"…Your sentence is execution via boiling hot soup," Ozai decreed. Yawning, he leaned back in his new reclining throne as guards dragged the criminal to his immediate demise.
More guards came forward with another felon. "My lord, we arrested this man for being poor," one explained.
"Do elaborate. As you all know, the top priority in my court is justice." The criminal's expression brightened, a newfound sense of hope filling him. Ozai continued, "I'm just kidding. I don't actually care." Promptly, he burst into uproarious laughter. Crushing people's dreams was the best part of his job. (That, and the palace's high-speed 666G network.)
The criminal grew furious, thrashing and struggling against the guards' grips. "You bastard! You, your father, and your grandfather have tainted the legacy of what was once a great nation! The blood of countless innocents is on your hands!"
Ozai guffawed at the criminal's futile tirade. He was about to offer him a position as the court jester, but he unleashed a particularly cruel sentiment: "Your beard's ugly!"
Ozai gasped, and his laughter ceased abruptly. "What did you just say to me?"
"I said your beard's ugly!" the criminal spat.
"Guards! Have this man executed for high treason," he commanded. "Get him out of my sight."
As the guards dragged yet another kicking and screaming felon away to death row, Ozai self-consciously stroked his beard.
"I think your beard is lovely, my lord," said the guard at his right hand.
"Thank you, Steve," Ozai said, blushing. "You're too sweet."