This is my story for this year's Sybil/Tom Secret Santa fic exchange, for Pearlydewdrop. This was their prompt: Set in eithe Dublin or Downton over the Christmas period, Sybil and Tom break up for whatever reason several weeks before the holidays but get back together as a result of a series of eureka moments, family advice and some good old fashioned pining. Hopefully I've captured the essence of the prompt and turned it into something wonderful for the Christmas period.
It has been really fun to write, especially as the fic exchange didn't go ahead last year, so this one felt extra special. I really hope you enjoy reading it, and I would absolutely love a review if you can spare one for me. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone who reads this!
Fractured Love
Tom sat on the sofa in the living room of his small flat, his elbows resting on his knees, as tears fell down his cheeks. He had just had a difficult phone conversation with Sybil, his girlfriend of three years, during which they had decided it was in their best interests to break up.
It was hard to imagine that the way he was feeling right now was what was best for him. He loved her. He had fallen for her hard and fast shortly after they'd first met and started dating, and he'd been falling more with every day that passed ever since.
And as far as he knew, she felt a similar way about him, but they couldn't deny that the last six months or so hadn't been quite as good as the first few years of their relationship. In the last six months, they'd both been swamped by work. They hadn't been making time for each other as much as they really needed, and they'd both been guilty of bottling up some feelings and emotions so as not to burden the other.
They'd known about these problems for a while, and they'd tried to work on fixing them, on getting better at communication, on making their relationship as strong as it once was, but life kept getting in the way and things just hadn't worked out for them, much to their dismay.
Now, after six months of trying and failing to improve matters, flying the white flag seemed to be the only sensible option. If they couldn't make things work after six months of trying, surely there was no chance that they'd make it back to better times in another six months. It was kinder to them both to let the other go, move on and find someone else who could fit into their lives better.
Tom knew all the reasons for the break up. He knew that it made sense. But it didn't stop his heart from breaking right down the middle. He felt like his soul had been torn in two. And at this time of year, at the beginning of December, with Christmas just around the corner, heartbreak was the last thing he wanted to deal with.
He spent about half an hour sat on the sofa, digesting everything that had just happened, trying to make sense of all the thoughts running around his head at a million miles an hour. After a while he decided that he didn't want to be alone. He usually loved living alone. It meant everything was on his terms – no fighting over mess left by someone else, no arguing over the optimum temperature to keep the house warm enough but the bills low enough, no worrying about being so loud that you disturb others. But right now, being on his own was the last thing he wanted.
He wiped the tears from his cheeks and picked up his phone again. He opened his recent call history. The top entry was of course the phone call he'd just had with Sybil. Even seeing her name stung. Below her name was William Mason, the person he tended to go to when he wanted sensible advice and a shoulder to cry on.
"Hi Tom," he said when he answered the phone. "You alright?"
"Sybil and I have just broken up," Tom said.
"Oh, Tom," William said. He could hear just how sad Tom was.
"Yeah," Tom said, defeated. "Don't suppose you're free tonight? I'd rather not be alone this evening."
"I'm finishing at the yard a bit early today actually," William said. He worked at a livery stables nearby. It had taken him years of convincing his mother that horses were a worthwhile endeavour before she would allow him to give up his job in finance and start working at a stables, but he'd never had a job that made him happier, despite the muck that he got himself into on a daily basis. "Give me time to get home and shower and I can be at yours by 5:30?"
"That'd be great," Tom said.
"Alright then, I'll see you later. And Tom?" he said, before Tom could hang up.
"Mm?" Tom said.
"Keep your chin up. I know it feels like it now, but this isn't the end of the world."
Tom smiled a small smile at William's kindness.
"I know," he mumbled, although he wasn't sure he believed it.
-ooo-
While Tom had taken the decision not to dwell in his misery on his own, privacy was the one thing that Sybil craved.
Tom lived in his own flat in Ripon, but Sybil was living with her parents. She'd lived away from home while she was at university, and then when she started working as a nurse in Ripon, she'd rented a house with two of her closest friends, Thomas and Gwen. But when their landlord had evicted them because he wanted to sell the property, Sybil and her parents had made an agreement that she could move back in with them at Downton rent-free so that she could start saving for a house of her own.
She'd lived back in her enormous childhood home for a while now. It wasn't the ideal arrangement for her – she coveted her own independence – but it worked for now. The house was big enough that she could usually get away from everyone if she wanted to, but there were enough people living there that she could also have company in one form or another practically whenever she wanted.
Right now, however, she wanted to be completely on her own, with no risk of anyone seeking her out for a chat or seeing the look of thunder on her face and asking what was wrong.
Sybil hadn't cried when she was talking to Tom. But the lack of tears was not a sign that she didn't care for him. She loved him. She knew that she did. But given that their relationship had recently been fizzling out somewhat, it just didn't seem sensible to carry on with it. And knowing that truth felt like a knife through the heart. If she could love a man as strongly as she loved Tom and have the relationship still end in tears (or actually not in her case), her chances of ever being happy in a lasting relationship were slim to none.
She had a night shift at the hospital starting in the evening, but still had a few hours to kill before she could let work distract her. So she decided to go for a walk. She changed out of the clothes she'd been lounging around the house in and swapped them for something warmer that was more appropriate for walking on a chilly December day – jeans, a warm jumper and thick welly socks to keep her toes warm. She made her way down the grand main staircase of the house towards the front door where she stopped to put on a scarf and hat to keep herself warm, and wellies and a waterproof coat just in case the clouds that had been threatening to rain all day finally followed through.
Just as she was about the leave the house, she spotted the dog lead and paused. She'd grown up with a dog in the house, and although the family's current dog, Cleo (short for Cleopatra), was very much more Robert's dog than anyone else's, Sybil did like taking her out on her own occasionally. After a moment's concentration, she picked up the lead and whistled. Cleo came trotting out of the library towards Sybil, with her tail wagging and what looked like a smile on her face.
Well at least one of them was happy about the prospect of a walk.
"Come on then," Sybil said in the voice she always used to talk to dogs (not to be confused with the voice she used to talk to babies – there was a small but discernible difference), as she opened the door.
Cleo ran past her out onto the Downton estate and Sybil followed. She didn't have a certain route in particular in mind, so she just let Cleo roam where she wanted at her own pace and Sybil kept nearby.
She had thought that a walk would be a chance for her to work through all the thoughts in her head, but instead she found herself feeling a little numb. Yes, there was emotion in her; she was sad that she'd broken up with Tom, the man she'd thought was the love of her life (it wouldn't be the first time she was wrong about that), and maybe even a little angry that they'd both let it get this far when they knew that this relationship was the best either of them had ever had, but mostly she was numb.
Although the walk didn't help her work through her feelings, she enjoyed being out of the house. Without planning it, she ended up walking with Cleo for about an hour and a half. When they made it back to the house, Cleo immediately went to find Robert. Sybil watched her go into the library and didn't see her come out again, so she assumed that she'd found him. Sybil took off her layers and wellies by the door so as not to trudge mud through the house. As she walked through the grand hall towards the stairs she bumped into Mary – literally bumped into her – as she appeared from behind a pillar.
"Oh!" Sybil exclaimed.
"Sybil, darling," Mary said.
"Sorry," Sybil said.
"Where have you been? I was looking for you half an hour ago," Mary said.
"Walking the dog," Sybil said, carrying on past Mary.
"Have you got time to talk?" Mary asked, though she could see that the answer was no. Sybil was already up the first few steps.
"Can't right now, I've got a night shift and if I don't get going soon I'll be late. Can it wait until tomorrow?" Sybil practically called the last few words over her shoulder, as she was already so far past Mary.
"I don't suppose I have a choice," Mary said, more to herself than to Sybil. She frowned to herself. Something about Sybil seemed off and she wasn't sure what it was.
Sybil's behaviour was typical of when she went through anything that deeply upset her. She would hide her feelings from everyone else until whatever had caused them was a distant enough memory that it didn't sting quite so much. Mary sensed from Sybil's behaviour that something particularly hard for Sybil had just happened, but she'd have to wait until Sybil was free to talk to find out what it was.
In the meantime, she hoped that her youngest sister – her favourite sister – wasn't too unhappy.
-ooo-
When William arrived at Tom's house that evening, he could instantly tell that Tom was unhappy. Once they were settled with a beer each, William began to wonder what had gone down earlier that day.
"What happened?" he asked tentatively. He didn't want to upset Tom by bringing raw feelings to the surface, but he knew Tom well enough to know that talking through his feelings is what usually got him back to some semblance of normal. "I know you and Sybil haven't seen each other much recently, but I thought you were still good."
Tom sighed and looked down into his lap.
"It's been six months of not enough contact," he explained. "Work has taken over for both of us and we can't see a way of having a happy relationship if we can't see each other."
"And you can't try and make more time for one another?" William asked hopefully.
"We've been trying," Tom said. He paused. Then, more quietly, "And failing. We've been shit when it comes to communication."
"Honestly, I'm not sure what the best thing to say is," William said. "It's always hard to break up with someone when you still love them."
Tom looked at William with nothing but sadness in his eyes. William was pointing out the obvious. Anyone could see that Tom still loved Sybil very deeply. His love for her had never dwindled, just the amount of time they'd been spending together.
"But it's a grieving process," William added.
I don't want to grieve, Tom thought. I want Sybil back.
"And it doesn't matter what you're grieving, it always takes time. Always more than you think."
Tom felt his eyes well up with tears. He knew very well that what William was saying was true, every word of it. He knew that this was the beginning of a long process of getting over the woman he loved more than anyone else in the world. And he knew it wouldn't be easy, but he was glad he had a friend like William who understood Tom's emotions and was able to comfort him without making him feel like a failure – he sure as hell was telling himself that he was a failure for fucking it up with his 'one true love'. Much as he didn't like to admit it, he'd always believed, at least a little bit, that everyone had a soulmate. And he was worried that he'd just let his soulmate go without enough of a fight.
"I wish relationships were easier," Tom mumbled.
"Don't we all," William said sympathetically. His own love life hadn't been the smoothest of roads, so Tom at least knew that William was coming from a place of experience. "The media lies."
"Well, that's not new information," Tom said with a small smile.
The conversation gradually moved on, and although they were both hyper aware of why they were spending the evening together, they did what they could to have a normal evening. Beers, a takeaway dinner, some trash TV in the background, and good conversation between a couple of best friends. There were worse ways to spend an evening. Even Tom, despite his current state of mind caused by the events of the day, could admit that.
-ooo-
Sybil's plan to be distracted by work had gone astonishingly well. She had the busiest shift she'd had in months, with barely a second to stop and think about her love life. After twelve intense hours on the wards, the only thing she wanted to do was sleep, so as soon as she got home, just as everyone else was starting their day, she headed straight for bed and within what felt like seconds, she was asleep.
She woke up that afternoon and immediately thought of Tom. She'd had a sex dream about him. Really not ideal for the healing of her mental state.
But she had to admit, the sex she'd had with him had always been good. She'd had her fair share of bad sex, but none of it had ever come from Tom. He regularly prioritised her pleasure over his. Or rather, he took great pleasure in seeing her pleasure, especially when her pleasure was because of his touch, so his pleasuring of her was a win-win situation.
Sybil closed her eyes and thought back to the times when she and Tom were in each other's arms, nothing but love and lust between them. She couldn't help herself but run a hand down her front and under the waistband of her pyjama trousers until she was touching her clit.
She went a little further down to find that she was already wet. She wondered how long the sex dream had lasted before she'd woken up. It had certainly got her ready… for the sex that she wasn't having. But she could at the very least make the most of the situation. She knew her body well and knew exactly what she'd need to do to reach orgasm.
She ran her fingers along her entrance, made easy by the wetness she had unknowingly provided for herself. She brushed one finger over her clit and imagined the familiar feel of Tom's tongue flicking at it. Her eyes still closed, she pictured looking down to see Tom's head nestled between her thighs, licking her juices and sucking at the most sensitive part of her body.
She thought back to the feel of Tom's stubble brushing lightly against her skin, to the feel of his fingers entering her and dragging against her G-spot. She gently put her own fingers inside her to feel her G-spot in the way that Tom had done so many times before. With her other hand she squeezed one breast and arched her back slightly. One hand still caressing her G-spot, she moved the other down to play with her clit, knowing exactly the pace she needed to rub it to get to orgasm.
It wasn't long before her heart was beating hard and she was unable to control the movements of her body as she rode the wave of her orgasm to the end.
She lay in bed for a few moments without moving, her duvet only half covering her. She waited for her heartrate to subside a little before she rolled over and checked her phone.
A notification from Facebook telling her to wish a friend she'd not spoken to in years a happy birthday. A few inconsequential messages from her work WhatsApp chat. Her lock screen photo was still a picture of her and Tom from about a year ago, a selfie that Tom had taken when Sybil was smiling at the camera and Tom surprised her by kissing her cheek. It had been her Facebook profile picture for a while and was one of her most liked photos on Instagram.
She opened her messages to Tom and considered texting him, but when she didn't know what she wanted to say to him, she put the phone down. All she could do now was get on with the rest of her day and hope that she could distract herself well enough to not dwell on her failed relationship with Tom before her next night shift.
-ooo-
A few days later, Matthew, who had lived at Downton with Mary since they'd married a few years ago, didn't join them for supper. He had chosen instead to spend the evening at the pub with a friend. Mary didn't know who the friend was, nor did she really care all that much. Matthew didn't get to spend a huge amount of time with his friends, so any opportunity for him to get some time away from the stresses of Downton was probably a good thing.
Unbeknownst to Mary, Matthew was meeting Tom at the pub. They'd only met because they were both in relationships with the Crawley sisters, but it hadn't taken long for them to become firm friends in their own right. They got on with each other very well and often found themselves spending time together without Mary or Sybil. They got on so well that Matthew had almost chosen Tom as a groomsman at his wedding, despite only having known him a year at the time.
Tom was the one who had asked to spend the evening in the pub together, and Matthew had gladly agreed. It would be a good opportunity for a long overdue catch-up. Much as Matthew enjoyed going out with Tom, Mary and Sybil all together, it was nice to go out without the women sometimes. One thing Matthew wasn't expecting to hear over a pint was that Tom and Sybil had broken up only a few days before.
Matthew took a moment to digest the news before saying, "That will explain why Mary thought Sybil was a bit off the other day."
"Sybil hasn't told you?"
Matthew shook his head.
"Oh, I assumed she would have told Mary already." He paused and thought. "Don't tell Mary, then. I don't want Sybil to think we've been conspiring behind her back."
"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. God knows you've kept enough of my secrets in the past." Tom had often been Matthew's go to friend when it came to talking about relationship problems between him and Mary. Tom knew more about Matthew's relationship than the vast majority of people did, so it was no burden on Matthew to keep a few secrets of Tom's.
"What caused it?" Matthew asked. "The break up, I mean."
Tom sighed. "It wasn't one particular event. It was just a build up over time. We're not seeing each other enough. And we've tried to see each other more over the past six months, but it just hasn't worked. And it doesn't seem fair to stay tied to each other when we've tried for so long and still can't make it work."
"Do you want it to work?"
Tom looked down into his drink, smiled a sad smile and sighed. He looked up at Matthew slowly and said, "I love her. Always have, always will."
Matthew smiled. "That," he said. "That look, what you're feeling right now, is how I felt about Mary when I nearly lost her. When I thought we were through I felt so strongly that I didn't want to let her go, that I couldn't let her go for fear of my own sanity."
Tom smiled. Matthew got it. He really understood how Tom was feeling. He knew that Matthew was the right person to come to for advice.
"So what do I do now?" Tom asked. "Swallow my pride and just ask for her back? What if she doesn't want me back?"
"I can't speak for Sybil," Matthew said. "But I can tell you one thing that I've learnt since knowing you: you won't be happy with anyone else as long as Sybil walks the earth. That much is obvious even to a blind man."
Tom smiled. Knowing that he was so hopelessly in love that he couldn't hide it, even if he wanted to, made him feel good. That's the love his parents had had before his father had died. It was the love that he'd always craved, always hoped he would get to experience. And Matthew was right – now that he'd experienced it with Sybil, he couldn't bear to let it go.
"Honestly, I don't know how you go about the next step," Matthew said. "You know Sybil better than I, but you can't sit around and wait for something to happen. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't try to make this right."
"You really think Sybil and I are right for each other?" Tom asked, genuine curiosity written across his face.
Matthew nodded. "Speaking as a man who I hope will be at yours and Sybil's wedding one day, I do. You and Sybil have something special that I don't see in many couples."
Tom couldn't help but smile. That settled it then. He needed some time to figure out how to go about it, but he was going to find a way to get back with Sybil if it was the last thing he did.
-ooo-
After agreeing to talk days ago, Mary had finally managed to corner Sybil between her night shifts and her efforts to try and avoid everyone. All Mary had wanted was to invite Sybil and Tom to a meal out with herself and Matthew before Christmas to celebrate the end of the year and spend some quality time with a few of her favourite family members.
It was at that point that Sybil had had to admit to her sister that she and Tom had broken up just moments before Mary had first tried to have this conversation with her.
Mary briefly comforted her sister, but it soon fell to the back of her mind. Sybil didn't seem especially distraught about the break up, and much as Mary quite liked Tom, they weren't so close that Mary would notice a gaping hole in her circle of friends if he was no longer around.
Sybil knew Mary well enough to know that her lack of explicit sympathy and empathy was nothing to take personally – it was just how Mary was, how she'd always been. But now that Sybil was about a week removed from the break up, she'd had a lot of time to think about her relationship with Tom, and had realised that perhaps she was premature in calling it quits with him. She was strongly considering asking to see Tom again and perhaps discuss getting back together, but she didn't want to rush into anything without thinking, and she wanted Mary's advice.
That evening, once Sybil had dressed for dinner, she made her way to Mary's room to talk to her whilst she finished getting ready. Mary always took longer to get ready than Sybil did. Sybil threw on whatever seemed appropriate and went with it. Mary tended to spend a lot of time fussing over every detail so that she always looked nothing but her best.
"Sybil darling, he's just a car mechanic," Mary said, seeming to care more about how she looked in the mirror than about her sister's feelings.
"He's more than just a car mechanic," Sybil retorted. She was surprised by how angry she felt at Mary's comment. Even if Tom were just a car mechanic, would that be so bad?
For Mary, perhaps it would. She always did place a premium on social standing. All of Mary's relationships had been with people their parents would have been proud to have had as sons-in-law. Even Mary's flings that went no further than the bedroom were with men in high society.
Perhaps now isn't the time to bring up Kamal Pamuk, Sybil thought.
"And anyway, what does it matter what he does?" Sybil followed.
"All I'm saying, Sybil, is that you can do better. Even Edith could do better than a car mechanic."
Trust Mary to take a swipe at Edith when she didn't even live in the same house anymore.
"What do you mean by better?" Sybil asked. She knew exactly what Mary meant. But she wanted Mary to say it aloud. Perhaps then she'd hear what she was saying and realise how shallow it sounded.
"There are plenty of men who make more money than him, could provide for you better and are already in love with you."
Mary gave Sybil a look that said a thousand words. Sybil knew exactly where Mary was going with this.
"Firstly, I won't go near Larry Grey, no matter how hard you try and make me, and secondly, I don't need a man to provide for me. I have a job that I love, and intend to continue doing for the foreseeable future if not the rest of my life."
"I'm not trying to set you up with Larry Grey. I wouldn't wish that worm on anyone, you least of all. You're far too good for him. But Sybil, he isn't the only man who has feelings for you that you haven't noticed."
"Do you really think I haven't noticed?" Sybil asked.
Mary looked at her, not sure what to say.
"I know there are people who have liked me. I'm not blind. But they're all so dull. All they can talk about is their money, and the employees they need to keep their huge estates running, and all the dinners they're going to next week. I don't care about any of it." She paused. "I want to be with someone who intrigues me. Someone who can hold conversation after conversation after conversation with me about every topic under the sun, someone who's interested."
"Sybil-"
Sybil didn't let Mary speak. "I want someone who gives me butterflies when I see them even after being with them for years. Someone who can't keep their hands off me and vice versa. I want someone who's completely in sync with me, and I'm not trying to be horrible, Mary, but what you look for in your men is nothing like what I look for in mine."
"Can I interrupt?" Matthew said, poking his head round the door. He took a few steps into the room. "I overheard your conversation from next door," he said. Matthew's dressing room was the next room over, and now that Sybil thought about it, she wasn't exactly being quiet. "And I hope you don't mind me saying, Sybil, that it very much sounds to me like you're describing Tom."
Sybil sighed. Matthew was right. Her description was exactly Tom. Tom intrigued her. He was interested in so much, just like she was, and she knew that they could hold all sorts of conversations with each other. They'd been together three years and although they hadn't seen each other much recently, they'd never run out of things to talk about. She still occasionally felt butterflies in her stomach when she saw Tom, and gods know they certainly couldn't keep their hands off each other when they were alone (and occasionally when they were in public, which had caused some awkward moments).
Sybil knew Matthew was right, but nobody had said it to her straight, and it hurt. She'd never found confronting her own feelings easy. Helping other people to confront theirs was a cinch, but dealing with her own out of whack emotions was something she tended to run away from.
"And for what it's worth, Tom regrets what went down between you two," Matthew added.
Sybil snapped her gaze up to Matthew and her jaw fell open slightly.
"Who told you that?" she asked.
"He said it himself. We went to the pub the other day and he gave me the run down of what happened."
"And what did he say?"
"I don't think that's my place to say," Matthew said. "You should talk to him yourself."
Sybil's mind suddenly raced through a million thoughts in the space of a couple of seconds. After a moment of silence in the room, and extreme noise in her head, Mary piped up.
"You're telling me that you've known for a few days that my little sister was single and you didn't think to tell me?"
Matthew smiled a very small smile. Mary was behaving exactly like the woman he first fell in love with. Not with a heart of stone, like most people first thought, but with a very warm and loving heart buried beneath a thick, protective and almost impenetrable layer of stone.
"He asked me not to tell you, actually," he admitted. "He didn't think it fair for you to hear it from anyone other than Sybil."
Mary narrowed her eyes at Matthew, but knew he had done the right thing. She turned away from him to pick up a necklace from her vanity, and Sybil looked at Matthew slightly sideways.
Tom clearly knew Sybil well enough to know that she wouldn't want Mary waltzing up to her and asking about the break up that she'd told nobody about. And from what Matthew was saying, it sounded like Tom might also be considering the possibility of getting back together. Truth be told, one of the things holding Sybil back from talking to Tom was that she didn't think he'd want to get back together. But if he was regretting what happened, maybe the feelings were mutual. Maybe, just maybe, talking to Tom and asking to get back together would actually end well.
There was a knock on the door. Matthew had left it half open when he'd come in, so Cora came in without being invited. The knock was less to ask if she could come in, and more just to announce her entrance.
"Oh my, it's quite the party in here," she said when she saw all three of them in the same room. She had expected to see Mary and possibly Matthew, but not Sybil as well. "We were beginning to wonder where you'd all got to."
"Sorry, Mama," Mary said. "We must have got carried away, lost track of time."
Mary finished fastening her necklace behind her neck before walking out of the room with the others. Matthew and Sybil were slightly ahead of Mary and Cora.
"Sybil," Matthew said quietly so that his wife and mother-in-law wouldn't overhear. "This may not be my place to say, and I don't know what the future holds for you and Tom, but I hope you know that he loves you. I recognise so keenly what he's feeling right now because I felt it myself when Mary and I were going through our rocky phase. And from what I've seen, I honestly believe that you and Tom truly belong together, as much as I believe that Mary and I do."
Sybil smiled at him, a smile of friendship and thankfulness. Sybil didn't believe in soulmates, but she did believe that Matthew and Mary were very good together. And for Matthew to think that she and Tom were in the same category as him and Mary was very telling. He'd given her his honest opinion on her relationship with Tom from the outside looking in, and now that Sybil felt that she was neither on the inside or the outside, all she could do was take Matthew's advice and talk to Tom to try and figure things out.
That evening, Sybil was quiet at dinner. She was mulling over her thoughts, trying to figure out the best thing to do. Once dinner was finished and she was back upstairs, she decided to send a text to Tom.
When are you next free? I'd really like to talk to you, but it needs to be in person.
She didn't have the energy to write anything more. She just needed to know if he was willing to talk to her back. She started getting ready for bed, expecting no reply until at least tomorrow, but he replied quickly.
I can do tomorrow when I finish work. Any time from 6?
Yours at 6:30? I can bring food?
It wasn't a date. That wasn't the plan. But it did sound a little bit like one.
Sounds grand x
He'd even ended his message with a kiss. Perhaps this wouldn't be as hard a conversation to have as Sybil thought it would be.
-ooo-
The next day, Sybil arrived at Tom's with takeaway food and an open mind. They didn't greet each other with a hug and a kiss like they once would have done, but they behaved like they always had with each other. Sybil had spent countless hours in Tom's house and knew where everything was, so helped herself to a drink and helped dish the food out onto plates before they sat across from each other at the small dining table.
It didn't take long for their (surprisingly not at all awkward) conversation to move to their relationship.
"This is what I wanted to talk to you about," Sybil said.
"I'd guessed as much," Tom said.
"I've thought a lot about you since we last spoke."
Tom could have said a lot, but he chose to let Sybil finish before having his say.
"And I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to be without you." She paused. "Quite frankly, I've been miserable. You're my everything and losing you has just shown me that you're more important to me than I realised."
"I spoke to William and Matthew about it," Tom said. "I hope you don't mind that they know."
Sybil shook her head. "Mary knows too."
"And they both said some things that really resonated with me."
Sybil looked expectantly at Tom. The food in front of her didn't matter anymore. All she wanted to know was what Tom was feeling about her.
"Like what?" she asked.
Tom took a deep breath before talking.
"William talked about break ups as a grieving process. And I think he's right – I think grieving and healing from a break up can take a long time, but it made me think that the last thing I want to be doing is grieving the loss of you and our relationship."
Sybil couldn't help a small smile from forming across her lips. Knowing that he felt a similar way about how they ended things as she did was both a confidence boost, and very soothing, Sybil found.
"And then Matthew said that I wouldn't ever be happy with anyone else so long as you walk the earth."
"Sounds a bit poetic for Matthew," Sybil said, surprised that those words came from her brother-in-law.
"I think he's more romantic than we give him credit for," Tom said. "He's not exactly in love with the easiest person to get along with."
Some might have taken it the wrong way, but Sybil knew Tom was right. Much as Sybil loved her sister, Mary was a hard nut to crack at the best of times, but Matthew had done it with poise and grace such that Mary had even mellowed out a little since they'd been together. Not that it stopped her from aiming the occasional cutting remark at those she didn't much like.
"But my point is, he knows me better than I thought he did. And he gets it. He's bang on. I would never forgive myself if I didn't at least try to be the best man I can be for you."
Sybil didn't say anything for a while.
"Sybil, I can't bear the thought of grieving you, of grieving us." He reached across the table to take Sybil's hand in his. "I can't imagine a world where we're apart and I'm happy."
"I don't want to break up with you either," Sybil was beginning to well up with tears that she had no intention of fighting back. "But we tried. And it didn't work."
"It will," Tom said.
He didn't let go of her hand, but stood up, prompting her to stand too. They faced each other, standing close, tears now falling silently down Sybil's cheeks.
"We can make it work. You're a nurse, Syb."
Syb. It was a nickname that past boyfriends had tried but Sybil had never liked it. But out of Tom's mouth, it felt right. In his accent, it felt like home.
"You make miracles happen every day," he continued. "If you can keep people alive, we can keep us alive. And some of your magic must have rubbed off on me."
Sybil smiled up at Tom. She wrapped her arms around him to pull him into a hug. He buried his face in her long dark hair, taking in the familiar scent of her shampoo, and she rested her head on his shoulder, pressing herself against his chest as she'd done so many times before.
"I can't be without you," Sybil mumbled through the tears.
"You don't have to be," Tom soothed. "Not ever again."
They had got together originally for a reason. Because despite the concerns over how different their lives were, they suited each other remarkably well, and when it came down to it, they felt like they belonged to each other. They felt to each other like family. Like home. And they both knew that they wouldn't find the same thing in anybody else. They were at their best with each other.
Sybil pulled back and looked up at Tom.
"I love you," she whispered. "I'm not ready to let you go."
Tom kissed Sybil softly.
"A ghrá, you don't ever need to let me go again." He paused to wipe a tear from Sybil's cheek. "This is it. You're my endgame. I know that now. I love you more than you know."
Sybil smiled. She had never been sure that she'd ever find her endgame, ever find the one. But here he was, standing right in front of her, in her arms, in all his Irish charm.
"I love you too."
This Christmas had been set to be one of the worst of her life, but perhaps now it would be special. The first one of her future with the man she loved more than anyone else in the world. It had been a rollercoaster of a December, but it looked as though it was going to end in the best way possible, together with the love of her life.