i'm never done making fun of ozai's bad facial hair. cont'd from the political compass/quarantine chapters:
The queer nationalist compound was under course, usually no one entered or exited, but some dirty water savages had breached the fence, and everyone was self-isolating in case they had brought the virus with them. It was day six, but it felt like day six hundred and sixty six. Ozai and Steve had done just about every activity they could think of from the basement of the YMCA: knitting each other scarves, blaming the Water Tribe for the pandemic, engaging in competitive hand-holding contests, working on their evil laughs, and of course, The Big Spicy.
But it got boring after a while. "Do you think I should do something different with my hair?" Ozai wondered, not knowing that this broke an unspoken law of Avatar fanfiction. "Or my beard?"
"No, I love you just as you are," Steve said wholesomely.
"Thank you, Steve." He still felt warmth rush to his gut, as if someone had set his insides on fire (but in a good way), whenever Steve complimented him. "But I'm just… so bored. Perhaps there is a style better suited to me now that I've changed careers."
"Sure. If that's what you want." Steve got a pair of scissors, a razor, and shaving cream from the bathroom, and they sat in front of the mirror, thinking about what to do.
"Let's start with my beard," Ozai said. "I've had it for years… It will be strange to see myself without it, but I suppose that if there's any time to try a new look, it's now."
Steve reluctantly snipped off his long goatee. The changes were immediate. "T-TR-TRANS RIGHTS," Ozai burst out uncontrollably.
"What?" Steve gasped, unable to believe his ears.
"Human rights," Ozai panted. He doubled over breathlessly. "I've committed so many human rights violations. Maybe I should be in one of Iroh's concentration gulags!"
"No! What are you saying?" Steve grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. "This is exactly what happened to Azula when your ex-wife cut her hair! She became a leftist! I should've known this was a bad idea!"
"THEIR," Ozai screamed.
"WHERE?"
"AZULA'S PRONOUNS…" Ozai passed out on the bathroom floor.
"My God, his whole personality was in that beard," Steve realized. "His whole ideology. The core of who he is…" He panicked, and it dawned on him what he had to do. "I've got to keep him drugged until it grows back."