we made these memories for ourselves (...) and time's forever frozen, still

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 22
Jay took a sip from the coffee cup he was holding and "So." he began, catching Hailey's attention. The blonde detective who was sitting next to him immediately looked at him, her blue eyes fixated on the thousands of freckles on his face.

They were on a stakeout, sitting in the restricted space of the van Sgt. Platt had assigned them.

Earlier that morning, Voight had entered the bullpen announcing that they'd caught a case: three luggages containing three female bodies were found in different places (a lake, a train station and a park), bringing to light an old cold case with the exact same modus operandi, for which the main suspect never got convicted because of a lack of evidence.
Jeremy Baker was now their target, with Voight being so sure he was the man, and the whole intelligence unit was determined to see him rot in jail.

"What are we doing on the 24th?" Jay asked Hailey, quickly glancing at her face with a sheepish smile and then focusing his attention on a loose thread that was coming from the black jeans she was wearing, his finger playing with it.

Hailey chuckled a little. "We?" she asked back in a surprised tone. Jay's cheeks were now of a rosy color, and it was honestly an adorable sight to see.

He nodded and, "Yeah, so we can get up together on Christmas day!", he explained lightheartedly, winking at her. "I'll be your first Christmas gift, see how exciting that sounds?" he added then with a smug smile.

"Hmm, yeah, sure," Hailey playfully muttered.

Jay gasped, feigning to be offended by her explicitly ironic tone. "My ego…" he commented with a pout.

Hailey bumped her elbows with his, "I'm sure it's fine, especially after that barista hit on you this morning," she replied with a knowing expression.
At that, Jay put his arm around her shoulder, squeezing her against his body: "Aw, you're jealous!" he teased her.

Hailey rolled her eyes but didn't say anything because, to be fair, he was kind of right. When they went to their usual coffee place that morning and saw the (new) barista blatantly flirting with Jay, she couldn't deny it made her a little annoyed.

After a while, "Yes," she mumbled.

"Yes you're jealous? I knew it!" he exclaimed, his lips curled in a victorious smile.

Hailey pulled away from his wrap around her shoulder, "Yes, we can spend the 24th together. But I'm considering changing my mind because you're being too much right now," she crossed her arms against her chest.

"Okay, okay. I'll behave," Jay raised his hands in surrender and then leaned his head against the van, his face was in a calm and serene expression.

It would've been their first Christmas as a couple and to say he was excited was an understatement. Not that he had any particular or extravagant idea of how they would spend the day – if Voight decided to give them the day off –, but just the thought of being together was enough for him to be all smiley and cheerful.

"So, you like Christmas..?" Hailey asked after a couple of minutes of silence. Maybe it sounded like a dumb question, but it wasn't obvious or automatic that a person would love the holiday.

"See, I know I look like I'm dead inside - Jay began, giggling and making her snort - but, yeah, I like Christmas," he stated. "It brings up good memories," he added then, wetting his lips.

Hailey turned to face him, "Yeah?"

Jay nodded and then placed his hand on her thigh absentmindedly. They shared a timid smile and then Jay decided to do something he'd never thought he would do, at least not this soon in their relationship. But then, the thought of it came to his mind so impulsively and naturally that it felt just right.

He took his wallet out of the pocket of his jeans. "Come here," he told Hailey, pulling her body towards his, making her sit on his lap. Hailey enlaced her arms around his neck and waited for his next move.

Jay quickly pulled out a picture from his wallet and glanced at Hailey to see her reaction and couldn't help but mirror the smile that creeped its way on her face. They were looking at a picture that Jay believed his father took when he was around three or four years old: it showed him and Will and their mother in the kitchen, all focused on decorating some cookies they had previously baked. Well, Will and their mother were looking at the camera, little Jay was too busy dipping his finger in some chocolate mousse.
The corners of the picture were a little washed-up and some details of it faded, but you could still easily pinpoint what was happening in it.

"You had red hair!" Hailey exclaimed, her fingers brushing the surface of the picture, pointing a much younger and chunkier version of her boyfriend.

Jay chuckled at her words. "Yeah, and Will always seems to forget about that," he playfully rolled his eyes.

Hailey took the picture from his hand, their fingers slightly touching, and held it close, analyzing it in silence.
"You and your mum kinda have the same smile," she noticed, attentively looking at Jay's mother and chuckling at the resemblance. "She looks happy…" Hailey added then, attentively studying the woman's expression.

Jay exhaled a content sigh. "I believe she was, she loved Christmas," he glimpsed at Hailey who was listening to him with genuine interest, a tiny smile on her face.
He'd never told her about his mother, although she knew how much Jay had loved her. It was one of those topics that were never explicitly addressed because of the weight they carried with them.

"She didn't really care for Thanksgiving, but she would go the extra mile for Christmas, it was the real deal," Jay elaborated some more, now staring at the ground, a smile still on his face.

"Even her last one – Hailey felt his body stiffen a bit – it was like for a day she forgot she was sick and all she wanted was to enjoy the day, you know?" he quickly looked at Hailey and it was enough for her to see that his eyes were getting a little glossy, despite the apparently composed expression on his face.

She sat there, not daring to utter a word. Hailey was still processing the fact that he was talking about his mother.
To her.
It was a big deal.

"It was just the two of us that day. She gifted me a pair of socks she'd been knitting just to pass the time while she did her chemo sessions. I remember she was kinda sad because she couldn't give Will his pair, but she never said anything out loud. I think she was trying to protect me, you know? She didn't want me to be sad because she was," Jay mumbled, turning his face towards Hailey and finding her staring at him with a slight frown, her blue eyes wide. He couldn't help but lean closer to her and place a soft kiss on top of her head, trying to wipe that frown off her face.

"Don't worry, I called him and cussed his ass soon as I got home," he assured with an evil grin, scrunching his nose.

Hailey giggled, "Good," she showed him a proud grin, but then her features returned serious very quickly. "Do you still resent him? For not being there…" she asked, her tone free of any type of judgement.

Jay could sense that and didn't get defensive, he knew he could answer truthfully. In fact, "Sometimes," he admitted. He bit his lip and took a big breath, "What she went through… it wasn't fair to her, it never is. He-he just needed to be there, you know? – Hailey slowly nodded, letting him know she was getting his perspective – Even just thinking about it makes me mad till this day," he chuckled nervously, closing his eyes and trying to relax.

Hailey reached for the nip of his neck, playing with the few short hair that was there, in an attempt to calm him down – she knew it would be comforting to him.

He took his time. "But I know my anger is just so little compared to the regret he feels, and I think it's enough… he doesn't need me to hate him too," Jay mumbled, sighing and softening the hardened features of his face. "We're past that time."

Hailey looked at him with admiration in her eyes. If she was in his shoes, she honestly didn't know what she would've done. If she needed to be honest, though, she doubted she would've forgiven her brother. Hailey was very black or white on certain things.

Her eyes went back to the picture she was still holding. "She raised a good man," Hailey said to Jay. She leaned over, pulling his face closer to hers and then placed a kiss on his stubbly cheek.

Jay tightened his grip around Hailey's waist, hiding his embarrassment by burying his head in the crook of her neck. He was good at a lot of things, but receiving compliments just wasn't one of them.

"Oh, he's blushing…" the blonde teased him some more, knowing it would make his cheeks redder. "By the way, I wanna see you in those socks," she added in casually.

"In just the socks?" Jay asked with a smirk, slightly pinching her sides, "I can work with that."

Hailey rolled her eyes at him, "You're playing too much today," she shook her head, suppressing a giggle that was trying to escape from her lips.

Jay laughed out loud at her reaction, still holding her on his lap, his fingers gently entangled in the end of her blond hair, "It's not a no," was his smart response, which made him earn a well-assessed punch on the arm from Hailey.

"Shut up."

Heeeeeey how are you doing?
So... as you know, it's Christmas time (duh), so I though it wouldn't be a bad idea to post an Upstead fic. It'll be very short, 4 chapters at max and I intend to post a chapter every day, so I can finish it all on Christmas Eve (I figured those of you who celebrate Christmas won't have time to read fan fictions on Christmas day lol - and if you don't celebrate Christmas, well, you can re-read it, no? LOL), consider it as my gift for all of you.
I read the super kind comments you leave (one-cpd, I see you and love you! You're probably my favourite on this site ahah I wanna try and interact more with you - show you some love ❤) and I appreciate every single one of them, I truly love you all!

The title of the fic is from the song Fireside by Arctic Monkeys, probably one of my favorite songs; at the beginning of the chapter you can read a line from Photograph by Ed Sheeran - I don't really listen to his music anymore, but it went well with the content of this chapter.
Let me know your thoughts on this first chapter, I know it's shorter than usual, but yeah it is what it is AHAHAHA

You'll hear from me tomorrow, I'll be here with chapter 2 (I'm currently writing it and all I can say is that it's a lot, you'll see).

Love you all, stay safe! ❤
PS: let's be friends, I'm 5021ZAIN on both Twitter and Tumblr :)