The Rest of the Story - A What if It's Us Sequel Fic

by BrokenTwilighter

Arthur is graduating from college and Ben surprises him by attending the ceremony. Will this be their chance at happiness, or will their fear get in the way?

3. Part 3- Pop the Campagne

Ben- Friday, May 3rd, 2024

We've been home about a week and today, I told Arthur I was working until 7, even though I got off at 5. I hated lying to him, but I need this to be an absolute surprise. I walk into the jewelry store I pass on my way to The Strand every day and wander around until I find the men's rings. There's a line of them on the far side of the case that catches my eye. They all have blue in them, and they perfectly match Arthur's oceanic blue eyes. They're perfect, but I need a second opinion. I pull out my phone and Facetime Jessie.

"Hey Ben! What's going on?" she answers, a little concerned given the last couple of weeks. Arthur's been trying to keep up a brave face in their texts, but I think she's seeing through it. He's had a couple of very low days. Days when he couldn't make himself get out of bed to go to work, so I called in and stayed with him, unable to make myself leave when I knew he wasn't going to take care of himself. My team lead has been completely understanding and gave me digital tasks to do at home so I could keep getting paid, and I was able to make sure Arthur ate and showered and eventually came out into the living room where we cuddled up to watch a movie or show on the couch while I held him. We are both very fortunate to have wildly understanding jobs.

"Hey Jess, everything is fine. I'm not actually with Arthur. I need a second opinion," I tell her.

She takes a deep breath. "Okay, but he's okay right?"

"He's… still really sad. He pretty much cries himself to sleep each night, but I feel like that's pretty appropriate since it's still so soon after the funeral. I've got that situation well in hand, Jess. I promise, I'll let you know if he needs you."

She smiles sadly, "Thanks Ben. So, what's this second opinion you need?"

I heave a big sigh and flip so she's seeing the front facing camera, which is pointed at the line of three rings, each with a blue design around the middle of the band. One is silver, one is black, one is charcoal with blue inside.

"OH MY GOD. YOU ARE NOT. HOLY SHIT!" she screams. I cover my speaker so the store employees can't hear her and blush a deep shade of crimson.

"Jess, please calm down. I'm in public. Which one? I'm leaning toward the one in the middle, but do you think he'd like the black or silver better?"

Jessie is sniffling now. "Oh Ben, he's going to love whichever one you pick. I like the black with the blue. It's like his hair color and his eyes in one. Also, it's sparkly, and he is decidedly that."

"That's exactly what I thought," I say quietly, turning the camera back around.

"When are you gonna do it?" she asks.

"Soon. We're almost at a year of living together… maybe our anniversary? I know we'll probably wait a while for the wedding, but he needs to know I'm in and I'm never letting go of him ever again," I confess, a ball of emotion lodging around my vocal cords. I blush again and look down.

"He's gonna say yes, you know that right?" she encourages me.

"Yeah? God, I hope so. I love him so much…" I bite my lip and blink away the tears betraying my emotions.

"And he loves you, Ben. Go get him," she smiles.

"Thanks, Jess. I'm going to line Sam up as photographer, so look out for the pictures."

"Sounds good! Good luck, hun. He's gonna love it!" She smiles wide as she waves.

We hang up and I get an associate so I can put in my order for the ring. Art's hands are kind of small and they don't have the size in store. I head home and I'll just tell Arthur they let me out early because we were super dead at the store. A little white lie that I can tell him about later for a huge surprise. Totally worth it.

Arthur – Same Day, Same Time, at the Apartment

It's been a hell of a week. I went back to work on Monday, but only for half the day. I couldn't hold it together and my boss sent me home with her condolences. Tuesday was better. I was able to hold out for the day, but when I got home before Ben and was truly alone for the first time since Mom passed, I was overcome with the weight of it. I texted Ben and asked when he would be home and it was going to be almost an hour. I laid on the bed the whole time, hugging a pillow and crying. I couldn't make myself do anything else. When he got home, he did what he could, kissed me, made dinner, got me to eat what I could stomach, and then held me for the rest of the night. It's only bearable when I'm working and so not thinking about it, or when he's here to hold me together. He's like my emotional butterfly band-aid helping me to heal. It's working, but it's slow and tenuous. The nights are the worst. It's still like I forget she's gone when I sleep. The dreams about the hospital and the cemetery all feel just as fresh as they did the day they happened when I first wake up from them. Ben is steadfast and hasn't complained once about being woken up multiple times each night. He got me some melatonin on his way home yesterday and that meant I only woke up once last night. Progress is progress. He also gave me a very thorough massage before we went to bed last night. It was the most relaxed I'd been all week. Today, I felt mostly like myself again, but when Ben kissed me goodbye this morning, I could tell he was not quite trusting that I was doing better.

Ben won't be home from work for another couple of hours when I get home, so I sit at my desk and open my MacBook. I do a Google search for men's rings and find an overwhelming number of styles. There are literally hundreds of thousands of image hits. As I start to sift through them, a few have caught my eye. All the ones that remind me of Ben have some sort of wood in them. I don't know if it's his chocolate brown eyes, his sandy brown hair, or maybe even his splash of freckles, but the wooden rings are calling to me. I get a few up in different tabs and separate them so I can see them side by side. They are all well within my price range, so I decide I need a second opinion, someone who knows Ben just as well as I do. I pick up my phone and FaceTime Dylan.

"Seussical! How art thou?" he asks as his face pops up on the screen. He appears to be shirtless and laying in bed.

"Oh hey, is this a good time?" I ask with a laugh.

"But of course, any time is a good time, unless I was having sexy time with Sam. That would be the only bad time and I would not have answered if that were the case. Hey man, I'm so sorry about your mom." His face softens from its usual aloofness and becomes serious.

"Thanks man…" I say, looking away, blinking heavily. "So, I need your opinion on something." I change the subject. I have a purpose for this call.

"Lovely, I am a man of great taste and strong opinions. Lay it on me."

"Well, I'm going to show you three options, and I need you to tell me which one seems most Ben to you. I have my favorite, but I want to know which one you think is best." I flip the camera around and show him the screen. "So, which one?"

"HOLY FUCKING FUCK! ARE THOSE WHAT I THINK THEY ARE? ARE YOU DOING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"D, I need you to chill. Those are in fact men's rings and I am, in fact, planning to propose to your best friend with one of them, but I have to pick one first," I reign him in.

A deep breath is taken, but his eyes are still wide as he focuses on the options. "Turn me landscape, Seussical, I can't see them all."

"Oh, sorry." I do as he's asked, and he thinks for a long moment. He actually STROKES HIS BEARD while he thinks and I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. He looks like he's going for Socrates level wisdom in this moment.

"I gotta say, man, that one in the middle just screams 'Ben'. A little rustic, a little fantasy. I love it." He nods his confirmation.

"That's my favorite, too. Thanks, Dylan," I say as I hear a key in the lock. My eyes go wide and I wave silently before hanging up the FaceTime and minimizing the window on my computer. I get a text before I can get up.

Dylan: GOOD LUCK! Let us know if you need anything! We still on for tomorrow?

Me: Yep, see you around 6.

Dylan: Perf.

Ben comes in and puts his messenger bag down on the counter as I am crossing to meet him in a kiss. "Hey babe, how was your day?" I ask. "You're home early." I comment, looking at my watch. Didn't he say seven?

Yeah, we were dead, so they started sending people home. So, good, because I get to come home early to you. How was yours?" He wraps his arms around me and looks expectantly into my eyes.

I can hear something… off…in his voice, but I don't press it because I don't want him to hear what might be off in mine. "Mine was good. Excited for the weekend. D and Sam are coming over tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, if that's still okay?" The sentence is a question as he is rubbing a hand up and down my arm.

"Yeah, it'll be good to see them," I agree. He is eyeing me with caution, and I know it's because I'm still having the nightmares. I lift myself up and wrap my arms around his neck, pressing my face into his shoulder. "I know you're worried about me," I whisper. "I'm okay, most of the time. I promise. It's really just at night, the dreams…"

His arms close more tightly around me and his lips are at my ear. "You'd tell me right?" he begs my assurance. "If it was worse than that? If you needed something else?"

I nod into his shoulder and pull away to look into his eyes. "I think so…" I tell him truthfully.

His hands come up and link together behind my neck. His eyes are soft and sad, sort of puppy-like. His thumbs run lightly through the hair at the very nape of my neck and a bit of the tension of the day melts at his touch.

"I just… It's nothing to be ashamed of… needing to talk to someone, needing meds. I just want you to be well, Arthur. You're so exhausted all the time. You're still barely eating. I know it takes time, but I want you to have everything you need."

His eyes are so full of concern, I am suddenly emotional again. "I do. I have exactly everything I need right here," I tell him, my hands on his face. "And that melatonin actually helped. I felt so much more like myself today." I move in and kiss him deep and slow, more sensually than I have since the night we got back. I hear his breath hitch and his hands roam down my back. He picks me up and slides me onto the counter, pressing against me between my legs which wrap around his waist automatically as I moan softly into the kiss.

His lips chase his hunger along my jaw to my ear. He sucks gently on my earlobe before whispering, "Art, are you sure?" He is begging, he needs me as much as I have needed him.

"Yes, baby," I whisper against the skin of his neck. He backs up, pulling me carefully off the countertop and we head into the bedroom. Ben is gentle and sweet in a way that reminds me of our first time that first summer. We are more comfortable with one another now, but he is careful with me in a way he hasn't been since then. He makes sure I feel safe at every possible opportunity. He tells me he loves me and then he shows me how much he loves every inch of me. We rise together in a frenzy of kisses and moans and building pressure until we reach our release.

As our breathing returns to its normal rhythm, Ben asks quietly if I want to take a bath with him. We don't use it all that often, but the bath really is big enough for both of us and we keep some oils and bath bombs around for the random romantic night.

"That sounds perfect," I whisper. "Can we use the intergalactic bath bomb?" I ask with a smile. This bomb from Lush looks like a galaxy exploded in the water while it dissolves, and it smells like lemongrass. It's my favorite.

He chuckles and nods, kissing my forehead. "Of course, I'll go get it running."

Ben

A little while later, we are sitting in the steaming colorful water with a couple of WoodWick candles flickering in the corner and some Ben Platt playing softly in the background. Arthur leans against my chest as I lazily run my fingers up and down his arm. I drop a kiss on his shoulder and nuzzle my face next to his. "You do seem to be more you today. I've missed you," I whisper. This last week, watching him struggle and fight through his grief has been agonizing. Knowing I just have to let him go through it and be there for him however I can, but that there's nothing concrete I can actually do, is hell.

"I know I've been kind of floating around in a fog, Ben," he says softly. "But it's starting to clear. I know you've felt pretty helpless, but you're not, Ben. You help every time you hold me, or kiss me, or tell me you love me." He winds our fingers together and kisses my knuckles.

I breathe a sigh of relief and press my face into his shoulder, wrapping my arms tightly around his chest under the foamy purple water. "I do love you, my Mighty Arturo. I can feel you fighting through the fog. I can feel you coming back to me, for me."

Arthur turns a bit so he is on his side against me and holds my face in his hand smiling gently up at me. "I love you, too, Ben-Jamin. My hero, my best friend, my love. I'm right here. A little weary and broken, but it's me, and I heal a little every day I'm by your side. If there was ever any doubt about us being forever, that's gone now, for me at least."

"I'm pretty sure that was gone the day you put a poster up at Dream and Bean, Arthur," I chuckle wetly.

He smiles wider, real, and kisses me softly. We soak for a while, letting the hot water remove all our tension and stress. I think about the ring I ordered today as I hold his left hand in mine and know that ring will be on that hand forever as a sign that Arthur is mine, that he chose me, and I get a very warm and comforting feeling. I am not nervous; I am sure about every bit of our love for each other in a way I haven't been sure of anything else in my life outside of my family and Dylan.

Arthur – Saturday, May 4th, 2024

Last night as we lay in one another's arms, I was once again struck by the ultimate comfort we have together. We are completely vulnerable to one another, but there is no one I trust more fully with every aspect of myself than Ben.

I am still wrapped in the refuge of Ben's arms, my face tucked up under his chin when the alarm goes off. He has a short shift at the store today. He groans and reaches out to shut off the alarm, then returns his arm around me more securely. I tip my head just enough to press a kiss under his jaw. "Morning handsome," I say groggily.

"Hey, you didn't have any dreams last night?" he asks, still sleepy himself.

I consider the very sound sleep I seem to have gotten and shake my head. "I guess not."

"That's good," he says, kissing my forehead.

Once we've had breakfast, Ben gets ready and heads out to work after a nice long goodbye kiss and a smile. As soon as he leaves, I hop onto my computer and the rings are still up in the windows when I click them back open. I select the one I've chosen and order it in Ben's size. The site says it should take two weeks to arrive.

Perfect. Our anniversary is in three weeks. It's on a Monday, which is fine, but sucks for a major anniversary/proposal plan. Okay. Saturday will have to do. May 25th is the day I'm going to propose to Ben. I'm proposing to BEN! I research nice restaurants downtown and settle on the Rainbow Room. I call to make a reservation and ask if they happen to have an event happening in their rooftop garden that evening. They tell me they don't, as May is still pretty chilly that high up in the city. I ask if the space would be open to the public and available for a proposal and the hostess assures me that it is. I can hear the smile in her voice. I also ask her if there is a built-in stereo where I could have a song play and she assures me there is that as well and asks me what song. I tell her and I swear she is about to cry. She assures me that the song will be cued up and a staff member will be inconspicuously waiting to play it when we arrive a half hour before our reservation time. Everything is coming together! I smile once I hang up the phone and decide to FaceTime Jessie.

When the call connects, she is smiling brightly. "Hey Art! How are you?"

"Hey Jess, I'm good. I'm planning a little something I wanted to tell you about."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, so, I'm taking Ben on a really nice date for our Anniversary and I… well, I bought a ring, Jess…" I tell her.

Her eyes go wide and she puts her hand over her mouth. "Oh my God, Art!"

"I know, right? Am I crazy?"

"No! No, not at all! Art, seriously, I am so happy for you! Can I see the ring?"

I pull up the image on the computer and zoom in, then flip the camera. "I love the detail and the wood, it just feels so much like him," I say.

"It's beautiful, Art." She sniffs as I flip it back around. "It's really good to see your face, hun. How are you?"

"It's getting better. I didn't wake up with nightmares last night. That was a first in over a week. Ben's been worried, so it's good that my brain is pulling its shit together." I chew on the inside of my cheek.

"That's good, right? I don't think it ever goes away, but it'll get easier to carry. He helps, right? Being with Ben?" she asks.

"So much… I have no idea what I'd look like right now, definitely a hot mess. If I were alone? God, I can't even. I'd never shower, and I probably wouldn't go to work… He doesn't push, but he doesn't leave either... Whatever I need, really. That's why I'm proposing, Jess. I want him to be there through all the highs and lows, and I want to be there through his. I want to have a family with him." I blink up and scrub my hands down my face. "Fuck. I just love him so much."

Jessie slides her thumb under each eye and smiles crookedly. "I know you do, Art. I'm so happy for you sweetie. I have to go, though. I love you."

"Thanks Jess, love you, too." I blow her a couple of kisses and we hang up.

Ben

My shift at The Strand passes pretty quickly, but as I am packing up to leave and signing out of the system, my head manager finds me and asks if I have a second.

"Sure," I tell her, so she leads me to her office and we both have a seat.

"Alright, so first, how is Arthur doing? I can't imagine how difficult last week must have been for him," she says with concern in her eyes. I have always liked Sadie; she really does want to know us as a staff and does her best to be a manager that lets everyone shine in the best way for them.

"He's doing okay, he hasn't been sleeping well, but I'd guess that's to be expected for a little while. I worry, but he really is doing better than could have been expected."

"That's great, Ben. Well, you're probably wondering why I called you in here, and I don't know if you heard, but Andrew is leaving us. He took a position at Random House, so we are down a Fantasy and YA Section manager. I spoke with the other section managers and they literally all said you would be a perfect fit there. So, what do you think?" she asks expectantly.

My eyes widen slightly. I only just got promoted to Assistant Manager in January, after I graduated. This would mean a raise and a team of my own. This would mean I get to order the fantasy novels we carry and sort the fantasy donations we receive. I am a little speechless because it's such a perfect gig. "I… I would love to. That sounds perfect for me. When would we make the transition?" I ask, still a little stunned.

"Great! We will have Andrew start training you Monday and then by the time he leaves in a couple of weeks you'll be all trained up. Section managers work a little more stable hours, so you'd work 10-6 every week day and every other Saturday 12-4. We rotate section managers through Saturdays, as you know, so if you need to swap a Saturday just talk to the other section managers."

"Sadie, thank you so much. This is such an amazing opportunity."

"I have to capitalize on you now before you leave us when you get a book deal, kid," she winks and shoos me out of her office.

"Have a nice day," I say as I walk out.

"You, too!" she calls after me.

I hurry home, but I stop on the way at Levain Bakery on the way home and pick up 2 Double Chocolate Chip cookies and 2 Chocolate Peanut Butter (Sam and Dylan's faves). When I walk in the door of our apartment, I call "Hey Babe!" and set the box on the counter. Art is at his computer and he closes it as he turns with a smile. It's so good to see him smile and his big bright blue eyes shine as he walks to meet me at the end of the peninsula. I wrap him in a tight hug and press my lips to his firmly. "Guess what?" I say when I pull back.

He chuckles, sensing my buoyant mood, "I don't know, but it's good; you're in a particularly wonderful mood." He smiles and kisses me again.

"I'm getting promoted to section manager of Fantasy and YA lit!" I tell him excitedly.

His eyes widen and he smiles wider. "Ben, that's amazing!" He wraps his arms around my neck tightly and I press my face into his shoulder. "I am so proud of you, baby," he says quietly. "My Ben-Jamin."

"I wouldn't be half as far without you, my Mighty Arturo." I pull back to look at him and kiss him gently. "Your faith in me helps me to be the best version of myself. I love you, Arthur."

His smile softens and he presses his fingers up into my hair, bringing my forehead to rest against his. "I love you, too, Ben. You would have gotten here with or without me, babe. I'm just so glad I get to be here to witness your rise to greatness."

"I don't know about all that. Without you, I'd still be living with my parents and I'd probably be spiraling into a crazy lonely depression. You made the difference for me, Art." I bite my lip to keep from popping out with the question I so desperately want to ask him right this second!

I take a deep breath and pull back with a smile. "Guess what else!"

"Yes?"

"I got cookies for tonight!" I say excitedly.

His eyes widen. "You didn't! Levain?"

"Only the best for my man and my best friends," I answer.

"You really are the perfect man. Mmmmm," he says as he kisses me again.

"I certainly try my best for you, love. Let's go, we have to get some stuff for dinner tonight, right?"

We head to the store and pick up the missing ingredients & toppings for fajitas. When we get back, we have a couple of hours before we need to start cooking as it is still only mid-afternoon. We find an Avengers movie on Disney+ and lay together on the couch. I am stretched out along the chaise and Arthur's head is on my stomach as he lays down the main seating of the couch. As we watch the epic Battle of New York, I am playing lazily with his hair and massaging his scalp. This is the most normal and relaxed we've been together in a couple of weeks and my relief is profound. I can feel the tension I'd been holding in my shoulders and face, as I worried about Arthur, melting away.

When the movie ends, Arthur rolls over so he is looking up at me and says, "I was thinking about our anniversary in a few weeks. I thought we should go pretty big, like The Rainbow Room?" he offers.

I bite my lip. "Isn't that place crazy expensive?" It's one of the most romantic restaurants in the city, but that comes at a price. It might be perfect for…

"Yeah," Arthur interrupts my thoughts. "But we literally never do it. I think once a year on our anniversary is a pretty solid splurge, don't you?" He sits up so he is sitting next to me cross-legged. "You literally never let me spoil you, babe. Please?" he implores with his big, bright blue puppy-dog eyes shining at me.

How am I supposed to put saving money above the moment we want to create to celebrate one another? I'm not. "I think we can probably manage that," I tell him with a smile.

His smile widens and he basically jumps on me, straddling my hips and kissing me with all he's got. Once the very quick moment of shock wears off, my arms are around him, pushing his t-shirt up his back. The way Arthur shivers and moans into our kiss when I lightly run my fingertips along his spine is my favorite thing in the world. My excitement is apparent between us as Arthur hooks his fingers under my shirt and in no time at all has thrown it on the other end of the couch. He pulls back from the kiss and licks his lips before starting to lay a trail of kisses down my chest and stomach. He nuzzles his nose in the fine hairs of my happy trail and I am squirming toward him, every inch of me yearning for his touch.

"You're driving me crazy, baby," I breathe.

As he unbuttons my shorts and unzips them slowly, he murmurs against the sensitive skin over my hip bone, "That's the point, love." His breath against my skin when he chuckles could make me fly over the edge alone, if I didn't have a better handle on myself so that I can enjoy this moment with him.

Arthur moves my shorts and boxer-briefs just out of his way and then he has me. One hand laced with mine, the other spread out on my abs as he does all of my favorite things that his mouth can do and I am whimpering his name and that I love him and I beg him for release. He does not disappoint in this endeavor, and as fireworks burst behind my eyes, I faintly hear a knock on the door and my eyes fly open. Arthur, not one to leave a job unfinished, holds me in place and my eyes slide closed again while he cleans up after himself, then moves my shorts back into place.

"Holy shit, babe," I breathe.

He licks me off of his lips and lifts up to hover his lips next to my ear. "Can I expect a return on that investment later?" He nibbles lightly on my earlobe and I nod emphatically. "Love you." He kisses me just below my jaw and gets up. I do a cursory check of myself to make sure I'm still good and wonder if a Wall Street phrase has ever sounded quite so sexy, as Arthur slips into the bathroom, likely to brush his teeth. I have to admit, that boy of mine gives a really clean blowjob.

"BENNASAUR! SEUSSICAL!" Dylan calls through the door with another pounding knock.

I hurry to the door, snagging my shirt off the end of the couch and pulling it on as I make my way to the door.

"Are you having sexy time without me?" Dylan yells through the door again.

I open the door with an impish smile and Dylan looks me up and down with a shit eating grin. "You were totally just doin' it. You literally had to unhook your dicks, didn't you?"

"Hi Dylan, good to see you, too. You gonna come in or keep yelling about my sex life in the hallway?" I ask with a raised eyebrow as Arthur comes out of the bathroom, a matching impish grin.

Dylan shakes his head and crosses the threshold, wrapping me in a hug. Sam is just behind him and Arthur catches her in a hug as he comes through the kitchen area. We switch, Dylan hugs Arthur and I hug Sam. When Dylan and Sam walk around the corner into the living room, I grab Arthur's hand and bring him to me. I take his face in one hand and kiss him. Minty fresh, as expected. "I love you, too, you irresistible boy." I kiss him once more and we both smile. He heads into the kitchen to start dinner and I go to Dylan and Sam to see what they'd like to drink.

As we cook and talk and drink wine (Sam and Arthur drink her sweet white wine while D and I prefer red) and eat our Levain cookies, I catch myself being completely entranced by Arthur's smile. His resilience and determination to regain his happiness in the wake of his tragedy is inspiring and sexy and breaks my heart open for him all over again in the absolute best way. I love him even more in the light of his overcoming tragedy.

After dinner, Dylan and I are doing the dishes and Arthur and Sam are chatting on the couch. When I'm sure they're not listening, I lower my voice and tell Dylan, "Hey man, I need a favor."

He side eyes me, taking in my serious tone and nods, "Of course, B, what's up?"

"Can you ask Sam if she'd be willing to be photographer in a few weeks when I propose to Arthur?"

For a moment Dylan looks confused and then understanding dawns in his eyes. "Holy shit! Yeah, man! Did you already buy a… you know?"

I nod with a small smile. The only nervousness I feel is about whether Arthur will like this ring or not. I pull out my phone, check that Arthur's back is turned, and pull up the picture I snapped when I showed Jessie, zoomed in on the one I picked.

"Wow, that's perfect Ben. I'm really happy for you," he smiles brightly, maybe a little too brightly, but that's D. Always up to somethin'.

"Cool, so just have her text me if she's in and tell her that I'll text her the time and place."

He nods, still smiling like he knows something. I let it go.

Arthur

While Ben and Dylan are cleaning up in the kitchen, whispering about something, always thick as thieves, I seize my opportunity to ask Samantha if she would be willing to photograph the proposal.

"So, Art, how have you been? For all of Dylan's… Dylaning, he knows Ben has been worried about you, so we've been worried, too." Sam's eyes are soft and expectant.

We are sitting facing each other, our legs curled up under us on the couch, glasses of wine swirling in our hands. "It's better each day, a little easier. I can remember it without crying most days now. I actually slept a full night last night. I know he's been worried. I hate that I'm stressing him out, but he really does make it better," I tell her.

She gently pats my knee and nods. "Definitely. Not that this is a fair comparison, but if Dylan hadn't been with me through my Grams' funeral, I'd have been a melted puddle on the floor. For as much as those knuckleheads need us, we need them just as much," she smiles.

I take a deep breath, look at "my knucklehead" and then lower my voice to a whisper to ask her, "Would you be available in a few weeks for some photography?"

"Omg, yes. Dylan told me you bought a ring that was so Ben he almost cried himself!" she whispers back. "Just text me where and when!"

I nod and we hear the boys head over, so we untuck our legs, allowing room for them to sit with us. Dylan, of course, splays himself over the chaise and my cheeks pinken thinking about what was happening over there earlier. Ben slides in against the arm of the sofa, his arm around my shoulders, my arm unconsciously moving to rest on his leg. He leans in and kisses me just behind my ear. "Can't wait to pay you back with interest," he whispers as I blush a deep tomato red. Over the past year we've had sex more times than I can count, but every time he says something suggestive to me, there is a visceral response from my body. Controlling it now is like a feat of herculean effort to keep myself from getting hard. I squeeze his leg tightly as he chuckles.

"You guys want to play some MarioKart 10?" he asks us all.

We agree and we play a few rounds. I do not do well, but I don't even care because every time my car comes near Ben's, all I can think about is when Dylan and Sam leave, Ben having his way with me, and I spin off the road.

It really has been a nice night with them here. Dinner was delicious and we always love spending time with Sam and Dylan, we're just not usually quite so obviously horny when doing so.

Dylan

As Sam and I walk to the elevator, I am positively buzzing with the knowledge I have that no one else seems to. When the elevator doors close, I turn to Sam and wrap my arms around her. "They are proposing to each other on the same night," I tell her, my eyes wide, begging her to understand.

Her eyes go from confused to wide with excitement and she starts giggling profusely, leaning against me. "Omigod, that is so perfect. Ben wants you to ask me to photograph, right? Arthur asked me while you guys were doing dishes. Is that when Ben asked you?"

I nod and kiss her. "I'm so excited for them. Keeping it from them is going to suck so hard, but I cannot wait for the moment they figure it out. That's gonna be fuckin' priceless."

"And I'll be there to catch it all with my camera," she says excitedly.

Arthur

When they leave, I glance at Ben and make my way toward the bedroom, slipping off my shorts, pulling off my shirt. I hear his clothes dropping behind me, too, as he follows me. Ben luxuriates in every minute of driving me crazy. He kisses my inner thighs and inside of my hip bones as he teases and plays before he gets down to the "interest" he's paying me.

MA Cut Scene 5

Over the next few weeks, I do really settle back into my and Ben's routine again. There are a few sad days, especially as we approach our anniversary. As excited as I am for my plans to come together, I so wish I had my mom to talk to about them. I've told Dad and Dylan will be going live on Facebook from my account while Sam photographs. He's going to tag my dad as well as Ben's parents in the video. I don't want them to miss this, even though I need to keep it from them for now to surprise him.

On the evening of our anniversary dinner, as we are getting ready, Ben seems a bit on edge, lacking his usual seemingly endless amount of chill. I am anxious as I slide on my blue blazer over my pale blue shirt, deciding to leave my collar open, but it's translating into a bubbly sort of energy for me. I have no idea why Ben might be anxious as well. He stands in front of the closet, trying and failing to button his sleeve on his black button-down shirt. I can see his face screwed up in concentration and hear him growl as he fails again. I smooth my hands over my light gray trousers and go to him, placing my hands on his. "Here, let me," I say, taking over. "You okay?" I ask, as I drop his arm and it falls against his charcoal dress pants. My brow furrows a bit. These are new.

"Sorry, I just really want this to be a perfect night for us. Like you said, we never do this. I want it to be special," he tells me, biting his lip.

I smile warmly and lift up to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss the concern off of his lips. "We're going to be together with a beautiful view of the city and amazing food. It's going to be the perfect night, Ben. I'm so excited," I tell him, caressing his face gently to calm him. "I also really love how your new pants hug your ass."

He smiles and takes a deep breath and nods, seeming to have found some of his chill. "I'm glad you like them," he says sincerely. I don't know how I'm not more fidgety and nervous except that I am so sure of us, of what I'm asking him tonight. I am determined to be confident and sure in this step.

I kiss him and tell him I'll meet him at the elevator. I head out of the bedroom, stop by my desk grabbing the ring box out of the top drawer. On my way to the elevator, I text Sam to be sure she will be in place on the rooftop garden. She confirms that she has just gotten to the building and is on her way up. I press the elevator button and order a Lyft before Ben emerges from the apartment and locks it behind him.

Ben

When Arthur leaves the apartment, I reach into my top dresser drawer and find the ring box I had carefully hidden under several t-shirts I don't usually wear. I look at it one last time and then slide it into my pocket. When I get out of the apartment, Arthur is waiting as the elevator dings its arrival and opens. I join him and we ride downstairs holding hands. I know I've been jittery and weird all day, but I'm hoping he can forgive me once he understands why.

When we exit our Lyft and get to the elevator of the Rockefeller building where The Rainbow Room is, Arthur says, "So, we're a little early. I have a surprise for you."

My eyebrows arch high and for the first time I wonder if maybe Arthur has some ulterior motive for this night like I do. My current plan is to get down on one knee during dessert, being wildly uncreative and unable to come up with anything more original with how nervous I am. Arthur has pressed the button that says RG and we go all the way to the top of the building. The elevator doors open and we step onto a stone path around well-manicured short hedges and flowers. There is a large, open, grassy area before some stone steps and a large reflecting pool on the far end of the rooftop. The spires of St. Patrick's Cathedral shoot up into the sky next to the Rockefeller Building. The whole scene is bathed in the golden light of the sunset.

"Wow, babe. This is magnificent," I breathe.

"I know, right?" he also speaks softly, trying not to break the spell.

We meander down the path toward the raised area in front of the pool and when we reach about halfway, he turns to me and smiles. Suddenly, I hear music playing from hidden speakers and Ben Platt's voice is filling the air as "Ease my Mind" plays.

Arthur takes my face in his hands and sings to me as tears spring to my eyes. I pull him closer and rest my forehead against his and listen to his beautiful voice. Tears spill down my cheeks and he kisses them away between the lyrics. His eyes shine with unfallen tears as the song comes to a close.

"Ben, when I met you in that post office, I knew the universe was at work and definitely not an asshole, but I could not have imagined its plans for us, baby." He blinks up, trying to hold it together.

I see where he is going, and I am shaking. "Arthur?" I ask in a trembling voice.

He takes my hands in his and continues, "You made sure when I left that summer, that no matter what came of us, we had a future together which didn't include us hurting one another and battering our hearts with a long-distance relationship. I cannot thank you enough for giving us both that time. I'm pretty sure we both needed it. But, if I have learned anything in the past month, it's that time is an awful and fleeting thing."

He kneels and my eyes go wide as tears fall fresh from my eyes. I don't even see the ring as I kneel with him and kiss him. I pull the box out of my pocket and say, "You beautiful boy, you ruined all of my plans, but this is so much better," I laugh wetly.

Arthur's tears begin to fall now as his eyes look between me and the ring in my hand. "Well, shit," he says with a smile as tears track down his cheeks. "Can we call it a tie?"

I nod and sniff. "A tie. You want to go first?" I offer.

He smiles. "Benjamin Hugo Alejo." He gets the pronunciation perfect, just the right softness around the 'j'. "Love of my life, joy of my soul, you are the only one I want to grow old with, build a family with, and do this thing called life with. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?" he asks.

"Of course, I will, Arthur." He smiles and kisses me before pulling the most 'me' ring I've ever seen out of the box in his hand and sliding it on my left ring finger. It is a dark shiny metal, inlaid with a deep brown wood and designed with silver filigree around the edges. It's a ring fit for a wizard. "Oh my God, it's perfect, Art. I love it," I say gently. I look back up at him and ask through more tears, "My Mighty Arturo, my sweet, extra, zero chill lover, will you make me the happiest man alive forever and become my husband?"

"My forever is yours, Ben. Of course, I will." I pull out his ring and slide the black band with sparkly blue mineral inlay onto his steady and sure left hand. I take his face in my hands and kiss him desperately for what feels like forever. When we finally pull ourselves away from each other, we brush tears from one another's faces and help each other up.

Distantly, I register that I've been hearing the sound of a camera shutter. I look over and see Dylan and Samantha pop up from behind a hedge. They are both grinning like the cats that ate canaries. "You asked Sam to photograph, too?" I ask with a laugh.

"What do you mean "too"? You did?"

"Of course I did," I shake my head and kiss him again.

Samantha and Dylan run over to us. "Say Hi to your 10 viewers," Dylan says, holding his phone up to us.

In unison, as if prepared beforehand, we hold up our rings and say, "He said yes!" I pull Arthur in and kiss him gently.

"God, I love you so much."

"I love you, Ben. More than you'll ever know."

Dylan ends the livestream and Samantha hugs me as Dylan hugs Arthur.

"You guys are the actual cutest! The actual dramatic irony of knowing that both of you were going to propose was killing us, but it was incredible, and I got so many A-MA-ZING pictures!"

She shows us some of the photos and she got every single amazing moment framed perfectly. I am pretty sure she snuck out from behind the hedges while we were crying and framed us up perfectly from all of the angles.

"They're perfect, Sam," Arthur says, in awe.

"Seriously," I confirm.

"Well, Sam and I are going to head out. You two will probably be occupied for the rest of the night, but how about breakfast tomorrow? Our treat?" Dylan asks.

"Sounds great," I say, looking to Arthur for confirmation.

"Yeah, definitely." He smiles.

We give them each another hug and kiss Sam on the cheek, thanking them for their help. They head toward the exit and I pull Arthur against me kissing him deeply. He runs his hands down my chest catching sight of his ring and smiling wide. "This is seriously the most beautiful ring I've ever seen, Ben. It's perfect," he says, his face full of so much emotion.

"I'm so glad you love it. It looks like magic and reminds me of your eyes," I explain.

"Yours looks fit for a king, and I always want you to feel like a king, baby." He winds his fingers into my hair and brings my forehead to his.

"I do, Arthur. Every day I feel like a king with you. I love you so much."

"I love you more," he challenges with a smirk.

I kiss him and say, "Tie?" against his lips.

He nods into the kiss, "Tie."

Arthur

We stand near the edge of the building and watch as the sun finishes setting. Ben is holding me from behind and I am completely content in this moment. As the sun dips below the horizon, I turn around and kiss him softly and then we head into Bar65 for our reservation.

We indulge in extremely fancy food and wine and ask if we can take our dessert to go. As much as we'd love to eat it, we are both completely full and very ready to get home. We pay an extremely cringe-worthy bill and head home. We ordered a luxury Lyft (because we got engaged, so why not?) and warn our driver that we just got engaged so we'd be making out the whole ride, which is exactly what we did. The driver turns up the music at our warning. The drive home, with traffic, takes us almost an hour to get back uptown.

This is plenty of time for us to get completely riled up. Ben is by the door and I'm in the middle, so I turn to him, starting near his knee, I inch my hand up his leg as I kiss him gently. His hand is in my hair, holding my lips securely to his. My hand continues to inch up, sliding around so it's against his inner thigh. He moans quietly into the kiss and I remove my hand, smiling wide against his lips. I break the kiss and drag my lips up his jaw to his ear.

"When we get home, I want you naked in the bed as soon as possible," I whisper in his ear.

He chuckles low and brings his lips to my ear, "First one with their clothes off gets the act of their choice first?" Ben makes a playful challenge as he nibbles on my earlobe.

"You're on," I breathe, bringing his lips back to crush mine against them.

When the driver lets us off, I toss him a $10 in cash for dealing with us and we get into a mercifully empty elevator once inside the building. Once the doors close, Ben is pressing me against the back wall, his lips working up and down my neck, his excitement highly apparent against my stomach. I run my hands down his back and firmly grab his ass in both of my hands, pressing him against me. He groans loudly as the elevator opens and we rush our apartment. He has his keys out and is kissing me against the door as he fiddles with the lock until it opens, and we spill inside our home. He deadbolts the lock and we are racing. My jacket is off, and I am unbuttoning my shirt as quickly as I can while still kissing Ben. I realize this is not as much fun as undressing him and I reach for his buttons. "Fuck the race," I say, "I love undressing you, fiancé"

"Shit, 'fiancé', I don't think there's ever been a sexier word in English or French," he says as he untucks my shirt and kisses his way through my buttons, one by one.

Ben

We shed clothes throughout the apartment as we make our way to the bedroom where we proceed to celebrate our engagement in as many different configurations as we can come up with. As we lie skin to skin under the sheets, completely sated and holding one another, I am lazily drawing figure eights with my fingertips on his arm while Arthur makes similar gestures on my chest.

"How's my fiancé feeling?" I whisper against the smooth, slightly damp skin of his forehead.

He looks up with a languid smile and kisses me gently under my chin. "Extrotally amazing and actually a little hungry," he chuckles.

I grin," Still trying to make 'fetch' happen?"

"Only for you, baby," he winks at me. He moves away from me, but I grasp at his wrist. "I'm just going to get our desserts. I'll be right back," he tells me with a quick kiss.

I nod and release him. He slips on a pair of sweatpants and hurries out to the kitchen. I find a pair of basketball shorts and slip them on, then climb back into bed. Arthur is back quickly with our small boxes of Big Apple Cheesecake and a spoon for each of us. Instead of sliding back in next to me, he sits cross legged in front of me, hands me my cheesecake and a spoon then kisses me.

We eat and I ask Arthur to dream for me. "What does the wedding look like, if you could have anything you wanted?"

He considers the idea around a bite of cheesecake and smiles. "I think we should take the decor from our rings, blue, black, silver, wood."

"I like that. Maybe even what we wear? It would be cool if we can include nods to TWWW and Broadway, where it all started," I say with a small smile.

He grins. "If nothing else, it will be very us, and that will be perfect."

I nod and smile wider, mischievous. I dip my finger in the puff of whipped cream on top of my cheesecake and swipe it on his nose. Arthur's mouth drops open and his eyes tighten playfully. He very deliberately takes both of our containers and places them on the nightstand. He dips his own finger into his whipped cream and wags it suggestively at me. He smears it low on my belly and winks before dipping his head to lick it off, to which I make low guttural sound and grab his face. I pull him to me and we collide for round two, which is not our last for the night.

Saturday, August 10, 2024

Over the summer, we begin to gradually get plans in order. We celebrate with my parents after we get engaged and decide on a date almost exactly a year after our engagement. We have ordered save the dates and designed our invitations with one of those mass-wedding invitation sites. Something simple, not too outlandish. We are only having about 40 or 50 people in attendance, so we don't need something crazy. We have started looking at outfits, and Arthur is trying to talk me into this really dramatic idea, when I would probably be fine in black. We'll see how that goes. He seems really excited about it, so we'll probably end up going for it. There's not much I wouldn't do to see my man smile.

For Arthur's birthday, which we celebrated at my parents' apartment, and invited Dylan and Sam to join us for Sunday dinner, we had Arthur's favorite empanadas and Ropa Vieja over rice as well as a Tres Leches cake. Today, the Saturday after his birthday, he and I are planning to go to dinner and a movie to celebrate on our own. I get off the subway and begin making my way home from my Saturday shift at The Strand, but as I am crossing a crosswalk a couple of blocks from the building, a car begins to roll forward. Before I have a chance to react, I feel my knee dislocate and give way and then the side of my head explodes in pain as the world goes dark.

Arthur

I was expecting Ben to be home from work for our date night almost an hour ago, but he hasn't called, and he isn't picking up or answering my texts and I am starting to get worried. I call The Strand and they said he headed out as soon as his shift was over. I call Dylan and he hasn't heard anything but asks that I keep him in the loop. Of course, I will. I sit, staring at my phone, basically pulling my hair out, for another half an hour when it finally lights up with Ben's name.

"Ben? Ben!" I say in a panic.

"Is this Arthur Seuss? Are you Ben Alejo's emergency contact?" a woman's voice on the other end of the line says.

"Yes, that's me, he's my fiancé," I say, my voice trembling heavily.

"Mr. Seuss, Ben was just brought into the ER at Presbyterian hospital, he's been hit by a car. We don't yet know the extent of his injuries. He's unconscious, but he is currently stable and we're running tests and scans."

"I'll be right there," I tell her and get up grabbing my messenger bag, wallet, and keys, running out of the apartment.

On the way down in the elevator I call Ben's dad and he says they'll meet me at the hospital.

I call Dylan as I hail a taxi. "D, Ben's at Presbyterian, he was in an accident. I'm hopping in a cab now," I tell him.

My voice still trembles, but I'm not crying. I have to get to him before I can feel whatever else I need to feel. I can't let myself think about how bad it could be, or I'll lose it.

"Shit, okay. I'm coming. Sam! We'll meet you there, Art."

"Okay," I confirm and hang up as I get into the cab that stops at my raised hand. I tell the driver where to go and then I text Jessie and Ethan in the group chat.

Me: Guys, Ben's in the hospital. I know almost nothing except that he's stable and I'm on my way there. I'll text you with updates

Jessie: Omigod, ok, we love you, let us know if we can do anything

Ethan: Shit, man, let us know how he is

Me: I will. Love you guys.

I have the money ready and toss it up front as I launch myself from the cab when it rolls to a stop in front of the hospital. I burst through the entry to the ER and go immediately to the desk, wild eyed and out of breath from running.

"My fiancé, Ben Alejo, was brought here, he was hit by a car," I shake my head, putting one hand to my forehead, trying to catch my breath, still unbelieving that this is happening. The last time I was in a hospital, I lost my mom. This is not happening. The nurse turns to her computer to enter the information I've given her when I hear my name.

"Arthur?" I hear Dylan behind me and turn.

"Hey D," I say, turning back to the nurse.

"He was just brought back from a CT scan, curtain 8." She points around the back of the desk to a closed curtain in the middle of the wall.

I take a deep breath and look at Dylan and Sam. We walk together to get to Ben's bed and when we slide through the curtains, I almost completely lose it, stumbling back at what I'm seeing. Sam catches me and keeps me upright. Ben is unconscious. The whole left side of his face is bruised a dark blackish purple that goes up past his hairline. His leg is wrapped from mid-calf to mid-thigh and propped up on a pillow. I put a hand over my mouth as tears fill my eyes. Dylan is bending over with his hands on his knees. Sam is down there with him, helping him keep the oncoming panic attack at bay as a doctor walks into the area.

"Are you Benjamin's family?" he asks.

"Yes. I'm his fiancé and this is his brother," I tell him.

"Alright, well, Ben has sustained a severe contusion to the skull and is extremely concussed. He's been in and out of consciousness since he was brought in. He also did a lot of damage to his knee when the car hit him. This will require surgery and the extent of the injury will need to be determined with an MRI, but the largest concern for now is his head injury. We are going to keep him here overnight for observation as there is a lot of swelling. Currently, the scans look okay, but you can't be too careful with these things. He'll be admitted and moved to a room within the hour. I'll refer him to Ortho for the leg. He will probably have to come back in a couple weeks to have the surgery, but it really depends on their schedule. Any questions?"

I shake my head and breathe deeply before looking at Dylan. "You okay?"

He nods, seeming better now that he has more information, but still looking a little green. "Come on," Sam says. "We'll come back in a minute, let's go sit in the waiting room, baby." He nods and looks long and hard at Ben before letting her lead him away.

I go to Ben's right side, away from the damage, and sit on the small stool there. He has some minor scrapes and bruises on this arm, probably from falling on the pavement. Gingerly, I lift his hand and hold it against my face. I kiss it softly. He really and truly looks terrible. As the relief floods through my body that he's going to be okay, tears begin to stream down my face.

As I more thoroughly inspect him, my eyes travel to his left hand, resting on his wrapped leg and there is no ring there. My eyes go wide and I immediately look for the garment bag under the bed where they'd be keeping the items that were with him when he was brought in. I plunge my hand into the bottom of the bag until I feel something smooth and round in my fingers. I pull it and his phone out of the bag. I put his phone in my pocket and the undamaged ring on my thumb. As soon as I am able, I'll be the one to put it back on his hand. I breathe a sigh of relief and clear my cheeks as I take his hand back in mine.

I feel a gentle flutter of Ben's fingers against my hand. "Ben?" He squeezes more insistently now, and his eyes aren't open, but his face begins to grimace. "Ben, baby, what is it?" I keep his hand, but I stand and lean down close to his face.

"Ow," he whimpers, so quiet I almost don't hear it.

"I know it hurts, Ben. Can you open your eyes for me?" I ask, my eyes filling with tears.

He is able to open them just slightly and closes them immediately. "Bright," he whispers, his voice hoarse.

"Okay, that's okay. You can keep them closed. Oh my God, you scared me, Ben. I love you." I press a feather light kiss to his cheek, not wanting to hurt him in any way.

He squeezes my hand again. "Love you, stay" is all he can manage.

"I'm not going anywhere, baby. I'm right here," I whisper.

His face softens just a bit at that, and I hit the call button for the desk.

When the nurse comes, she has the doctor in tow, and I tell them he is awake and about the severe light sensitivity. I text Dylan and Ben's parents that he's awake but groggy and in a lot of pain. The doctor has Ben follow the light as best he can, squeeze both his hands, wiggle his toes, etc.

"Motor function looks good. We're still watching that concussion, but all signs are looking good. Someone will be right down to move him to his room."

I take my place back at his side and slide my hand into his, which he squeezes gratefully. I don't know where this chill is coming from except that I know Ben needs me. I can't let him down. I can't think about my own feelings right now.

Dylan and Sam come in quietly and Dylan stands next to me. "Hey Bennasaur," he says quietly. "Gave us a pretty solid scare here, bud. I'm gonna need you to leave near death experiences to me, big guy."

Ben smiles as much as he can. "Love you, D," he says as loudly as he can.

"Love you, too, Ben 10."

A team of orderlies comes to move him and tells us he will be in room 409. I kiss Ben's hand and say, "I'm right behind you, babe." As they wheel him away, I rub my forehead and take a deep breath. The three of us walk out of the curtained area and start to head for the elevators, but Ben's parents come through the door then, and we all lock eyes. We meet halfway between where we were and the ER doors, my arms immediately opening to hug Isabelle. "He's okay," I whisper. "They're taking him upstairs to observe him overnight, but the doctor said everything looks good for now. We were just heading up."

"Gracias, Mijo. Let's go," she says, with a gentle hand on my face. She links an arm into Dylan's and we all head toward the elevators in the main area of the hospital. As the elevator rises, I update the group chat with Jessie and Ethan. They both send their relief.

When we get into Ben's room, a nurse is there giving him meds. The room is darker, so Ben is able to open his eyes a little more fully. "He'll probably be out soon. I'm giving him some pretty strong pain meds. Only one of you can stay with him. Visiting hours end in half an hour.

Ben's hazy eyes find mine where I stand at the end of his bed. I nod slightly. Like I would ever leave him here alone or not be the one to stay. His face relaxes and he turns to his parents. "Hey guys."

"Hey Mijo," Isabelle says, brushing his hair back from his brow and asking him what happened.

I hold onto the end of the bed, knuckles white, holding back tears as he groggily describes being knocked over forcefully by the car and the pain in his head that is all he remembers. I am also having a very serious moment of a grief spiral as Isabelle dotes on Ben and I miss my mom with a deep, gaping longing for her voice reassuring me in this moment. When Ben begins to doze off while speaking to them due to the meds, his parents head home. While I can tell his mom doesn't want to, I assure her that I'll call her if anything changes. Dylan, too, looks hesitant to leave, but he knows I've got him on speed dial. He pats my shoulder and squeezes Ben's hand before they walk out.

Once they're gone, I move the recliner in the corner so that it is right up next to the right side facing the head of the bed, and I find an extra blanket in a cabinet. I am extremely grateful I grabbed my work bag because it has an extra iPhone charger in it as well as my laptop and its charger. I plug in my phone and set it on the rolling table that is pushed up against the wall. I curl up in the chair and rest my arm on the bed in between Ben's uninjured leg and his arm, gently brushing my thumb along the soft skin inside his forearm. He stirs gently and his eyes open just enough to see me sitting there.

"Hey baby," he mumbles.

Even bruised and battered, he's adorable. "Hey you," I say quietly.

" 'm sorry 'f scared ya," he mumbles, almost intelligibly.

"Don't apologize, Ben. It was an accident. Sleep, baby. I'm staying right here," I tell him, but the emotion is apparent in my voice.

His hand reaches for me and I lean toward him, letting him touch my face as tears pool in my eyes. "Don't cry," he whispers, catching an escaping tear on his thumb. " 'm okay," he says sleepily.

I smile, small and teary. "I know you are, Ben." I turn and kiss his hand, taking it in mine and moving them both back to the bed. I hold on tight and he holds back as tight as he can.

" 'm gonna seep," he breathes as his soft snores start immediately.

I clear the tears from my cheeks and keep a firm hold on his hand as I doze off next to him, exhausted from the panicky things my heart was doing before I knew Ben was doing okay. I am awoken a couple of hours later when Ben begins to squirm. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and sit up straighter in the chair.

"Ben?" I ask, grabbing his hand.

He turns his head toward me and opens his eyes. "Arthur?"

"Yeah, babe, what's wrong?" I'm confused because he doesn't seem to know where he is.

"Oh, oh right. Shit, the accident. Sorry, I guess I was pretty out of it when got here." He shakes his head a little. "Oh, no. Ow. Can't do that. Shit." He stills his head and rests it back against the pillow. "How bad?" he asks, rolling his head so he can look at me without holding up his head.

"You tore some ligaments in your left leg and have a severe concussion. No internal bleeding, no broken bones as far as they can tell. It seems like the car just bumped you. Are you in a lot of pain? I can have the nurse bring more meds," I tell him, rubbing his good leg reassuringly.

"Not yet. I mean, yes, I am in pain, but I don't want to go back to sleep yet," he says. "Can I have some water?"

I nod and fill the Styrofoam cup they brought a while ago with some of the ice water. I offer the straw to him and he takes a long pull, comes up for air, then takes another long drink. "Babe, you need to rest. You need to heal," I say softly as I put the cup down. My lower lip is trembling slightly, and I bite it to stop it from betraying my emotions.

He squeezes my hand. "I'm okay for a bit. Was I dreaming or did I talk to Ma and Pa and Dylan and Sam earlier?"

"Yes, you did. Remember, only one could stay? I'd have gone to blows over it, but they seemed to sense that I wasn't going anywhere," I tell him, choking on the emotion building in my throat.

He lifts our twined hands to caress my face with one outstretched finger. "Hey," he whispers, "I'm okay. A little dizzy, a lot sore, but I'm okay."

"God, Ben. I was so scared. I thought…" I shake my head. I look down. I can't say it. I am actively breathing to avoid straight up sobbing as tears track down my cheeks.

Ben lets go of my hand and gently tests both arms before scooting himself over to the opposite side of the bed and saying, "Come 'ere, love."

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you," I hesitate.

"You'll hurt me if you don't," he begs softly, eyes wide and watery.

His arm is open and the place where I fit perfectly against him is fairly unscathed by the accident. I gingerly lift up onto the mattress and settle myself against his side, sure to keep my arms on his right and not to fling them over him like I usually might. His right arm secures me, coming around and holding me around my ribs, his left hand reaches for me and I offer my right, winding our fingers together and resting them gently on his stomach.

"Hey, where's my ring?" he asks, and I untwine our fingers to pull it off my left thumb.

"I fished it out of the bag of your clothes because I was worried about it getting lost," I tell him.

"Can I have it back?" he asks quietly. "It's like a piece of me now."

I slide it carefully onto his hand and return my hand to his. He breathes a deep sigh of relief and rests his head against the top of mine. "Much better," he whispers.

I consider my ring, and while I definitely notice the weight of it and hear it when it knocks against something, if that weight or presence were gone, I would feel like a piece of me was missing, too. It's like I was always meant to wear this ring and marry this boy. "I love you," I mumble into his hospital gown.

"I love you," Ben breathes against my hair.

We are woken up a couple more times in the night. Around 4 AM, a short, peppy looking nurse named Jessica comes to take blood, and I learn something new: Ben has a pretty intense fear of needles. Like, it's really bad. His eyes go wide and we hear his heartrate increasing on the monitors.

"Hey, shhhh," I try to comfort him. He closes his eyes and buries his face into my shoulder while holding his arm out to her as I sing the chorus of "Remedy" by Adele in his ear. Jessica has to poke him twice because she misses the vein, and I could literally throttle her for being the cause of the pained whimper that Ben lets out as he grasps me tighter. When she is done, finally, and puts the tape over the cotton ball, Ben's left arm comes around me and he is shaking like a leaf. "It's okay, baby. She's done. Shhhhh," I caress the skin under his jaw, doing my best to avoid the heavily bruised left side of his face.

He takes a few calming breaths and then pulls his face away from my shoulder. He looks embarrassed and casts his eyes down. "What is it, Ben?" I take his chin gently between two fingers and turn his face back to mine. "Babe?"

"I don't like feeling weak with you. I'm supposed to be the strong one, the one who isn't afraid," he says quietly, swallowing some of the emotion.

"Look at me, Ben," I say firmly. He does. "I'm gonna say to you what you said to me a few months ago. This is what love is, baby. You're hurt and you don't need to be strong or 'manly' in this moment. I've got you. Take whatever kind of strength you need for as long as you need it. Okay? It doesn't make you less of a man, Ben. Having fears makes us human." He nods as tears brim in his eyes. I keep my hand low against his neck, but I pull him to me and kiss him gently. He returns it lightly, but winces at the strain in his bruised face muscles. "Sorry, babe," I chuckle. "You okay?"

"I will never regret kissing you, Arthur. I don't care how much it hurts," he says as I settle back against him and we try and get back to sleep. "Thank you," he says against my hair. "That's actually probably the calmest I've ever been when a needle was anywhere near me."

"Happy to help. Seriously, it's good to know there's a chink in the armor. That you need me for something just as much as I need you," I say quietly as I reach over to the table for his water. He takes a long pull on the straw and hands it back to me. I also drink some before putting it back on the table.

He squeezes me to him. "It would probably surprise you how much I feel like I need you and your love in my life, Arthur. I don't know what I'd do without you. You help me to have confidence in myself, you make me feel intelligent and strong and safe to take chances."

I tilt my head up and kiss under his jaw. "I love you, Ben," I murmur against his stubble.

"I love you, too, Arthur."

We both fall asleep again soon thereafter and sleep until about 6:30 when a nurse named Leila comes in and wakes us saying she needs his breakfast order and she's going to have to take out his catheter so he can start the discharge process. We look at one another with wide eyes. I hadn't even thought about how he'd been going to the bathroom, but he's probably just been ignoring it. I get off the bed and back into the recliner. Ben fills out the little card she gives him for the cafeteria, and she puts it in her card box sorted by room number.

"Alright, honey, this is gonna be really uncomfortable, but it's a little like ripping off a band-aid, the quicker the better. Okay?"

Ben looks at me and there are a lot of emotions there: fear, embarrassment, incredulity that this is even something that's happening. I keep my expression even, encouraging and take his hand holding it around his thumb and resting it against my lips.

"Okay," he says, grasping my hand more tightly.

She exposes him and does something with a small lever or mechanism lower down on the tube and I look at him, but his eyes are closed and his head is back against the pillow. I drag my knuckles gently along his forearm and as she starts to pull he clamps down on my hand and clenches his jaw until she is done, which seems like longer than it should have been, but it was quick. Ben releases a long breath that he'd been holding as she covers him back up.

"There you go, good job to you, too, fiancé. Most gay couples I see in here, the other one has to leave. I'm impressed." She smiles.

My brow furrows and I look at Ben, "I'm marrying him, I wouldn't leave him just because something might be embarrassing." It's astounding to me that other couples would actually do that. Ben seems to have recovered from the removal and smiles at me.

"That's a good way to start a strong marriage, boys," Leila says. "I'll be back in about an hour with breakfast, but I'm leaving you with crutches. You're going to need to use these for a while, honey. Ortho will be in to talk to you around 9, but they've told us to get you into an immobilizer for now, this will keep you from moving your knee at all. Seriously, no weight bearing at all. Okay?"

Ben nods as she begins to unwrap the ACE Bandage that has been compressing his leg to avoid excess swelling. When she exposes his knee, it is a loud purplish color, much like his face, and it is about the size of a grapefruit, even though it was compressed. My eyes widen. "Holy shit, babe."

"Yeah, that's gonna suck, but it could have been a lot worse."

"Definitely," I murmur against his hand which I am holding more loosely now. I look up into his eyes and and quirk a small smile at the corner of my lips.

As Leila positions the immobilizing brace, having to manipulate Ben's knee slightly, he swears under his breath and clutches my hand tighter, breathing deeply. She finally finishes, props the crutches up by the wall just in reach of the bed in the direction of the bathroom. She walks out and I carefully climb back on the bed, laying outside of Ben's arm so that I can position myself in such a way that his head can rest on my chest and he curls into me immediately.

It is entirely disarming to see my six foot and some change fiancé curled into me like a child who is sick, drawing every bit of comfort from my presence. I press light kisses against his forehead and the top of his head and play gently with his hair while I hum Ben Platt and Lorde.

Around 7:30, Ben's breakfast comes and I climb out of bed to check my phone.

Dylan: Hey Seussical, let me know if you guys need anything. Does Ben need clothes to go home in? Do you need help getting him home?

Me: Yes, actually. Both would be super helpful. You have the spare key, right? Can you grab him some sweats, boxers, and a t-shirt?

Dylan: Absolutely. I'll be there around 10, he's not getting released any earlier, right?

Me: Definitely not, ortho consult at 9.

Dylan: Perf. How's he doing?

Me: His leg hurts, his head hurts, he's tired. Feels like he got hit by a car.

Dylan: Okay, I'll see you guys in a couple hours.

Me: Thanks D

I show Ben my phone and he smiles. "Dylan's not quite so Dylan this morning, eh?"

"He was pretty scared, too, Ben," I tell him gently.

He nods and I know he is recalling the several different times Dylan has been in the hospital and he himself felt helpless, especially that one close call while D was away at college. Dylan passed out while studying for exams during our sophomore year and Sam called an ambulance. When Ben FaceTimed me that night, he was reeling so hard. I stayed on FaceTime with him, rambling about random Wesleyan bullshit until Sam called in several hours later with the all clear. Apparently, he'd had both several cups of coffee and a RedBull (unbeknownst to Sam) to try and stay up studying.

After Ben's finished eating and I've picked at some of his extra food, I help him crutch to the restroom, rolling his IV pole behind him. The Orthopedic surgeon comes in at 9 and schedules Ben for an MRI before he gets discharged to make sure he's fully apprised of the damage, and surgery at the end of the week. I immediately go into the app for work and schedule the day off of work. Once he's been scheduled for surgery, a nurse comes to take out his IV. He does much better with this, as he doesn't have to see the needle and has mostly been able to ignore that it had existed.

Dylan shows up about 10:30, handing me a bag of clothes for Ben as orderlies are coming to wheel him down to the MRI in a wheelchair. They have Ben give me his ring. No metal near MRI machines and all that. Dylan pats his shoulder and I kiss him and say, "I'll be right here. Love you."

He squeezes my hand bravely and says he loves me, too, but I can see the nervousness in his eyes. Ben talked to his parents and told them they should come to our apartment tonight for dinner, and that they didn't need to come back to the hospital. He'd be out soon anyways. Isabelle is reluctant but agrees when I assure her that he is telling the truth.

The 45 minutes he is gone feel like the longest 45 minutes of my life as I sit with my knees curled up to my chest in the recliner, playing with Ben's ring on my thumb. When he gets back, he is extremely pale. The male orderly helps him out of the chair and onto the bed while explaining, "I think he got a little claustrophobic, he threw up once the MRI was over. He should be okay in a few. Drink some water, bud."

"I was not claustrophobic," Ben's eyes tighten after the orderly when he leaves and he looks at me as I'm handing him a freshly full water cup and brushing my knuckles against his clammy cheek. "The machine was so loud, and the lights were so bright. My head is already pounding, the pain got so bad that I got nauseous. It was a spectacularly disgusting display."

"Wish I could have seen that," Dylan chuckles from the doorway as he brings in coffee for me and him.

"You feelin' any better now?" I ask, gently pushing his hair out of his eyes and resting my hand against his face.

"A little. Definitely not hungry, though," he says, sipping water.

"Okay. Do you want to get changed? Dylan brought you clothes from home."

"Yeah, thanks man."

"Don't mention it."

We close the door and I help Ben out of his hospital gown, finding a network of deep purple and blue bruises over his left shoulder and ribs. I lightly run my fingertips over them, shaking my head and pressing a kiss to the back of Ben's neck. "We are so lucky this isn't worse, Ben," I whisper, hugging his right side from behind.

He pulls on his t-shirt carefully as his shoulder does hurt quite a bit, while I help him get on his underwear and sweats. We have to take off the immobilizer, put on his underwear, brace his leg with the immobilizer again, and then put the loose sweats over the immobilizer. The color has returned to his cheeks by the time we've finished, and he seems much more himself.

As I help him prop up his leg, I ask, "Is there anything else, love? How are you feeling?"

"I could really just use a Motrin or something for my head," he says, pressing his fingers up into his hairline and wincing. "Yeah, that smarts." We call the nurse and she brings him some crackers, milk, and Motrin 600. She comes back around noon with discharge instructions and a wheelchair. Mostly, he is to rest and not eat for 12 hours before surgery on Friday.

Ben

When the Lyft drops us off at the apartment and we get upstairs, I get as far as the couch before collapsing on the chaise and propping my leg up on a pillow. Everything about my body hurts, every inch of me is sore, but especially my shoulder which is both bruised and necessary to move while using crutches. There is also still a dull pounding on the left side of my head.

Dylan sits next to me and pats my shoulder. "Hey man, I'm really glad you're gonna be okay. That was… not a type of fear I'm well acquainted with and I'm sorry that it's just kind of something that lives in our friendship because of my heart."

I look at him with a raised eyebrow and shake my head. "You're such a punk, I'm fine. Love you, man, but you gotta bring back regular Dylan."

He smiles crookedly and nods, "Alright, man. Love you, too. I'm gonna go and let your man nurse you back to health however he sees fit. Let me know if you need anything."

"Will do," I say with a smile and he pops a kiss on the top of my head.

Arthur is coming out of the bedroom where I'm assuming he was stashing our stuff and waves as Dylan heads out. He sits next to me, sideways on the couch, with one leg curled up under him. "What do you need, Ben?" he asks.

I smile. "A kiss?"

He rolls his eyes and leans down to press his lips to mine. It is gentle, but it's more like us again. The pain in my head is localizing and the rest of my face seems to hurt less.

"Okay, silly man, what do you actually need?" he chuckles when he pulls away.

My hand still rests against his neck where I pulled him to me. "Who's to say I didn't actually need that? I don't want you to get so focused on taking care of me, that we don't take care of us, okay? I'm fine; I need help, but I will be fine, and I still want you to tell me what you need."

He smiles gently, if not a little patronizingly, "Okay, Ben, I hear you. But right now, I want to make sure you're good before I take anything from you. Do you need ice? Food? Water?"

I sigh. "Yes, no, yes, please." I shake my head and hook his collar in one finger bringing him back to me for one last kiss.

Arthur smiles wider, seeming to relish in being needed and gets up. When he returns, he hands me a Contigo filled with ice water and a snack size ziplock bag of ice for my head, wrapped in a washcloth. He is holding a gallon size ziplock bag of ice, presumably for my knee. That countertop ice maker we got a few months ago is going to be working overtime, but I'm more grateful for it in this moment than I ever have been before. Arthur pushes up the leg of my loose sweatpants and undoes the immobilizer, which is almost a half inch thick foam and a metal bar along each side with four huge elastic straps that the cold from the ice would definitely not get through. It's mostly for when I'm out and about or moving around a lot so that my knee can't move even if it wants to. He gets the immobilizer off and leans it against the end of the chaise. I adjust the position of my leg a bit so it is more securely on the pillow and he pulls the leg of my sweats back down before settling the ice pack on top of it.

"You good? You're not gonna wanna move for a while," he confirms.

"Yes, now come here. If I'm stuck here, you're going to cuddle with me," I demand, well, beg.

He lays gingerly alongside me on the chaise, resting his head on my shoulder and gently laying his arm across my stomach. As my arm slots into place around his back, holding him against me, I breathe a sigh of relief and kiss his forehead.

My parents come over with dinner that night and as Ma helps Arthur clean up the kitchen, Pa sits next to me on the couch. "How are you, mijo?" he asks.

"Just sore, Pa. I'll be fine, especially once I can start rehabbing this knee."

"Don't overdo it, Ben. Let your body have the time it needs to heal."

"Don't worry, Pa. Arthur's being very cautious with how much I do and do not do. As in, he won't let me do anything, really." I chuckle.

"Well, listen to him. He loves you, mijo. Let him help."

I nod and Pa leans in and kisses my forehead. This is something that probably hasn't happened since I was a kid, but it's nice.

When they head home, Arthur comes to me, one arm across his chest holding the other, the other hand up at his mouth as he taps his lips with one finger, considering.

"Yes?" I ask, wondering what he's up to.

"Well, you need a shower or a bath and I was just trying to figure out which one is less likely to end in disaster. I'm thinking bath. Opinions?" he asks.

"A bath sounds really perfect, but maybe not a bath bomb, those can get slippery."

He nods. "Got it, plain bath. I'll get it started. You wanna crutch your way into the bathroom?" He hands me my crutches as I nod.

When I make it into the bathroom, the tub is filling with steaming water and the shower head is hanging down into the tub. I consider it for a moment, but ultimately don't comment. It will definitely be easier to rinse off sitting down. Arthur is sitting on the side of the tub and when I sit on the closed toilet, he takes my crutches and leans them against the wall next to the tub. I take off my clothes, tossing them behind the door so they don't become a hazard later. By the time I'm able to finagle out of my sweatpants and underwear, the bath is full enough. I stand on one leg as close to the bath as I can get and Arthur stands, offering me his arms to brace myself on. It's a good thing our bathroom is miniscule, because I can now simply pivot on one leg with his help and sit on the side of the tub so I can swivel into it. I lift my left leg in carefully with both hands and swing my right over the side, then lower my body in gently with what's left of my upper body strength.
Arthur moves to sit on the toilet like he's planning to wait while I take a bath by myself, but I have very different ideas about what should be happening right now.

"Hey, you're not going to join me?"

He quirks an eyebrow at me, "You want me to?"

"I always want you to, babe."

"Okay, but you have to tell me if it's uncomfortable so I can get out." He strips out of his clothes.

I nod and scoot forward. He slides in behind me, his knees bent up on either side of me and I lay back against his chest. My knee is still that blackish purple color and I can see that my left side over my ribs is also well-bruised. I can feel that the back of my left shoulder is bruised. Of course, my head still hurts, and I haven't even seen my face, but mostly it's the side of my head and my left eye that still hurt. Arthur puts his arms around me gently and I settle an arm around each of his legs and let the hot water work on my tense muscles.

"You okay?" Arthur whispers in my ear.

"This feels magnificent, babe. Seriously."

"Good, I put some lavender and eucalyptus in the water, they're supposed to help with muscle tension and promote healing," he tells me.

Now that he says something, I can smell the light fragrance of lavender in the steam. I turn my head back and kiss him slowly. "Thank you," I say into the kiss.

I settle back against him and he grabs our "Lord of Misrule" Lush bodywash and my black bath pouf and begins to lather it up and scrub my arms, back, and chest. He presses feather light kisses to my neck and behind my ears as he makes his way across my body. He hands me the pouf and I scrub my legs, gently around my knee, and all the private areas. Normally he might help with that, too, but we're not really supposed to be doing… that, and his help always takes us there. As it is, his tenderness and care for me in this moment is a big enough turn on that I find myself hard anyways.

Arthur takes the small cup we keep in the tub and wets my hair down. Before he uses my shampoo, he asks, "Where does it hurt?"

I point out the large spot above my left ear and he nods, kissing me just behind it. His fingers move like butterflies over the large bruised area, it's a wonder he's able to get any lather there, but he seems to accomplish it. As he massages the rest of my head and neck, I groan approvingly. He applies just enough pressure to relieve pain and release tension. When he rinses out my hair and I'm clean, he puts his arms back around me and whispers, "Do you want me to take care of that for you?"

I know what he means, and I blink up at him. We both want to have this intimate moment and I wouldn't ever turn him down, but I consider whether I think I'll be able to handle it without tensing up my knee. I nod up at him. "Slow and steady, I don't want to aggravate my knee," I say quietly.

"Oh, of course," he whispers in my ear then drags his tongue along the outline of it as his hand begins to move under the water with more gentleness and care than he's ever touched me. I close my eyes and lean more fully back into him, luxuriating in his touch. Rather than a building pressure, it feels like I am melting for him as he brings me to the peak, and I am undone. He kisses me on the neck and shoulder and has me pull the plug to let the water out with my toe. "Was that okay?" he asks quietly, his arms draped around my neck.

"Baby, that was perfect, exactly enough," I say breathlessly, holding onto his arms.

Arthur Thursday, August 15th, 2024

Ben is able to work from home a few days that week, video conferencing with his staff about where things should go. He placed some orders and made sure they had what they needed as far as he could. His boss, Sadie, was very concerned about him trying to crutch around the store before surgery, especially with how much pain he'd been in and that he was still recovering from the concussion.

Thursday night as we are cuddling up in bed, Ben goes over the plan for tomorrow again. "I have to be there at 6, so we have the Lyft already ordered for 5:15, right?" I nod. "And you're going to be with me in pre-op, right?"

"They said I can stay until you're out, baby, and I'll be in recovery when you wake up. You won't even know when I'm not there," I put a hand to his face.

His bruising is looking a lot better, having mostly receded from around his eye. His head still hurts pretty often, and he was sensitive to loud noises and light a couple of different times throughout the week, but overall, his concussive symptoms have subsided. The doctor called us yesterday and told us that, while the damage was significant, it wasn't as total as they previously thought. He does have a tear in his meniscus and in his ACL, but it's not completely separated, and his LCL is only heavily over extended, it didn't tear. He explained that they could do the surgery arthroscopically and after surgery, Ben would be non-weight bearing for two to three weeks and come back for a check-up. He should be able to start physical therapy then. The surgery should take between one and two hours and he should be able to go home sometime that afternoon. He knows all of this, but the jitters are setting in.

He breathes deeply and says, "Okay. Sorry. I guess I'm freaking out a little."

I lift my lips to his and whisper, "It's okay, Ben. I'm right here," before pressing my lips to his. He leans fully into the kiss, gathering me tightly against him. I slide my arms up around his neck and into the hair at the back of his neck, careful to avoid the still-bruised area over his left ear. He moans softly causing his mouth to slide open and our tongues collide unceremoniously. I do my best to stay present and grounded, so I don't hurt him, but I know he is stressed and tense and needs an outlet for the pent-up energy. I drink in the flavor of him and the feel of him pressed against me. I suck his lower lip gently between my teeth and he groans. At Ben's urging, we do what we can, knowing it will be several days before we can chance it again. "I need this, Arthur, please," he begged. How was a boy to say no?

The alarm in the morning feels like it comes far too quickly. Ben wears basketball shorts and a loose Hunter University t-shirt and I am in a pair of track pants and a t-shirt with hoodies at the ready because that hospital is fucking freezing. I go to Ben sitting at the end of the bed and help him with his left shoe. When I stand up, he pulls me in and I can feel him trembling against me. I run my fingers lightly over his back and kiss his hair. "I know, Ben. I'm right here and I'm going to be by your side every second I can."

"Okay," he says quietly, nervously.

He gets his crutches and begins moving out of our room and toward the front door. I grab my messenger bag with all of the essentials. Both of our phones, extra chargers, my laptop, a book I've been reading, snacks for me while I wait, etc.

When we get to the hospital, he gets checked in and we are taken back to a curtained off area in the large pre-op room. He is told to change into the gown, but that he can leave his underwear on. I help him get into the gown and put his clothes into the bag they provide which I'll keep with me. He has to remove all jewelry and accessories, so he hands me his ring and I slide it securely on my thumb.

Finally, a nurse comes in for the part that I know we've both been dreading. Ben has to get his blood drawn and IV put in. Her nametag says Sue and she sets up on the left. I stand from the chair I've been in, taking Ben's right hand in mine and holding his face in my other hand. This nurse is older and she has kind eyes, so I ask, "How often have you missed a vein?"

Sue smiles gently and considers while she ties the rubber and wipes the alcohol swab on Ben's inner forearm to prep for the blood draw, "I think the last time I did was… over a decade ago. This little girl came in with the jumpiest veins I've ever seen. They just ran away from me."

I smile and look at Ben reassuringly. "That's good, he really doesn't like needles."

"Oh baby, I gotcha. You're in good hands. I've been a nurse for almost 30 years. You just hold steady with his beautiful blue eyes and it'll be over 'fore you know it."

I press my forehead to his and he breathes deeply as my thumb moves gently across his cheek. I am softly singing "All That Matters" from Finding Neverland and feel the wince when she pokes him but his breathing stays even as I sing and hold his gaze and she takes four vials of blood. She has pulled out the needle without any reaction from Ben and I am impressed.

"Alright, now I just have to put in your IV and you'll be good to go. If you've got a request for your jukebox there, make it now."

Ben takes a trembling breath, "No, he knows what calms me down." His eyes are still on mine and I smile and squeeze his hand.

"Hmmm, I think we'll throw it back to high school," I say with a grin and sing a very quiet "Royals" by Lorde while still gently stroking his cheek. He's mouthing the words with me and though his wince is noticeable, he's with me in the song and still smiling calmly. When she tells us he's good to go, I kiss him. "Good job, baby."

"I can't believe you remember how much I loved Lorde, I haven't listened to her in forever," he chuckles and kisses me again.

"Alright, I'm giving you some Ativan just to help you relax and your anesthesiologist and surgeon will be in soon to go over pre and post op care. Okay?"

I sit back down and we both nod. "What do you mean you can't believe I remember how much you loved Lorde? Every time we were together that summer all you played was Lorde and Lana del Ray. My entire playlist from you was half them and half Broadway songs," I rib him.

"I suppose that's true," he smiles, catching my hand and interlocking our fingers. "Love you," he mouths.

"Love you more," I mouth back and smile.

"Okay gentlemen, the cuteness has exceeded that which I can handle, have a nice pre-op nap, baby." Sue pats his good leg and leaves our curtained in area.

"You are like valium all by yourself, you know that? Not even my mom calmed me down that way when I had my appendix out when I was 12," Ben says, marveling.

"You said it, Ben. I know what calms you down. I know what riles you up, and makes you laugh and turns you on. I know you better than I know me. Loving you is like reading my favorite book every day but there's never a final chapter. I just learn more and know you better and never get bored or tired of discovering your quirks and idiosyncrasies." I hold his gaze, smiling gently, fondly.

I can see his eyelids drooping slightly as he says, "I can't wait to marry you."

"10 more months. I can't wait either, babe." I kiss his hand and put it down as his head falls sideways on the pillow.

As Ben dozes, I pull out his copy of City of Ashes. He's finally getting me into this series, and now I will have reading material for the rest of the year because Cassie Clare writes 3 books a year and isn't showing signs of slowing down. When his surgeon, Dr. Tatka, comes by, he just asks if we're clear on what to expect of the day and he makes some marks on Ben's knee with a marker. I suppose it tickles enough that Ben wakes up a little.

"Hey Ben, I was just telling Arthur that we're gonna have you back to the OR in about half an hour, okay? Your anesthesiologist is right behind me."

Ben nods and mumbles his agreement but is snoring softly again before the doctor walks away.

About 10 minutes later a woman comes by and says she'll be the anesthesiologist who will be with Ben today. I wake him up gently and he groggily pays attention. She explains that he'll go to the OR as is, sleepy and out of it, and then in the OR, she'll use the gas to put him out entirely as he counts. She will then maintain his unconsciousness through his IV and when it's all said and done, he might be a little nauseous, but it should wear off within a couple hours of waking up and then he can have something to eat and go home.

We both nod. She calls over the orderlies and my heartrate picks up a bit. He's still awake and even with the Ativan, I can see it in his eyes: This wasn't the plan. I kiss him and whisper that I love him and kiss him one more time on the forehead before they roll him back to the OR and I make my way up to the OR waiting room where I will await his status on the screen. I am nervous. I don't know how aware he was with what was already in his system. I can't stand the thought that he'll remember leaving for the OR with fear or that I somehow abandoned him.

This thought spiral is interrupted when Sam and Dylan walk into the room a few minutes later at about 8. I stand and hug them, hard, and update them. They ask if I want to go to the cafeteria with them and get some breakfast and I have already texted the number on the screen that is associated with Ben's updates, so they will come to my phone regardless of where in the hospital I am. "Yeah, that sounds okay."

On the way down to the cafeteria, I get a text that Ben's status has changed from "TRANSFERRING TO OR" to "SURGERY IN PROGRESS" and I take a deep breath. We eat and make small talk, but I am driven to uncontrollable distraction. We head back upstairs and Ben's parents are now in the waiting room. I hug them and show them the line on the screen that is Ben's patient number so they can track him as well.

"How did he do in pre-op?" Isabelle asks knowingly.

I smile, "He did great. We kind of have a system worked out. He was really nervous, but he didn't lose it at all."

"Amazing," she says with a smile and touches my cheek gently. "You're so good for him, mijo." She kisses my forehead and we all settle in to wait. I am reading, but I keep reading the same page over again for over an hour without ever really catching what the hell it said. All of a sudden, my phone buzzes and it says in recovery, one visitor allowed. "Okay, gotta go. I'll let you know how he's doing and when you can come back, okay?" I gather my stuff and rush out.

When I get to the room number they texted me, a nurse is there with Ben who is seemingly already awake. "Are you Arthur?"

I nod as I go to him and see he is still really out of it, but he does not look good. "What the hell happened?" I am not gracious in this moment, I'm terrified and have no fucks to give about being polite.

"So, the most important thing is that the surgery went well and was successful, but there were some complications with the anesthesia. His blood pressure dropped significantly and they had to push a different drug which worked well, but now we are pushing fluids to get the remnants of the the side-affects to subside. He should be okay in an hour or two. He can have water or juice when he wakes up, they're right here." She gestures to the table with two cups, one Styrofoam and one clear. "Hit the call button if anything gets worse, but we don't want anyone else in here until he's more aware and back to himself."

I nod curtly and she leaves. I put my things on the chair and ease myself onto the right side of the bed next to Ben who is shivering and clammy as his head tosses back and forth. I put my hands to his face and try to get him to stay still and focus on me. "Ben? Hey, can you look at me?"

He hears me and his eyes do focus. "Babe? Why is it so cold? I don't feel well."

"I know, baby, you'll be okay soon. I'm right here." I adjust the blankets so they cover his arms and I lay next to him, resting my hand on his neck, feeling his pulse. As I feel it strengthen and even out about 15 minutes later, his eyes flutter open more aware.

"Hey," he says hoarsely. "How'd it go?"

"Apparently there were some complications with your anesthesia, but I think you're coming through the worst of it. The actual procedure was fine."

"Is that why I feel like garbage?" he asks, swallowing loudly.

"Yeah, I guess you had an allergic reaction and they switched up the meds, but you're still having some side-effects. Do you want water?"

He nods and I pull the table over to us, bringing the clear water with the bendy straw to his lips. He takes a long pull and then refuses any more.

"Where's everyone else?" he asks.

"They're still in the waiting room. The nurses only wanted one person in here while you were recovering from the anesthesia."

He nods and closes his eyes. I scoot up a bit so that he can curl against my chest and he does so gratefully. He is still shivering some, but his breathing is evening out and over the next half hour he seems to regain most of his consciousness, but that's when the nausea settles in. Lucky enough, they leave that ridiculous pink bucket out and in the open for patients recovering from anesthesia. When Ben sits up all of a sudden, I grab it for him and he throws up the only thing in his stomach, the water from a little while ago. I rub his back as he dry heaves and when he is finished, he grabs a few Kleenex and cleans up his face since it definitely came out his nose as all liquids are likely to do. He breathes deeply and must decide that he's done for now because he lays back down.

"You okay?" I ask quietly.

"No, this sucks," he says sadly into my shoulder where I am gently cradling his head.

"I know, Ben," I rub his back and keep him covered up as he continues to shiver.

A nurse comes to check on him another half hour later and, in that time, he's attempted water again and again every drop came back up.

"We don't like to give anti-nausea meds because when the nausea goes away we know the anesthesia is out of your system, but if it's not gone in another hour, we'll give them to you because then the drugs are definitely gone. Some people really and truly just don't react well to general anesthesia."

She leaves and I shudder to think that he's got another hour of this. We start having him take smaller sips and that seems to allow him to keep at least the water down. We try the juice the same way and that seems okay. A nurse brings a small assortment of easily digested snacks, Jello, pudding, chicken broth. Ben goes for the Jello, strawberry flavored, and it seems to be staying down for now.

Ben's mom texts me around one and says that they both have to leave to go to work, they thought he'd have been out by then. I show Ben and he calls her, telling her that they should come over later when he gets home or tomorrow. She seems to feel better hearing his voice and agrees that they will talk about it and see him this weekend. I can tell it was difficult for him making it sound like he wasn't feeling like garbage, but he didn't want her to worry. When he hangs up, he immediately curls back into me.

"How are you feeling?" I ask, loving the color coming back into his cheeks. We've raised up his bed, so he is mostly sitting up and we have the Shadowhunters show playing on my laptop. I'm barely paying attention, as I closely monitor Ben's improving demeanor.

He looks into my eyes and shrugs, sighing deeply. "I still feel like shit. Everything hurts, not just my leg, and I know I can't, but I just want to go home and curl up with you in bed. But, my stomach feels okay for now. God, I hate throwing up…" he groans, scrubbing a hand over his face.

He looks so defeated and helpless. I pause the show and close my computer, turning to sit cross-legged so I can face him. I shake my head and solidify my resolve. "I'll be right back," I tell him, kissing his forehead.

His brow furrows, "Art?"

"I'll be right back, I promise." I climb off the bed and head determinedly to the nurse's station.

The nurse there looks up and asks, "How can I help you?"

"My fiancé is keeping fluids down, he's wide awake, and just wants to go home. We were supposed to be able to be home by early afternoon and it's already 2PM. He hasn't seen his best friend or his parents because you won't let anyone but me come back here. He's getting himself to and from the bathroom and every time someone comes to check on him they say his vitals look great. I want to take him home. What does he need to do to make that happen?"

She considers me and picks up the phone. "Can we get Dr. Tatka to come sign discharge papers in the PACU? Alejo, yes, okay." She puts it down and says, "He'll be here in 15 minutes to go over discharge instructions, I'll be in in a minute to take out his IV." She sighs and nods approvingly as I smile and thank her before walking away.

I text Dylan that he can meet us in the lobby because we are being released and might need help, then I walk back into the room, arms wide, and say, "We're going home, baby."

Ben's eyes brighten significantly, "Really?"

"Yep, we can get you dressed, and your surgeon will be here to go over your discharge instructions in a few," I explain as I sit half on the bed next to him and kiss his forehead.

"Mmm, wow. This take-charge attitude is really doing it for me, babe." He smiles crookedly.

I wink at him, feeling pretty impressed with myself, as the nurse comes in to take out his IV. I take his hand in mine and run my fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck while she does so. He winces, but stays with me and, as she tapes gauze over the puncture mark, kisses me gently. "Thank you, baby," he whispers.

"Anything for you, Ben." I grab his clothes and help him into his shorts as he pulls on his t-shirt. "Are you still cold, babe?" I ask.

"Kinda, yeah," he admits.

I hold up his zip-up hoodie and help him into it, zipping it and kissing him when it's up most of the way. "Hey, don't be shy about asking for what you need. I've got you," I say, pulling him into a hug.

He holds me tightly against him and presses his face into my neck. "I love you," he murmurs against my skin.

"I love you, too, baby."

Ben

When we get home, I still feel like complete garbage. Call me a pussy or whatever you want, but I hate needles and hospitals and I just fucking knew something ridiculous was going to happen during this procedure. I hate showing fear in front of Arthur but being completely out of control like that is fucking terrifying. I am still in awe at how his touch and his voice could calm me down so easily. When I was a kid I would legitimately kick and scream, and they needed like four male nurses just to give me a shot. There's just something about Arthur's eyes, I get lost in them. They're completely, disarmingly distracting, and he knows how to put them to good use.

As I crutch into the apartment, Arthur is close behind making sure I don't fall. I was sent home with a locking knee brace and an amazing ice machine that Dylan is carrying in along with a 20 lb bag of ice he grabbed from the bodega on the corner before heading up. The fact that we are coming in at the same time speaks both to how much slower I am crutching today (trying not to throw up and all) and to how close the store is to the entrance of our building.

"Do you want to set up on the couch or in bed, babe?" Arthur asks.

I have stopped by the peninsula to rest on one of the stools, but I say, "Bed, please."

"You okay?" he asks, coming to me as Dylan takes the ice machine into our bedroom.

"Yeah, my arms hurt," I tell him. I roll my elbows back a few times to try and stretch them out.

Arthur puts a hand on my face and says, "If you're feeling up to it later, I'll give you a massage, okay? But we'll keep it PG, I know you don't feel well." He smiles gently and kisses me.

When he pulls away, I am smiling a little, too, and I nod. "That sounds really nice."

"Alright boys, there is a fully functioning ice machine in the bedroom. The water is running through it and it's ready when you are. Need anything else, Bennasaur? Seussical?"

"Just a hug from the first love of my life," I joke with a chuckle.

"Awwww, Ben!" He lightly hip checks Arthur and we all laugh as he hugs me hard. "Love you, man."

"Love you, too, D. Send Sam our love."

He ruffles my hair lightly and claps Arthur on the shoulder before he heads out with a wave.

Arthur is smiling and shaking his head. "You ready to keep moving?"

I nod and we head slowly into the bedroom. We get my knee propped up and there is quite a bit of swearing involved as the local anesthetic has begun to wear off and I can feel it now. They sent me home in the locking brace but said to take it off while I was resting. Arthur helps me get it off and put the strap from the ice machine on over the ACE bandage holding the dressing on my leg. The cold immediately helps, but I still ask Arthur for some pain meds as I prop myself up on an extra pillow.

"If you're taking pain meds, you have to eat something," he says sympathetically, knowing how not hungry I am.

I groan. "Do we still have any Rice Krispies?" I ask hopefully.

"Yes, do you want sugar on them?" he asks with a smile.

"I'm hurt, babe, I'm not dead. But just a little bit," I say, bringing him in for a kiss. "I'll take all I can get of that sugar, though," I say quietly, looking intently into his eyes.

He laughs, "I'll be right back."

He returns a few minutes later with a small bowl of cereal, a water bottle, a blue Powerade, and a bottle of pills. I've almost dozed off except that the pain in my leg is getting worse by the minute. I eat the cereal slowly, considering how my stomach feels with each bite. I only get about half of it down before I am legitimately full. Arthur is concerned it won't be enough, but we're going to have to chance it. He goes and gets the bathroom trashcan to have next to the bed just in case while I swallow a Vicodin with water.

Arthur climbs into bed from the other side, since I'm set up on what is usually his side, and props himself up on a couple of pillows right next to me. I lean into him so he moves an arm behind my shoulders and his hand into my hair. The goose egg on the side of my head is pretty much gone, but his fingers stutter over it as he lightly massages my scalp. In about 20 minutes, the pain in my leg begins to dull and I start to get really sleepy. Art takes my extra pillow and helps me scoot so I am laying down, which is a lot more of a production with the whole leg/pillow/ice machine situation I have happening. Finally, I am comfortable and far enough onto my side, supported by Arthur's body, that I can fall asleep as he hums "Only Us" from Dear Evan Hansen softly while nuzzling my hair with his nose. As I begin to cross into unconsciousness, I am struck yet again by how perfect of a match we are. The Universe certainly knew what it was doing with us. I sigh contentedly and fall asleep against my love.

By the end of the weekend, the flu-like side-effects of the anesthesia have worn off and I am feeling like myself again. After a couple of weeks, my surgeon refers me to a physical therapist only a couple of blocks from our apartment. I have been able to get back to work on my crutches, and even though I don't love spending the money, Arthur convinced me to Lyft instead of crutching to and from the subway for the three to four weeks until I can be weight bearing on my knee.

"Ben, you're going to face enough challenges in rehab and getting back on your feet, I don't want you getting to work to be one of them," he told me. "I'd also very much like a functioning fiancé when I get home at the end of the day and if you're crutching to and from the subway twice a day, and all day at the bookstore, you're going to be utterly useless to me at night."

I could not argue with his logic or his motivation. We could have so easily lost the entire future we are planning for, but we didn't, and we need to appreciate the blessing that is. I agreed with him and then we spent the evening proving that I am decidedly not useless, even with a busted knee.

Arthur asks that I schedule my PT appointments, which are twice a week, in the evenings when he can join me. He is seriously the biggest motivator I have. He reminds me that I have to work hard if I want to walk confidently down the aisle at our wedding, if I want to get back to taking the Subway like a real New Yorker, if I want to be the best husband for him that I can possibly be. Sometimes he does the exercises with me; sometimes he's just there to make sure I don't fall on my face and to encourage me to keep going with his words or his kisses. The therapists at the office we go to say they've never seen a partner so dedicated to their significant other's recovery and they are really impressed by my progress. Only 6 weeks after surgery, I am off crutches entirely and while I still limp slightly at the end of a long day, I am back on the subway, and back to rocking Arthur's world as often as I can. Though crosswalks still cause my heart to race and I'm having nightmares several times a week about the car and the surgery. I'm okay, though, I think.

Arthur took my request to make sure he took care of not just me, but us, very seriously while I was laid up. He would order in our favorite foods and we'd curl up with a movie, or he'd light candles and play music while we took baths together, just like we would have if I wasn't hurt. While he did sympathize with my pain, I never felt like he pitied me for the injury or the struggle. He has supported me and pushed me and built me up when I felt like I couldn't keep going, which has made me fall even more in love with him and made me even more intensely sure that I am with my forever person.