Chapter 2 - We finally fall apart and we break each other's hearts;

AUTHOR NOTE:

Welcome to the second chapter of my story!

I hope you enjoy this chapter, I really enjoyed writing it; I love writing emotional scenes.

The chapter title "We finally fall apart and we break each other's hearts" (unfortunately the character limit on the official chapter title meant that this chapter is technically "We finally fall apart" but the full title is the one within the document rather than what it is labelled as) is a lyric from the Imagine Dragon song "Not Today" which was used in the movie "Me Before You" (if you're looking for a sad romance film then check out Me Before You and it's amazing book counterpart, if you like the songs I use in this story then you will definitely like the soundtrack to Me Before You)

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NCISLA OR ANY OF THE SONGS USED

Where ever you've gone?

How, how, how?

I just need to know

That you won't forget about me

~ Don't Forget About Me - Cloves ~

Deeks POV

I get into my car, not entirely sure what to do with the information I was just given. I drive once, twice, three times around the block until I end up at a car park that is a 10 minute walk away from Kensi's. I trudge slowly through the streets until I end up at her house.

There are no lights on so I walk silently up to the door, I place my forehead against the cool glass of the window panes that are placed decoratively on the door. I turn around slowly and slide down the door, I bite the sleave of my jacket as I scream, sob and cry until all that is left of the man, once known as Marty Deeks, is a throbbing heart that refuses to stop beating nor give its owner a moment without pain.

I fall asleep collapsed on her door step and wake up at 3am. I slowly pick my aching body off the floor, I place my head against the glass one last time and whisper "Goodbye Fern"

I make my way back to the car, ignoring my protesting bones as I go, and silently get in. I don't put on my seatbelt, if I die I die, at this point it doesn't really matter. I drive in silence on relatively quiet streets and end up outside OSP, I know what I have to do; I've been putting it off for too long.

I enter OSP; it is silent, no one around but me and I am glad of this. I grab an old box from the burn room and make my way to the gym lockers, emptying out its contents bit by bit. When I'm done I remove the lock that only opens when the date of the best day of my life is entered, the day I met Kensi. I move on to my desk, at least it's tidy making packing it much easier. I look over at Kensi's desk, it is so messy so I decide to clean it; it's only 4:20am so there is plenty of time before the team comes in. I clear the tabletop first then I move on to the draws. I organise her paperwork, removing her personal things that I will deal with later. I keep her paperwork on one side of the drawer and slowly start to put back the rest of her things. I walk over to my desk and pick up the box of treats I keep for her, I debate between eating them all, burning them or giving them to her, I choose the latter; it's not her fault that she couldn't… she couldn't… I can't even finish the thought, it brings me too much pain. I place the box in the corner and carefully place the rest of her things around it. I am almost done when I pick up a small 6x4 photo, it's us, together - happy - a memory I love but can not bear to think about too much. I rip my face away leaving her alone, smiling like I know she will continue to do, she will get a new partner and be happy again, she was fine without me once. I place my piece of the picture in my box and place the piece with her face on top of her treat box, I murmur under my breath "Hoped but never expected"

I hope life, treats you kind

And I hope that you have all

That you ever dreamed of

I wish you joy

And I wish you happiness

But above all this

I wish you love

~ I Will Always Love You - Dolly Parton ~

Deeks POV

I sit at my desk looking around OSP, as much as this decision hurts me, staying will only hurt me more and possibly ruin Kensi and her life and I won't let that happen. I stare at the gun in my hands for 5 minutes, I debate pulling the trigger but I won't do that to them, I'm not afraid to die, not anymore, but I can't let them find my body, not at their place of work, marring the team more than my entrance to it did. I fill out my resignation as LAPD liaison officer to NCIS and start to write letters, to Hetty, Sam, Callen, Nell and Eric, I won't embarrass Kensi by telling them why I'm leaving, that wouldn't be fair on her but I owe the team some kind of farewell.

I can't help but love you

Even though I try not to

I can't help but want you

I know that I'd die without you

~ War of Hearts - Ruelle ~

Deeks POV

It's 5am by the time I place all the letters in the appropriate areas. I am about to walk out of OSP, the place I think of as home, a place where my family live, but I walk back to Kensi's desk tearing off a piece of paper and scribbling as neatly as I can in my broken state, 'Hoped but never expected, it's not your fault Fern, sorry to leave you' I place it on top of her photo and quickly run out of the Mission before I can change my mind.

It's gotta get easier, oh easier somehow

'Cause I'm falling, I'm falling

Oh easier and easier somehow

Oh I'm calling, I'm calling

And it isn't over, unless it is over

I don't wanna wait for that

It's gotta get easier and easier somehow

But not today

Not today

~ Not Today - Imagine Dragons ~

AUTHOR NOTE:

So that was chapter 2! I hope you enjoyed it.

The chapter opened with the Cloves song "Don't Forget About Me" which like the chapter title song ("Not Today" by Imagine Dragons) was from the film Me Before You. I thought it created the correct mood for the chapter.

I had to use Dolly Parton's "I will always love you" somewhere in this story and I found its use here.

I've used Ruelle before and I probably might again! "War of Hearts" is most known for being used in Shadowhunters in Season 1 Episode 12 which is where I heard it first, I thought the song and episode was amazing and I love how the lyrics fitted so well within this chapter.

I know that it is a little weird to have a very short paragraph and then the long section of "Not Today" by Imagine Dragons, I understand that some may not like this set up but I think this layout goes well with this story and sets it apart from other stories like this on this website.

I've said it before (and so has nearly every other writer on this platform) but please follow and review!