I will keep you safe. It is what I feel. What I know."
"Is that what earlier was about?" Bella asked, voice no louder than her companion's, "Before, on the trail? Keeping me safe?" The air around her felt heavy and charged with energy, like a pregnant sky before a summer storm.
"Yes," Tanya told her, nodding slightly, letting her hand fall from Bella's face. "An unforeseen overreaction on my part." She smiled ruefully, breaking eye contact to look at the fire.
Bella let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding. Like a spell ending, sounds and sensations leaked back into existence: the crackling of the fire, the chill of the night. The hair on her arms stood up, as a tremor ran down her body. The vampire did not seem to notice, or, if she did, chose not to say anything.
"I did not think that I would get so attached to you," Tanya continued, frowning. "It calls my instincts into action before I have time to think." The vampire sighed, annoyed with herself. "It adds an extra complication into the fold with you being part of Carlisle's coven." Tanya let her arm fall from Bella's shoulders. She got up and moved over to the fire, grabbing pieces of wood to stoke the flames higher.
"I'm not part of their coven."
Tanya looked over her should at the young woman. Bella's eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. "They left me. Why would you think I was part of their family?" she asked.
The vampire shrugged, turning back to the flames. "Obviously they feel some connection or obligation for you. Alice wouldn't ha – "
"Obligation is not family!" Bella interrupted, her voice furious. "If they had cared, if I was one of them, they wouldn't have left me!" she spat. She pushed herself to her feet and began pacing in front of the fire. "For months, I waited. I called. I emailed. Nothing." A dam had broken loose inside her, spilling forth words and emotions she had kept in check. She turned on Tanya suddenly, stalking over to her and encroaching on her personal space. "Is that what vampires do for family members? Abandon them when they need you?"
Bewildered, Tanya watched, wide-eyed, at the human's outburst.
"I loved them and I got fucked," Bella growled, shoving hard against the vampire's chest. She hardly felt the pain that laced up her hand and arm. She had forgotten just how hard a vampire's skin was. "And if you to think that I belong to any of them, you can get fucked!" Bella shouted, reaching out with both hands to shove Tanya again.
She immediately found both her wrists locked in the cold, iron-clad grip of the ancient vampire. Tanya's lips were pursed. A low growl rumbled from somewhere deep inside her chest.
'I won't let her intimidate me,' Bella thought, breathing heavily through her nose. 'I'm through being intimidated by vampires.' Roughly,she tried to yank her arms free.
The attempt only made Tanya growl louder. The vampire's nostrils flared. She pulled the human's arms to her chest with more force than necessary, the momentum sending Bella's body crashing into her own. Something inside her purred with satisfaction at the human's gasp, at the feel of the girl's body as it fell against her own.
"I don't want you to be part of the Cullen's coven," she snarled, shaking Bella's arms for emphasis. Firelight danced in the reflection of her eyes. "I want you in mine!"
Bella opened her mouth to yell back at the vampire, but nothing came out. Tanya's words were slow to process. She blinked furiously, shaking her head. "What?" she asked, confused.
Tanya released Bella's wrists, placing her hands instead on the human's shoulders. "You belong with me," Tanya told her slowly, the edge in her voice still audible. "I wasn't trying to say the Cullens own you, you silly human. If you would have let me finish, I would have told you that I want you to return to Denali with me." She removed her hands from Bella's shoulders and took a few steps back, watching the girl's reaction.
Bella was at a loss for words. "You'd change me? You'd want me as part of your family?"
"Obviously," Tanya told her, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "I care about you. My instincts say to protect you. I don't want you with any other coven. You belong...with me," she told Bella, her words trailing off at the end. She hesitated for a second, confused by her own choice of words. "You belong with us. My family," she amended.
It proved too much for Bella to process. She felt her legs give out, folding beneath her, taking her body to the ground. She ran her hands through her hair, pulling it up into a pile on top of her head. After accepting that everything she had been through was over, that her foray into the supernatural had ended… For the doors to now be thrown wide again. To not only be invited, but welcomed, demanded. She looked across the fire at the vampire that stood watching her. Cinders floated through the air, framing the blonde-haired vampire like a Norse Valkyrie inviting her to Valhalla.
Something about the woman called to Bella.
"Yes," Bella said slowly, not breaking her gaze away from Tanya's. "I believe I do."
Her vampire smiled at her through the flames.
.
.
.
A bit rushed, but hopefully the length and timeliness of the update will make up for that. I mean, at least I didn't wait 9 years this time, right?
Edna St. Vincent Millay – Sonnet XXX. Who wouldn't want their lover to recite it to them?
Thank you for the kind words in your reviews. I hope that you and yours have a wonderful holiday.