Zuko Gets His Xbox Taken Away (And Other Such Tales)

by Wenchicus Thoticus

One-shots from the Fire Nation including Zuko getting his Xbox taken away, Ursa's black market quests, and Ozai choosing a title for himself that isn't "Phoenix King." Crack, AUs. No adult content, rated T for language, drug references, dark humor.

50. Clone Dynasty

inspired by StrangerLuvr

"My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined," Ozai sighed, even though he had just succeeded in killing the avatar and taking over the world. Azula was curled up in a fetal position, muttering to herself, and Zuko lay gasping for breath as he slowly succumbed to his lightning wound.

"Unbelievable," he went on scathingly. "I had hoped that one of you would emerge victorious from your Agni Kai… well, specifically, I had hoped that Azula would emerge victorious, but both of you have failed. Fortunately, I have foreseen this. Kids, I would like you to meet the new Phoenix Prince."

A man stepped out of the shadows. Azula figured she was hallucinating again, and Zuko thought that maybe the lightning had done something funny to his vision, because he was seeing double.

"This is my new son. Though he may look, much like myself, to be in the prime of his DILFhood, he is new to the world, and he has much to learn. Also, he's my fiancé. I plan on marrying him, because he is perfect in every way," Ozai explained. "He is my clone. We were already wasting so much taxpayer money with the war, so I thought, why not waste some more on cloning me? We'll never have succession problems again!"

"…Twinkies…" Azula muttered under her breath. Zuko blacked out. Ozai II smiled eerily, definitely not planning to assassinate his creator and seize power.

"This is so much better than raising children," Ozai said, walking away, his hand around Ozai II's waist. "I only wish I'd thought of this sooner. Imagine what you and I will accomplish together."

"Indeed, Master," Ozai II mumbled malevolently.

By the time Ozai saw the whole-ass fighter jet hidden up his sleeve, it was too late.

AN: Hey guys. I'm sorry to say but I don't think I'll be updating this fic much anymore (unless people make requests). I've been running low on ideas for chapters for a while now. But if you like "Zuko Gets His Xbox Taken Away," please check out my other works, because I write almost exclusively crackfic (though be warned, a lot of it is also smut).