"Shells and barnacles, Claus, I am so sorry," Penny groaned.
Santa let out a feeble chuckle, "It isn't your fault, Penny."
"But it is! I should have been more careful. If those two would have never come here."
He placed a hand on the pirate's shoulder, "Penny." He stared deep into her frantic eyes, "It is not your fault. And it is not theirs either. They were scared and confused. Mistakes happen."
Penny wanted to complain, but her strength was sapped. She stood back for a second, allowing Santa some room to breath as an attendant checked his leg. His leg had been casted in record speeds and now rested peacefully in the air by a licorice sling. Penny hated how unsanitary their facilities were.
Just as Claus' nurse made her exit Nita and Dynamike rushed through the door. The tiny child was being flanked by the monstrous frame of Bruce. Upon seeing Saint Nick, Nita rushed to his bedside. "Santa, we're really sorry, but we didn't know where we were and the elves sprayed us with that stuff and-" Santa cut her off with a cough.
"Dear girl, I know you meant no harm, but actions have consequences. Roberta, if you would." A tall elf stalked into the room, trailed by a squadron of other elfs, all dressed in black. Penny recognized them as the Chimneysweep reserved forces.
"Take them away, boys." The group of elves grabbed Nita and Dynamike, cuffing them and beginning to haul them away. Nita struggled, going so far as to bite one of her captors, but nothing came of it. Dynamike simply hung his head, weak, hungover, and defeated. Penny watched in horror as a team of five elves threw a catch pole around Bruce's neck and secured a muzzle on his jaw before dragging him after his owner. "Have a nice night Penny, Mr. Claus," The tall elf said curtly before following her team and Penny's friends out of the room. Penny watched them go, her mind already racing with ways to break them out by the end of the night. Her train of thought was interrupted by Santa's cough. She rushed to find him a glass of water, but came back with a styrofoam cup of hot cocoa. Sometimes it scared her how sugary this place was.
"Hey, Kringle, I got you a cup 'o cocoa." Santa smiled at her weakly before taking the cup from her hands and taking a small sip. Penny plopped herself down on the chair next to Santa's bed and leaned back. "Holy hooks Claus, Who's going to deliver the presents? I told Sparkle to find the missus, but I haven't heard back from him." Santa grunted and set his cocoa down on the bedside table.
"Mrs. Claus spends Christmases with Mother Nature, in case something goes awry with the weather. She only delivers presents if we plan for me to have a vacation ahead of time." Penny nodded, placing her chin in her hands.
"So she's out. What about the Chimneysweep reserves? They go with you all the time."
"They're out too. They aren't experienced with placing gifts. No eye for the beauty of it. Besides, who would defend our stand-in Santa Claus then? We need someone well traveled-" Penny moved a hand to the map she kept in a holder on her waist, fiddling with it as she thought- "Confident-"
'I could modify the sleigh for an elf driver in just a few minutes', she thought, still trying to think of an elf who would be willing to fly it.
"And good at getting in and out without creating a fuss."
Penny nodded her head absently, "Gonna be hard to find an elf that matches that criteria." She looked up at the old man hoping that he had an idea for a possible candidate. She was surprised to see the spirit of Christmas staring a hole deep into her soul. The girl was confused until she made some connections, "Well traveled, confident, and sneaky?"Penny sprung out of her chair and backed towards the door. "Say, Claus, I gotta go. I'll let you know if I find some-" she froze as she bumped into something large and furry. She whipped around to see Bruce looming over her, now clad in a Green reindeer onesie, complete with hooves. Nita popped out from behind her bear wearing a similar outfit.
"Look Penny, me and Bruce are reindeer!" She stepped into the light, and Penny saw that Nita was wearing an outfit similar to Bruce's, with just a few differences. "You can call me Red-nosed Nita!"
"I still don't understand why we're dressed like this, but this coat sure does keep me warm!" Dynamike stepped out from behind Bruce, revealing his Santa-like get-up.
From behind him the tall elf named Roberta returned, "They are ready just as requested Mr. Claus." Penny rushed back to Santa, still mentally connecting dots.
"No. Absolutely not. Leave them out of this Claus, this is too far." Santa shook his head, then grabbed Penny's hand.
"Penny, my dear, you have to do this. And unless you want them to spend the next year in my workshop, your friends will need to help."
"Penny, what's he talking about?" Nita asked. She shook Penny's arm, but the pirate was lost in her own thoughts. Her hands were shaking, and she was staring wide-eyed at a spot on the opposite wall.
"I can't do this." She whirled around to face Santa, knocking his cocoa off the table. "Claus, I can't do this! There has to be someone better than me. Anyone."
Claus shook his head sadly. "It has to be you."
"Lily-livered, yellow-bellied, land-loving son of a cannon ball!" Penny threw herself onto a chair and buried her face in her hands, taking shuddering breaths. Whispers of "I can't do this," and multiple swear words floated around the room, accompanied by an occasional half-sob.
Penny was busily trying to talk herself out of a panic attack when she was wrapped in a bear hug. Nita had shoved her way into Penny's lap, and now had a death grip on the pirate's waist.
"Penny… what's wrong?"
She squeezed the bundle of joy, "I can't do this."
Nita wasn't sure what was wrong, but she still wanted to help. "You can do this. We can do this."
"We?"
"Yeah! Me and Mr. Mike will help, right Mr. Mike?"
Dynamike waved towards them, "Whatever we can do to fix our mess, right?"
Penny stared at them for a moment, 'If they believe in me, then…'
"Okay, yeah. Yeah, I can do this." she set Nita on the ground and stood up to stretch. She patted her cheeks, then made a realization. She snapped in Santa's direction, "On one condition." She pointed an accusatory finger at Santa's big red nose, "I want ten off Claus."
Nita and Mike looked at each other, neither understanding what that meant. Santa slowly stroked his beard, "I can give you four."
Penny returned a snarky response, "Oh wow, how about ten."
The doors suddenly flew open, another elf rushing inside. "Santa sir, we still haven't found a replacement." The tiny elf ran up to his side, "What are we gonna do?"
Santa placed a careful hand on his head, "Don't worry little one, I have it under control." He requested the elf return to helping the rest of the workers.
When the doors shut Penny turned back to Saint Nick, "So how about that ten?"
"Penny you must understand I can't alter th-"
"Yeah, yeah the rules. Whatever." She brushed her pink bangs out of her way, "Let me break this down for you. You've got the elves so riled up they haven't even put the reindeer on the sleigh. Your head elf Sparkle has lost the twinkle in his eyes. And the Chimneysweeps are currently sweeping themselves off the floors. Face it, you need me more than I need you. Now I want my ten and I want it now."
Santa silently mewed over his options. Nita slowly walked up to Penny, "Maybe we should just help him."
Penny dismissed the girl non-verbally, focusing on Santa. "Are you really gonna risk Christmas just to hold a grudge?"
Santa stared deep into her soul, "Are you?" The pirate didn't give a response, she just looked back into his soft blue eyes. Santa grumbled something then said, "Fine. You can have your ten off."
Penny returned a wild smile, "Pleasure doing business with ya." After taking a deep breath, she reached for her right earring. 'For Christmas' She pressed her thumb to where it connected with her ear then gave it a light tug. As she did, a green light poured out of the gold band and enveloped her. She could feel a thick, fuzzy fabric wrapping around her arms and legs as she floated just a few inches off the ground. She heard a small jingle just before a festive hat landed on her head. She softly floated back to the ground. She adjusted her hat and pulled her gloves up a little higher so that they fit properly. She was dressed in elven attire, complete with bell-toed shoes and red and green stockings. When she noticed Dynamike and Nita staring, she flashed them one of her signature grins.
"What are you two staring for? We gotta save Christmas!"
Queen: You guys, bad news: Sammy is still gone. So, I'm just gonna carry on without him. So, do you guys think these three-
…: *Sounds of approaching crunches*
Queen: What in the world is going on over there?
Sammy: Sup...
Queen: And where have you been?
Sammy: Grabbing snacks… What I miss?
Queen: Only the entire chapter. Nothing big. Magical girl transformations, the works.
Sammy: Oooo. I love Sailor Moon. Have they gotten to the secret about-
Queen: *clamps his mouth shut* no, they haven't, so no spoilers.
Sammy: Okay. So what's next?
Queen: Well- Wait, stop trying to get me to drop spoilers! And, to you lovely readers: thank you for reading another one of our silly scripts, please keep reading, and goodnight!
Sammy: *crunches on popcorn loudly*
Queen: Could you not? I'm trying to get the next chapter ready.
Sammy: I could… but will I? *crunches on popcorn smugly*