*jumps out of her trash can in a santa hat * Hi! Here's a Christmas (miracle) upload for you guys! Happy Holidays!

Being the Ambassador of monsterkind often came with difficult decisions. Frisk had lost count of the sheer number of times they'd been forced to decide between a rock and a hard place since the monsters had surfaced. But if they had to name any of those as the toughest, then the offer that Artemis Fowl had made was at the top of their list.

They weren't sure where to even start with this one. On the one hand… they desperately needed information on the fairies, more than what they had right now. Their mind-wipe and their subsequent "rescue" by the fairies had shown them that they just couldn't assume things about the other magical race, not if they didn't want their assumptions to come back and bite them in the rear. Being given information about everything the fairies could do, both with their magic and their technology (and Frisk made a mental note that if they and the monsters agreed to Artemis's terms, they should ask for info concerning different fairy races as well, considering the "dwarf" that had been a part of their rescue) would be a real boon for them. It would let them finally be able to plan for the event of possible attacks, and help the monsters properly defend themselves - and, in the long term, if the fairies turned out more trustworthy than they seemed, it would also let them keep an eye out for potential threats against them.

But on the other hand…

They want information on souls. And even if we're careful with how we say things, even if we never say exactly that the knowledge can be used to hurt the monsters… they'll probably figure it out.

*Fuck, I hate this. We need that info, but…

The same deal we're making might tell the fairies exactly where to hit to make it hurt, Frisk finished for Chara silently. Yeah. Unless we're lucky and the fairies are more trustworthy than they seem…

But that wasn't likely. Look at how the fairies had treated Artemis in the early days of their alliance. For all Frisk knew he might have deserved it, but… they'd mind-wiped him. He'd implied that they'd tried to bomb him, possibly more than once. And while Artemis himself seemed to think little of it, Frisk could NOT risk the monsters being treated the same way.

But… at the same time… could they really afford to alienate the fairies, like their first knee-jerk reaction had them thinking they should do? Would that be worse than the possible consequences of allying with them?

Ultimately, though, Frisk felt it was best that their friends have some input in this as well. And in the end… to their shock, they'd all actually agreed to go along with the offer.

"I-it'd be risky," Alphys had said, once Toriel had informed them of some of the possible risks (only some, she didn't know everything, she didn't know how badly everything could go wrong like they did). "If a thought I had earlier is r-right… t-then the fairies might n-not really s-see humans as people. At l-least, not people w-worth dealing with. A-and they m-might think the same of m-monsters. But i-if we can make it work…" A wary gleam entered the scientist's eyes. "Th-their technology may be h-horrible s-sometimes, but it's s-so different from ours. I-Imagine what we could l-learn from them!"

"Would it be worth the risk of them knowin' how to kill us, though?" Surprisingly, that had been Sans, his eye-sockets furrowed into a frown and eyelights dimmer than usual. "Even if we try to dodge around the topic of monster souls, one of them's bound to figure us out."

"Yeah, I dunno about this," Undyne, less surprisingly, agreed. "They apparently mind-wiped Fowl at some point when they started working together - I don't care that he agreed to it to get the help, if those punks did it to him, then they might try to do it to us!"

"BUT WON'T THEIR FEELINGS BE HURT IF WE DECIDE TO REFUSE?" Papyrus mused. "AND WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GET THEM TO STOP DOING A VIOLENCE EVERY TIME SOMETHING GOES WRONG IF WE WEREN'T CONSIDERED THEIR FRIENDS."

That, in the end, had given everyone pause, and several confused looks had been sent in the tall skeleton's direction.

"Huh?" Undyne said. "Make 'em stop? Pap, these people aren't reasonable - they're more likely to stab us in the back than actually work with us!"

"And if they're anything like a lot of humans we've met," Sans said, giving his brother a mildly concerned look, "then they won't want to change their ways, bro."

"BUT HOW WILL WE KNOW IF THAT'S THE CASE, IF WE DO NOT GIVE THEM THE CHANCE?" Papyrus pointed out. "WE GAVE HUMANS THE CHANCE TO PROVE THEY'D CHANGED WHEN FRISK CAME THROUGH THE UNDERGROUND. IT'S NOT FAIR TO THE FAIRIES TO NOT GIVE THEM THE SAME CHANCE!"

The taller skeleton brother's words had been what tipped the scale in the end, and they'd all ended up agreeing to take the risk.

And now, a couple of days later, after hours of going over and re-hashing the terms of the official alliance they would be offering… Frisk was standing in Artemis's office with Toriel once more, waiting anxiously for the Irishman and the centaur Foaly to finish getting things set up for the message to the Council, and going over everything for the billionth time to make sure they hadn't missed something crucial.

"Technology, magic, physical abilities the different races have," Frisk muttered anxiously, counting each thing off on their fingers as they spoke. "Anything cultural we'll need to know so that we don't accidentally step on people's toes…"

"We will need to state exactly what we are going to tell them in exchange as well," Toriel murmured back. "My advice is that we will inform them the specifics of how magic interacts with the soul, using colored magic and records of the seven human Shamans from the war…"

"Might not be a bad idea to throw in a few more incentives, too." The ambassador grimaced. "Maybe… an agreement that if the alliance holds and they don't go back on their word after a few months, monsters will start helping the fairies develop magitek similar to theirs?"

"A good offer, but I would recommend holding off on that one until several months after O'Reilly has been dealt with," Artemis interjected calmly. "The Council will need time to calm themselves after the latest near-disaster, otherwise they may attempt to force the information out of you out of paranoia."

Toriel gave the Irishman a sharp look. "How likely is such an attempt?"

He shrugged, almost casually if it weren't for the equally sharp look on his face, and the answer came from the screen on his desk, from Foaly.

"Considering at least half of the Council is made up of idiots," the centaur snorted, "more likely than we'd like. I'd follow the Mud Boy's lead here, kid."

*Well, that's comforting.

Chara's sarcasm was strangely grounding, all things considered. Frisk breathed in and out slowly for several moments, forcing down the last of their visible anxiety. If this was going to work, then they needed to look as if they knew what they were doing.

"So, how will we be doing this?" Toriel asked briskly. "It will be a live broadcast, I am assuming, but will we be talking with them or simply leaving a message?"

There was a knock at the window, and Butler, who until now had been a silent, looming shape in the corner, shifted, then left his post to open it. A small figure shimmered into existence as he did, a black helmet being removed to show Captain Short's face underneath.

"Are you kidding?" Foaly snorted. "Let them talk, and have to be there and listen to them whining? No thank you."

"I suppose whether or not you wish to speak to them now will depend on the impression you wish to make with them," Artemis mused. "If you wish to show yourself as cooperative and willing to renegotiate the terms of the deal if needed, then a broadcast allowing them to answer back to you would be the best choice. However, it also means we may waste valuable time if the Council decides to argue with your terms."

"And a one-way broadcast would do the opposite," Frisk said slowly. "As in, it would make us seem like we're keeping our stance on negotiations no matter what, and put pressure on them to agree."

"I think I like that option, personally," Short said dryly, setting her helmet down on the desk. "It's about time someone told them where to stick it."

Toriel gave the fairy a flat look. Unlike Undyne, though, who would look cowed if she was caught even implicating a swear while the Queen was using her motherly disappointment expression, Captain Short just rolled her eyes a little, and made a vague gesture that could only really be interpreted as relax, lady, did I actually say anything bad out loud? There was also a look of sort of melancholy nostalgia on the elf's face that Frisk decided now was not the time to decipher. *

*I like the "let's stick it to 'em" option.

Of course you do.

*Hey, I'm not seeing you disagreeing with me, partner.

Frisk shook their head slightly, then looked back up at the other people in the room.

"I think," they said, very carefully, "we shouldn't give them an inch now. They haven't earned it yet."

There was a snort from the computer, and what was definitely an approving grin from Captain Short - and hints of two more on Artemis and Butler's faces.

"Well then," Artemis said. "Shall we get started?"

When he was still in the Academy, Trouble Kelp had, like many elves, had dreams of rising through the LEP's ranks and eventually being promoted to the position of Commander. Back then, it had been a matter of prestige, and doing his damndest to protect the People - he'd never given much thought to the stress of the position.

Well, not until the Fowl Manor siege. And then after the Arctic incident, the Spiro incident, Commander Root's death**, Hybras, Turnball Root escaping from Atlantis's prison, the damn Techno Crash, all the Fowl-level disasters that followed once the world had settled down, and that was without having to manage the likes of fussbuckets like Foaly and the damn Council every day -

Trouble had never thought he'd sympathize with Julius's infamous blood pressure, or his habit of smoking nasty fungus cigars to de-stress, but he understood it far too well now, and was fighting the urge to go and find one of those cigars just to see if it would actually do him some good when Foaly called him and the Council and told them there was something they had to see.

"What in Frond's name is the matter now, centaur?" He demanded, when everyone had been gathered in a conference room. "D'Arvit, if Fowl stumbled across another smuggling ring somewhere - "

"Nah, nothing like that Commander," Foaly drawled, and… was the centaur grinning? Trouble squinted at him suspiciously, and yes, that was a right old nasty grin on the genius's face, the same grin that he'd bet had been on his face after telling the Council that the monster Ambassador had undone their damn mind-wipe overnight. "Do you think I'd really call the whole damn Council if it was about another smuggling ring?"

One of the newer council members, Councilwoman Gladiolus (the first pixie to be elected since Koboi had publicly gone off the rails), frowned and crossed her arms. "But this has something to do with Fowl, doesn't it? What does that human want with us now? We've got more than enough on our plates as it is."

"And you're about to get a lot more dumped on those plates now," Foaly said and D'Arvit, he sounded downright gleeful, Trouble was going to slash his budget again in revenge for whatever the centaur was about to inflict on them. And then spend several weeks struggling to come up with an idea for petty revenge against Fowl, again, because the human was definitely involved in this somehow, he always was -

Then the room's holo-screen hummed to life, and Foaly trotted to one side, that damnable grin still there. "Hope you've all got a good spot, 'cause you're not going to want to miss anything here, I can guarantee it."

"Honestly," Councilman Ibis snapped, with a deep scowl, "we don't have time for whatever you and Fowl have cooked up this time - !"

Foaly waved a finger at the crotchety old elf. "Ah-ah! I had NOTHING to do with his latest scheme." The grin grew wider. "Nah, this one's all on him, Captain Short… and the Queen and Ambassador of the monsters."

And, because of course the centaur would somehow rig the screen to finish booting up right as he delivered a dramatic two-liner, that was when the image on the screen cleared, showing what Trouble vaguely recognized as the inside of Fowl's office at Fowl Manor, and three figures seated in front of the camera, with a fourth and very familiar mountain looming behind them.

The elf didn't usually cuss when people outside the LEP were there to hear it, but considering how the Council exploded with noise upon seeing Queen Toriel and Frisk Dreemurr sitting next to the more familiar form of Artemis Fowl, it wasn't as if any of them were going to hear a small d'Arvit.

"Greetings, Councilmembers," Fowl said calmly, not an ounce of faux-politeness in his tone - and that sent chills up and down Trouble's spine because when Fowl abandoned his manners that meant he was all about business.

"Explain yourself, human!" Ibis shrieked, sounding very tea-kettle-eque. "I demand -"

"No doubt at least one of you is, very predictably, demanding an explanation as to why these two are here," Fowl said, blithely, tilting his head towards the monster queen and her kid. "Unfortunately for you, this broadcast is one-way - none of us here wish to listen to your foolish blathering."

Ibis spluttered in deep offense, and if it weren't for the circumstances, Trouble might have been envious at Fowl's ability to dismiss the Council from miles away and bulldoze right over them. Right now, though, he was busy staring at the monster and second human on screen, both in the same purple regalia he recalled from some pictures from official press conferences.

They're here for business too, Trouble realized. What the hell has Fowl gotten up to this time?

"And Foaly will not be switching the broadcast to a two-way communication, no matter what you may demand of him," Fowl continued, almost lightly. "Not only do we have no wish to listen to your demands, but as of now we do not have time for them." Sharp blue eyes narrowed at them through the screen. "Instead, you will listen to theirs."

Toriel Dreemurr folded her hands in her lap, and the Council all but froze in their boots around him.

"Thank you, Fowl," the Queen of Monsters said with deceptive calmness, those fiery eyes improbably cold as they focused entirely on them. "Greetings, Council members. I would apologize for the inconvenience that this call is no doubt causing you, but frankly, after how you've treated my child and the rest of humanity, I am in no mood to be polite."

D'Arvit, Trouble thought. By the looks in faces around the room, he wasn't the only one thinking it - the entire Council collectively looked as if they'd just walked into a troll's den right as it was coming out for dinner.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," the Queen continued sharply, and besides her, her kid crossed their arms and frowned at them, face far less cold but far from friendly. "While I can understand some of your history that has been already shared with us following us taking shelter at Fowl Manor," d'Arvit, they weren't just visiting the place, they were living there now? "It is no excuse for your attempt to wipe my child's memories."

And, in a moment that was more terrifying than it had any right to be, Toriel bared her teeth at them in something that could be considered a smile, but might actually be closer to a snarl. Not ONCE had Trouble ever seen footage of the Queen losing her cool, but it looked damn like she was about to now, and it only made the troll metaphor from earlier that much more accurate.

"You are very lucky that we monsters are not a warlike people. What you did to Frisk, altering their very sense of self, was abominable, and from what I've heard from young Master Fowl, it would seem that you consider such a transgression against one's soul as an acceptable loss. Even during the Human-Monster war, nobody stooped so low as you have."

She paused, letting the room fall into tense silence. Purposely letting them sweat, if Trouble had to guess, and despite the monster being miles upon miles away from them, he had to fight the urge to go for the blaster at his hip.

"You are also very lucky," Toriel continued after letting them stew in their own anxiety for several moments, her voice a bit softer than before, "that my child believes most strongly in second chances, because otherwise we may not be speaking now."

And, as if by some unspoken cue, that was when the Ambassador stood up, arms still crossed and face still frowning.

"And you're equally lucky," they said, almost sternly, "that Artemis and Captain Short dealt with damage control fast enough that they convinced us to make a deal."

"What?!" Someone hissed. "A deal? Presumptuous Mud Man -"

"A deal that we've already taken," Frisk continued flatly, and all conversation came to a screeching halt. "An alliance between the monsters and the fairies patrolling the Fowl estate, including Captain Short and her Section Eight Squad, and the Recon officers acting as their eyes and ears."

"The fairies here have already aided us in dealing with threats to our people here in Dublin," Toriel informed them calmly. "Were it not for them, Frisk and I might not be alive right now to speak to you. In exchange for their aid, we have agreed to keep the existence of your people a secret. However, our alliance is not an official one."

"Not yet," Frisk agreed flatly, and at that, Trouble swore he'd be able to hear a pin drop in the room. It was like the Council had just flat-out stopped breathing. "And that's what we're here to tell you - that if you play your cards right, we might be willing to change that."

Murmurs. Whispering, as the fairies around him started talking amongst themselves - the Council was no longer panicking, thank Frond, but they didn't seem particularly happy with those words either.

"Why would we even want an alliance with beings willing to align themselves with humans?" Ibis muttered venomously. "Damn Fowl and his schemes."

"Of course," Frisk said, almost calmly, "I'm not about to think you'd be willing to do that for free. Which is why we have an offer for you on behalf of the whole of monsterkind."

"Magical, spiritual and technological knowledge," Toriel continued, just as coldly calm. "Something which we have not given even humanity in full, as I'm sure you well know."

The whispers around him were turning excited now, but Trouble was too well-versed with Artemis Fowl and all his many-layered schemes to get excited yet. And, sure enough -

"But we're not doing this for free either, not after everything you've done." Frisk said flatly. "We can't trust you not to mess us up with what we give you. So if you want that information, you need to give us what your people know in return. Magic, technology, biology, everything."

"If you agree to those terms, I will personally make sure that they get that information." Fowl stated. "And make no mistake, I will go through all of it myself to make sure nothing is left out."

"Or, in other words," the Ambassador's eyes turned sharp, and their expression took on a familiar determined slant that sent chills down his spine, "if you ever try anything like what you did to me again on the monsters? We'll be prepared. This is a pact of mutual destruction."

Quiet. Nobody dared speak, after that kind of ultimatum, after that expression that they'd all only witnessed on a certain Irishman's face before. Everyone had been making comparisons between Frisk and Artemis Fowl for ages, but nobody had quite meant it seriously. Frisk Dreemurr was too kind, too selfless, too willing to jump between bullets and the monsters at the drop of a hat where Fowl would be more likely to manipulate the enemy to put themselves between their target and the bullet.

Now, though, Trouble thought he could finally see the similarities between them. Not once in his life had he ever seen another human whose stubbornness and determination all but dared the world to move against them - and whose determination might just allow them to win.

"Consider this an ultimatum, Council," Toriel said, almost lightly. "We will not be budging from our terms. If you wish for our alliance to be official, and to gain knowledge which may help your reverse-spellcasters below ground learn more about how our magic and souls function, then you'd best be willing to bend some of your ironclad clauses. And with O'Reilly and his terrorists at large, we both have a common enemy that will not wait for us to make our decisions."

"So what will it be?" Frisk's eyes flashed red in the light, their mouth twisting into something that could only be a sneer. "Will you take the offer, or are you stupid enough to go to war against us? Your choice."

And with that last terrifyingly aggressive line (and a raised brow from Fowl off to the side, which was in its own way more terrifying than the one-liner - because that meant that Frisk had caught their fellow human off-guard, something that so few had ever managed in their lives), the broadcast ended.

The Council took a long, pregnant moment to process this. They stared at the screen as Foaly trotted back into view to shut it down, smirking at their stunned faces, and Trouble himself almost sympathized with them, just for a moment, feeling just as gobsmacked.

Then chaos descended, every fairy trying to speak over each other in panic, and that sympathy was shoved aside for practicality - and one bitter thought.

And here was me thinking Fowl wasn't the one we wanted to cross… well played, Ambassador. Well-played.

Holy shit guys, I actually managed to get something new out before the end of the year - at this rate I might be able to get back to a regular upload schedule! (That will be the TRUE christmas miracle.)

I've never written a Trouble Kelp POV before, so hopefully I didn't get something crucially, agonizingly wrong with his characterization. Since in the series he was described as slowly becoming more and more like Commander Root the longer he was Commander, I wanted to go for something somewhere in between his original personality from what we see in the series and Root's permanent high blood pressure.

The entire second part of this chapter is one of my favorite moments in the fic so far i think - and it's no surprise, really, because panicking fairies are always going to be my favorite thing to write, and while the Council is being quieter about it they're definitely panicking! (Not that they don't deserve it, ha!)

I almost had Holly getting involved in the actual broadcast, but then Daniel pointed out that she'd most likely lose her badge for the trouble - the Council's only going to tolerate her skirting or outright breaking rules to an extent. Artemis, on the other hand, can get away with it, thus him being there to make sure that the Council Takes this Shit Seriously.

*Holly's "melancholy nostalgia" at Toriel's Mom Look: Holly's mother died when Holly herself was still young (by fairy standards, haha), and though I can't remember EXACTLY how she died (it's been a while since the books - either she died in some sort of shuttle accident or to Spelltrophy) it only makes sense to me that someone as badass as Holly would have an equally badass mom, and Toriel herself is ALSO a badass mom - so, I decided that if anyone was going to remind Holly of her own dead mother, it would be Goat Mom.

**Commander Root's Death: Commander Julius Root (aka "Beetroot" because his permanent high blood pressure gave him a complexion like a beet) was killed by Opal Koboi during the events of the 4th book in the series - Opal used a goblin formerly under their control, a Bwa'Kell general, I believe, to lure Root and Holly into a mostly abandoned shuttle port, where she trapped them, cut off the audio (but not the video) to the port, and then used a shielded remote-control device containing a high-powered explosive to blow Root up into smithereens - and in the process, frame Holly for killing him. (Which, in retrospect, makes a little detail from the books about there being a betting pool about how long it would take for Root's heart to explode a LOT less humorous. Whoever won THAT bet probably wished they hadn't.)