Chapter 11

Filming for Jade resumed only two post-miscarriage. She was still bleeding and cramping profusely, but she didn't really have a choice on whether or not she could go back to filming. If she took any more time, she could be dropped from the movie. She was in a lot of pain, and hyper-aware of how full her pad was getting, and could barely focus on her filming, but at least she was there. She ended up having to change her pad every two hours, because she was just bleeding that profusely. By about her fourth trip to the bathroom in 8 hours, the director asked if she was ok, and if she was, she needed to stop going to the bathroom so often.

"Are you ok, Jade? Are you still sick? Because if you are ok and you're not still sick, I need you to stop wasting my time and stop going to the bathroom every chance you get." The director said, clearly frustrated with Jade.

Jade thought for a few moments about what she should say to him. A big part of her, the part that wanted to keep her job, wanted to just apologize and say it wouldn't happen again, but the other part, the part that was 2 days post-miscarriage and hormonal, wanted to tell him off. The latter part was gradually looking like it would win.

"2 days ago, I had a miscarriage. That's why I went home, not because I was sick. Beck took me to the hospital. I am 2 days post-miscarriage. I am in a lot of pain and I am profusely bleeding. I'm sorry that I have to go to the bathroom to change my pad so that I don't bleed all over these clothes and the floor and the furniture."

All eyes in the room were focused on Jade, most giving her a sympathetic or empathetic look. They were all pitying her.

"Um, I'm sorry, Jade. If I had known, I wouldn't have questioned it. Go to the bathroom as many times as you need. I have confidence that no one, including myself, will say anything about it." The director looked around pointedly at the cast and crew in the room.

Jade just nodded in response and went to the bathroom. Once inside the bathroom, she let the floodgates break. Tears streamed down her face and she made no move to stop them. She didn't know why the hell she was so emotional over this stupid miscarriage. It's not like she even wanted the baby! She didn't want a kid. Why the hell did she care so much?

After a few minutes of solid sobbing, she decided she should probably get back to set. She wiped her free of all of the tears she had on her face. She stared at her reflection in the mirror and saw that she looked like a giant mess. Her eyes were bloodshot, she had black streaks down her face, half of her foundation had been washed away and rubbed off. And unfortunately, she realized that she had bleed through her pants. Fan-fucking-tastic. She had to walk out of the bathroom looking like a hot mess and watch people stare at her and pity her. She couldn't do that. She wouldn't do it.

After thinking for a few minutes, she decided the only person that could help her quickly was Beck. All she needed was for him to give her a jacket to cover the blood stain and sunglasses to cover part of her face. Then she'd just go home. She knew going home for a 3 day would put her at an even greater risk of being dropped from the movie, but in that moment, she didn't care.

She texted Beck, and luckily for Jade, he texted back within a few moments. He agreed to bring her the things she'd requested.

"Here. I stole a black hoodie from wardrobe and cat eye sunglasses." Beck said, as he entered the bathroom.

"Thanks." Jade mumbled, taking the items from Beck.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

"No. I'm fine going home by myself."

"If you're sure."

"I am sure, Beck."

"I know it's probably not my place to ask, but have you told your boyfriend?"

Jade sighed. Beck was right, it wasn't his place to ask, but Jade was too mentally and physically exhausted to play a tough girl.

"I haven't told him. He just assumes that I've been sick and I got my period."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't really see a reason to. What's happened has happened. There's nothing anyone can say or do that will change anything."

"Don't you think he deserves to know?"

"I don't know, Beck. I really don't. I don't what the right thing to do is. If I tell him, one of two things could happen. He could get really mad about the fact that I didn't tell him I was pregnant when I found out and leave me. Or, he could completely understand and then sympathize with me and treat like I could fall apart at any given time. I don't want either of those things to happen."

"If he really loves you, he won't leave."

"Yeah, I thought that too, until you left me. It happened once, and there's absolutely nothing stopping it from happening again."

"I don't know how many times you want me to say I'm sorry, Jade."

"I don't want anymore 'sorry's. I'm so tired of hearing the word 'sorry.' I just want to be able to move on with my life, Beck. I want to be able to live the life I want to live. I wanted to live the rest of my life with you, but that didn't happen. I've made my peace with it, and I need you to, too. I get that you're sorry, but sorry doesn't change anything, so just stop saying it."

"Ok. Um, I guess I'll see you when I see you. I'm assuming you won't be back for a few days." Beck changed the course of the conversation to prevent either one of them from saying something they'd regret.

"I honestly don't know if I coming back. I really don't know anything at this point. I need some time to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. I can't do that while I'm filming a movie."

"But if you drop out of the movies you could be black-balled in Hollywood."

"I know that and that's a risk I'm willing to take."

"Ok. If that's what you really want, then I'm not gonna stop you."

"Thanks, Beck. You should probably get back to set."

"Yeah, I should." But he didn't make any movements.

"Seriously, Beck. Go."

"Ok." Beck, taking a bold choice, stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Jade. At first, she tried to pull away, but then she relaxed into his arms. She placed her head on his chest and breathed in his scent. They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Beck pressed a kiss to the crown of Jade's head and pulled away.

"Bye." Jade said, practically pushing Beck out of the bathroom.

"Bye." Beck gave, his smile as bright as can be.

And then there was one. Jade took in a deep breath, ran her hands through her hair, and then wrapped the jacket around her waist. She then placed the glasses on her face, looked at her reflection in the mirror, and walked out of the bathroom. She was able to sneak past any of the people on the actual set because the bathrooms were on the other side of where the actual set was. She made her way to her car and left the set.

"Hey babe, what are you doing home so early?" Austin asked, as Jade walked into their apartment.

"I thought I was feeling well enough to go back, but I was wrong." Jade gave.

"Don't you think you should see a doctor? You've been sick for a few days now, and this is so unlike you. You told me you never get sick."

"I usually don't. I don't need to go to the doctor, though. I'll be fine soon. I just need some more sleep."

"Ok. As long as your sure." Austin agreed, as he pressed a sweet kiss to her cheek. Jade reciprocated by pressing a kiss to Austin's lips. As the kiss started to heat up, Jade pulled away.

"I'm gonna go take a nap." She said, as she walked towards the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, she pulled off her clothes, placed the jacket, pants, and underwear in the trash, and hopped in the shower. She took a short, 10-minute shower, dried off, got dressed into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. She then crawled into bed and pulled the covers over herself. She must've only been asleep for 10 minutes before she heard Austin's voice coming from their bathroom.

"Babe. Why are your clothes covered in blood?" Austin asked, standing in the doorway that separated the bathroom from the bedroom.

Jade rolled over to see Austin holding up the clothes she had thrown away.

"I'm just a heavy period. I leaked through my pad and onto my underwear and pants. It's not a big deal."

"It is a big deal, Jade. This is a lot of blood."

Damn him for being a paramedic, Jade thought to herself.

"I'm fine, Austin."

"You're not fine, Jade. Tell what's going on and if I should take you to the doctor."

"I already told you I'm not going to the doctor."

"Then tell what's wrong. Why did you bleed so much?"

"I don't know, Austin."

"You do know. I can tell that you're lying to me. Tell me what's wrong with you."

"Nothing!" Jade was getting frustrated with him.

"Tell me, Jade!"

"I'm having a miscarriage!" She yelled out, it then immediately regretted it.

"You're what?"

"I'm, uh, having a miscarriage. I have been for two days."

"Wh-why didn't you tell me?"

"I found out that I was pregnant the day of the miscarriage. I would've eventually told you, but I was still trying to come to terms with it. I didn't get a chance to tell you before I had the miscarriage."

"Are you sure it's a miscarriage? Have you been to a doctor?"

"Yes. My co-star happens to be my ex, Beck. He took me to the hospital. The doctor confirmed it."

"Why did you hide the miscarriage from me? Did you think that I wouldn't care or what?"

"I thought you'd be mad."

"I am mad, Jade. Don't you think I deserve to know? I'm assuming it was my baby."

"Who the hell do you think I am? Of course it was yours."

"And you think I didn't deserve to know?"

"I don't know, Austin. I really don't. My ex left me after I gave birth to a baby I had only known about for an hour. I didn't want to be hurt again."

"That doesn't excuse what you did."

"What do you want me to do now? The baby's gone. There's nothing I can do to bring it back."

"Why can't you learn to trust me, Jade? The whole time we've been dating I feel like I've been giving you 100% of myself and you've only given 50. I can't keep doing this with you if you're not going to trust me."

"Then just leave. Leave me like everyone else has. I don't need you. I don't need anyone."

"I don't want to do this, but I can't keep doing this relationship if it stays like this."

"I get it, Austin. Just please leave. Pack up your shit and leave."

"Fine." Austin threw the boost clothes back into the trash can and then started packing up some of his stuff. He shoved clothes and toiletries into a few duffle bags. Within 10 minutes, he was out of the apartment and had taken most of his stuff with him.