The Following Trailer Is rated NFM For No F##king Mercy!
Some people believe the Bible to be fact, some believe it to be fiction, but whatever you believe, there is one thing we can all agree on… handing a epic Biblical drama over to an environmental activist with a penchant for psychological horror is like having M. Night Shamalyan direct The Lord Of The Rings.
Noah!
Behold the most insulting adaptation of a beloved epic since the last Disney Live action remake, and witness a cinematic butchering of biblical proportions.
Meet Noah, the last good man in a world populated by murderers, thieves, assholes, and Emma Watson.
When Noah gets stoned and receives a message from God, because apparently drugs are God's preferred method of communication, It's up to him to build the legendary ark and save the human race from impending destruction. All because of weed. Or whatever the hell it was.
But he's not alone, adding him on his pot-fuled quest are the Watchers. No, not the awesome killer-squid from Lord of The Rings. But stone giants who were once angels until God cursed them to live as walking rock turds with really bad arthritis.
Experience the confusion of watching a Biblical film created by an atheist using non-biblical texts, who then proclaimed it, "The least biblical Bible movie ever." Interesting marketing strategy. Maybe someone needs to promote the next John Wick movie as, "The most boring action movie ever." See how that shit flies.
So slip on your swim trunks for one of the most controversial films of the last quarter century. That was blacklisted by Christians for its use of non-biblical material, blacklisted by conservatives and political moderates for its use of bullshit environmentalism, blacklisted by China for daring to talk about religion, blacklisted by Muslims for letting women show their faces, and blacklisted by anyone with good taste for casting Emma Watson in a lead role.
Starring:
A Not-So Beautiful Mind- Noah
The Wife- Naameh
The Rockbiters- The Watchers
The World's First Superhero- Methuselah
The Gospel Of Crowe!
If Aronofsky had tried to pull this crap with a story from the Quran, the entire Muslim world would have issued a Fatwa on him.