Chapter 3 - We were always meant to say goodbye;

AUTHOR NOTE:

Welcome to the third chapter of my story!

Choosing a title for this chapter was near impossible. From the get go I wanted to use the Sleeping At Last cover of Kelly Clarkson's song "Already Gone" but choosing which lyric/lyrics was really hard, I went with "We were always meant to say goodbye" but there were other options: "All our memories, they're haunted" "Someone's gotta go" "I want you to move on, So I'm already gone" "I know that you'll find another, That doesn't always make you wanna cry" "I love you enough to let you go" Some of them didn't fit but I wanted to use them but in the end I discarded them but I wanted to give them a shout out!

Now I've talked about that, I can let you continue with the story!

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NCISLA OR ANY OF THE SONGS USED

Third person POV

It was 7am when NCIS Agent Sam Hanna walked in to OSP. He sat down at his desk, dropping his back roughly on the floor. After removing his gun and placing it in his desk, he notices a simple, folded piece of paper with his name on it. While he was unfolding the paper he wondered what information it could possibly contain but he could never have guessed what he read.

Hey Sam,

It's the shaggy surfer that LAPD scraped the bottom of the barrel to produce. I'm leaving NCIS and I don't believe I will be returning as Detective Martin Deeks Liaison Officer ever.

It's been a crazy few years and I'm gonna miss playing at Special Agent, I've learnt a lot from you Sam and I am thankful for it.

There's a couple hundred bucks in your desk (I put it there) and a list of cheap and close places for Twinkies, don't let Kensi go without sugar (for your own safety more than anything!).

I hope everything continues well for you, both at NCIS and with your family.

We never were that close (Sidorov brought us closer, shame I had to almost die to get your respect but I've moved on) but I'm gonna miss you, big guy!

Keep Kensi smiling, she needs to smile more because everything is okay when she does.

Goodbye ex-Navy Seal, NCIS Special Agent Sam Hanna

Sam looks up to see Hetty at her desk and he storms towards her brandishing the letter he says "What is this?" Hetty shrugs, small tears in her eyes "I do not know Sam, I do not know." Sam is taken aback by her use of his first name and he storms off towards the gym to take out his anger and confusion on a punching bag.

When Callen enters at 7:30 am, he can hear Sam in the gym but thinks nothing of it as he heads to his desk. Sitting at his desk he is met with a folded piece of paper, much like the one Sam received not 30 minutes earlier but with his name on it. Cautiously unfolding it, he begins to read.

Hey Callen,

It's your LAPD liaison, your LAPD ex-liaison. I have made the hard decision to leave NCIS; it's not something I'm excited about doing but it is something I have to do no matter how unhappy I am with the decision.

I hope if you ever find out your name that you'll be able to contact me. I hope it's something like Graham or Gerald because that would be hilarious, I can see it now; you busting through a door "Agent Gerald Callen NCIS, PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN!" I'd pay to see it.

I hope you find someone who can make Kensi smile, someone to make her happy, to replace me as her partner and I hope they make up for the many areas I failed in.

I've told Sam the same but I'm going to tell you, there is a couple hundred bucks in your desk as well as some close by places for sugar buying (I put them there) so that you can keep Kensi fuelled with her sugar, maybe share some of the money with her new partner and make sure he or she knows to keep her sugar level high, for all of your sakes!

You've been a great team leader and you will continue to be awesome.

Good luck, it's been an honour to serve in your team.

Goodbye Ex-CIA NCIS Special Agent G Callen

Callen doesn't even bother going to Hetty, he's certain Sam already has, so he heads off towards the gym. Sam hears him enter "Did you get…" Callen trails off when Sam looks up at him nodding. "Do you know why?" Sam asks Callen who just shakes his head. "Shooting range?" Callen suggests, Sam nods "Shooting range."

I'm ready to fall and that's OK

I ran as far as I could run

You won

~ You Won - Keith Urban ~

Kensi comes into the NCIS Office of Special Projects LA branch at 8:30 am, she's not surprised that Callen and Sam aren't at their desks, she knows they're around. She sits down at her desk feeling that something is off, it takes her a moment to register it but then she realises; her desk has been cleaned, organised.

She knows that there's only one person who would do that for her as she looks up at Deeks' desk. It's no surprise to her that he isn't in yet but she immediately marches over to his desk when she realises it is empty of all of his things. Rubbing her tired eyes, she tries to figure out what's going on, quickly striding back to her desk; she opens the main drawer. 'Hoped but never expected' and she just knows he's gone.

She wants to be angry at him for leaving her but she knows that this was all her fault and blaming him would not only be useless but wrong. She lets 3 tears fall before she wipes them away, no longer Kensi, Kens, Kensalina, Princess, Fern or anything else, she's just Special Agent Blye.

She rakes her hands shakily through her hair a few times before heading towards Hetty's desk. "He's gone, isn't he?" She asks Hetty but she doesn't need the answer, she can see the header to the letter on Hetty's desk 'LAPD Liaison Resignation' but Hetty answers anyway "He has left us."

Kensi immediately turns and runs towards ops, Callen and Sam are now in the bullpen just sitting in silence and confusion. When she heads into ops, she sees Eric and Nell holding pieces of paper bearing her partner's… ex-partner's handwriting. "Eric I need you to track down were Deeks is." She says forcefully.

Eric turns around automatically to start typing but Hetty's arrival stops him. "No Mr Beale. Mr Deeks has asked us to leave him alone and we shall follow his wishes." As soon as she says this, she turns to leave with Kensi hot on her heels "But Hetty…" Hetty cuts her off "Miss Blye, I do believe you should have no say over this, if you want to undo this and I sincerely hope you do then you have to do it as Kensi Blye not Special Agent Blye, just like you must not want to find Detective Deeks, you need to want Martin Deeks."

Kensi goes to protest but Hetty sharply turns on the stairs "You will go home Miss Blye, no arguments, but before you do, I have something for you." Kensi obediently follows Hetty to her office, not making a sound. Hetty reaches into one of her desk's many drawers "Mr Deeks said that this was the last of the Twinkies packs he had for you but he also wanted you to know that you'll have 6 large packs sent to your home every month unless you reject them."

Kensi grabs the 12 packs of Twinkies, not even wondering where he managed to hide them all. She storms into the bullpen, grabbing her bag before storming out, she makes no attempt to acknowledge her team as she goes.

She runs to her car, getting in and shutting the door, she starts to scream, shout and cry for the loss of a great partner, her best partner; a partner who only ever cared for her while she never really tried to do the same for him, not entirely not in the way he did. She drives home numbly, she doesn't even check for tails. If she had been checking, she'd have noticed a certain shaggy ex-partner making sure she got home ok.

While Kensi drowns her sorrows in her pillows on her bed; the couch, beer, food, everything else, too much of a reminder of the partner she shouldn't have lost while Sam and Callen sit in the bullpen of OSP not knowing what to do.

That I love you, I have loved you all along and I miss you

Been far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go

Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

~ Far Away - Nickelback ~

Callen looks over to Kensi's desk "It's clean." He states, "I don't think she cleaned it G. I think he really cared about her, more than he probably should've and I think he cared about her a hundred times more than she wanted him to... more than she was ready for him to." Callen nods "Yeah but he cared about her how she deserved to be cared about. I don't know if there's a 'Deeks' without her Sam, I'm worried about them." Sam nods and wordlessly heads up to ops, he and Callen have been partners for so long that Callen knows to follow him.

When they get up to ops, they ask Nell and Eric to pull up the security footage from the day before, knowing it would be pointless to ask them to track Deeks after hearing Hetty order them not to search for him.

They see themselves head home and they continue forwarding through the footage until 3 am when they see a wet-faced Deeks stumble into OSP. They see him clear his desk and they watch him go off to clear his gym locker. After a few minutes he returns and cleans Kensi's desk and they know when they see him rip himself away from a photo of them both why he is leaving, not that they didn't already strongly suspect why.

They then see Deeks sit down at his desk, removing his gun from his trousers. They see him hold the gun and they know what he's contemplating and even though they know his decision, they still breathe a sigh of relief when he puts the gun down. He writes his resignation letter and then letters to each of them but Kensi before he leaves but they see him quickly return to her desk, adding on a piece of paper that it wasn't her fault. They've always known that Deeks valued Kensi above his own life but they didn't know how strongly Deeks cared for Kensi until this moment.

They see him drive away when they switch to footage from the garage, all of them just stand in silence, a silence that Callen breaks first. "Did he mention anything about Kensi in his letters to you?" He asks Nell and Eric who nod. "He left some money for food for Kensi and he asked to make sure that she gets a good new partner, one that would watch her back better than he did and would make up for his 'shortcomings'." Nell says quietly. "He told me the same except for one bit, he asked me to make sure that her new partner cares more about Kensi's feelings and Kensi as a person to not be selfish like he was." Eric says.

Callen turns to Sam "He loved her, didn't he Sam?" Sam shakes his head "Not past tense G, he still does love her and that's probably why he's going, that's probably why Kensi looked so tired this morning." Sam replies. "He kissed her," Nell says, all eyes snapping towards her "he kissed her just before Sidorov, he probably gave up trying to get her to see the truth." She adds.

Callen shakes his head "He didn't give up, she made him stop and now she has to pay the price." Before any further conversation can take place, Hetty walks in and sombrely says "We have a case, you will have to work it with personnel from the backup team today." As soon as she said it, she walked away not wanting to stay in the presence of her team a moment longer.

Before Eric can pull up the new case files, Callen asks Nell to send the footage of Deeks to Kensi, saying that she should see it for herself. Kensi is almost asleep when she gets Nell's email, when she hears the phone go off she scrambles to get it just pleading - begging - the universe that it might be Deeks but it's not.

And I just want my heart to fall apart

Probably should have told you all along

My angel

And I just want your love to fade away

And I just want your love to fade away to ashes

Beautiful

I should have told you from the first time I saw your eyes

Beautiful

~ Ashes - Andy Brown ~

Kensi stands in her kitchen as she opens the file sent to her. She sees her partner… ex-partner clean out his desk, clean up her own but she stops when he pulls out his gun. She can't watch him contemplate that especially when it's all her fault. She drops the phone, not caring if it breaks, as she sinks to the ground letting tears and pain engulf her once again. As she rocks back and forth in a ball on her kitchen floor until she passes out.

AUTHOR NOTE:

So that was chapter 3! I hope you enjoyed it.

I am aware that Callen served in the DEA, FBI and CIA before NCIS and in this chapter he's just ex-CIA. I decided it sounded better and that is the agency he's known for most (other than NCIS).

Choosing songs for this chapter was close to impossible but I tried, I tried really hard. My aim for this story was at least 3 sections per chapter (beginning, middle and end) but I couldn't think of anything for the letters so maybe think of one of your own and leave the suggestion in a review?! However I could do lyrics for the second half with the security camera footage.

I'm a massive Keith Urban fan and Golden Road is my favourite album so using a song from there was a given "You Won" is from that album. Those lyrics are more of a sign of what was to come after them rather than addressing the letters and the story above them (just wanted to clarify if it wasn't clear)

Nickelback are so underrated. I love their music videos because they tell a story and again, like Keith Urban, I always wanted a song of theirs to fit and I think it did.

Finally I used "Ashes" by Andy Brown which is probably most know for its use in the Canadian crime show "Rookie Blue" (really love that show - not as much as NCIS LA!) which is where I first heard it. I think Ashes definitely rounded out the chapter and finalised the vibe I wanted to give it.

Thank you for reading this chapter, please please please follow and review! Your feedback helps make the story better for you.