'How did it come to this? How did I, Count Anton Valoisin end up creating such a total failure? Lodira was always flighty, undisciplined, unfocused. I still wonder if she is really mine. She doesn't share much in common with me in looks or in personality. Her mother… a little, but I have always wondered if her mother was just better at playing the whore in secret than my worthless slut of a daughter if only she'd had more discipline…'
'When Lodira was small, she wanted to know everything, but when she got older? She wanted to just be away, how many times Albaer had to drag her away from taverns and parties I cannot even tell myself in this entry. I thought sending her to school might help, the discipline of her peers might correct her. But all that happened was that the little strumpet corrupted them instead!'
'It almost worked out at least, I almost had her married to the Prince… but Ulmin saw her first and I needed those lands… she should have just been a decent wife! Had a child, then slutted it about in private like any decent noble harlot in Pas'en. Damn that city, it made everything about her worse. Art, music, and laziness. I should have yanked her back here and beaten her as a lesson when that Prince started rutting with the demon-elf consort, but I had no idea my whore daughter would be so debauched as to do things with both of them until the rumors got here! And damn that Ulmin for his part too! If he'd just kept her away… but his stupid pride…'
'So now here I am, my daughter is stripped of her citizenship and her family name, and I'll have her packed off to the wagons and can go about forgetting her. Why did I ever give her her grandmother's name… maybe I should take that too, I can't have that fine name on some slave roles somewhere. I'll make her take a new one, yes that solves that problem. As long as she's certified as having been of noble stock and education before her sale, it doesn't matter if she's kept anonymous, nobody ever needs to trace her to my house.'
'Still, my other children are a problem, their spouses are falling into line, but her siblings insist I've gone too far… maybe they don't say it, but I feel it when they look at me at gatherings. Soft! Too soft! Keeping this house strong means getting rid of hindrances! And what could be a greater hindrance than a girl like… well I'll pick a name for her tomorrow… or hell, make her do it, what do I care, she'll be gone in days and nobody will ever likely ask her anyway. Regardless, flighty, lazy, faithless, stupid, undisciplined, the only thing she ever had going for her were her looks, and that won't last much longer anyway.
Her siblings need to know how to take firm actions if one of them is to be the head after I am gone, I'll need to consider a successor… but whom do I choose…?
If only Albaer hadn't fallen ill, I could consult him, but… well he is getting old, he was old ten years before I was. Good servant, good man, I'll have a devil of a time replacing him, maybe I should let him retire, let a younger man take his place… I think he had a younger brother… well, I'll worry about that much tomorrow.
The last of Lodira's things will be packed off in the morning, I should make sure she's inventoried it all, at least she's a decent maid… maybe it's a bit of softness in me, in spite of myself, but I hope she goes to a decent house. She shows promise as a grout scrubber or something, but she is utterly unfit for what her betters do… so within her proper place, I at least hope she isn't hurt there. Maybe it isn't 'so' bad to at least not wish her harm… but frankly I will be so glad to finally be rid of that murderous, filthy disgrace that that will add years to my life just to finally have relief from her petty revenge, petty slights, and all the problems she caused for me, her husband, and this house as a whole.'
'Won't that be a thing, to live another twenty years, just by getting rid of her?! It'll be like a fountain of youth! If that happens, then maybe I should invite my son's daughter to reside here. I haven't had lap time in far too long. Now I'm just being absurd, and I should get to bed…'