keeping it xtra classy making jokes about hate crimes AND coronavirus on this fine day, wtf even is this chapter, i promise it'll get less weird after this

As suggested by Loken 16 and feat. tiny request from Guest

"I say we kill the rich!" Katara argued.

"No, we kill anyone who doesn't look like us!" Sokka retorted.

"Kids, kids…" Hakoda strode across the deck of the ship and put an arm around each of their shoulders. "You're both right! I know we've been apart for a long time, so I was thinking that we should do something together as a family. I've gotten intel that former Fire Lord Ozai is hiding out in a queer nationalist commune near the southern tip of the Fire Nation archipelago. Since he's both a royal and he looks different from us, what if we hunted him for sport?"

It was hard work parenting both a communist and a fascist, but Hakoda liked to think that he pulled it off. "Nazbol Gang, Nazbol Gang," he chanted to himself.

"You're really taking me to kill a gay firebender? You're the best, Dad!" Sokka cried excitedly. Never mind that he'd had a Real Fascist Bonding Moment with Ozai only a week earlier.

"That's my boy." Hakoda thumped him on the back. "There aren't that many firebenders we can get away with killing now that the war's over, so we'd better take this chance!" He turned to Katara. "My little man gets to commit a hate crime, and after we're done, my baby girl gets her own commune. It's a win-win!"

"Thanks, Dad. It'll be like I was never overthrown!" Katara wept, hugging her wonderful Nationalist Bolshevik father.

"'Queer nationalism…' Actually, I kind of like that…" Sokka mused. "If it keeps gay people away from me…"

Hakoda butted into his reverie. "But wouldn't you rather kill firebenders?"

"Yes! You're damn right!" Sokka gleefully bust out some sick dance moves.

"No dancing allowed in the ultimate authoritarian state!" Hakoda barked.

—

The commune was fenced off, which didn't make any sense because the island's sheer cliffs dropped off sharply into the sea. Nonetheless, Katara yeeted her father and brother inside with a water trebuchet, then herself. Compared to everyone else, firebenders really had the most useless powers, Sokka thought. Those fuckers all had coronavirus anyways. Just another reason for Water Tribe supremacy.

Inside the fence, various bars and bathhouses had popped up overnight. The Nazbol Gang had to admit that so far, the compound looked fairly respectable. Weed was for morally degraded losers who contributed nothing to society, but alcohol was okay for some reason.

"Let's split up," Hakoda suggested. "I'll go inside that gay bathhouse. Katara, clear out 'Leather Daddy's Liquor Bar.' Sokka, you check that YMCA over there. Make sure to avert your eyes; if you see any homosexual acts, it'll turn you gay, and none of us want that, okay? Hm, maybe I should've thought this through better…"

"Dad, if you're afraid that seeing gay people will turn you gay, then you were already gay to begin with." Katara rolled her eyes. "Well, I'll catch you later. I have a BDSM club to turn into a brutal communist regime." She Naruto-ran towards the Carly Rae Jepson song playing in the distance.

Hakoda ignored her ominous omen and placed a hand on Sokka's shoulder. "Be brave, son. Take no prisoners."

Sokka nodded solemnly. "Of course, Dad. It's not like I allow myself to show fear, or any emotion besides anger, anyway, because I'm afraid of being labeled as feminine."

Hakoda removed his hand. "Ugh, you're right. It's pretty effeminate of me to even show affection towards you right now. Well, don't die!" he laughed nervously, and dashed off.

The bathhouse greeted the Nazbol King with a burst of warm steam that immediately clouded his vision. Through the haze, he could make out the pale buttocks of the naked men all around him, hear their low chatter, the sloshing the water, disco music echoing in the long hall, the slapping and clapping of cheeks.

He began to sweat, telling himself that it was because of the heat, and not because of finely shaped forms of the various gentlemen inside. In all his years of fighting Fire Nation men, how had he never realized… that they could really get it? Had it been because of their absurd medieval armor that covered even their faces, obscuring his view of their gorgeous bodies? Was the steam getting to his head, and that was why he couldn't think straight?

TWO DUDES KISSING. GUYS HOLDING HANDS. THAT ONE TIME AT BIBLE CAMP. THE SHOWER IN THE BOY'S LOCKER ROOM ON THE LAST DAY OF FOOTBALL PRACTICE, his brain gremlins taunted him.

"Hey, how did you get in here?" someone asked, and an already uncomfortably jittery Hakoda panicked.

"Stay back! I have a copy of the Communist Manifesto!" he warned, brandishing the red paperback.

"Hah! That book holds no power here," came a voice from the end of the hall. The steam cleared to reveal Ozai and Steve sharing a loveseat-style throne and wearing matching embroidered bathrobes.

"Dad!" Sokka cried, and Hakoda whipped around in time for his son to lasso him with a YMCA hula hoop and evacuate him from the premises.

"Where's Katara?" Hakoda shouted as they burst free of the steamy, sweaty bathhouse. A horde of angry, naked firebenders chased them, screaming racial slurs.

"Still in the bar. She can handle herself. Let's just get out of here!"

The remaining two-thirds of the Nazbol Gang scaled the fence and plummeted into the ocean below. Gasping and coughing up water, they swam back to their boat. "Do you think Leather Daddy's Liquor Bar will turn her gay?" Hakoda wondered.

"Nah," Sokka replied. He didn't bother drying himself off because water was the supreme element. "If she tries to ally with her fellow lefty Azula and visits the lesbian commune, then we might have a problem."

"Good thing I raised her with such strong traditional family values! She'll never betray us… right?"