So I'm officially changing Sunday updates to an ideal. I'll try to update then, but in reality I'll post new chapters as soon as I have time.

Steve knew something was wrong. Everyone did. The Avengers had returned from raiding a HYDRA base in Russia yesterday, and Natasha hadn't been seen since. Clint and Steve had both gone to talk to her, but silence met their knocks. Given Natasha's abilities, Steve didn't know if she was on her floor, secluded somewhere else in the Tower, or off the premises completely. JARVIS wasn't telling, only saying that Agent Romanoff had asked him not to reveal her whereabouts save in case of an emergency.

Steve wasn't even sure what about the raid had affected Natasha; her mission-face never revealed anything. There had been fighting, but as far as Steve knew they'd experienced no particularly close calls. The head HYDRA goon had blabbered some nonsense about order and inevitability as usual. The facility hadn't seemed much different than any other base they had raided, but given its location, Steve's best guess was that it had stirred some memories from Natasha's past.

The night was growing late, but Steve didn't feel comfortable going to bed yet. He decided to try to check on Natasha one more time. Taking an elevator to her floor, Steve knocked again on the apartment door.

There was not reply, no human sound of any kind. Steve closed his eyes and concentrated, but even then his enhanced hearing picked up no hint of Natasha's presence. Steve couldn't be certain, but he was pretty sure Natasha wasn't on this floor.

He tried the training room next, thinking Natasha might be expressing her feelings by destroying an imaginary opponent. She wasn't there.

Steve was almost ready to give it up, but he thought of one more place to search.

When he stepped out into the cold quiet of the December night, Steve found that he had been right. Natasha stood leaning against the roof's railing, staring out at the moon, stars, and city lights.

Steve said nothing, simply walking over to stand beside her.

Neither spoke for several minutes. In the end, it was Natasha who broke the silence.

"You know me too well."

Steve smiled. "Because I came to the roof or because I waited for you to talk first?"

"Both," she said.

Steve smiled again but didn't speak.

Natasha sighed. "Are you going to stand there until I tell you what happened?"

"I won't ask you questions if you don't want me to," Steve said, "and if you want to leave, I won't try to stop you, but as long as you're up here I'll stay."

Natasha turned to look him in the eyes. "Why?"

Steve sensed that there was something deeper behind the question, but he didn't know what.

"Because you're my friend," he said. "You once told me that I had a right to be broken from the past, but that didn't mean you wouldn't try to heal what you could. Then you made dinner and kept up friendly, non-mission conversation for the rest of the evening. It helped a lot; you can't blame me for returning the favor."

Natasha didn't quite smile, but she acknowledged what he said. After a bit, she spoke. "Something the HYDRA commander said hit home with me. I'd been thawing, living with you all, starting to believe things I only wished were true. He reminded me of the facts."

"A HYDRA commander told you the truth?" Steve asked.

"Even the best liars tell the truth sometimes," Natasha said. "He asked us what we thought we were accomplishing. He said we were only cogs in the machine of the universe, and nothing we did mattered to it. He was right. I came from no one and nothing. There's no one I should matter to, and so I'm nothing. The universe is made of blind chance; there's no reason for me or my actions to matter to it." Natasha paused. "It's a hard truth to swallow."

"It isn't the truth," Steve said firmly. "Even if you're value were dependent on other people, you wouldn't mean nothing. Just because you didn't come from a family doesn't mean you don't have one now. I care about you. Clint cares about you. Tony, Bruce, and Thor care about you. Pepper cares; Maria cares; Fury cares."

Natasha's expression softened a little, but her eyes remained unconvinced.

"But you're value doesn't come from people's feelings towards you at all. You matter simply because you're human," Steve said.

"I'd like to believe it," Natasha said, "but there's no reason to. I believe in the worth of saving lives, but the universe is random. We're all accidents with no inherent purpose or value."

"If everything were a product of chance, you'd be right," Steve said. "But this" –he gestured to the city and the stars- "didn't come from nowhere. There's a God who created this world and every human, and we matter to him just because of that."

Natasha shook her head with a sad smile and looked out at the scene he'd gestured to. "It's a fairytale, Steve: something to make you feel good, like you're not alone. But we are alone. All you have is faith." Her tone was soft; she wasn't accusing him, just stating the facts she saw.

"I know all I have is faith," Steve said gently. "That doesn't mean it isn't true."

She turned a skeptical gaze to him.

"Faith doesn't mean a belief that you hold for no reason," Steve said. "One verse describes it as 'the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.'"

"I think I prefer believing in things that can be seen," Natasha said. "I know they're real."

Steve smiled. "You know dozens of things are real that can't be seen or fully shown through science."

Natasha looked curious but not judgmental as she raised an eyebrow at him. "Like what?"

"Like love and hate," Steve said. "Like anger, peace, and justice." He thought of the new candle he had lit that evening. "You can see the candles I name hope and faith, but you know they're only a representation. You can see evidence of joy and sorrow on a person's face, but you aren't looking at joy itself. You can feel loneliness and love and know they exist, but you can never point to them or detect them under a microscope."

Natasha nodded, understanding him. "And you can detect God in your life and in the lives of others and believe he exists."

"Yeah," Steve said softly.

Natasha smiled. "I see why people have called faith a flame; you're full of light, and it spills out to help the rest of us."

"Thank you," Steve said with sincerity.

"Thank you," Natasha said. "I don't know if I believe it, but you've made it all a little less wild, a little more true." She looked up at the night sky. "Just maybe, there is someone beyond that."

"If there is," Steve said, "he loves you."

Natasha smiled at him again and went inside. The lights of a thousand stars and one man's faith twinkled behind her.

If anyone was curious, the verse Steve quotes comes from Hebrews 11:1.

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