Chapter 9

Beck and Jade waited for about 45 minutes before the doctor came back into the room. She was holding a clipboard, which Jade assumed had her test results on it.

"According to your test results, your HCG levels are elevated, meaning you are pregnant. Unfortunately, they are not extremely high, which could be causing what I'm fairly certain is a miscarriage. As your treatment options, there are two. You can either let this pass normally, which it should, or you can get a procedure called a D&C. In a D&C, we go in through the vaginal canal and manually evacuate the uterus. As of right now, I see know reason for you to get a D&C. If you want it, that's fine, but just know there's going to be a lot of cramping and bleeding either way."

Jade didn't say anything in response. She was trying to absorb the information she'd just been told. She hadn't expected to feel so many emotions when she was told she was, in fact, having a miscarriage. She felt oddly overwhelmed, upset, heartbroken. She felt a huge range of emotions in a span of about 30 seconds.

"Jade? Are you ok?" Beck asked, concerned at Jade's facial expression and her lack of acknowledgement towards the doctor.

"Um, yeah." Jade whispered, not sounding very convincing.

"Which would you like to do? Let everything pass naturally or get a D&C?" The doctor asked.

"Uh, naturally, I guess."

"Ok. I'm going to write you a prescription for an antibiotic. When you have a miscarriage, you body is more open to infection. Make sure to use only pads for the blood, no tampons or menstrual cups. As for sex, I would say you should wait until the bleeding stops, at least two weeks. After a miscarriage, you can bleed anywhere from 1 week to 1 month. If bleeding lasts more than a month or cramping lasts for more than 10 days, I would say go see your doctor. You next menstrual cycle might be a little heavier and more painful that normal, but that is perfect normal and common. As for getting pregnant again, that shouldn't be an issue. Miscarriages rarely affect fertility." The doctor explained everything to Jade, and then wrote her a prescription for antibiotics. She gave her condolences and then left the room, leaving Beck and Jade by themselves.

"I'm really sorry, Jade." Beck gave.

"Yep."

Jade turned away from Beck, and tried so hard to stop the tears from coming, but to avail. Once she felt the hot tears on her face, she couldn't stop them. She started letting small sobs escape her mouth. Beck heard her sobs and decide to try to comfort her. He stood up and walked over to the bed. He wrapped his arms around Jade, and when she didn't pull away, he pulled her closer to him. He pressed a small kiss to the crown on her head to try and calm her down. He let her cry into his shirt, and just held her.

Once Jade felt she'd cried all she could, she pulled away from Beck and wiped her eyes. She had makeup all over her face, and she noticed the makeup stains on Beck's shirt.

"Sorry about your shirt." Jade whispered.

"It's ok. Honestly, I don't think wardrobe will want either of our costumes back." Beck tried to crack a joke, but it didn't really go over well.

"Thank you, Beck. For being here with me. I know things didn't end well between us, but I'm really glad you're here."

"What if things didn't end between us?"

"What?"

"What if we tried again? I'm newly single and seeing you again made me realize I made a mistake. I shouldn't have left you. I should've stayed and tried to work things out between us. I made and a mistake and now I'm telling you that I want to fix it. I want to fix us."

"You might be single, which is only just doing yourself a favor, but I'm not. I'm with Austin. Just because I don't want to have a baby with him doesn't mean I don't want to be with him. I can't say our relationship will last forever, but I'm happy with where I am in life, right now. You hurt me, Beck. You left me alone, all by myself, a day after I gave birth to a baby I had no idea existed until an hour before it was brought into the world. How the hell am I just supposed to say I forgive you and take you back? I'm glad you've gotten over your grudge that you held towards me, but I haven't. I'm still mad at you. I'm still hurt. You might want to fix us, but I don't. I can't get over what you did to me."

"What do I have to do to make it up to you? What would I have to do to tell you that I really am sorry and that what I did was a huge mistake that I will forever regret?"

"There is nothing you can do to make it up to me, Beck. Maybe one day I will find it within myself to forgive you, but that day is not today."

Beck would've responded if there hadn't been a nurse that walked into the room before he got a chance.

"I have your discharge papers. I need you to sign them so that you can go home." The nurse said, as she handed a small packet of papers to Jade. "I'll be back in about 20 minutes to pick them up. If you finish everything before I come back, you can just go give them to the nurse at the reception desk."

Jade gave a simple nod and the nurse left the room. Beck, not knowing what else to say to Jade, sat back down in the chair and put his head in his hands. Jade decided not to say anything to him and started to fill out the papers. She filled them out within 10 minutes, and then changed into a shirt and sweatpants she'd been given by the hospital. She finished everything before the nurse came back, so she walked out of the room with the papers in hand. Beck followed a ways behind her, having been given no warning that she was leaving the room. Jade gave the papers to the nurse at the desk, and then waited for Beck to catch up to her. She would've started walking to the car, but he had the keys. The pair walked in silence to Beck's car. Once they got in, Beck started the car but didn't take it out of park right away.

"Do you want me to take you home or do you want to go anywhere else?" Beck asked.

"Just take me home." Jade gave a bit coldly.

Beck obliged Jade's request and started the car. Jade gave him simple directions along the way, but other than that, the pair did not talk to each other. Once they got to Jade's apartment, Beck stopped the car, but Jade didn't get out right away.

"I still love you, Beck. I never stopped loving you. I've loved you since we were 13. Right now, though, that love is not enough. The love we have for each other is not enough to fix our relationship. I can't willingly put myself back into a situation where I could get hurt again. You've hurt me over and over again, and I sat there and took because I was in love with you and I had no one else to love me or to love. I put up with every pice of bullshit you threw at me. The flirting, Tori, Alyssa, Meredith, your indecisiveness, your emotionless expressions and your inability to tell me how you felt, your cocky attitude. I even got back together with you after a 4 month breakup because I had no one else to love me. My parents hated me and wanted me to change, our friends including Cat were all scared of me, I couldn't make new friends because just the sight of me scared most people, I almost never saw my little brother and older sister. I had no one but you. I loved you and I was in love with you. I still love you, but I can't keep doing this with you. I can't just keep taking you back and hoping something will be different and that things will get better. That's the literal definition of insanity. You are driving me crazy, Beck. I love you, but I can't do this anymore." With that, Jade got out of the car and walked up to her apartment.