The ghost of Avatar Kuruk spotted Aang a few coins to use the payphone on the lion turtle's back. Aang dialed the number Zuko had given him and waited. About a hundred miles away, Ozai pulled out his fourth generation iPhone (with a My Little Pony case), annoyed that someone was interrupting him in the middle of burning the Earth Kingdom to the ground.

It was an unknown number, but if someone was calling him now, it had to be important. (Unless it was some telemarketer or scammer. Fuck those guys.) And it wasn't like he had the contact information of all his thousands of underlings, so maybe it was one of them. "Hello?" Ozai said.

"Hey, it's Avatar Aang," came the reply. "We never agreed on a spot for our final battle, so I was just wondering where you wanted to meet up."

"There is only one suitable location for a battle as momentous as ours," Ozai growled. "I believe you already know what I have in mind."

Aang bowed his head solemnly. "Yes, well, technically, there are 1,675 such locations," he said.

"I was thinking of the one in Ba Sing Se strip mall," Ozai said. He plugged his ear, hardly able to hear over the rushing winds and the roaring of the flame consuming the earth below him.

"Ba Sing Se is a big city. They have a lot of strip malls," Aang pointed out.

"The one on Doupang Street," Ozai clarified. "Do you need directions?"

"No, I'll find it," Aang assured him.

"Good. I'll be there in one hour." He hung up and shoved his phone back into his robes.

Indeed, an hour later, Ozai had arrived at the Denny's on Doupang Street in Ba Sing Se. Chaos raged all around him as the local earthbenders fought back against the advancing Fire Nation troops, but he sat in his fortified war minivan and waited for the avatar to show up. He checked his watch. The boy was late. Inside the Denny's, patrons still ate, and servers still served.

Ozai was considering hopping inside to get a milkshake, but just then, the avatar rolled up in a slick black Mercedes. Aang flicked off his sunglasses, tore off his shirt, and slammed the car door shut. "Do you want to fucking go, old man?" he challenged him. "Do you want to fucking go inside and discuss this over a lovely meal instead of resorting to violence?"

Ozai wished that he, too, could slam his car door in a display of masculine fury, but the minivan door glided shut calmly. Ozai tore off his shirt, circling the avatar. "I will fuck you up!" he threatened. With all that fire burning, it was hot out, and he really wanted that milkshake. "Let's settle this like men! Over a menu!"

"Oh, really?" Aang asked, brightening immediately. He put his shirt back on. "I'm getting pancakes."

AN: This chapter was sponsored by Denny's. Great Food...Great Service...Great People...Every Time...™