17122020
So I'm jumping on the Christmas oneshot bandwagon and am gifting you with this silly little piece of crack that came to me after one too many gins!
*Amyverse* (pre-Derek)
I only own Amy and any mistakes in this story. Sadly Sam and Dean belong to Kripke and the CW.
FROSTY The FREAKIN' SNOWMAN
"The hat Sammy! Aim for the hat!" Dean yelled as he ran across the snow covered ground.
"What?" Sam asked firing wildly at the advancing snowmen.
"Shoot the fucking hat!" Dean screamed as he dove behind some bushes for safety, taking Amy down with him. "How the hell do you keep getting us messed up in this shit?" He asked her as he flopped back into the snow.
~two days earlier~
Neither Winchester would admit it, but they were both secretly excited to be celebrating a proper Christmas in a proper home, (not some grimy, cheap motel), with proper food, (not a greasy bag of questionable 'maybe' food). And as an added bonus they were spending it with their new favourite person, Amy.
The brothers pulled up in the driveway of her modest little one story home. It's gutters and veranda were festooned with brightly twinkling lights, despite the fact it was 3pm and still daylight. They retrieved their duffles from the back seat and headed to the front door where they were greeted by the woman herself, who pulled the door open before they could even knock.
"Merry Christmas!" She squealed as she launched herself at the brothers almost knocking them off their feet with her enthusiasm.
"Hi Amy." Sam laughed as he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her from her feet.
"Hi Ames." Dean greeted her with a chuckle.
Amy hummed happily as she wrapped her arms around the older Winchester and squished her face into his chest.
"I'm so glad you made it!" She said as she stepped back and finally allowed them entrance to her home.
"We wouldn't have missed it for anything." Sam replied.
Dean whistled as he looked around the room.
"Was there an explosion at the North Pole that we didn't hear about?" He asked.
"Yeah, I may have gone a little overboard but I was so happy when you said you were coming for Christmas, and I just wanted to make it special." She answered sheepishly.
"Well, it's certainly festive!" Sam said with a chuckle, taking in the sight of garlands of greenery and lights strung all around the room, a large tree shimmering in the corner and ornaments and figurines on every flat surface.
"Okay, well you guys know the drill." Amy said waving her hands around in front of them. "You know where your rooms are. Go dump your crap, put your washing in the laundry and meet me in the kitchen. Hot chocolate and gingerbread in twenty. Break!" She finished with a clap of her hands then pushed the boys in the direction of their rooms.
…
The next morning the brothers were lounging around in the living room when Amy burst through the front door. She held a small parcel in her hands and a smile on her face.
"Oh gosh, it's cold out there!" She said. "But totally worth the trip to the mailbox. I've been waiting for these."
After a flurry of cellophane and tissue paper, Amy proudly held up the contents of her parcel.
"Tah-dah!"
"Are those Christmas stockings?" Sam asked.
"Yep! And, see, I had our names embroidered on them." Amy replied handing the brothers their stockings for inspection.
"Oh wow, these are great!"
"Yeah." Dean said as he ran a finger over the satin stitching. "Way better than one of dads old socks."
"I thought we could hang them here on the mantel and maybe, if you're good boys, Santa might even fill them with special treats for you."
She hung three brass hooks at one end of the mantle and all three of them hung their stockings over the fireplace. The brothers stepped back and looked at the display with small smiles on their faces. It was true they had never had anything close to something like this before. The stockings were actually quite large. The material itself was in shades of red, green and white and pictures of reindeer, snowflakes and Christmas trees had been woven into the material. White collars were folded down at the top with their names on them. Sams was in green, Deans was in red and Amy's was in Grey. All in all it made a very festive picture.
…
"Come on Dean! It's, like, 47 degrees out there, you'll be fine." Amy said as she pushed a resisting Dean out the back door while Sam looked on amused.
"I don't understand the point of this whole exercise." He mumbled.
"It'll help you get into the Christmas spirit." Amy replied after successfully getting the hunter out onto her deck.
"I was planning on getting into the Christmas spirits." Dean remarked pitifully, glancing through the window at the bottle of whiskey on the counter.
"Come on Dean. This'll be fun. Besides, Amy said making snowmen at Christmas was a tradition for her and you don't want to disappoint Amy do you?" Sam asked with a teasing smile.
"Shut up bitch." Dean grumbled as he tromped past Sam and down the steps, pulling on his gloves.
Sam chuckled at his brother and slung his arm around Amy's shoulders as they walked down to join Dean.
…
Dean wasn't going to admit it out loud but making the snowmen wasn't horrible. Sure he was cold and his nose tingled but Amy's laughter and the smile on Sams face was worth it. Two hours later they stood back and surveyed their work. They had completed four snowmen with varying success. Each had coal for eyes and mouths and the obligatory carrot for its nose ('the carrot doesn't go there Dean.' 'But they're snowmen Sam!'). Sticks had been added for arms and Dean had even managed to find some foliage from an evergreen pine and stuck it in the back of the head of the tallest one.
"Look Sammy! It's you!" He said with a happy grin.
"So does that make that one you?" Sam asked pointing to one that had a slightly wonky bottom ball.
"Well if you had ever let me put that big carrot where I wanted too, I would have agreed."
Sam just rolled his eyes and shook his head before shoving his brother sideways.
"Well I think they look good." Amy declared. "But they need something." Amy thought for a moment. "Oh, I know!"
The brothers watched as she dashed off to her garage and disappeared through the back door. She returned a few minutes later carrying a large plastic storage container.
"I got these." She said opening the lid and pulling out a scarf and hat. "They were left at the library for the local theatre group. Mr Bennett's away on holidays so I brought them home until I could give them to him.
Sam, Dean and Amy dug through the tub, pulling out scarves, gloves, a few coats, some beanies and lastly an old top hat.
"There." Amy said as she dropped the top hat on the last snowman. "Now they look perfect."
They stood back and looked over the snowy quartet, who were now adorned with a variety of scarves wrapped around their necks, beanies perched precariously on their heads and gloves dangling from their stick hands, and all agreed they were awesome.
"Alright, I'm freezing, let's go inside and Irish up some hot chocolates." Amy said giving Sam a shove in the direction of the door.
…
"Hey, did either of you mess with the snow family out there?" Dean asked the next morning.
"No why?" Sam asked as he joined his brother at the large glass window.
"They just look different." Dean replied.
"Maybe it's just a trick of the light?" Amy suggested.
Dean hummed for a second then turned and walked towards his room. When he returned he was pulling a thick sweater over his shirt.
"Where are you going?" Sam asked.
"To check 'em out." Dean replied, checking his pistol.
"And you're taking a gun?"
"Sammy. When, in our entire life, has anything been 'just a trick of the light?" Dean asked facing his brother and waving his pistol around until Sam gently pushed it so it was pointing towards the wall.
"Yeah, you're right." Sam agreed.
He turned and walked towards his room as Dean opened the door outside.
"It's cold out there." Amy said, putting a hand on Deans arm. "Shouldn't you put on a jacket?"
I'll be two minutes. It'll be fine." Dean replied as he stepped out.
Moments later Sam passed Amy at the door shrugging into his coat and followed his brother. Not wanting to be left out, Amy grabbed her coat from the back of a chair and followed the brothers out, closing the door behind her.
…
"You are fugly." Dean muttered as he inspected the snowman.
They definitely seemed different from the day before. Their faces seemed longer. Less round and more angular.
"Come on Dean. They're cute!" Amy said as she adjusted the scarf on one of them. "Oh, shoot!"
"What's wrong?" Sam asked.
"I seem to have gotten my coat caught up. Could you help me?"
"Sure." Sam replied.
Dean watched his brother work to free Amy's coat from the snowman's 'grasp' then turned back to face the snow creation he was inspecting earlier.
"So Frosty, what schemes are you cooking up?" If he didn't know better, and he did, he could have sworn the frozen figure was regarding him back. All of a sudden the piece of coal they had placed for its right eye, disappeared and then reappeared. "Woah!"
Dean stepped back and pulled his gun, pointing it the snowman.
"What?" Sam asked, abandoning Amy, leaving her tangled.
"That! That thing just winked at me." Dean said, cocking his gun.
"Dean, don't be stupid. It's just an inanimate pile of snow. It can't wink." Sam reasoned with his brother.
"Yeah well, this one did!" Dean retorted.
"Um guys?"
The brothers turned to Amy, who was watching the snowman she was tangled with with a wary eye. They stepped towards her but before they could get near her the one on Deans left slid into their path, it's face morphing into a fearsome snarl and it reached for them with its glove covered stick hands.
"Fuck!" The brothers exclaimed in unison, stepping back.
Dean swung his gun up and and pulled the trigger. The snowman hissed and moved back just as the wind picked up, swirling thick flurries of white snow around them. They heard Amy scream and looked back in her direction to see the snowman dragging her towards the woods at the back of her yard.
"Amy!" Dean yelled.
"Dean! Help me!" She screamed back.
Dean lifted his gun again and aiming through the swirling snow, he shot the would be snowy kidnapper right through the stick arm. It released Amy and she stumbled forward. Dean rushed to catch her before she face planted in the snow. He could hear Sam firing behind him as two more snowmen advanced on them. Dean fired rapidly, driving the frozen sons of bitches back as he tried to circle around to meet back up with Sam. He pulled the trigger but was met with nothing but a hollow click.
"Shit! Freaking fucking Frosties!" He muttered as they slid closer to him and Amy, then something clicked in his brain. "Wait...Frosty!"
Suddenly he was hit, painfully, in the head by a chunk of frozen coal. Turning left he saw one of the snowman rear back then spit another piece of coal at him. He grabbed Amy's arm and began moving them towards what he hoped would be relative safety.
"Sam!" He yelled over the gale force wind.
"What?" Dean heard faintly back
"The hat Sammy! Aim for the hat!" Dean yelled as he ran across the snow covered ground, dodging a barrage of frozen ice balls.
"What?" Sam asked firing wildly at the advancing snowmen.
"Shoot the fucking hat!" Dean screamed as he dove behind some bushes for safety, taking Amy down with him. "How the hell do you keep getting us messed up in this shit?" He asked her as he flopped back into the snow.
Amy just shrugged and grimaced slightly. Dean sat up and looked at his friend.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, I think so."
Dean nodded and reached out and touched her face with his frozen fingers, gently taking her chin and turning her head side to side, checking for injuries. They both flinched then Dean grabbed Amy and shoved her to the ground, covering her with his body, when two sharpened sticks penetrated through their snowy shield.
"Oh, they're throwing their own arms now?" Dean asked.
Under him Amy's eyes widened and she had just enough time to scream out a warning as one of the snowman seemed to bend over and reach for Dean. Before Dean could react, Amy reached up and grabbed one of the snowman's eyes and ripped it from its head. The snowman screeched and covered the gaping hole with its hands as it backed away.
"Ewww!" Amy grimaced as cold slush dripped down her arm. The coal felt squishy in her hand so she quickly threw it away.
Dean jumped to his feet and grabbed both ends of the yowling snowman's scarf pulled wrapped it around until he was standing at its back. He pulled tightly, bracing his foot against the things back for leverage until he finally felt the frozen snow give way and its head fell to the ground. With a few quick kicks, he stomped the head into slush and looked up just in time to see the body melt and disintegrate to the ground. He reached down and helped Amy up.
"Why are they doing this Dean? What's happening?" She asked.
Dean looked down and picked up the beanie from the puddle of slush and looked at it carefully.
"I'm thinking cursed object." He replied as he shoved the hat in his back pocket. He pulled the spears through the bush and wiggled them free then handed one to Amy. "We need salt."
"I have some in the garage." She suggested as she accepted the makeshift weapon.
Dean took a moment to survey the scene. He saw Sam struggling in hand to hand combat with the other two beanie wearing snowmen. Luck was on their side when he saw that the house was behind Sam and the path was clear.
"Sam! We need the salt guns!" He yelled.
"Little busy right now!" Sam yelled back.
Dean adjusted his stance and carefully aimed the spear in his hand before launching it toward his brother. With the wind at his back the spear sailed across the yard and lodged its self deep in the side of Frostys head distracting it from the fight.
"Go, go now Sam. Use those moose legs and run!" Dean yelled as the snowman tried to dislodge the stick.
Dean watched as Sam wasted no time and ran across the yard and up leapt up the steps, three at a time, disappearing inside. The snowman had, by now, removed the weapon from the side of its head and turned back to Dean. It's face was a hateful scowl as it advanced on the pair, the other snowman by its side. Dean pushed Amy behind him and tried to circle around. Amy tapped him with her spear and he gratefully took it and held it out in front of him.
"'Let's make snowmen' they said, 'c'mon Dean, it'll be fun' they said." Dean muttered to himself as he prepared for the attack.
Sam raced into Deans room and pulled the weapons duffle from up under his bed. He unzipped it and upended the contents onto the bed. He grabbed a box of salt shells and ripped it open then shoved a handful into his pocket. He picked up the sawn off shotgun only to find the strap had tangled around a machete or two.
"Son of a bitch! Come on!" He cursed as he shook it loose.
Finally freed he he raced back down the short hallway, loading the gun as he went. He burst back though the door and out onto the deck. He leapt down the stairs and took a second to check out the scene before him.
Dean was fighting with one of the snowmen, stabbing at it with a stick, while Amy seemed to be struggling in the embrace of the other one. Sam ran a few steps forward before he lifted his shotgun and fired, praying that he missed both his brother and their friend. The snowman hissed and turned towards Sam, who had been moving forward. He fired again, obliterating the snowman's face. One more shell to the head and the whole thing just turned to water then collapsed to the ground.
The snowman holding Amy gave up trying to drag her away and turned on the brothers. Dean immediately took a protective stance in front of Sam, holding his spear out in front of him, while Sam reloaded. Dean reached out and grabbed Amy's arm, pulling her to him then stepped in front of her as well.
"Come on you frozen, blue-balled bastard!" He taunted it. "Come at me bitch."
The snowman hissed and raced towards Dean just in time for Sam to step out and shoot it in the head. The beanie flew from its head and the snowman returned to its inanimate state.
"Oh, I'm not falling for that one!" Dean remarked. He took the gun from Sam and emptied it into the snowman's middle, then kicked it until it was just a pile of white.
He picked up both of the knitted hats and handed them to Sam.
"Give me the shells, then take these and get Amy inside." He instructed.
"What about you?" Amy asked.
"There's still one out here. I'm goin' wabbit' hunting." He answered in his best Elmer Fudd impression.
"It's a snowman." Sam replied as he handed Dean the shotgun cartridges.
"Shut up Sam, I'm about to kill freaking Frosty. Let me have this."
Sam huffed a laugh and shook his head.
"Alright, enough of this shit. You two get inside and lock the door. Now, go. Go!" He said as he gave his brother a shove.
Dean shouldered the gun and scanned the back yard, ensuring Sam and Amy got inside safely.
"Come out, come out wherever you are." Dean said in a sing song voice. "Frosty the snowman, is an evil son of a bitch." He sang. "With a cursed hat and because of that, I'm freezing my arse off out here."
Stepping carefully, Dean kept a trained eye on the lookout for any movement in the swirling snow. He heard a faint snap and whirled around and fired...into nothing.
"Fucking snowmen." Dean grumbled as he shook snow from his hair. He quickly wiped his eyes clear before turning back the other way.
Beginning to shiver he readjusted his grip on the gun the turned suddenly when he sensed movement behind him. There, right in front of him was Frosty the freakin' snowman. It's eyes were blazing red as it looked over the hunter. With supernatural speed it knocked the gun clear just as Dean fired. The shot sailed wide and missed its target. The snowman reached out and clamped a hand tightly around Deans throat, cutting off his oxygen. Dean gasped and used his left hand to pull at the fingers choking him. The snowman lifted Dean until his feet were dangling a few inches from the ground. It began to draw Dean towards him as a dark maw opened in its face, rows of coal black, sharp, pointed teeth appearing. Struggling to breathe, Dean used the last of his energy to lift the shotgun. Using both hands he shoved it up into the snowman's chin, then having no oxygen left in his brain to come up with a clever one liner, he pulled the trigger.
The look of surprise on the snowman's face right before it exploded would be something Dean will never forget. He dropped to the ground and took great, gasping breaths as the wind and snow settled around him. Using the shotgun to help himself to his feet, he grabbed the top hat and limped, unsteadily, inside.
"Dean!" Amy and Sam both called as he staggered inside.
"Are you okay?" Sam asked, grasping Deans arms and supporting him.
"Fire." Dean rasped out, waving a hand around. "Salt, fire."
Sam nodded to Amy who grabbed the salt shaker from the kitchen counter and followed the brothers to the living room. Sam stoked the fire while Dean shoved the beanies into the top hat and liberally doused them all in salt. When the fire was roaring, he took great pleasure in dropping them into the flames. They sighed in relief when it all went up in flames of reds and purples.
"Aw, that pretty." Amy observed.
Sam and Dean just turned in her direction and stared.
"What?" She asked.
A violent shiver wracked Deans body and Amy sprung into action. She grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around his shoulders.
"Okay, we're all soaking and cold. Hot showers and hot chocolates stat!"
With only one bathroom, it took some time for everyone to get warm and dry but an hour later they were all wrapped in warm blankets, wearing thick socks and holding mugs of hot chocolate. They had pulled the couch in front of the fireplace and were all snuggled together watching the flames.
"Well, it was no frying pan, Amy, but where does this settle on your exciting conclusion scale?" Sam asked.
"Well it's definitely better than the drop bear, but I'd say it's on par with using the microwave, even though I had nothing to do with that one." She replied smiling fondly at Dean. "But either way, this is certainly a Christmas to remember."
They cheers'ed to that, clinked their mugs together and drank in a comfortable silence. Enjoying the warmth of the fire and the fact that they had all come through their latest adventure relatively unscathed, one by one they fell asleep, huddled together and waiting for Santa (whom Dean had promised to shoot in sight, he was done!).
21122020