The Bank II
"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." - Jean de La Fontaine
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
A/N: Unbeta'd. This is the last chapter. If I have time to pull together a short Epilogue, I'll post one.
Enjoy.
Chapter XXII
"Ah, Mr. Hatake," Dr. Tanaka greeted the man huddled next to the lone occupied hospital bed as he entered the room. "Still no changes?"
Kakashi shifted his attention to the door, he'd been so wrapped up in his own anxious thoughts that he had almost missed the doctor entering the room, almost.
"No, should she be awake now?" he asked, his sense of concern suddenly ratcheting up several notches.
"Oh, er, no, probably not for another twenty minutes at the very least."
"I see…" Kakashi trailed off, uncertain why the doctor had returned if he didn't expect to find Sakura awake.
Sensing the unspoken question, Dr. Tanaka hurried on to explain the purpose of his visit.
"I just wanted to make certain you're still set on not making this decision for her? Ms. Hatake is going to be in agony when she wakes, even with the pain medication." He paused before adding, "Kunoichi or not, are you sure you want to do this to your wife?"
Kakashi nodded, more than aware that he was going to put Sakura through something he'd rather she never have to experience, but also more than aware that he had no other alternative. This was not a choice he could make for her – she would understand his decision not to decide and be glad for it.
"You do realize that we could just choose the safest option, send her into surgery now, and tell her later that it was the only thing to be done…"
Kakashi shook his head in disbelief. He wasn't sure which was worse – that Dr. Tanaka would be okay with lying to Sakura or that Dr. Tanaka thought he would be okay lying to Sakura.
"No, lying to my wife is not an option. Besides, Sakura is a medic."
"Ah… I see?"
"When she woke, Sakura would be incredibly upset upon finding out that she'd been rendered incapable of having children. She'd want to know what happened and why. The first thing she'd want to do would be to request her chart and go over everything with a fine-toothed comb. Once she saw her file… she'd know." Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "She'd go after you first."
"What?!"
Kakashi shrugged.
"She knows damn well that I wouldn't know any different from whatever you told me and that I would never try to lie to her. So if we were to try and tell her that it was the only option when it wasn't, Sakura would assume you lied to me. She'd go after you and then come for me."
Dr. Tanaka cleared his suddenly too-dry throat. Ms. Hatake was well-known for having a legendary temper. And while it was no longer as hair-trigger as it had been, it still made appearances often enough for him to know that he did not want to be on the receiving end of it.
"Right, I see… best we wake her so she can make that decision then…"
"Wise choice."
Kumiko knocked hesitantly on the improvised hospital room door, she'd let Mr. Hatake have some time to cool off before returning for Ms. Hatake's paperwork. Hopefully, he would be in a better frame of mind now.
"Come in!" he called, sounding neither angry nor irritated.
Cautiously, Kumiko entered to find Mr. Hatake sitting very close to Ms. Hatake's bedside.
"I've come for the paperwork, Mr. Hatake, is it all set?" she asked, lingering in the doorway, waiting for a sign for if it was safe to enter.
He nodded without turning, lost in his own thoughts.
"Yes, thank you."
"Right, I'll just grab it and get out of the way. I've made almost all the changes, just need the actual paperwork to fill in the holes and make everything official."
Quickly, Kumiko crossed the room and grabbed the papers before anything else could happen – the way the day had been going, someone was due to unexpectedly burst into the room at any moment and she wanted none of it.
Mr. Hatake briefly shifted his attention from his wife to respond to her, when he heard the papers rustle.
"Thank you. I, we, appreciate your help."
"You're welcome," Kumiko replied with a light flush of color staining her cheeks as she hurried to the door. Guilt hit her once again and she silently resolved that once Ms. Hatake was awake and well, she would apologize to the both of them. Before leaving, she turned to look over her shoulder. "Maintenance told me that they hooked up a phone in here for you, call me if you need anything – just dial zero and tell the operator you want the front desk, they'll connect you right away."
Mr. Hatake nodded silently, attention already refocused on his wife.
Kumiko hastily made her way out of the improvised hospital room and heaved a huge sigh of relief. She'd thought the atmosphere had been tense before but now? It had gone beyond tense into the realm of high anxiety. Whatever the doctor had had to say to Mr. Hatake had clearly not been the best of news.
Before returning to her desk, she took a moment to scan through the completed paperwork, noting without surprise that Itsuki had been added to Ms. Hatake's 'Do not Admit' list. Kumiko sighed again, it was sure to be a massive blow to Itsuki. Somehow, though, she found herself unable to feel too bad for him – he'd brought it upon himself. Maybe now he'd finally see the light and leave them alone.
Just as she was collecting herself to continue back to her desk, Kumiko noticed that the door of one of the file storage rooms a little way down the hall was ajar. She frowned in thought for a moment. Kumiko was fairly certain that it had been closed when she'd gone into Ms. Hatake's room. Curious, there was no reason for anyone to be down in any of the file storage rooms at this time of the day, Kumiko made her way toward the incongruity.
As she approached the slightly open door she noticed that it moved faintly. More curious than before, she reached out to push the door all the way open. Before her fingers could touch it, the door swung open on its own.
"Itsuki?! What are you doing in there…" Kumiko trailed off, starting to wonder if she would need to call security. Itsuki's behavior was getting out of hand.
"Shh…" Itsuki reached out and drew Kumiko into the filing room, pulling the door closed behind her.
Kumiko glanced around, it was clear from Itsuki's distraught state that he had been waiting in the file storage room for some time – probably since his run-in with Mr. Hatake.
"Itsuki – this is not okay. I don't know what you're trying to accomplish here but whatever it is, I can tell that it's not what you should be doing."
"I need to apologize," he responded, desperation almost palpably rolling off of him.
Kumiko sighed impatiently, this had gone beyond her ability to cope and into the realm of potentially dangerous. She needed to get back to her desk and notify security.
"I'm sure you think you do. However, lying in wait for Mr. Hatake to leave so you can accost his wife is not the way to go about apologizing."
Itsuki had the decency to blush and avert his gaze.
"I don't know what else to do…"
"Leave them alone! That's the absolute best thing you can do!"
"But – I need to apologize!"
"What you think you need right now doesn't matter! Leave them alone! You can apologize later – after Ms. Hatake is discharged from the hospital. Now is not the time!"
"But… after this morning…" he trailed off looking for the words. "This is probably my last chance…"
Kumiko raised an eyebrow, not buying his excuse.
"It's not a chance at all. You're on Ms. Hatake's banned list. You try to go into that room now and you'll be brought up on charges."
"What?!" he exclaimed, taking a step back in disbelief. He hadn't thought that he would actually be barred entry to Sakura's room.
"Just leave, Itsuki," Kumiko stated flatly – beyond done dealing with him.
Itsuki's lips firmed into a determined line and he shook his head sadly, stubbornly.
"For the love of…" She threw her hands up in exasperation. "Don't you think you've done enough?"
"I-" Itsuki started before voices in the hall caught his attention.
"Where's she gone? She was right here last time we saw her on the security footage," a deep male voice commented.
"That's what we're here to find out," an authoritative male voice replied.
"Right… Maybe she went back into Ms. Hatake's room?" the first voice suggested dubiously.
"Hmm, last I heard, Mr. Hatake is not to be bothered under any circumstances," the second voice responded.
"Yeah… probably best we don't poke the bear unless we have to…" the first voice trailed off in thought.
Realizing what had probably happened, Kumiko glared at Itsuki.
"Just leave before you make things even worse for yourself," she hissed before exiting the file room. Though they were clearly reluctant to bother Mr. Hatake, she knew they eventually would and that was the last thing she wanted.
"I'm here," Kumiko said as she entered the hall, closing the file storage room door firmly behind her.
She found two of the hospital security guards lingering uncertainly in front of Ms. Hatake's improvised hospital room. The one with the authoritative voice and shorter stature she recognized as one of the day-shift security supervisors, Mr. Kota Noguchi. He was of an older generation and consequently, one of a small few who had not received any sort of academy training. His companion with a deep voice, Mr. Ryo Mori, had only started a few weeks prior and already had half the female staff after him. Mr. Mori had put in for a transfer from the regular shinobi ranks to have a more stable work schedule so he could better take care of his nephew. Sadly, his sister had been one of the combat medics lost in the hospital explosions several months prior.
"Ah, there you are," Mr. Noguchi commented, a puzzled eyebrow raised at Kumiko emerging from a seldom-used file room.
"Yes, you were gone long enough that people were starting to worry," Mr. Mori added, not wanting to say that he'd noticed her disappearance before anyone else.
"Sorry," Kumiko ducked her head a little to hide the faint blush. "I just needed a minute to myself before returning to my desk. It's been a… a difficult day."
Mr. Noguchi waved her excuse off with a sigh.
"I'm glad you're okay. We have people out looking for Mr. Watanabe – he's been wanted urgently by his boss for the past few hours. When you disappeared near Ms. Hatake's room, we were afraid you may have run afoul of him."
"Oh! I see. I-I hadn't realized… I'm sorry to have caused concern." She bowed slightly. It was no use getting upset at Mr. Noguchi's old-fashioned worldview. She was a kunoichi, even if she had run afoul of Itsuki in the way he had feared, she would have been more than capable of handling the situation. However, she knew that his apprehension came from a place of old-world chivalry and genuine concern for her wellbeing – he had a daughter her age – rather than an active assumption that all women were incapable of defending themselves. "I have the paperwork I needed – I'll head back to my desk now."
"Yes, please do." Mr. Noguchi replied, already mentally moving on to other possible locations where Mr. Watanabe may be hiding.
"I will. Thank you for worrying about me."
Mr. Noguchi nodded.
"I'm going to finish checking these halls. Ryo-"
"I'll escort her back to the front desk," Ryo finished quickly.
Mr. Noguchi gave him a startled look – though he had been about to suggest the same thing, it was unusual for Ryo to volunteer to do anything involving a single young woman. From his experience so far, Ryo was not coping very well with all the attention he was receiving from the female hospital staff and tended to avoid them as much as possible. Mr. Noguchi raised an eyebrow, his lips twitching as he tried to suppress an amused smirk.
Mr. Mori ducked his head slightly, realizing he should have waited for Mr. Noguchi to actually issue the order instead of volunteering.
"With Mr. Watanabe still MIA we shouldn't take any chances," Mr. Mori commented as a cover for his hasty statement.
"Yes, that's true." Mr. Noguchi nodded to himself before turning to address Kumiko. "Ryo will escort you back to your desk."
Kumiko suppressed a light blush – Mr. Mori was even more attractive up close than he was from afar. Sad recent family history aside, there was absolutely no mystery as to why half the female staff was after him.
"Oh, uh, you don't have to… I'm sure I can make it back to the front desk just fine on my own. I wouldn't want to make you go out of your way…"
"No trouble at all Ms. Nagata," Mr. Mori quickly assured her.
Kumiko nodded her acceptance, secretly pleased that he knew her name.
"Alright, then, lead the way," she replied with a smile.
Mr. Mori started down the hall, back toward the elevator, and Kumiko fell into step next to him.
"So, how are you adjusting to coming out of the regular ranks to work at the hospital?" Kumiko asked, knowing from experience that the transition could be more difficult than expected.
Mr. Mori raised a hand to the back of his neck.
"Eh, heh, it's been an adjustment for sure."
She nodded, she knew what he meant.
"For me, it was the regular schedule that was the hardest – so stupid, I know. But for some reason, it was weird to be getting up at the same time, going to work in the same place, doing the same thing, and for the same number of hours each day."
Ryo nodded.
"I know exactly what you mean – I haven't had a regular schedule since the academy." He chuckled. "I'd forgotten what that was like."
Once they were out of earshot of the file room, Kumiko turned to the large shinobi escorting her to her desk and sighed. A much as she would enjoy having him escort her back to her desk, her conscience wouldn't allow her to let him. At least, not without her telling him about Itsuki first.
Mr. Mori paused when he sensed Kumiko stop, concerned he turned to her, he'd thought they were getting on fine.
"Something wrong?"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Mori. There's something I need to tell you that I couldn't say earlier."
Mr. Mori tilted his head to the side, unsure what Ms. Nagata could have neglected to mention.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Itsuki, that is, Mr. Watanabe is hiding in that file storage room. He pulled me in after I exited Ms. Hatake's room with the paperwork I needed."
"What?! Why did you say something sooner?" Without waiting for a response he turned to head back down the hallway, to confront the wanted man, frustrated at the potential lost time.
Kumiko reached out to grab his hand and he turned and sent her a puzzled look. She averted her eyes.
"I'm sorry I didn't want to say something until I knew he couldn't hear me. I think he's waiting for Mr. Hatake to leave Ms. Hatake's room so he can go and apologize to her."
"What?" Mr. Mori tensed and gathered himself to head back down the hall. "That's-"
"I know," she interrupted him. "Please let me get clear of the area before you confront him. I don't want to see this," Kumiko asked in a suddenly small voice as she glanced back up to catch Mr. Mori's gaze.
Mr. Mori sighed and relaxed.
"He was a decent friend for a time…" she trailed off. As much as she knew he had it coming, she just didn't want to see Itsuki get hauled off by security. "I told him to leave. I told him he should leave Ms. Hatake alone. But, he refused. I'm sure he'll still be waiting in that storage room for his chance to get Ms. Hatake alone. I don't think he means her, or anyone else, any harm. I just think he's desperate to apologize. He probably has no idea how inappropriate his behavior is right now."
Mr. Mori studied her for a moment, wondering if he'd read her interest wrong, before shaking his head. She was doing the right thing and had a reasonable reason for not saying something earlier – Mr. Noguchi would be a bit irritated but would recognize the tactical advantage she was giving them. And, that she didn't want to see a friend hauled off by security… well, that was understandable too. He sighed. There went his chance to try and get to know Ms. Nagata a little better.
"I understand. I'll walk you to the elevator then go tell Mr. Noguchi."
Kumiko smiled faintly.
"Thank you."
Itsuki visibly slumped as he walked into his supervisor's office, his security escort leaving him at the door. Since nothing had gone his way that day, it was only to be expected that he would finally have to face Ms. Imai and whatever consequences she may have for him.
"Ah, Itsuki, we've been wondering where you've been."
"Here and there," he responded somewhat nervously, more than aware that he had gone well beyond crossing the line. "Had some things to take care of…"
She shot him a disbelieving look, someone from security had already called and she knew what he'd been attempting to do. After a moment, she decided to ignore his additional transgressions for the time being. Itsuki was already in more than enough trouble as it was, adding to it wouldn't particularly alter the outcome.
Itsuki ducked his head, acknowledging that he knew that he'd done wrong.
That he'd actually managed to make things worse for himself shouldn't have surprised Ms. Imai. And yet, somehow it still did. Itsuki's potential to make things worse for himself seemed neverending.
"I'm sure you know why you're here?" Ms. Imai started sternly.
"Yes," he responded softly.
"Good. I've spoken to the other supervisors and we have decided to stick our necks out for you – as far as we can see, none of your actions have been intentionally inappropriate or malicious. Misguided, yes, negligent, yes. But none of them have actually intended harm. So we have come up with two options for you."
Itsuki raised his head in surprise, he'd expected to be fired on the spot and probably banned from the hospital unless or until he needed medical treatment.
"I have a choice?" he asked hopefully.
"Yes, we felt it best to let you decide."
"I-I see."
"Option one, there is an immediate opening for an assistant to the adjunct to the medical liaison in Sand, while you're there you can complete the program you started. After that, there'll be an opening in a second program that will get you all the remaining credits you need to get your medical doctorate. Once you've completed both programs, you'll be permanently assigned to one of the outposts. Which one will depend on which one is in the most need of a doctor at that time."
Itsuki grimaced, he didn't like the idea of what amounted to exile with an undetermined expiration date.
"The second option?" he asked hoping against hope that it would be less severe.
Ms. Imai raised an eyebrow, he should know damn well that the first option was far more than he deserved. If not for the chronic medic shortage, they'd just have washed their hands of him and given him the permanent boot.
"You will be placed on immediate administrative leave until the Lady Hokage returns and accept whatever punishment she metes out to you."
All the color slowly drained from Itsuki's face. He'd been so wrapped up in his own thoughts and concerns that the full consequences of his negligent actions hadn't really registered until just then. That his punishment would, of course, come from the Hokage simply hadn't occurred to him. It was obvious to Itsuki now. The Lady Hokage would kill him. She would absolutely kill him. And, no one would blame her for it. Ms. Imai and her colleagues really were sticking their necks out for him by offering him a way to leave the village before the Lady Hokage could return and render her own judgment and punishment.
He swallowed, hard.
"When do I leave?"
Sakura felt herself slowly being pulled from sleep, as had been happening more and more frequently, she found that in the brief moments between sleep and wakefulness, she could almost feel Kakashi's arms around her. She knew that he sometimes shared her bed rather than spending every evening on her supremely uncomfortable couch. And, every so often when she woke in the middle of the night it was to find that he had curled himself around her.
The cat curled up with his mistress... when he thought no one was looking.
Sakura cherished those hazy moments as they were the most transparent of all the many little things he did to subtly support her and show her just how much he cared. His frequent visits to her office with hot caffeine or food just when she needed a break but wouldn't have otherwise taken one. His seemingly random invitations to dinner after she'd had an exhausting day at work. These were the evenings where she was tired enough to likely either skip the meal entirely or have something less than nutritious before going directly to bed, rather than the evenings they both wanted to blow off some steam and have a little fun. These were the evenings he took her out, made sure she ate well, and that she got back to her apartment within a reasonable amount of time. Nearly everything he did to express his feelings was cloaked in other purposes or was just plain indirect. But, for those few moments in the middle of the night when she could feel him around her – she knew that those moments were the closest thing to a direct declaration of his feelings that she would ever get from him, and that they should be appreciated accordingly.
Though Kakashi would always be up and out of bed when she woke in the morning, that fact just made her treasure those foggy memories of having him there in bed with her all the more. She knew that once she was safe to live on her own he would, once again, disappear back into the village. Quite possibly for good since there was no way of knowing when he would be assigned the mission that would be his last.
A wave of pain hit and jolted her from the few moments of pleasant thoughts she had enjoyed before coming fully awake. Unable to prevent it, she groaned.
A sharp noise, metal on a hard floor, told her that someone was with her, probably waiting for her to wake. With an enormous act of will, Sakura opened her eyes, knowing that the light would likely hurt them.
"Kakashi?" she asked in a weak and cracked voice. She hadn't expected to see him there. "Wha-what are you doing here?" She paused, what she could see of the room finally registering in her mind. "Wait, where is here?"
"You had a fall, do you remember?" he asked as he knelt by the bed, both his hands automatically reaching out for her left hand – concern writ large across his face.
Sakura concentrated for a moment, falling back on kunoichi training and doing her best to shut the pain out so she could think.
"Not really," she grunted after a long moment of trying to remember.
Kakashi nodded, it was to be expected and not particularly important at that time.
"Well, you did, you might remember it later." Absently, without any conscious direction, his thumbs ran comfortingly over the back of her hand.
Sakura closed her eyes against the agony, her right arm automatically covering them against the light and the additional pain it brought. She exhaled slowly – doing her best to manage the pain.
"Okay, okay. We'll leave that for later. Where is here?" she asked, unable to feel other than comforted by Kakashi's actions, strange as they were.
"The hospital is out of rooms so they've made do, temporarily, with what I think must be one of the file storage rooms." Kakashi looked around the room again, finding no additional clues as to what the room was used for before it had been cleared for Sakura, and shrugged. "They expect to move you to a real room later – someone in the Maternity Ward is due to go home later today and they're going to put you there when you're ready."
"Maternity Ward? When I'm ready? What?" she asked more than confused, the pain making it hard for her to concentrate for very long.
Kakashi removed one of his hands from hers to wave it and her questions away. Even though he knew she couldn't see the gesture, he knew she would somehow sense it.
"Never mind that. It's not important right now."
"What? It's not?" she asked through gritted teeth, doing her best to focus on the comforting sensation of his hand holding hers.
"No, we don't have much time." He returned his hand to hers once again. "You urgently need surgery – there are options. They wanted me to choose for you…" he closed his eyes and shook his head before reopening them to better focus on her. "But… I'm sorry. I can't. I can't make that decision for you. So I had to ask them to wake you so you could make it yourself. I'm sorry – I didn't want you to be in this much pain but I really had no alternative."
"Wha?" she asked, almost pulling her arm from her eyes to get a better look at Kakashi, something was wrong – very wrong. She'd never seen or heard him this indecisive or apologetic. "Why are they asking you?"
"Tsunade is out of the village and-" Kakashi broke off abruptly as Doctor Tanaka entered the room.
Reluctantly, he let Sakura's hand go and moved aside so the doctor had better access to Sakura, though he didn't step too far away. There was no way he was going to leave her unless she asked him to.
Seeing that Sakura was awake, clipboard in hand, the doctor rushed over to the hospital bed – he wanted a decision, and he wanted it now.
"Ah, you're awake Ms. Hatake, right on time."
Sakura's arm flew away from her face, her eyes open wide, suddenly searching for Kakashi's – her pain momentarily forgotten in the shock of the moment.
Doctor Tanaka chuckled, misinterpreting Sakura's surprise.
"No need to worry Ms. Hatake, your husband filled out and filed all the necessary paperwork. A bit of a surprise to all of us, to be honest, but it's all been squared away now." He glanced down at his clipboard. "Not a minute too soon either seeing as how we needed for decisions to be made and the Lady Hokage is currently out of the village."
Shocked, Sakura kept her gaze on Kakashi who had the grace to duck his head a little but maintained eye contact, his expression tight with worry and a hint of pleading. She nodded almost imperceptibly. They'd discuss it later.
Another wave of pain hit her and she gritted her teeth, unable to suppress a groan.
Taking that as his cue, Doctor Tanaka refocused his attention on his patient.
"Right, you need surgery. You have three options…"
Kakashi let his mind wander as the doctor discussed Sakura's options with her. He knew they had a lot to talk about. Unfortunately, if things continued as they were going it would appear that they wouldn't get to discuss any of it before she went under for surgery. Anxiety kicked in as he didn't know for sure what Sakura would choose. Or, rather, he did, and it was the choice he most feared.
He stifled a sigh, realizing that he would have to make one last bid to change her mind. But, in order to do that, he'd need to get her alone. Kakashi was not about to allow any spectators in on what was likely to be an extremely awkward conversation – especially since Sakura may take umbrage at the fact that he'd filed the paperwork, nevermind his intended plea for her to go for the safest option. They could get a surrogate – he would demand one if one was not offered – and things would be just fine.
Doctor Tanaka briskly tapped his clipboard, pulling Kakashi's attention back to the present.
"So, now that you have your options, do you have a decision?"
Sakura exhaled slowly, doing her best to push the agony aside so she could better focus on making a decision. A part of her wished that Kakashi was still holding her hand. It had been easier to shut out the pain when she could concentrate on his hands holding hers.
Sakura couldn't quite guess why Kakashi hadn't made the obvious choice for her – he had to know that she wanted to have children and it was in his best interest that she be able to have them. It was clear that she would choose the riskiest option – Sakura had faith in the medical staff. That Kakashi hadn't just made the decision for her gave her cause to pause – he never did anything without reason. And, he would never put her through this much pain unless it was essential. She was missing something.
Kakashi cleared his throat, drawing both Doctor Tanaka and Sakura's attention. He focused on the doctor, doing his best to keep himself from darting concerned glances at Sakura.
"I'd like a few minutes alone with my wife before she makes her decision."
Doctor Tanaka frowned.
"I thought you wanted her to make this decision? That's the only reason I agreed to have her woken up in the first place."
Kakashi held his hands up.
"I know, I know. Sakura will, of course, make own her decision. However, I would still like a few minutes alone with my wife before she makes her choice. I want to be certain that she has all the information she needs in order to make that decision." He allowed his eyes to narrow just a little to convey the fact that he was not going to accept 'no' for an answer.
The doctor swallowed, suddenly recalling the fact that Kakashi was ANBU, incredibly dangerous, and not to be trifled with under any circumstances. Hastily he cleared his throat and checked his watch.
"I can give you no more than twenty minutes – ten would be better."
Kakashi nodded, it would have to be enough.
"I'll be right outside, let me know as soon as a decision has been made. I will have things prepared for surgery while I wait."
Kakashi nodded again and then waited until Doctor Tanaka took his leave.
Sakura glanced up at Kakashi expectantly, temporarily able to push the agony aside as her curiosity got the better of her and the medication finally started to take the edge off the pain.
"Wife?" she asked, unsure where else to start.
Kakashi sighed and moved back to his prior position at her bedside – turning to pull the chair close so he could sit and talk to Sakura more comfortably.
"Well?" she asked, gritting her teeth as her concentration slipped and the pain hit her again.
Feeling a bit of color rise to his cheeks, Kakashi shook his head.
"They wouldn't let me see you. Or, even tell me if you were still alive."
Sakura's mouth dropped open.
"What?!"
"It was the only way I could get in to make sure you were okay – alive – with Tsunade out of the village."
Sakura slowly closed her mouth, still not quite believing it. Who in their right mind would try and keep Kakashi from her side? He must have been both absolutely terrified and terrifying when someone had told him that he couldn't see her or know her status.
"I wasn't on your list – you didn't even have one."
"List?"
Kakashi shook his head, they could discuss this later. They had more important things to see to first.
"New hospital policy. But, never mind, that's all squared away for now and you can make changes to it later. We don't have much time and I think there are things you should know before making your decision." He paused and ducked his head a bit, well aware that he should have told her everything sooner. It just hadn't seemed urgent at the time. "Things I should have already told you."
Slowly, Sakura shook her head, she didn't understand.
"Kakashi, I'm going for option three – I want kids and the other two options don't allow much hope for that possibility. I-I don't-"
She knit her eyebrows together in confusion as another wave of pain hit and she took a moment to concentrate on managing it rather than the odd situation she found herself in. Kakashi should know all this – what was it that he wasn't telling her?
Kakashi waited patiently, he could see that Sakura was struggling with managing her pain and though he felt the passing of time quite keenly and wanted to take away her pain, he knew there was nothing he could actually do to either help or hurry Sakura along.
After a moment, Sakura finally managed to pull herself together again and ask the most pressing question.
"I don't understand, option three is also in your best interest. Why didn't you just choose it and be done with it? You know that's what I would want."
He closed his eyes and sighed, though he was bad at stating things plainly, he knew that now was not the time to be anything other than direct.
"Sakura I…"
She shook her head again, the pain medication doing well at keeping the edge off.
"Kakashi, it's been nice having you around but I know it won't last." Sakura started to reach out to him before wincing in pain and retracting her arm. She grimaced and continued, "I want children, your children, and if I don't go for option three, I probably won't have the chance." She looked away, gritting her teeth against another wave of pain – this one having nothing to do with her impending surgery.
Kakashi reached out and gently took her hand in his, she was in such a state that he was going to have to carefully spell it out for her.
"Tsunade told you that my mission status was in a sort of Limbo right now, didn't she?" he asked gently
Surprised at his change of subject, Sakura turned her head and refocused her attention on Kakashi and the sensation of his hand holding hers, his thumbs once again moving comfortingly over the back of her hand. Hesitantly, she nodded. She hadn't wanted to think about it too closely.
"She tell you why?" he asked quietly.
Sakura shook her head. Tsunade likely wanted her to ask Kakashi herself to find out the reason. But, she had found that she simply couldn't. Asking him seemed a good way to get an evasive answer and push him out her door that much faster.
Slowly Kakashi inhaled and then exhaled.
"I wasn't supposed to come back. Tsunade gave me her blessing – she let me go."
Sakura couldn't help the sharp gasp. Not at hearing him admit it, she'd long ago made her peace with his decision to die in service of the village. But, rather at the fact that the situation was truly dire enough for Tsunade to allow Kakashi to make that mission his last. She knew Tsunade had been silently (and not-so-silently) pushing the two of them together – letting Kakashi go would have to have been the only option for her to have utilized it.
He paused to consider his next words, absently pulling her hand a little closer to him without realizing it.
"Because of the loss of my support team and the fact that I'd been working toward a goal, she bumped up the difficulty level of the mission."
"Kakashi… what does that..." Sakura trailed off, not wanting to think about it, never mind ask.
"When I completed that mission, I achieved the highest promotable rank available to me."
"What?!" she exclaimed, no active shinobi ever hit that rank. It was only ever earned by shinobi right before they retired – the whole retirement plan was structured around the timing of those two things coinciding.
"Tsunade wasn't trying to be kind or diplomatic when she told you that my current state of limbo had nothing to do with you. They truly don't know what to do with me now that I've hit that rank… as a rule, active shinobi don't. I'm on hold until they can figure it out. That's part of what my meeting today was about."
"But…"
"They'll either find me a loophole, a desk job, or something else to occupy my time. Turns out, no one wants to see me retired – least of all me."
Sakura lay there for a few moments, too shocked to take it all in. Her world seemed to be crumbling around her. It was all too much.
"Retired?" she asked in a weak voice. If he were to retire…
He sighed.
"It's still up in the air. But, it is a strong possibility at this point." He snorted softly. "They're looking into alternatives but so far have come up with only one and that one isn't viable at this point in time. Maybe in a year or two… or, maybe sooner, depending on all the other mitigating factors I guess." He shrugged, that wasn't all that important.
Sakura stared at him, wondering if he meant what she thought she meant. And, more importantly, why he came back. He'd had one last item on his to-do list and had even been given the perfect opportunity to achieve it. Why hadn't he taken it?
"You haven't asked me yet," Kakashi stated calmly, interrupting Sakura's thoughts.
"I haven't asked you... what?" she asked, uncertain if she could actually ask him.
He smiled softly, sadly, and squeezed her hand a little.
"Why I came back."
Sakura swallowed, she didn't think she wanted to know. Slowly she shook her head, trying to keep the pain away but realizing that it wasn't entirely due to her injuries. She didn't think she could handle this. Why was he telling her now, on top of everything else that was going on?
"When Tsunade wrote to me – when she recalled my support team – she let me go. She didn't try to guilt me into coming back – she even laid the facts bare that I would likely be retired upon my return – never to achieve my goal of earning my place on the Memorial. Basically, that mission was my last chance and she expected me to take and make the most of it."
Sakura turned her head from him, not wanting to hear it and not wanting him to see that tears were forming in her eyes.
"I thought you wanted me to have your children?" she asked, instead of asking why he had come back, her voice thick with unshed tears.
He shook his head and frowned slightly.
"At the time, that no longer seemed to be an option."
Sakura sniffed, unable to respond. She would have to rethink everything. If he retired rather than dying in the line of duty, she would probably not be in any position to take possession of his bank account when he died. Even though she was younger than him, he was healthy, he would likely live long enough for her to be past childbearing age when he died. Never mind the fact that they were actually married now. Granted, that didn't mean their lives had to change but people would begin to talk – especially if Sakura went to a different bank to get the kids she wanted. Was this why he wanted to speak to her before she decided? He knew she would be past child-bearing years when she would be eligible to take possession of his bank account?
Kakashi read the pain in Sakura's expression, easily able to see it even from only a small portion of her face, and silently sighed. As expected, he was expressing himself badly. She wasn't drawing the conclusions he wanted her to. He'd need to try again to spell it out clearly – they did not have time for any further misunderstandings. Hesitantly Kakashi reached out to touch her cheek and gently turn her head so he could catch her gaze.
"I knew from what Tsunade didn't say… I knew that you were gone... ANBU was recalled immediately after the second blast – before any survivors were found… Before you were found," he told her softly.
Sakura's jaw dropped.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing.
"I knew that you had a dream, having kids one day. You told me so yourself. I knew that you wanted to have my kids." He glanced away, unable to hold her gaze. "You once told me that you wanted to do something for me so I could leave this world with no regrets – even if it wasn't something I'd be around to see." Kakashi paused again for a moment to collect himself before returning his gaze to Sakura's still wide-eyed stare. "I thought it only right to do my best to try and return the favor."
Unable to prevent it, Sakura felt the moisture she'd been trying not to let go, tip over and start to creep down her cheeks.
Kakashi smiled sadly and awkwardly but gently brushed the tears away, he couldn't bear to see them. That he had caused them only made them that much harder for him to see.
"I decided to return to the village no matter what. File the paperwork. And, then go looking for a surrogate. I would do what you were prevented from doing."
"Kakashi…"
"Imagine my surprise upon returning to find that you'd survived."
"I-I'm sorry…"
Kakashi inhaled sharply. Full understanding of just how much he had hurt Sakura when he had told her that he was sorry to have returned from a suicide mission suddenly hitting him like a ton of bricks – temporarily taking his breath away. If this was even a fraction of what he'd been inflicting upon Sakura... What he'd said to her when he'd returned from that mission… he had a lot to make up to her.
"I…" Sakura started before trailing off again. She didn't know what to say.
He exhaled slowly, doing his best to get a better hold of himself. Until now, he'd had no real concept of how much he'd been hurting Sakura, recently and over the years. And he did not like it one bit. He would make it up to her.
"Sakura that… I… I never want to hear you apologize for surviving again."
She drew her brows together in confusion. She'd ruined his plans – ruined his life. He had had a chance to achieve his life's goal and had passed on it because he had thought her dead.
"But…"
He shook his head and squeezed her hand with both of his.
"I now understand, to a small degree, what I put you through earlier. I, I'm sorry."
"What?" she asked with more than a little confusion, the pain starting to return and beginning to steal her focus.
He shook his head, realizing that his short window with her was beginning to close. If the pain was starting to seep back in, Dr. Tanaka would likely be expecting her answer soon. He needed to convince her quickly, seeing her in such agony was just killing him.
"Never mind. That's not important right now."
"Then what is?" she almost wailed, not at all sure what he was trying to say to her.
"I came back with every intention of marrying you and then raising your children."
Sakura felt her cheeks tint, she'd never expected him to say those words even indirectly, never mind plainly as he just had.
"I've managed to accomplish the first…"
"Kakashi – the last thing I want to do is to corner you into doing something you don't want to do."
He squeezed her hand a little, comfortingly.
"I made my decision when I decided to return to the village."
"Kakashi…"
"I… I needed to be with you – one way or another…"
Sakura made an aborted attempt to reach out to him with her free hand, grimacing in pain.
"I have to warn you though… I'm not any good at it… relationships. No experience." He sighed, frustrated with his own shortcomings. "You truly deserve better."
She smiled faintly through the pain and tears.
"I deserve what I want, and I want you… I don't expect you to be perfect." She chuckled weakly, wincing immediately as the action only caused increased pain. "And, you are very good at the physical aspects of relationships."
He shot her a startled glance.
"I do expect you to try though – at the actual relationship bits," she informed him through gritted teeth, the pain medication starting to fade more quickly.
He nodded, gently squeezing her hand, of course, he'd try – he'd do anything for her. Hell, he already had.
"You're going to have to help me then – tell me what you want, what you need from me. I don't want to hurt you because I have no idea what you want or need from me."
Sakura chuckled. As unromantic as it was, it was entirely Kakashi. He'd do whatever she asked, and eventually, he'd be able to do what she wanted, needed, without her prompting. He was a fast learner and had years of reading romance novels under his belt. With a few nudges, he'd be just fine.
"I understand and," she paused to wait for a wave of pain to pass, "I have my first request."
Kakashi blinked in surprise, was he already doing something wrong?
"You can start by maybe sticking around in bed in the mornings every once in a while."
"What?" he asked, startled by her first request.
"Would be nice to occasionally find you," she had to stop and inhale and exhale before continuing, "there with me in the morning when I wake up."
He stared at her for a moment, unable to process her request.
"Think you can manage that?" she asked faintly, her strength starting to go.
Surprise wearing off, he chuckled. It had taken every bit of his willpower not to be there in the mornings.
"Sakura, I l-"
Weakly she pulled on his hand, interrupting him and once again wincing in pain.
"Sakura-"
She shook her head.
"Not now," she hissed, trying to breathe through the pain that had suddenly broken through her careful wall.
"But-"
"No regrets, Kakashi. If you tell me now, you'll have no regrets," she grunted through the pain.
Puzzled he tilted his head to the side, unsure what she meant.
"Sakura, I don't think-"
"If you don't tell me, you can't die – you'll have regrets."
Surprised he sighed in relief as he realized that he hadn't told her that he'd also hit his mission cap. There would be no more missions for him unless the village specifically needed his services.
"Sakura I-"
"Hush, let me have my moment." She paused before continuing, once again making an aborted attempt to reach out to him, the agony starting to become unbearable. "We both know I care far too much to let you go out on your next mission – whatever it is – without telling me." Sakura chuckled and then grimaced. "I do want you to have no regrets after all."
Suddenly, Sakura groaned as the pain came roaring fully back to her.
Kakashi, all thoughts of telling her about his mission cap forgotten, was on his feet crowding closer to Sakura.
"What's wrong? Do I need to go get Doctor Tanaka?"
Sakura groaned again and shook her head.
"Haven't decided… yet…"
Clenching his jaw in worry, Kakashi hovered by her bedside doing his best not to crush her hand in his worry, uncertain as to what he should do.
Sakura glanced up and caught his expression. He loved her – she'd known since that night nearly two years prior when he'd confronted her about her decision to add herself to his list. And, now, rather than tell her through indirect means as he did nearly everything else, he had wanted to come right out and tell her plainly. She forced out a slow breath.
"'Kay, go get 'im. Made m'decision."
Kakashi gave her hand one last quick squeeze before immediately heading for the door, dread clutching at his stomach – Sakura hadn't told him her decision.
As he reached out to the door to open it, the door swung open of its own accord.
"Tsunade?!" he exclaimed, too surprised to feel any relief at seeing the only person he trusted to keep Sakura safe through her impending surgery.
The Hokage brushed past Kakashi and headed right for Sakura.
"Well, well, what did I tell you before I left?" She paused for only a moment while she swiftly took in Sakura's incapacitated state. "Stay out of trouble, I believe it was."
Sakura grunted, the pain clearly temporarily robbing her of speech.
Seeing that she wouldn't get any sort of response from Sakura at that moment, she turned to Kakashi, still standing somewhat stupidly by the door.
"Get out of the way, she's going into surgery, now."
"Wait," Kakashi held up a hand to stop Tsunade's progress, too confused to let anyone pass. "What are you doing here?"
"I was called back – Sakura's medical contact," she paused and eyed Kakashi, "well, I was, until you two finally made it official anyway." She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Did I say finally? What I meant was, it's about damn time! Now, get out of the way, Sakura needs surgery."
Kakashi shook his head, choosing to ignore Tsunade's jabs about filing the paperwork.
"Sakura hasn't given Doctor Tanaka her decision yet."
Tsunade waved her hand negligently, waving away Kakashi's protests the same as she'd waved away Dr. Tanaka's.
"I'll do whatever's necessary." She glanced at Sakura, seeing that she was still not in any condition to converse she returned her attention to Kakashi. "If I can't save her reproductive system, you two will be at the top of the surrogate list once she's recovered."
Kakashi's eyes widened. He turned back to Sakura to see that she was still conscious, clearly in agony but somehow managing to nod her agreement – she agreed with Tsunade's plan.
"One way or another, you two will have your kids, no matter what happens in surgery."
Slowly Kakashi nodded, he understood.
"Good. Go home and change, take a shower, pick up a fresh novel…" she trailed off, wondering if she should specify that he go back to Sakura's apartment since she knew he was more or less living there these days. Tsunade shook her head. "It'll be a couple of hours before Sakura is out of surgery." She held up her hand to stop what she knew was coming. "You'll be notified as soon as she's in recovery. Until then, you'll just be underfoot and in the way."
Kakashi closed his mouth and nodded, trying to fight this edict would only get him in trouble and possibly banned from the hospital and therefore Sakura. Nothing he could do or say could change Tsunade's edict. He quickly hurried back to Sakura, kneeling at her bedside once again. Making and keeping eye contact with her, he gently took her hand in his.
"I'll be back."
Sakura managed to briefly pull herself together for a weak smile.
"Said tha' las' time."
He chuckled and smiled faintly.
"So I did."
She managed to squeeze his hands momentarily.
"'ll be okay."
"You said that last time."
She chuckled and then winced.
"Be fine."
"I hope so. We have a lot to do once you've recovered."
"'ll face it to'gether."
He smiled, knowing she was right. Whatever the future held in store for them, they'd tackle it together.