Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 28 - Fear and Loving

Having made our decision, we all go back to the living room before scattering in various directions. Valerian and Ayami will keep an eye on my father's house tonight, just to be safe. They say Victoria might follow my scent and end up at my dad's place. They borrow Lynn's car and take off in a hurry. Rosalie and Emmet make themselves scarce but let us know they will be in the house if there's any trouble.

I call dad and tell him I'll be sleeping over here tonight. He grumbles I shouldn't bother the Cullens but I put Carlisle on the phone and he tells him they're happy to have me as a guest. Dad reminds me to play it safe before I huff and hang up. It's not his fault he doesn't know, but we have bigger problems to worry about these days than his obsessive fear of unplanned (and, unbeknown to him, impossible) grand-children. Much, much bigger problems.

Carlisle, Jasper, Alice and Lynn discuss the location for our ambush. Once that's settled, I let Billy know where the protectors should meet us. By the time the phone call has ended, Lynn and I find ourselves alone. I raid some food from the fridge, my appetite back to normal, and eat it in silence. Lynn sits next to me and watches me, just as quiet.

As soon as I'm done we sit at the piano and practice our four-hand rendition of Clair de Lune. I suck at it but I've been slowly improving. When we get to a series of complex arpeggios I lose track of the melody and play some random notes instead. Lynn and I giggle at the resulting cacophony and end up kissing. We try a few other tunes, but the results are pretty much the same; neither of us is able to concentrate on the music we normally love so much. We both know tomorrow could be the end of everything we've been holding on to, and in a sense fighting for, since we started dating. It's hard to take.

Suddenly, she gets up and walks to the glass wall.

There are gaps in the cloud cover. Out here, away from the town, the visible patches of night sky are black velvet embroidered with stars. I go stand by her side. She scowls murderously at the view. She hadn't done that in a long time. She shakes her head and looks at me, straight into my eyes, her gaze softening.

"Brandon…. If something happens to you tomorrow…. I cannot bear to think about it… I am so sorry. It's all my fault. And it's all because of a stupid baseball game…." Her eyes are so sad.

I hug her softly, pulling her toward me.

"Lynn…." The ground quakes, only for me, and my knees buckle.

She turns and looks up at me. Her arms circle my waist gently, soothingly.

"What's wrong, Brandon?"

I close my eyes. Some confessions are easier this way.

"I will go through with it. I always do. Like you said my stubbornness is legendary… But I have to admit I'm afraid… A couple of months ago death would have been unwelcome, of course, and it would have caused my dad and mom a lot of pain they didn't deserve, but to be honest I didn't have much to live for either. But now I have you…. I don't want to lose you, and I don't want to leave you alone. What will my silly vampire do without me?" I cry a little; my tears land on her hair and become lost.

Still careful, she holds me a little tighter. Her face is buried in my chest.

"I'm scared too…." She whispers. "You know I can't live without you. The darkness of your absence would be too much to bear. But Brandon, courage is not lack of fear, which is just stupidity; courage is choosing to do the right thing despite being scared. Like Esme said, you're so brave."

I blush but hold on to her and look outside. It's not raining and it's not that cold. The wind seems to be on a break; the dark silhouettes of the trees are frozen, still.

It all comes down to tomorrow, I think with bitterness. One day will make the difference between death and possibly a very long life with the woman I love. Thanks to Lynn I cheated the reaper once already… An encore might be too much to ask for, but the alternative is just too awful to consider.

"Let's go out for a walk. I don't think I can sleep yet, anyways." Despite all that's already happened, it's only eleven o'clock.

She nods and we saunter outside. On the way out, I grab my parka. Lynn, immune to the cold, is only wearing her jeans and a halter top that reveals plenty of her flawless skin. I fill my lungs with clean, crisp forest air as we circle around the house, our steps hushed by the tall grass at the edges of the porch.

We run across a narrow path and follow it to the nearby lake, slowly since my night vision is not as sharp as Lynn's. The shore is covered in wild plants but the trail leads to a small clearing, the ground covered in gravel that crunches under our feet. We stand next to a few logs stacked by the edge of the water. The moon is visible through a jagged rip in the clouds and it paints a silvery stripe across the water that connects us to the lonely orb in the sky and follows us around, loyal and attentive, when we walk a little farther and stand on a small, rickety pier made up of a few boards haphazardly nailed together. Water laps at the pilings with gentle gurgles. An owl hoots in the heart of the woods.

I only have eyes for Lynn, her features gorgeous and unearthly in the dusty moonlight. I draw her into my arms and our eyes lock.

"You know Lynn, I've thought of this before, but I'd never seen it so clearly…. Everything I'll ever need or want is right in front of me." A tentative smile follows. Her eyes smolder with renewed intensity.

"That's how I feel too, Brandon."

Her smile dazzles me and no other words are necessary. We kiss and the rest of the world becomes a distant memory as a universe of sensations swallows us whole. I wish this moment would never end, but her lips have stirred temporarily forgotten depths of my consciousness and stoked furnaces in my imaginary soul. Will-o'-the-wisps dance in my peripheral vision and a strange wind that doesn't ruffle the grass or sway the branches howls in my ears.

"Lynn," I gasp, thoroughly out of breath. "I was thinking…"

"Yes, Brandon?" Her eyes glitter like diamonds, or stars stolen from the heavens.

"This could be my last night on Earth…." I caress the hollow below her left ear and alternate my words with tiny, light kisses that land on her shoulders, her collarbone, and then her cheeks.

"There is one item on my bucket list I'd really like to cross out…" I try an impish smile and wonder whether I'm even close.

"I was hoping…" I find her open mouth and slowly make my kisses longer and more intense. She responds in kind.

"That we could finally try to find our way to paradise…" After one last long, gossamer kiss, she moves away grinning at me and giving me a naughty leer. Her eyes blaze inferno-like.

She holds my hand and leads me back inside the house without a word. The living room is empty. Upstairs, we hear loud thumps, followed by ominous creaks, coming from Emmet and Rosalie's room. Lynn and I laugh and our bodies intertwine like jungle vines in the hallway. We kiss some more, eager, full of desire. Still wrapped around each other, we manage to bump the door open and tumble into her room and on her couch, our hands roving our bodies, our lips fused together.

The outer walls, entirely made of glass, let in enough luminescence from the moon and the stars not to bother with electricity. We separate long enough to strip each other with growing urgency and then admire our naked bodies, studies in light and shadows, planes and curves, textures and consistencies.

Our skins cling and mold as we kiss some more; the friction generates sparks that roam, incendiary, the forests of our minds. Moans and sighs fill the room. I vaguely remember they come from us. Flames lick at tree branches, wisps of smoke coil around boughs and limbs, copses go up in smoke like roman candles. Our bodies join and become one; words, whimpers and gasps weave into a story of needs finally being met.

My eyes always search for hers, electricity tethers us together, a storm sings in our veins, hungry fires swell and scorch the night in search of sustenance. Our minds, tiny as they might be, expand and flow into one vast river before reaching the ocean together.

Later, we cuddle on the sofa, happily sated, surrounded by charred tree stumps, smoldering bogs, mounds of ashes. She curls in my arms and turns to lay her ear against my heart; it's still trying to jackhammer through my chest. I hope she'll take it as a compliment.

"Brandon, are you all right? Your heartbeat seems a little erratic at the moment." Her voice is a distant breeze soughing through the trees.

I feel her smile against my naked chest.

"Never felt any better, Lynn. Better than I ever thought I would…" I caress a loose strand of her hair.

"Same here, baby." She says simply, but punctuates it with a kittenish purr.

"It was worth the wait, wasn't it?" She asks after a while.

"It certainly was." I feel a little drowsy. Images of islands sweltering in the heat of a tropical noon float at the edges of my vision. But then I think of Victoria's wild hair and her years of tracking and hunting. The fear and hatred in her eyes. Her shriek when James died. I don't want to sleep yet.

"Lynn…."

"What is it Brandon?" She sounds worried.

"Whatever happens tomorrow…. I'm happier now than I've ever been. I love you." Her features relax and give way to a radiant smile.

"You're my life, Brandon…."

After a few minutes of silence, she turns to me and growls playfully. We laugh, and the rubbing of parts of our body still in contact seems to create a few exuberant sparks eager for some action. There is still plenty of combustible material left and soon the skies are filled with flames and smoke again.

The air thrums with the cries of animals trying to escape the new scourge as Lynn and I take turns trying to find new ways to keep the fires raging and yet stay in control, prolonging the moment, stretching it across the ages and turning it into a dream of infinity. The liberating climax morphs into an underground stream; I float away on its currents and into a restful bed of confused dreams that always feature a girl with long, bronze hair.

When I reopen my eyes the room is filled with gray light. Lynn and I are naked under the blanket the human needs to keep warm. We smile, content, as light as the clouds flitting past the window, still adrift on a sea of shared memories.

"You're my moonlight." I caress her head and bring my forehead close to hers. Her cool, smooth skin sends more tantalizing shivers down my spine.

"And you are mine." She replies, gentle at first, but suddenly fierce. "I cannot live without you, my love… So make sure you make it back all in one piece today, okay?" She looks like a stern teacher chiding a mischievous student.

I nod meekly. If only it was up to me….

She gets up and puts some clothes on, inviting me to do the same.

"Let's get you some food, Brandon. I let you sleep in but we must get ready now. We must leave in a couple of hours…." She bites her lips, hesitating.

"You can still change your mind, you know?" She finally asks. I knew it was coming.

"We've gone over this, Lynn. We have to do it." If only I could give her a different answer….

"You are a stubborn one indeed." Her glare is truly impressive, a masterpiece; maybe she could be an actress.

"I told you a long time ago. You were warned." I grin. She shakes her head and then laughs.

"And you're truly impossible, as ever." She says, but her smile still mesmerizes me.

"I bet I could change your mind," she kisses my neck, underneath my jaw, moves on to nibble on my ear. One of her hands is caressing my back. A couple of spots are a little sore, but she's sending chills up and down my nervous system. It's far from unpleasant. "If I try really hard..." Her tongue tickles my ear. I hug her fiercely, her breasts pressing against my chest.

"You wouldn't…." I mumble. My forehead finds hers and I close my eyes.

"I really wish I could consent to your request, Lynn." I whisper, my hands running through her hair. "But I don't need to be Alice to see our future. Once people in town start dying, including helpless children, how do you think we'll feel? We'll be safe from Victoria, maybe, but our guilt and remorse will stay with us forever…. You'll hate it just as much as I will, maybe more. I know you."

"I still think I should force you to reconsider…. Except, I know you're right. It's so frustrating. Why do you have to be so infuriatingly logical? It's not fair." She moves away from me with a long, exasperated sigh.

"I'll do everything I can to protect you, Brandon." She adds, frowning and biting her lip.

"I know, Lynn. But don't do anything stupid. I couldn't live without you either. Don't forget that."

She chuckles a little.

"You are worried about me?" Her eyes become tender. "It's so sweet, Brandon. You have given me so much, and risked everything to do so… I will never be able to thank you enough…"

"You already have, Lynn." I wink and elicit a tiny laugh in response.

"But I wasn't joking." She continues, her calm determination as cold as tempered steel. "A world without you has nothing in it for me. If anything happens to you today, I will follow you as soon as possible."

"Don't. Think of your family. They love you. They need you."

She doesn't reply. She looks pained. I could make her promise me she won't go through with it, but I won't bother. I know it's a promise she would break. I can't really blame her.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe it's the way it should be. We will be together, then, one way or another, in life or in death." If something happens to her but I survive I will follow her as well. She knows. I don't need to say it.

"Brandon…. Your father would suffer immensely if anything were to happen to you…."

"So would your family."

"But they have their partners, their love… Your father is alone."

None of this matters. If she dies I'll probably die too. She's my guardian vampire after all. I decide to change the subject; this is too morbid.

"Let's go get ready. Besides, I'm hungry." My stomach, right on cue, grumbles its assent. Her silver rill laugh tickles my ears.

"You never lose your appetite, do you?" She adds, clearly amused.

"Nope. I'm a growing boy. Besides, you tired me out last night, not that I'm complaining." We both grin and erupt into fits of laughter. We kiss tenderly and then more deeply. One last bonfire spreads from our hearts to the rest of our bodies and the rest of the morning sizzles and flares away in heavenly fashion.

A while later, we reluctantly stomp out the last remaining flames, get up, get dressed again and head downstairs. Esme is in the kitchen, making me breakfast. She insisted on learning to cook for me, intent on spoiling me like my real mom never did. When I walk through the living room I see Emmet and Rosalie there, watching television.

"Hey Brandon," He shouts with a cheeky grin, "I believe somebody scored what in soccer you call a hat trick in the last few hours…. About time, man!"

My cheeks instantly go nuclear and he guffaws thunderously before giving me a high five followed, for good measure, by a knuckle bump. I'd forgotten that in a house full of vampires with supernatural hearing there is really no privacy. Lynn tries to look daggers at him but ends up smiling and laughing instead. I join them. Alice and Jasper also congratulate us and I wonder whether some of them will put an ad in the paper to celebrate the occasion and let everybody know we finally did it… I certainly wouldn't put it past Emmet.

When the commotion dies down we find a seat in the dining room and I dig into a stack of Esme's delicious pancakes while the rest of the family wanders in and out, wishing us luck. Alice and Valerian hang out with us, but they still can't see past Victoria entering the reservation. Lynn sits close to me, one of her arms wrapped protectively around my shoulders.

All too soon it's time to go. Esme gives me a long hug. When she releases me, unable to hide her weary sadness, I manage to hold back my tears and smile bravely as I leave with Lynn. I'm pretty sure my pretend-courage doesn't fool anyone, but at least they know I won't let my fears rule me.