Sam made sure Castiel walked ahead of him into the diner. No way was Cas getting any chance to disappear before they had talked. Sarah, earning a large tip for her efforts in meeting Sam's request had moved their table to a closed section of the dining room where no one else was around. If she felt the tension between the two men, she didn't let on although it was painfully obvious that neither of the looked very happy.

"Ok, guys follow me. I've set you up at a quiet booth at the back. Lunch rush is over, and we probably won't be using this section again for a few hours. I've put a fresh pot of coffee into a carafe and left it on the table with cream and sugar. I moved your salad already Sam, and the waffles just came off the iron, so they are still steaming hot. I will not be back to bother you, but if you need me just holler ok?"

Without time for a response, she walked off and left them to fold the frames into the booth. The backs of the seats were high, and nobody was around to see or hear them while they talked, which Sam thought was perfect for what was about to happen.

Without saying a word, Sam took the carafe and poured Cas a coffee and then topped up his own. Almost deliberately slow he added a bit of cream and stirred thoughtfully. Castiel did the same thing, not even bothering to try to make small talk, he kept his eyes averted from Sam as well. Everything about his body language indicated both defeat, and an expectation that he was going to be on the receiving end of whatever was coming next. A little bit of Sam's ire dispersed, this was going to be a conversation that impacted all three of their futures and Sam didn't want to make whatever this was, worse.

Letting the silence linger a bit longer, he took a few bites of his salad. Cas never had a problem with awkward silences, hell there was a picture of him in the dictionary next to the definition. He chewed thoughtfully while considering exactly what the best plan of attack had to be here. Too hard and he was pretty sure Cas was going to walk, to soft and the trajectory they were on would remain unchanged. Neither outcome was acceptable. Sam knew that the only weakness Cas had was Dean, which, coincidentally was often his greatest strength. Cas was always the best version of himself when he was protecting Dean, Sam had seen this time an again. When all hope was lost, he'd show up to Dean, even sacrificing himself. Maybe this was the way through. He put down his fork and cleared his throat. Might as well rip the band aid off.

"Never had you pegged for a quitter Cas."

What ever Cas had been expecting to hear, it wasn't that. For the first time since running into Sam he looked him in the eye, shock and anger flashing across his face in micro expressions that were so fast, Sam would have missed it if he wasn't looking for them. Bingo.

"I mean really, after everything, all these years. Apocalypse and end times, defeating Chuck, travelling to different worlds together. Fighting by our sides, BOTH of our sides, pretty much raising Jack as family together, all of that and NOW you are going to bail? Without a goodbye? That hurts man. I thought we were family, honorary Winchester and all that." This first ball had been thrown, now to see if Cas would throw it back. Cas just stared at him with those blue eyes of his, damn, no wonder he and Dean would have those long staring contest which pretty much looked like eye sex to anyone watching. Sam was straight and still he found them captivating. Dean never stood a chance with Cas looking at him like that.

"I will tell you what I told Dean. My assignment was always to watch over Dean and yourself. I did that. We won. Neither of you need me anymore. I think it's best if I returned to heaven after all."

Another stare down. So freaking blue.

"That's not true Cas. Dean still needs you. He will always need you."

Another little micro expression passes, but this one too fast to read.

"I am fairly certain Sam that whatever you think Dean requires, he will be able to find it quite happily without me to get in the way."

"And I am fairly certain that what Dean requires is something he will only find with you."

Sam wasn't going to break eye contact now, he pinned Cas to the seat with a look that dared him to argue with him. Another long silence passed between them until Cas finally broke.

"What did he tell you?"

"Tell me? He didn't tell me a thing." Now Castiel was looking confused, maybe he misunderstood what Sam was saying. "But that doesn't mean it's not true."

"Sam, I don't understand wha.."

"I think you do." Cas cocked his head to the side warily, he was uncomfortable and didn't have a clue how to get out of this. What on earth was Sam trying to prove?

"How long have you been in love with Dean?"

And there it was, no pretence, all the cards on the table. Cas looked down at his now cold waffle, trying to figure out what to say next. He swallowed, his throat had a lump in it and tears pricked his eyes. Could it get worse? I guess it could because here we are. He struggled to find the words, any words really. What do you say when all your secrets are laid bare before the world?

"It doesn't matter Sam; he doesn't want me." Saying it out loud hurt. A lot. The tears that had up until then only threatened to fall, streamed down in his cheek. Cas wiped them away quickly with his hand. He needed out of here. He put his hand on the table to help leverage his way up and out of the booth but before he moved Sam reached across the table and grabbed his wrist.

"Not yet Cas, we are not done talking."

"Sam, I think we are. Just let me go ok? I need to get out of here. You don't understand."

"I understand more than you think. Sit. Hear me out and if you still want to leave, you can go." It wasn't like he really had a choice; Sam's grip held his wrist like it was iron. He resolved to suffer through whatever Sam had to say and then leave as quickly as possible.

"Fine. But as soon as you are done, I'm leaving."

Sam released his wrist and took another long sip of his coffee, carefully considering his next steps. His choices were to go dark, and then to go darker. Maybe both needed to come up.

"How many times has Dean had to watch you die Cas?"

"Too many."

"Did you know, every time, it got worse? Dean's reaction? He never took it well, not once, but it got harder for him every single time. You never had to see that part did you Cas? But I did." The frustration and anger started to bubble up again. "When Lucifer came out of the rift and stabbed you, Dean sat by your body for hours Cas. Hours until your body was cold. Then he brought you inside and insisted on prepping you for your funeral pyre, alone without help. Nobody was going to touch you. Only Dean."

Castiel just watched Sam as he continued.

"And did you know each time Dean has to say goodbye to you, he disappears inside a whiskey bottle and volunteers for every suicide mission he can find, just to make the pain stop? Can you imagine what it feels like for me to have to watch Dean self destruct, over and over again, when there's not a damn thing I can do to stop it?" His voice quivered a little bit on the next one even though he was barely speaking over a whisper. "Did you know that after Lucifer killed you we had a case at a haunted asylum, and Dean literally killed himself to talk to the ghosts instead of solving it like we normally do. I couldn't stop him, and Cas, when I tried to bring him back…it didn't work. He told me later that Death sent him back, which means he wanted to stay."

This time they both looked at each other with watery eyes.

"Dean literally does not want to live without you Cas, I am so scared that I'm going to lose him if you leave again."

"I, I don't know what to say Sam. I didn't know. I feel badly that you have had to bear that burden"

"After the Empty took you, there wasn't anytime to grieve because we had to deal with Chuck. Dean never talked about what happened in the dungeon, but I'd be up studying and would hear him having nightmares Cas. Always the same, calling for you, asking to come back. Those dreams were every night, Cas. Every evening he would drink until he nearly forgot his own name, and then spend all night calling out for you. In fact, they only stopped when you showed up at the door two days ago."

Castiel's heart hurt, it wasn't supposed to be this way.

"Cas, I'm not saying that you need to go back there and stay with Dean because he isn't well. I mean, he's not well, but how are any of us after all we've been through? I know I'm not ok, and I'm sure that you aren't either. But I want to be ok, I uh, I want to be ok for Eileen." He swallowed again, time to throw a few more cards on the table.

"I don't know what I was expecting after everything, but honest to god Cas, I am so damn tired, and I want out. I want to stop hunting, I want to marry Eileen, I want to have the life we fought for everyone to have. I'm tired of killing, and I'm tired of being afraid. I just want out. I'm terrified that Dean or I are going to get killed on a stupid random hunt now that Chuck isn't pulling the puppet strings. And I can't leave Dean like this, but I also can't watch him self destruct into an early grave either. I need your help Cas. I need you to stay…..please?"

Cas sat silently for another long minute, he actually hadn't had a single bite of his waffle, not that he was hungry anyway, but he looked at the sad way the whipped cream had melted into a puddle on the side of the plate. The meal was looking like he felt – flat and inadequate.

"Sam, you don't understand."

"Then explain it to me."

"Dean doesn't love me Sam, it doesn't go both ways. You are mistaken."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No. I told him before the Empty took me, but there was no time for us to talk about it. I knew that it wasn't really fair, to do that to him. But telling him was what summoned the Empty, it was the only way I could think to save him. I never would have told him otherwise. I don't regret telling him, I never expected to come back. I regret now that it seems to irrevocably harmed our friendship"

A few more of the missing pieces fell into place for Sam as they both mulled over everything they had just learned. This was what Dean had been hiding since that day in the dungeon, why everything had been darker and heavier, why he had seemed so lost and adrift.

"Cas, if he didn't have a chance to say anything when you told him how you felt, how can you know that he doesn't feel the same way back? Because everything I have ever seen between you tells me the exact opposite."

"When I got back to the bunker, I expected Dean to say something about it- good or bad- I was ready to hear it and move on, but he pretended like it didn't happen. He didn't even acknowledge what I had said, what I literally gave my life to say to him. I felt embarrassed and that's why I hid in my room for so long, I felt like I had misread and then ruined my friendship with Dean and didn't know how to make it right. I'm sorry Sam."

From the booth Sam surveyed the rest of the diner. True to her word Sarah was right in saying they would be left undisturbed. She was busy working at the other end of the dining room, although she did catch his eye briefly with a questioning look to see if he needed something. He half smiled back and shook his head. There was still space to talk, they had covered the dark stuff and maybe it was time to dig a little deeper into the vault to help Cas understand.

"Cas there is more."

Cas wasn't sure he could handle any more, his heart was already heavy, and he really just wanted to be alone to think about what Sam had just told him. "Can we pick this up another time Sam? I would like some time to think about this, I really don't think you are correct, but I appreciate your trying."

Sam's hand snaked out across the table again, stopping Cas before he could even try to move away.

"If you walk out that door, you and I both know there's a good chance that you won't be back. Let me finish ok? You're my family too you know? We lived and fought side by side like brothers. Don't give up on being part of this so easily, I need you around just as much as Dean does – just not in the same way. Let me tell you the rest."

Vulnerability flashed across Cas's face that time. Sam knew that comment had landed exactly where he had hoped. Cas belonged with them more than he belonged anywhere else in heaven or earth, he didn't have another home, another family to go to. Cas craved being a Winchester by proxy as much as he and Dean had always claimed him as one. They really were family and family doesn't quit on each other. Cas nodded his head in assent.

"OK Sam, tell me."