Author Notes
A one-shot no one asked for! I'm wrapping up "U Can't Touch This" I promise, but I couldn't resist this unnecessary fic. It's an AU of S8E13 when Damon calls Bonnie with an impatient Kai in the backseat.
Just a little holiday snack :)
sweet dreams,
disconapnoir
— - — - — - — -
"Please, Enzo…" Bonnie clutched her hands together, eyes squeezed shut in concentration. She sat crossed legged on the hardwood floor, the circle of candles in front of her the only light in the bedroom. "If you're there, just give me a sign. Please."
Her phone buzzed on the nightstand, long and persistent, for the tenth time since this morning. She didn't have to look at the caller ID to know who it was.
"What do you need?" She answered flatly.
Damon flinched at her tone. He was already off to a rough start and he hadn't even said one word yet. "I, uh… just calling to make sure you're alright."
"A blatant lie to start. Very nice, Salvatore."
Damon silently shushed Kai over his shoulder and brought the phone back to his ear.
"Starting your inevitable request with an obvious lie? Nice work, Salvatore." Bonnie shook her head.
Damon grimaced, eyes briefly flashing to the rearview mirror to make sure Kai hadn't heard her. Kai was staring intently at a ladybug that flew in through the passenger window. Damon shook his head.
"I'm just out, taking a drive, and I thought I'd check on my best and shortest friend, Bonnie Bennett." Damon couldn't help but smile at the long-suffering sigh coming through the receiver. He was on a mission, but dammit if he didn't love pushing her buttons.
"Aww, well that's just what I need." Bonnie intoned sarcastically. "A call from my best and most dishonest friend, Damon Salvatore."
Damon's smile morphed into a shit-eating grin. "I just love it when you say my name."
Kai's head whipped to the front, eyes narrowed as he glared at the back of Damon's head.
Bonnie sighed again, switching the phone to her other hand as she braced herself on the bed to rise to her feet. "I'm hanging up."
"No, Bonnie! Wait!" Damon's eyes moved around frantically, searching for something to say to keep her on the line. He hated that he couldn't just go to her that second.
"Let me say hello." Kai whispered from the back seat.
"What?" Damon mouthed over his shoulder, lifting the phone from his ear.
"Let me say hello!" Kai said more forcefully.
"No!" Damon turned back around to face the road.
"Well, tell her I said hi then!" He suggested.
"Shut up!" Damon mouthed in the rearview mirror, bringing the phone back to his ear. "Uh, I just wanted to ask…"
"Ask if she's hungry." Kai provided.
Damon glared at him through the mirror. Kai's gaze was focused on the phone.
"Ask when's the last time she's eaten!" He whispered just a little bit louder.
"…Damon?" Bonnie could've sworn she heard whispering.
"Bonnie!" He was glad she hadn't hung up yet. "Umm…when's the last time you ate?"
Bonnie pulled the phone away from her ear to read the caller ID. Yup, it was Damon. "Damon…are you in trouble?"
"Nope, no trouble. Just making sure you're taking good care of yourself, Bon. That includes making sure you've had enough to eat." Damon's eyes flickered to the mirror. Kai was holding his fingertips together, nodding silently as he stared at the ladybug still moving along the window. "I understand if you're a little self conscious about your figure, ex-cheerleader and all, but I swear to you, curves will always get you further in the long run."
"Yes." Bonnie spoke flatly.
Damon's eyebrows furrowed. "Yes, you've eaten, or yes, curves are way hotter?"
"Yes, I've eaten already!" Bonnie snapped as she made her way to the kitchen. It had been a while since she last ate.
"Good to hear, Bon Bon. Self care is important." Damon gripped the steering wheel.
"It sure is." Kai muttered to himself. The ladybug took flight out the window. He frowned.
"Well, thanks for checking on me, friend." Bonnie opened the fridge and peered inside. "Gotta go now—"
"Hold on! Geez, Bon, what kind of kind of conversation are we having?"
"The kind where you lie."
Kai snickered from the back seat. Damon looked to the mirror to find Kai leaning in close, holding his ear barely an inch from the phone. Damon elbowed him away.
"And it's a waste of my time and yours, so why don't you get on with it?" Bonnie continued as she set out different toppings for a sandwich.
"Bonnie, I…" Damon was once again at a loss for words. Kai exhaled impatiently.
"Damon?" Bonnie froze in the kitchen.
"…yeah?" Damon didn't know why he was suddenly scared.
"Who's with you right now?" She asked.
Damon couldn't stop himself from looking at the mirror again. Kai was staring back with a toothless smile, face propped up on his hands.
"Nobody. It's just me."
Bonnie rolled her eyes as she continued assembling her sandwich one-handed. "I might not be able to perform spells anymore, but I'm still psychic, you lying idiot."
"Lying idiot! Good one, Bonster!" Kai whispered enthusiastically.
Damon shot him a murderous glare. Kai held up his hands.
"Bonnie, I'm not—"
"So here's what you're not gonna do today." Bonnie's knife clattered on the countertop. "You're not about to blow up my phone, lie to me with all the finesse of an eighth grader—"
"Oh, damn!" Kai gasped into his hand. Damon's mouth hardened into a line.
"—and gaslight me when I know there's someone in the car with you." She finished.
"Listen, Bon…" Damon didn't want to lie again, but he had no idea what else he could say that wouldn't upset her further.
"The truth!" A hoarse whisper called from the backseat. Damon turned around. Kai was leaning back, whispering through his cupped hands. "Tell her the truth!"
Damon sighed heavily. "I'm not alone."
"Obviously! That's what I said!" Bonnie took an aggressive bite out of her sandwich.
"Yes, that's what you— are you eating right now?" Damon asked, confused by the sounds he was picking up.
Kai perked up in the backseat. "What is she eating?" He asked eagerly. Damon ignored him.
"Who are you with?" She asked, ignoring his question.
"That's not important right now. What's important right now is continuing our little conversation about how you're doing."
"It's a girl ain't it?" Bonnie couldn't help but smirk at the idea that Damon was using her to shake loose whatever groupie he woke up with this morning.
"Don't even worry about it—" He tried to stop the new line of questioning.
"Oh, it's a girl, huh?" She set the plate down.
"No, it's not—"
"IF YOU'RE CALLING TO ASK ABOUT THE TEST, YES IT WAS POSITIVE!" Bonnie shouted into the receiver.
Damon flinched away from the phone. "What?! What the fuck are you talking about?"
"YOU'RE GOING TO BE A FATHER, DAMON!" Bonnie yelled, hoping the poor girl with Damon would overhear and not be able to un-hear.
Kai was trying his best not to laugh too loudly. Damon rolled his eyes.
"I'm not with a girl, Bon." He sounded exasperated.
"Really?" She quieted down. "Could've sworn I felt a feminine presence there."
Damon smirked, eyes shooting daggers into the rearview mirror. "I can see why you might think that."
Kai shrugged lightly. "Supervillains are often depicted as effeminate in mainstream media."
Damon's smirk fell in utter confusion.
"Who is with you then?" Bonnie asked again.
"Just tell her I'm here." Kai leaned against the front seats.
Damon looked over his shoulder and shook his head. "I'm the one who should be asking the questions here—" Kai snatched the phone from his grasp mid-sentence. Damon's arm shot out to reclaim the phone. Kai tried to speak into the receiver, but Damon shoved his forehead back with an open palm.
"Shit! Alright!" Kai rubbed his forehead.
"Damon?" Bonnie's eye went wide. "Please, tell me you did not call me while holding somebody hostage."
"No, I'm not!" Damon yanked the steering wheel, bringing the car back to the right lane. "I promise, I'm not."
Bonnie was silent for a long moment.
"Bon? You still there?" Damon asked. Kai strained to listen.
"Goodbye, Damon."
"Alright, alright!" Damon sighed heavily, looking up to the mirror. Kai nodded encouragingly. "I'll tell you the truth."
Kai clapped Damon on the shoulder. He shrugged him off harshly.
"I'm sure you can power through it." She rolled her eyes.
"Well, I did want to know how you were doing because I was thinking about Enzo and—"
"No." Bonnie interrupted as she put the food back in the fridge.
"—and I was just wondering if you were working on a way to get him out of hell." Damon continued, undeterred. "Figured if it worked for Cade, why not Enzo? Or possibly another person who is not Enzo?"
"No." Bonnie took another bite of her sandwich.
"And I know you're quite resourceful even when the chips are down, so—"
"Damon!" Bonnie shouted into the receiver. He flinched in his seat. "I could bore you with all the obvious reasons why that wouldn't work, but I'll just remind you of the most important one— I'm not a practicing witch anymore. So you should stop wasting everyone's time and go contact one."
"Wait! Please, Bonnie, don't hang up." Damon leaned forward in his seat, knuckles flexing on the steering wheel. He knew she was right, but why should he start admitting stuff like that now?
"Apologize." Kai whispered from the backseat. Damon's eyes went to the rearview mirror. "Tell her you're sorry and why."
Damon looked back out on the road. "Listen, Bon… I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay."
Bonnie was fishing for something to drink in the fridge and paused. She checked the caller ID one more time. "Excuse me?"
"I said, I'm sorry." Damon bit out.
"For?" She popped the tab on a can of cola and threw it back.
"For…" Damon looked back at Kai who was gazing somberly at the ceiling of the car.
"1994." He muttered to himself.
"What?!" There was no way in hell Damon was saying that right now.
"What?" Bonnie was seriously confused. She quickly pinched herself to make sure this wasn't all some ridiculously detailed dream.
"No, I mean…" Damon's eyes went wild as he tried to get Kai to give him something. Anything.
"You're sorry for being a dumb ass." Kai spoke up, eyes still trained on the ceiling.
"I'm sorry for being a dumb ass?" Damon didn't mean to say it out loud but it was too late.
"Is that a question? Because the answer is yes." Bonnie wedged the phone between her ear and shoulder so she could carry her half-eaten sandwich and cola to her bed.
Kai snickered, and Damon looked up to find him hovering by the phone once again. He decided to ignore it. For now.
"Yeah, I know…" Damon pinched the bridge of his nose briefly.
"Tell her she's right." Kai whispered.
Bonnie scrunched her nose up at the sound. "Damon? You still there?"
"Yes, I am. And yes… you're right." He intoned, bitterly. "It's dumb of me to ask you for witchy favors when your mojo is kaput."
"And?" Bonnie got comfortable on the bed.
"And…" Damon gesticulated wildly.
"For asking her to do something ridiculously hard while she's grieving." Kai calmly added.
"And for asking you do the impossible while you're still dealing with your own grief." Damon sighed. His mind taking him through the last few years of young Bonnie Bennett's life. "For all the times we ask you to do the impossible while you're still grieving."
Bonnie was speechless.
Damon shifted in the driver's seat. Turning on his blinker, he quickly maneuvered out of traffic and pulled up to the curb. He put the Camaro in park and let out a heavy exhale.
"Really, Bon… how are you?" He asked. Kai anxiously waited for a response.
Bonnie held a hand to her chest. "I feel like shit, Damon. But you already knew that when you called, right? That's the problem."
"I know, I know." He wiped his face with his hand and slumped in his seat. Kai followed his movement to stay close to the phone.
"You can't call me your best friend and still treat me like the resident witch— ex witch."
"I'm not treating you like the resident witch." Damon exclaimed, attempting to correct the situation. "I'm just looking out for you, Bon. For all of us!"
"Don't make this about you. Don't do it." Kai could already sense where this was headed.
"I just want a happy ending for everyone, but that's not gonna happen if we don't get the hard shit that needs to be done out of the way. I'm keeping us focused on what matters." Damon stabbed the steering wheel with his finger.
"Great! So this is about you, now?" Bonnie angrily stood to her feet. She didn't realize she knocked over a candle. "I can't believe you've walked on this earth for nearly two centuries and your lily white ass still doesn't know how to apologize!" She chastised, pacing across the floor.
Kai smiled, left ear practically glued to the phone.
"I am apologizing! This is me apologizing!" Damon was shouting now. He couldn't help it. Bonnie knew where his buttons were too.
Kai tsked with a finger wag. "You're justifying your poor choices is what you're doing." Damon flicked him off in response.
"A justification is not an apology, Damon!"
Damon's mouth fell open.
Bonnie whirled around for more angry pacing. "I swear to goddess, every time you call it's always with some— shit!"
Flames were quickly licking up the corner of her comforter.
"Yeah! Important shit!" Damon defended himself.
"More like bullshit." Kai snickered at his own joke.
"I'm trying to save your ass too right now so why don't you—" Damon's harsh whispering was cut off by a loud thud from Bonnie's end.
The phone fell to the floor.
"Shit! It's on fire! It's on fire!" She frantically looked around for the closest thing to use to put out the flames. She cursed herself for not having magic.
"What?!" Damon and Kai shouted in unison.
Bonnie spotted the water bottle peaking out of her bag. She quickly snatched it up, tossing the liquid on the open flames. When a few were doused out, she used a wet towel to smother the rest.
"A fire? What the fuck, Bonnie!" Damon threw his car into drive and peeled off once again. "Bonnie, what's on fire? Bonnie?!"
"How close are we to her place? Is she still on the line? Has she called 911? What's she saying, Damon? Damon?!" Kai was yelling over him.
Bonnie sank to her knees and exhaled. She's never felt so utterly useless. She closes her eyes for a moment of peace, when she hears the yelling and cursing coming through the phone. She puts the call on speaker.
"I thought you said you weren't practicing magic anymore, you little liar! What did you set on fire? Are you still in there trying to be a gotdamn hero right now? Answer the fucking phone!" Damon aggressively weaved through traffic, ignoring the blaring horns and "fuck you's" as he passed.
"All you had to do was tell her I said hi! Now look what you did! Bonnie could be burning alive right now and this is the last conversation she has!" Kai berated from the back seat.
"Just shut up, Kai! Just shut the fuck up for one minute!" He hollered over his shoulder.
"Drive the damn car and get Bonnie back on the phone, you miserable shit!"
"That's what I'm doing, you impotent freak—"
"Damon?" Bonnie called out softly.
"Yes! Bonnie! Bonnie are you okay? Are you out of the house? What happened?" Damon stopped breathing.
"The fire is out." She said plainly.
"Goodness— well that's great! Tell me that after you scare the living shit out of us!"
"Us being you and Kai, right?" Bonnie held her rage and disgust back by a single thread.
Damon's hands went limp. He didn't protest when Kai slipped the phone from his fingers.
"Hi, Bonnie." Kai sang sweetly. "Soooo…whatcha eatin?"