Chapter 6 - Your love will be, Safe with me:

AUTHOR NOTE:

Welcome to the sixth chapter of my story!

To be honest, I don't know what inspired me to use the Bon Iver song "Re: Stacks" for this chapter title but I couldn't seem to bring myself to change it! All I know is that I heard it on House M.D. (I know another one!) and I felt like it had to be the chapter title.

Enjoy Chapter 6!

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NCIS LA OR THE SONGS USED

Deeks POV

"Why aren't you surfing?" A man's voice comes from behind me "Surfing is for the heart and mine is elsewhere." I feel him take a step closer "If you're here to hit on me or something, don't bother; I don't go that way and even if I did I don't date anymore." I say. The man sits next to me "Why would I? I'm married, are you?" He asks. "Wish I could be but she's not… she doesn't…" I trail off.

I take a deep breath in, it smells like… it smells like… "You know today's starting to smell like sunshine and gunpowder." I say taking a deep breath. The man next to me laughs "Well the sun's out and there's a gunpowder surprise waiting for you back at your motel."

"What?" I turn to the space next to me but no one's there. I could've sworn… that man he sounded like… no he… but… he… he sounded like Sam but obviously it wasn't.

I know I shouldn't go back to the motel, there's probably someone there to torture me or something to get to the team… my old team, but I don't care. Live or die, it doesn't matter anymore. They won't get anything from me; I will die to protect her and the quicker I go, the less of a liability I will be, the better her life will be.

It's only been 2 days since I left her in my room, I spent the first night getting drunk and the second one screaming into my pillow which only aggravated the hangover that was still raging. I rented a surfboard this morning, hoping that the 3rd day would be better but I couldn't go within 4 steps of the water; I tried but I couldn't, I really tried but I just couldn't.

Never thought we'd ever have to go without

Take you over anybody else, hands down

We're the type of melody that don't fade out

Don't fade out, can't fade out

Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I love you?

Didn't we, didn't we, didn't we fly?

Know that I, know that I still care for you

But didn't we, didn't we say goodbye?

~ Didn't I - One Republic -

I leave the surfboard on the beach not bothering to give it back to the renters. I walk numbly back to the cheap motel, opening the door I see that no one's there and nothing has been touched. I hear the door close behind me and I just know it's her.

I make no attempt to hide her shirt that lies on my pillow so I could smell her as I sleep, as I say "Kensi, if you really need me back at NCIS then you need to give me time and I'll come back for you. These feelings aren't going to go away but if you give me time I think I can be your partner but I need time to accept the truth… the truth that you don't" I take a deep breath "love me."

"Deeks," she sighs and her voice causes tears, that I didn't want to fall, to fall and I am glad that my back is turned to her. "what if I don't want you to accept it?" The sadness is replaced by anger and I turn around storming towards her but not close enough to touch her "KENSI! You can't do this to me. You don't get to string me along. I get that it is my fault that I couldn't control my feelings, that I let them continue and become what they have, but you don't get to string me along like a lost puppy, not anymore, and you most certainly don't get to ask me to be that lost puppy again." I turn back around "Maybe I'm being selfish, I don't know," I shrug "but I can't… I just can't Kensi."

I know, I know, I won't, I won't

I won't go back, go back to before

I know, I know, I won't, I won't

I won't go back, go back to before, no

~ Call Me Now - INNA & Michael Calfan ~

I fall back to sit onto the bed, head in my hands "Please just go Kensi, if you ever considered me a friend or a partner or anything more than a stranger, you'll go."

"What if I love you?" I hear her ask "Jeez Kens, I know it's not your fault that I'm in this situation, that I have this pain but that's cruel. Why are you being so mean? Why would you ask that when we both know you don't love me?"

She drops to her knees in front of me, she takes my hands in hers and I don't understand what's going on but I can't stop it. "Marty," I raise my head and look at her questioningly "I love you." I pull away from her, scooting up to the top of the bed "Why would you say that? Kensi I'm not asking you to return my feelings even though I wish you did but..." I sigh "I never thought I'd have to ask you not to lie to me."

And I can always feel it, when you're getting set to run

Like you're halfway through the chorus

And you think the song is done

But, baby, take a minute, or take a beer out from the fridge

So, maybe we can try this time to make it past the bridge

~ I Don't Want to Lose You - Luca Fogale ~

Third-person POV

Kensi slowly climbs onto the bed, inching closer to Deeks, she says "I'm not lying to you, Deeks. I would not lie to you Deeks, especially about this." She pulls Deeks towards her, holding his head against her chest "Do you hear that Deeks? That's my heart and I'm pretty sure… no, I am sure that it beats for you."

She rocks them back and forth, both crying "I am so, so sorry; that I denied it all this time, that I drove you away, that I couldn't be strong enough to be who you needed me to be. I understand if it's too late, that the damage I have done is too strong, too permanent, but I hope…" Kensi can't continue and after a few minutes of tears between the two, Deeks asks "How do I know if you mean it?"

Kensi looks down at him. She pulls him up so they face each other fully. "Because I love you." She says as she rubs her nose against his, ghosting his lips with hers before pulling him into a kiss that is as passionate as it is filled with promises and apologies.

After a minute their mouths break apart but neither lets the other go. They stay lying on the bed for more than an hour in silence, not ready to break the spell their newfound position in each other's lives has cast on them. Deeks strokes Kensi's hair while Kensi hums in appreciation against his strong bicep.

Deeks speaks first "Where do we go from here?" Kensi swallows "Ummm, marriage?" Deeks sits up "Kens, you don't have to do that." Kensi pulls back a little "Do what Deeks?" She asks, the vulnerability clear in her voice "You don't have to move at the pace I want. Just because I would love to marry you now, doesn't mean we can't go at a pace you're more comfortable with."

"I know I've been hurt before in the past but we've been partners for more than 4 years now and you've been the most important person in my life since I met you. I don't think, not after all this waiting, that we'd be going too fast."

Deeks nods "But what about your family and the dress and the perfect wedding? That's what I want to give you, I want to give you everything." Kensi pulls Deeks close again "You've given me; your faith, your loyalty, your bravery, your heart, and so much more. I don't need anything more, but you already know that Sam's here," Deeks cuts her off "So it really was Sam on the beach?" Kensi laughs and nods "Yeah and the rest of the team is here and so is my mum and Hetty even brought Monty and she pulled one of her favours and now I have a dress that I like last minute and there's a suit for you. We could have the perfect beach wedding, we could do this all now... if you want to?"

Whenever I run

Instead of running into the blue

I follow my heart

And there in your arms

Is where I find the love I need

And the best is yet to come

Baby you're the one I run to

~ Whenever I run - Keith Urban ~

Deeks POV

I can't believe that this is happening. She is here and she loves me and she's willing to promise me an eternity with her, and for once in my life nothing is wrong, everything is right, I am fully and truly happy but I have to be sure "Is this what you want or are you just making up for lost time or fallen tears or…"

She cuts me off with a simple kiss "I'm doing what my heart is telling me Deeks and I really hope your's agrees with mine." I leap off the bed grabbing the box from my suitcase, twirling the small box in my fingers I look at her "I brought this a year ago and I wasn't going to take it here with me but I didn't want to make it worse for you so I took it from my place, I was going to throw it away but I couldn't let it go. I went to the beach when I first got here, straight from the airport, I was going to throw into the ocean because that's where I was when I figured out that I really, truly loved you to the point where I could never let it go, and I got to the beach and I couldn't even touch the sand while it was with me."

I slowly pull her so she's sitting on the edge of the bed, I get down on both knees so that I am sitting on my heels, holding out the box. "This is all a little… a lot… crazy but I think it's us. I love you Kens and I would do anything just to call you mine for a minute but I'm hoping that I can call you mine for more than a minute, maybe an eternity? So, Badass Blye, Kensi, Kens, Kensalina," I pause taking a deep breath "will you marry me, Fern?"

She wraps her arms around me and I have never felt more loved and more right and more accepted in my life. "You never should have had to have asked. I'm yours Deeks and I don't want that to ever change."

I place a soft kiss on the side of her head "So, yes?" She laughs pulling back to see my face "Do I get to see the ring?" I nod, opening the box to reveal a butterfly cut, sterling silver ring with a large clear diamond surrounded by sapphires, on the inside of the ring is an engraving saying 'Forever and always Fern'

"It's beautiful Deeks!" She laughs "But I would've said yes no matter what it looked like." I pick her up off the bed twirling her around in my arms. We end up lying on the bed with our foreheads touching "Did you buy wedding rings?" She asks after a few minutes. I pull back, I never allowed myself to have that much hope. The engagement ring was the only hope allowed myself to have, a wedding ring would've sent me over the edge. I shake my head somewhat regretfully.

She smiles, pulling me close again "Well luckily for you, we're a great team so I may have bought them myself. Maybe they're in my bag by the door right now?" I sit up about to get up and go to the bag, eager to see her choice of rings, rings that will solidify and join us for eternity but she pulls me back. "Nu uh uh, not so fast Shaggy. I do believe you owe me a ring!"

I laugh flopping back down to face her, I slowly take the ring and push it onto her finger, it fits perfectly just like I knew it would. She asks me how I got the size right and I look away "I stole the ring you wore on the Justin and Melissa op and got the size. I didn't tell Hetty but she probably knew." I say sheepishly.

She guides my face back to look at her "Thank you, Deeks, and actually umm I lied," I feel my heart start to beat faster, what did she lie about? "It's ok Deeks, I love you I wouldn't lie about that. I lied about the rings, they aren't in my bag, Monty's keeping them safe." I laugh as I feel the relief wash over me.

I don't need gifts, but I need fairy tales.

I know that you are by my side at my every step,

I need words, I feel that you love me.

I only want that you remain who you are,

I want you to be as you are now,

~ How Would It Be? - INNA ~

"So it's only 12, what's the plan for today?" I ask to which she laughs "It's 1 Deeks! We've been here for 2 hours!" I laugh with her, kissing the newly placed ring. "Well, the team wants to have lunch right about now and tomorrow there's a sunset beach wedding I believe we should attend!"

I forgot about the team "How am I meant to face them Kens?" She kisses my currently empty ring finger "With a smile, with me and with this;" she pulls a small wrapped package from behind her which I slowly rip apart to show my very own… "Is this real?" Kensi nods "Hetty's been pulling a lot of favours for us recently (I think we owe her big time) and now you don't have to go to FLETC, instead Sam, Callen and I will train you," She says with a dangerous glint in her eye as she leans in to whisper in my ear "Special Agent Deeks."

I laugh and quickly push her onto her back, tickling her stomach. She cries my name in protest and I soon stop. This feels so natural, so right. "My Fern." I whisper while placing kisses to her hair, "My Deeks." She sighs contently.

I pull back "Will there be 2 Deeks'?" I ask, she shrugs giving me a choice "We could both legally hyphenate our names but you could use just Blye at work?" She nods "Mr and Mrs Blye-Deeks but why do you want to hyphenate yours?" She asks. I smile "I want everything you can give me and I want to give you everything, I want to share everything with you, right down to our surnames." She nods happily, giving me a passionate kiss.

She gets up from the bed, pulling me with her "They are expecting us at the restaurant by the beach in 20 minutes, put your swim shorts on as well, I think we should enjoy the water together!" She sees the hesitation in my eyes but a small smile from her gives me all the confidence I need. "Oh and by the way you would've been right." I look at her confused. "Your old LAPD shirt is my favourite shirt, my purple striped shirt is my second favourite."

AUTHOR NOTE:

And that was Chapter 6!

I love One Republic and "Didn't I" is just a beautiful song, I literally have nothing else to say about it, it's just great!

I had to use the emotive song "I don't want to lose you" by Luca Fogale which some may remember from the end scene of NCIS LA Season 9 Episode 7. I could never have left it out!

As I've said before I'm a Keith Urban fan until the day I die and "Whenever I Run" is definitely in the running to be one of my favourite songs ever!

The final song I used is from the Romanian singer INNA, I love Romanian music, this song is actually sung in Romanian and is called "Cum Ar Fi?" but I translated it to "How Would It Be?" and gave you the English translation during the chapter because this story is in English but in Romanian the lyrics are: "N-am nevoie de daruri ci am nevoie de basme / Știu că tu ești lângă mine la orice pas / Am nevoie de cuvinte simt că mă iubești / Vreau doar să rămâi cine ești / Vreau să fii tu așa cum ești acum" If you speak Romanian I apologise if my translation is off, it's not a language I'm good at (I'm not even that good at English… thank god for grammarly!) but I love Romanian music and I saw an opportunity to use it. If you're interested in Romanian based music check out INNA (she has an amazing Spanish album called "Yo" from 2019 which I love too much for someone who doesn't speak Spanish other than what's in the songs but also has a new album out called "Heartbreaker" which she made in 27 days!).

I know that I say "I know I ask this every time" every time I ask but what else am I going to say?! … Please follow and review.

TO SEE THE ENGAGEMENT RING SEARCH "Jeulia Butterfly Round Cut Sterling Silver Ring " IT'S THE ONE IN SAPPHIRE BLUE.