'I can't believe I'm riding off to my death today, I have no idea what to expect along the way, but the last thing I expected when it all began was that I'd be riding with only one escort, and it's the one whose curse rests inside my body. But at least I can leave this record of my life, or my final days at least. Assuming they don't kill my escort, this might just find it back to loving hands. My Rasgen, Our Rasgy… our warrior Prince, our unbowed and unbroken, our Rasgen the Great… how did it come to this? And what comes tomorrow? I don't know… but… I hope this will tell you.

With Love,

Sobella

Day One, morning...

A death worshipping monster, that's what the temples would say. A necromancer of some sort, and… despite the fact that she is beautiful, there is a coldness to her that makes me think I am being escorted by the living dead. She may have done me a huge favor, but by the stars is this uncomfortable.

Day two, evening…

My escort… assassinated a bear. I wouldn't have believed it myself, but I saw it with my own eyes, she jumped on the thing and killed it like it was a target. This explains a great deal, my death worshipping escort is an assassin. I have to know, is she doing all this to get close to my Rasgen… is he in danger? If I think he is… can I kill this one? If I could, how? I have to protect him…

Day Three,

Yesterday she put me up in a tree, and evidently found my fear of heights hilarious, but she almost seems normal, the air is crisp and the day is beautiful, she seems to like it, we have that much in common. Her jokes are awful, but she's trying to be nice to me.

Day Four,

I can't believe it! Nobody told her! Nobody told her what was going to happen out there! About the rituals, the things I would undergo to heighten my terror, that she would have to endure beside me. General Leaman… you unimaginable bastard… how could you do this to me? And yet… she's going to go on?! She's going with me anyway… hopefully Rasgy gets my letter about General Leaman's treachery. It'll probably take longer than it takes me to die, but that's peasants for you. But… now what? I can't tell her the rest… I find my resolve weakening, I'm too afraid to go on alone. I'll beg forgiveness from the stars later. For tonight, I just want to have one more wild and passionate night, Rasgy, I'll think of you for the whole time… OK probably most of the time at least. I am still Sobella after all.

Day Five,

She's nice about this, she's furious at General Leaman, but she's being very patient with me, not what I expected out of a death worshipping monster who throws out curses like candy. When we reached the border, bearmen were waiting for us. I can't believe they didn't try anything with her, they seemed rather stupid, but whatever it was, they let her go. She has no idea what it means to pass beneath the yoke, I can't tell her that, she might resist it, she's very proud… like a true noble…

Day Seven,

There wasn't much to say yesterday, but she's got a beautiful voice, honestly I'm no longer sure this is even day seven, did I put off more than one day? When her voice soars I get completely lost, we make a passable duet, but I'm not half the singer she is. Last night I showed her a dance, and she taught me a little more about outdoor life.

Day… something. I don't know, I skipped a few nights, we got the camp ready together, she's letting me help her more, the things the priests say about death worshippers, clearly don't all hold true. She's very kind to me, praising my courage and… I just can't say more tonight, something feels wrong. Maybe I should stop for awhile.

Day… I've lost track, but I'm in the first village, she's actually been trying to comfort me while I listen to crackling fires, drinking, talking, laughing of beastmen, all with the smell of people like me… cooking, and the smell of blood. She takes it in stride 'somehow' but how, I don't know. Where in all the world could atrocity like this… become the norm?

Day… I don't know, but we left the village, she sang to me as we rode out, the mayor of the village praised her voice, she left a cutting remark behind, but we left for the next point. She lets me hold tighter in times like this, I've fallen asleep against her back several times thanks to the rocking motion of our horse. She never seems to mind my drool on her shoulder, but I am a bit mortified.

Day… twelve maybe? I don't even know.

Time runs together like this, the Tlalmok lands are beautiful, well cared for, it's hard to believe that this is the hell where our people come to suffer. We see almost no travelers, but avoid what little we do. She must have been a skilled assassin, my fear for Rasgen however, has abated, she's made it clear that she has no ill will toward him. After so many years listening to people lie to me on the pillows we rested on, I'd know if she were trying to trick me. It's kind of a guilty pleasure to hold her waist and cling a little tighter than I really have to, she has such powerful muscles, it makes me feel strangely safe. I shouldn't feel safe with a death worshipper. But…? She's here, and the priests who tell me to despise that sort of thing, they are not.

The last few days I've actually managed to catch some food myself, not much, just a pair of hares, but my escort was indulgent, I think… I'm genuinely starting to like this one, it's hard not to, and I'm learning a little more about where she comes from. I think I mostly ask so I don't have to think about where we're going, I like the illusion that I have a future.

Day something. Fourteen? Maybe?

I'm sitting in the stone room while she's out, we reached the town where I'd have to listen to my people die. She left me for awhile, how she moves so comfortably among monsters, I can't imagine, but she was actually able to buy some goods out there, I half expected her to not return. Either because she was killed or abandoned me, but she came back like she'd gone to market in Pas'en. I hate that I'm sitting in the corner here, but I can't bring myself to move. Stars preserve me… how can I keep lying to her? The priests say deceiving death worshippers isn't wrong, any more than deceiving beastmen. But I sit here hating myself for it anyway. I owe her my trust at this point, especially because I'm not worthy of it.

Morning the following day from whatever day yesterday was…

I woke up in terror. She choked me! I thought she was killing me last night, my last thought, the death worshipper shows her colors… but I woke up! I woke up and she looked at me with such heart wrenching pity… and I remembered my other words, how I'd begged, I couldn't listen, I couldn't stand it anymore and she...

She made me wear the hood on the way out, she wouldn't let me look, we left early, and I hate myself, I keep trying to tell myself it isn't wrong, but when I watch her prepare food, listen to her talk to me as a friend, when she lets me hold her to make myself feel better and doesn't complain about my drool or tears or… I want a few more hours. She'll be back from her brief rest stop in the woods soon, and I'll tell her the truth. She has to get a chance to save herself.

Day… damned if I know…

I can't believe it. I told her the truth and she forgave me, more than that, she's chosen to stay with me. I'm utterly ashamed, but also deeply in awe. She's going to have to fight in the arena, I've heard survivors from past escort tasks talk about it, it's always a massacre. The Beastman champion of that city, Timnah, is a crowd favorite for his ostentatious kills. A gladiator lionman, he must be quite a sight. I tried to get Nua to leave, she refused. I can't hate her beliefs anymore, I can't think badly of her, I'm ashamed I ever did. In a way, at least death has that benefit, I won't be ashamed, and the dead do not fear.

Day… something…

She's asleep, stars above she rarely does that, and then not for long, she finally trusts me to watch while she snatches a little rest. She says her sleeplessness is a side effect of her beliefs and her status with her divine lord. Personally I think she just still has nightmares and doesn't like to sleep. But what do I know? How does she even sleep at all, knowing that we'll reach the city in a few hours and then… she'll probably die to the cheers of beastmen… I'll be taunted and tormented and alone for the rest of the trip.

She keeps trying to tell me that they're just people, I've tried saying the words, but I can't really believe it. Rasgy… if you see this somehow… please take care… this hell is beautiful, but it is full of terrors.

Same day… night…

She won! I've never seen anything like it. I'm horrified… she killed her prize before the fight even began, taunted them all by doing so, and I watched something I'd never seen before. An assassin fought a gladiator, she lost her hair, but cut off the tip of his tail, I snatched it up quietly and put it in her pack when I got the chance as it was kicked toward me during the fight. But… she killed him, tore him to pieces… took a 'bite' out of him. I heard beastmen mourn and wail, bereaved.

I cleaned her off in the great river when we got a chance, I wanted to do something for her, but I'm not exactly her type, so I did what I could and bathed her like one of her servants might, we talked for a while, she's so… strange. But also familiar, she opened up to me more about who she is and what she came from. It's like talking to someone I've known for a lifetime. And after seeing that performance in the Arena in that city of nightmares? I believe her.

Rasgen… she's right, she's right! They are just 'people', they die and bleed like anyone else if you've got the strength to cut them! I will curl up with her to sleep tonight, the chill I felt at her cold breath and the… lesser warmth, of her flesh, is gone. Now? I don't want to be without her.

Day… well a lot it seems like.

I haven't written much, we ride slow, we talk a lot, we sing a lot, and it's easy to forget that we're not the best of friends off on a lark of an adventure. It feels like I've known her a lifetime and I don't want to do without her… she's taken to teaching me a little bit about self defense. I'm no master, but holding a knife is… comforting.

By the stars even mutilated as she is… I cannot look away from her. She's the only one with me out of all the world, she didn't have to be, and she came anyway… that's what a friend does, she says that's how it is in the west when it comes to your friends. So many of my own seem so shallow now. By her standards, I had only two. You, my Rasgy, and our Lodira… now three. And she's probably not going to survive.

I don't know what to do.

I can't let her die with me.

Day something…

We had a few more days out of the city, we ate some more bear meat, I think we're probably about out of the stuff now. But I keep turning it over in my head. They're people, the beastmen are people. She's the only friend I've got here, I've come to love her very much, we put a lifetime into a few weeks, I don't want to see her hurt, or mutilated worse, or killed with me, she's confident, but even she is no match for the God-Emperor's line of ligermen. But I begin to have a plan.

I'm a sacrifice, so… I'll sacrifice!

Day something.

She let me sleep in, I woke up with my head on her belly, but I had a little time where I was 'awake but not quite' and I heard her singing a lullaby to me, I felt her stroking my head, she was comforting me in my sleep… how long has she been doing that? I should be humiliated, but… now all I am is grateful, I couldn't do this alone!

Friends… a few weeks ago I was lying to her, today I'm lying with her… I'm going to die, I'm going to die, but she's done everything to comfort me and reassure me. I believe her now, the beastmen are not invincible monsters, they're just strong people, we can kill them, they can die. Maybe Sado was right this whole time, maybe we were the biggest fools of all, maybe we broke and enslaved the man who would have been our savior, and his people with him.

I'm not sure if it is worse if that is true or if that is false. But I do know this…

I'm not afraid anymore.

I'm not afraid to die, I'm not afraid to face them, I'm not afraid of their city or their emperor, I'm not afraid of their hunger or their claws! I will not beg for mercy! I know how to save her now and I can do this! It puts everything on the line… Rasgen, forgive me for taking this risk with everyone's lives. But I have to do this, I have to 'try' to save her after all this! I know, Rasgen the Great, Prince of Pas'en, that you of all people will understand what I'm going to do.

That you will understand… this is what we do for those dear to us, and that if you were here, you'd do the same! I will not let them take her life, or any part of her body. She will leave this place as whole as she entered it.

If I die knowing that… and knowing I saved my city and my people for another year? Well then I died a good death, just as I lived a good life. There were so many things I wanted to do but didn't. I wanted to have your child, Rasgen, to hold it to my breast and watch it grow up beside whatever heir you made with someone else. I wanted to lie down with you and wake up with you for decades yet to come, I wanted our time in the garden of that wonderful little life to never end.

But by tomorrow I will have left this world, and while I won't say I leave it without regrets, I leave it with the comfort of knowing I didn't throw my life away for no purpose or cause. She'll live because I die, and so do you, and Lodira, and that wonderful city that gave me all the best days of my life…

I love you all, if this reaches you, I hope you know that, I love you all! You, my Rasgy! Lodira, saucy woman that you are, for all your faults, made me happy! And newest of them all, my Nua, my Duchessa, my guardian, my escort, my champion and my friend…. I will rest easy in the stars, because you get days ahead.

I can only hope that storing this in Nua's pack is good enough to ensure it finds you. And if it is…

Then thank you for everything, and goodbye, until we meet again.

~Sobella of Pas'en