December 22
Inside the lair it was unusually cool—a mellow sixty-seven degrees. The henchmen were mostly gone, sent home for the holidays but for the couple that wanted the extra paycheck come January 1st. But they were sequestered away in the lower quarters of the lair, waiting to be called upon. The empty rooms hewn out of the ancient volcanic plug were silent but for the buzz of fluorescent lights, and the occasional hum of machinery as Drakken worked on something in his lab.
That all changed when Shego kicked the back door open with a crash, shoving her way through the door with her arms full of shopping bags.
"Drakken!" she shouted from behind the mountain of bags piled so high that only the top of her head was visible. "A little help would be nice!"
Silence was her answer as she carefully maneuvered down the first step and used her heel to push the door shut against the wind that had started up the night before. She stumbled back from the weight of the bags in her arms and let herself hit the wall, the alternative being falling down the stairs.
"Drakken!" she called again.
A moment later, she heard a distant yipping sound in reply.
"Oh, no."
She turned and started cautiously down the stairs, sightless as she was as the yipping grew closer. The sound reached full annoyance right at her feet, and she struggled to stay upright as she felt the paws of the small dog leaping up around her shins and calves as it continued to bark.
"Stupid... Down! Get down!" she said as she took careful steps. She couldn't stand the creature, but Drakken adored it. She didn't want to step on it and injure it, or worse, injure herself.
The dog only increased its attentions to her ankles as she tried to walk down the stairs. Two steps later, it yelped in pain as sure enough its paw got under her foot. She jerked her foot back and took a sharp breath as she felt herself falling off balance. She could drop all the bags and stop her fall...and then have to go shopping in the rain, again.
In resignation she half-stumbled half-fell the rest of the way down the stairs and landed ungracefully on the floor, the bags slipping from her arms at the last moment and landing unharmed in a pile around her.
'Arf!' the dog greeted, jumping up against her leg from behind one of the bags. The gray Maltese looked pretty cute with its fur trimmed short and its tongue lolling out of its mouth as it panted at her.
"I don't like you," she said with a frown.
The dog started humping her leg.
"Drakken!" she roared, shoving the dog off and jumping to her feet. Her rear end and her hip smarted where they'd hit the floor, and she realized her wrist had taken some of the impact too.
The man in question finally entered the room, at far too slow a pace in her opinion based on the way she had been shouting for him. She glared as he approached. The dog ran to its real master with yips of joy, and he picked it up with a smile.
"Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Yes it's you!" he talked in a baby-voice at the small dog, holding it up in front of his face like a child and then cradling it into his chest.
Shego rubbed her wrist as she scowled at him.
"Didn't you hear me calling for help?"
Drakken finally seemed to notice her. "Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like me to carry some of those?"
He set the dog down who ran and jumped up against her shins again, its short tail wagging so hard that its whole back half shook.
"Down, Cuddles," she said through gritted teeth.
Drakken had walked up and was glancing into each of the shopping bags.
"Did you get marshmallows?"
Her hands flared in front of her. He stepped back in alarm.
"Wh-what?" he asked fearfully. "Were they all out?"
"Rrgh..." She reached a glowing hand into one of the bags and brought it out quickly, gripping three bags of marshmallows of varying sizes. The plastic and the sugar were melting quickly in her grasp.
"Shego!" he complained in a panic.
"Here!" she said, thrusting the bags into his chest. "Take your dumb marshmallows."
She rubbed her wrist and stalked away, out of the living room and toward her own. She could use a bath...with some mineral salts, grapefruit oil, rose petals... She was halfway down the hallway when a small impact at her ankles caused her to turn with a growl and flaring hands.
"Grrr! Drakken! Get your dog away from me!"
Drakken appeared around the corner in a hurry, the small gray fluff ball running to its master on sight.
"Shego," he admonished, "you'll hurt Admiral Cuddles's feelings."
"I'll hurt more than his feelings if he doesn't stop jumping on me. I thought you said he was trained?"
"He is, watch. Cuddles, sit."
The dog continued wagging its tail and consequently half of its tiny body, yipping excitedly.
"Cuddles, sit!"
The dog jumped up and down and turned an excited circle, continuing to bark at the attention it was getting.
"I dunno Doc, it seems like he's got a short circuit somewhere."
"Nghh... He was doing it before you got back."
"Yeah, well...keep it away from me until you've got it under control," she said, turning back down the hallway.
"Wait. Aren't you going to put away the groceries?"
Shego answered with a green blast which Drakken avoided with a well-timed duck, holding the marshmallows in front of his face. The dog ran yelping down the hall in fear.
"Stop scaring him!"
Shego answered with another blast, more purposefully aimed. Drakken pressed himself against the wall but it still glanced his chest, and he hissed at the sting of it.
"Or...um...I could put them away."
Shego tossed her hair and disappeared into her room. Drakken sagged against the wall in relief. A moment later, the dog reappeared in the hallway with a curious woof.
"What's gotten into her?" Drakken said to the small animal.
Shego slid her arms up out of the cooling waters of her bath with a sigh. An hour's soak had done wonders for calming her nerves and soothing her bruised hip. The strained wrist she thought might need a little more attention. She wondered if she could get Drakken to feel guilty about it.
That dog had caused more trouble since its arrival than Commodore Puddles ever had. At least the dog they had lost to Area 51 was vicious and trainable. But this new one...
Shego sighed as she got out of the bath and dried off, debating between putting her suit back on or just dressing for comfort. She chose the former, suspecting that Drakken might send her out on another wild goose chase considering it was only a day and a half until his mother arrived and two and a half days until Christmas.
The dog had been an early Christmas present from his mother. It came with a long, emotional letter that extolled his goodness and begged his forgiveness for not being a better mother to him. It was clear that Mrs. Lipsky blamed herself for his fall into villainy, which had finally been revealed to her after he saved the world from the Lorwardians; he wasn't able to prevent her from seeing worldwide news broadcasts.
And of course, the letter had ended with her urging him to change his villainous ways and embrace the heroism he had shown while saving the world. It wasn't like they had tried any huge world-takeover schemes since that time... Just a little petty theft here and there. And her little heist from a maximum-security military base that Drakken knew nothing about. But no one could prove it was her.
The dog was an apparent attempt at appeasement for his mother's "failure to love" him in his youth. He had been denied pets due to his father's allergies, he had explained after she read the letter, and had tried to sneak a dog into the house on more than one occasion. Once he had kept one for over two weeks before it was discovered.
While Drakken wasn't ready to renounce villainy and neither was she, the dog had thrilled him. So much so, that he'd invited his mother to the lair for Christmas.
Shego let down her hair which she'd pinned up before the bath as she zipped up her suit and left her room. Her wrist still hurt. The dog had only been there for ten days and had been nothing but trouble. Now it was getting her hurt. She had tried to be nice, but...it was time to lay down some ground rules.
"Dr. D.? Hey, Dr. D.?" she said, stepping into the lab.
She stopped short when she saw him. He was asleep, head down on his folded arm on his desk with a smile on his face. The dog was curled in his lap and he had one hand lain atop its back.
She shook her head and stepped forward silently, debating between leaving him be and waking him. There was some sort of half-finished device on the adjacent table that he was building, tools strewn about the surface and parts all over the floor, and he had fallen asleep atop the blueprints. She looked between the half-visible plans and the device and couldn't figure out what it was.
She looked down at his contented smile again, and then at the dog where his hand rested lovingly. She sighed.
The dog's eyes opened. Her breath caught. Was it some kind of dog-cat hybrid, to sleep that lightly?
The moment it caught sight of her its tail began wagging, and she took a slow step back from the desk.
'Arf! Rrrarf!' the dog cried, hopping down from its master's lap and jumping up against her legs.
"Nrrrgh! Cuddles, get down!" she hissed.
Drakken blinked several times as he sat up, looking confused for a moment.
"Oh... I'm sorry, I must have drifted off."
"Drakken."
He snapped to attention when he heard her cold tone.
"Get your dog off of me!"
He cleared his throat and stood, reaching down for the small, fluffy animal.
"Now now, Admiral Cuddles..."
The dog yipped and began jumping around in circles, trying to catch its short, hairy tail in its jaws.
"Yeah... I'm going to call that thing Short Circuit."
"Shego..." Drakken whined. "He just needs...more time to adjust."
She sighed and shook her head, rubbing her wrist. "Look, I understand that it's important to you. But I don't like it. I'm never going to like it. And I don't want it jumping on me. So get it trained, or it's taking a trip to a professional doggy school. Got it?"
He looked so sad that she had to turn and leave. She wasn't about to let his own sad puppy-dog face influence her.
"But Shego..." he whined as he followed her.
"No buts," she said, striding back into the living area and into the kitchen. She shook her head at the partially-melted bags of marshmallows on the counter. She'd gotten some microwave dinners since he'd said he'd be too busy to cook that night. Maybe he'd like some macaroni...
When she opened the freezer and found only a bag of frozen corn, her brow twisted in confusion.
Where are the...?
"Drakken..." she said, closing the freezer and turning toward him. He stopped short, fear in his eyes after seeing the look on her face. "Did you put away the groceries?"
He took a step back and scratched the back of his head with a worried smile. "Oh...um... Was I supposed to do that?"
Her hands flared at her sides. He sprinted into the living room, the dog at his heels. She stalked after him.
"I was shopping for four hours! Not including drive time!"
He knelt in front of the forgotten bags on the floor and began tossing things out of them. Tubes of wrapping paper went rolling one after another across the floor.
"Nrrgh! Not those bags!" she said, kneeling across from him and pushing one of the grocery bags at him while she started pulling things out of the others.
The frozen dinners would be fine; the microwave would take care of any problems there. But the ice creams were a loss and so was the eggnog and the milk.
"No cocoa-moo tonight," she said, holding up one of the spoiled cartons.
The look on his face was so pathetic that she found herself rolling her eyes and turning toward the door.
"Look, I'll go get some more. You put away everything else. Got it?"
He bit his lip and nodded obediently, looking genuinely remorseful.
She started up the stairs and then paused. She turned back to see him looking around in dismay at the scattering of groceries and Christmas trappings, the dog sniffing curiously at each item in turn.
"Oh, I...still haven't bought a gift for your mother," she said nervously.
As she expected, his eyes widened in panic. He pushed through the grocery pile and ran up to her, his hands clasped in front of him. "You have to get her something! Something nice!"
She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "I know. It's just that I've never shopped for senior citizens before. What does she want?"
He blinked for a moment and then his eyes darted away. "Well...uhm."
"You see? You don't know any better than I do. Should probably just get her a new coffee maker..." she said, turning to go.
"Hey! That was my idea!"
"Fine, sure. Get her a coffee maker. I'll think of something else."
Shego heard the dog bark just as the door closed behind her.
"Yeah, I'm not getting anything for you..."
Shego walked slowly through the department store, a thoughtful frown on her face as she looked at the various items in the women's department. From casual wear to formals, from purses to shoes, scarves, gloves, and everything in between...she saw plenty of things that she wanted. But nothing that she could be sure that Drakken's mother would want.
Just what did an elderly widow a few years shy of a retirement home want? She wouldn't need any clothes for work, or dating... And Shego had no idea of her taste in casual clothes. Would a woman her age want a new purse? And she probably only wanted comfortable shoes...
She sighed as she ambled into the sleepwear section. She had hoped that thinking like a woman would give her some insights. But...Drakken's mother wasn't a woman she could relate to at all. And she highly doubted that his mother would relate to her, when she came for Christmas in...one and one-third days.
She was still hoping she could talk Drakken out of it, and that they could just go to New Jersey for Christmas. It would be over in a couple of days, and then they could get back to their lives. With the exception of that yippy dog taking over the lair.
She continued through the clothing racks and paused as she reached the wedding lingerie section. 'A night you'll never forget,' boasted one of the ads. Shego's lips turned up slightly as she looked at the white, saucy garments designed for one purpose only.
She cast her gaze down and began gently twisting the ring on her finger. It was rose gold, with a small round-cut white diamond in the center and two tapered baguette-cut rubies on either side. She would never forget the night he had given it to her, about a week after Thanksgiving. He insisted that his mother needed to know before they made their relationship legal, so they had agreed to tell her at Christmas and then have the ceremony after the new year.
A new year, and a new start. Whether that meant villainy, or something else... They would do it together.
She realized she was smiling far too broadly for standing in the middle of a lingerie section, and hurried on through the clothing racks. She reached the bathrobes and paused. Maybe Drakken's mom would appreciate a warm, fluffy robe for lounging? Especially with the winters she must have at her home.
She scrutinized each item until she found one that was of a quality she approved, and had matching slippers. The price tag was also quite large. She threw the robe over her arm and held onto the slippers and walked back through the racks in search of a register. She spotted one on the other side of the lingerie section and made a beeline toward it.
She was nearly there when a striking bra and panty set on a mannequin caught her eye. The bra was a simple, wireless, triangle style, darted for shape, with a frilly trim on the band and on the thin straps. The bikini panties matched with trim around the waistband, and had a tiny bow at the band's center. They were seasonally red and completely sheer.
Red wasn't her favorite color, which he'd learned to great dismay when he gave her the engagement ring. But he would probably like the lingerie. She impulsively searched the nearby rack for her size, and added the pieces to her other items before continuing on. Thankfully, there was no line when she reached the register.
The cashier was a middle-aged woman who looked far too happy to be working after five in the evening three days before Christmas.
"Hello! Find everything okay?"
"Yes, thanks," Shego said, setting her items down on the counter.
"Last-minute Christmas shopping?"
"Mhm," Shego said, pretending to eye the chocolates for sale on the counter. She hated small talk.
"Woo! This for the fella who put that ring on your finger?"
Shego glanced at her ring, and then at the bra and panty set the woman was wrapping.
"Mhm," she said again, this time with a small smirk.
"Would you like one of these Santa hats to go with your new lingerie? Fifty-percent off!" the cashier gestured to the display next to the counter.
Shego's smirk grew as she picked up one of the red and white hats with the cheap fake fur, but then she set it back down.
"Nah. Not his kink."
The cashier chuckled. "Oh no? What is?"
Shego flared her left hand ever-so-lightly as she handed the cashier Drakken's credit card with her right. The woman's eyes widened as Shego grinned.
"Me."
"All right..." Shego said with a sigh, flopping into the corner of the couch. "Where did we leave off?"
"You don't remember?" Drakken asked, setting his cocoa mug—complete with marshmallows—down the coffee table. "You're the one who's supposed to be watching."
"I was distracted," she said with a smirk as he sat in the opposite corner.
"You distracted yourself," he muttered. "What's the last thing you remember for sure?"
"I dunno... That guy's dad had just died."
"That's it?" Drakken looked at her in shock. "We were much further than that!"
She shrugged. "I got bored."
Drakken began fast-forwarding the movie. "Now...pay attention this time. My mother will expect you to be familiar with it. It's one of her favorites."
Shego looked at the frustrated pout on his face as he held down the fast-forward button on the remote and sank low into his corner of the couch. She smirked.
"You know...you're really cute when you pout," she said, crawling toward him.
He gasped as he saw her catlike crouch, and then frowned at her. "Shego... We haven't even started yet."
"Oh, we're getting started."
With that, she pounced on him and the remote went flying as his hands went up in the air. She kissed him deeply as one of her hands played with his hair and the other felt slowly down his back until she found his rear. She gave a firm squeeze, and he gasped into the kiss. His arms dropped around her and pulled her tight against him.
At that moment, a small, light weight hit the back of Shego's leg. Her eyes flew open, and she turned with a furious snarl toward the little Maltese dog. It was straddling her calf and wagging its tail with its tongue lolling out of its mouth in that too-cute-for-words pose.
"Get off, Short Circuit!"
"Shego, don't call him that..."
The dog started humping her leg.
"Rrrrgh!" she growled, throwing a blast at it with both hands as she leapt off of Drakken and the couch. She stumbled as the dog ran under her feet, yelping in fear, and she tripped backward over the coffee table.
She had a brief glimpse of Drakken's horrified face as she went head-over-heels and hit her back on the edge of the table, knocking off their mugs and the plate of fresh cookies as she grabbed for something to break her fall. She landed painfully on her side, on the same hip she'd hit earlier that day, and also on her elbow and shoulder. She pinched her eyes shut tightly in pain.
"Cuddles!"
Shego felt tears stinging her eyes as she listened to Drakken consoling the dog that was yelping in fear. To add insult to injury, she felt the burn of the spilled cocoa as it hit her back and began soaking her hair.
"Shego? Are you okay?"
She struggled to her feet, teeth bared and eyes glaring. He stumbled back and fell onto the couch, holding the dog against his chest. She saw the cocoa staining its paws, but she had no sympathy for the creature. Her hands flared.
"Shego, wait!"
He rolled out of the way and into the cocoa spill himself as she fired at him with both hands. He dropped the dog and it ran out of the room, crying as she fired blast after blast at it.
"Shego, stop!"
She ran after the dog, determined to end its vendetta against her once and for all. She fired at it again just as it disappeared around the hall corner.
"Rrrrgh!"
"Shego!"
Drakken caught her around the waist, and she whirled around and pushed her glowing hands against his chest to escape. He released her with a cry of pain and stepped back. His eyes were concerned, but she was too angry to care.
"I want that thing out of here!"
A silent gasp left his lips. "But...Shego—"
"Either you get rid of it, or I'll get rid of it!"
He pursed his lips and took a step toward her. "Are you okay?"
She held up her glowing hands, and he retreated several steps.
"I'm going to take a shower, and go to bed," she said through clenched teeth. She turned on her heel and headed into her room.
"Um..."
"My bed! And when I come out tomorrow, that dog had better be gone!"
She vanished inside her room, leaving Drakken blinking sadly at her door.