Trigger warning: mention and description of domestic abuse.
last night I heard the screaming, loud voices behind the wall
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 23
Hank exited his office with his phone still in his hand, and "What do we got?" he asked his team in his characteristic hoarse voice.
They all looked at him with frustrated faces, slightly shaking their heads. It seemed like none of them had the guts to tell him that they were stuck with the case, that all the leads they were following had gotten them to a dead-end in a way or the other.
"Sarge…" Jay mumbled, shaking his head and exhaling a heavy sigh.
Hank didn't need him to elaborate more. He huffed, anger visible on his face. "I don't know if it's clear to you, but we're dealing with a serial killer who's been staying low for twenty years ‒ he seemed calm but his demeanor quickly changed ‒ you think he's gonna stop after just three victims?" he asked rhetorically, yelling at them.
Seeing that Voight seemed to have no intention of lowering his voice, Jay immediately checked on Hailey. Their eyes locked almost instantly: Jay was silently asking her if she was okay, knowing that hearing people yelling was a trigger for her, and the blonde lowered her gaze on her shoes, trying to avoid her boyfriend's piercing look and not giving him a proper answer. Well, her reaction was an answer.
"You may need to think again," that being said, he loudly closed the door of his office and stormed out of the bullpen.
Everyone exhaled heavily almost simultaneously, each of them getting back to their desk to sort the information they already had, trying to see if they'd been missing something.
Adam had his head in his hands, a groan escaped from his mouth: "How can someone murder people like it's nothing especially around Christmas," he muttered out loud to no one in particular, voicing his frustration with the case. He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that when he started to believe he'd seen the worst of people, he would somehow always get a reality check proving him wrong.
Hailey bitterly chuckled at his comment, scoffing. "It's not like shitty people stop being shitty just because it's Christmas and everyone's supposed to be good," she mumbled in a stern tone, getting up quickly and walking towards the break room.
Her reply left the whole room quiet, none of her colleagues was expecting her comeback.
Jay raised his eyebrows and got up to follow Hailey, ignoring the questioning looks he could sense were aimed at him.
As soon as he put his foot in the break room, "Hailey," he said softly, closing the door behind him.
The blonde was leaning against the table, a coffee mug between her palms. She immediately got defensive, "Jay, I'm fine, no need to check on me," she told him in a slightly irritated tone, not looking at him.
Jay nodded absentmindedly, taking in her words. "We both know that's not true, you've been acting weird all day," he said openly.
It was true. He'd noticed how on edge Hailey seemed to be, her usually relaxed aura wasn't with her that day and he couldn't grasp his mind around the reason behind her elusive demeanor.
At first, he'd thought it was just because of the tough case they were working on. The three bodies they had found were in a horrible state and according to the medical examiner, most of the injuries were inflicted ante-mortem, meaning that the abuser had brutalized the victims while they still were alive.
Hailey was ready to respond, but then she felt her phone vibrate in her jeans pocket twice. A message.
She took the device and groaned when she read the name of the sender. Without replying to the text, she put her phone back where it was.
Jay studied her reaction and didn't realize his legs were moving towards where she was. He leaned right beside her and touched her hand with his finger, brushing it against her soft skin.
He would've properly taken her hand in his, but he didn't want to risk one of the guys walking in on them and do the math about the status of their relationship – they'd been together for three months now and weren't ready, yet, to tell their people about it. Not even Will knew about them.
"Talk to me," Jay muttered, his voice calm. The last thing Hailey needed was to hear him talk in a demanding tone.
"My mom's been calling and texting me the whole day, saying she wants me to have dinner with them tomorrow," she explained the situation, closing her eyes, feeling a migraine creeping its way to her temples.
"What do you plan on doing?"
"I don't know." Hailey sighed, then placed the mug on the table and lifted her hands to loosen the rubber band of her ponytail, feeling it a little too tight.
"Hailey… it's Christmas Eve and it's just dinner. I guess she just wanna spend time with you..." Jay said honestly. He knew she and her parents had their problems and things to figure out, but at the same time he didn't think a dinner of, what?, two hours would do any harm.
The blonde detective vehemently shook her head, moving her body so they were now one in front of the other: "Jay, you don't understand ‒ she huffed in frustration ‒ Christmas in our house wasn't smiley faces in the kitchen, decorating cookies and whatnot… it-" Kim interrupted Hailey's rambling by abruptly entering the room, her notepad and a pen in her hand.
"I'm sorry guys, but we got a new lead. Seems legit," she apologized, suppressing her comment about Hailey and Jay being that close in front of each other. Now was not the moment ‒ her attentive eye had caught on to the tense atmosphere in the room.
Hailey and Jay nodded in her direction and then they were immediately left alone. The blonde cleared her throat and then looked at Jay, the features of her face now softer, her eyes were telling him how sorry she was for the words she'd said a minute earlier. "Can we… can we talk later? My place?" she forced a smile.
Jay nodded at her. "Yeah," she reached for her shoulder, quietly telling him that everything was okay by squeezing it a bit, "C'mon, let's go," he matched her smile.
They exited the break room and caught on with the rest of the team, listening to Kevin explaining what they had found. Once they were done, Jay called Voight, filling him up with the new information they had gotten.
The case was starting to unfold, but still, the Intelligence unit didn't manage to lock Jeremy Baker yet. They were getting there, though.
They were just trying to grasp every single piece of evidence to bring him to court with, so he wouldn't get the chance to escape from the terrible things he did (and was still doing) for the second time.
Dinner ‒ pizza ‒ was generously offered by Platt and by the time Hank decided it was time for the unit to get home, it was almost 11.30 PM.
They all were visibly tired, Adam didn't even have the strength to come up with one of his silly jokes.
Hailey and Jay were the last ones ‒ apart from Hank, who was still in his office ‒ to exit the bullpen. They quickly made it to the locker room, gathered their stuff, and in no timethey were walking to their cars. They could've chosen just one car to drive into, but they didn't want to raise any suspicions (especially with Voight still being upstairs).
The drive to Hailey's didn't take long, the road was luckily almost empty at that time of the day.
Once they arrived at their destination, Hailey and Jay parked in front of the blonde's house.
They entered the place in silence, just exchanging some glances, and "I'm gonna take a shower, you're gonna be good?" Hailey showed Jay a tired smile, placing her hand on his best, and putting a gentle pat on it.
"Yeah. But don't hesitate to call my name if you need me to join you," he smirked, sitting on the stool by her kitchen counter, "Just say the word."
"Yeah, sure ‒ she replied dismissively with a grin on her face, ignoring his antics ‒ get the beers, Jay,' she told him before walking towards the bathroom, his eyes never leaving her.
Jay did as he was told, going to the fridge and finding exactly two beer bottles as if they were waiting for him.
He placed them on the coffee table in front of the couch and walked around Hailey's living room, a place he was more than familiar with by now.
He went to the bookshelf and found about a dozen of books, reading a recurring name on them: Virginia Woolf.
Jay knew Hailey enjoyed reading, but he was just now discovering her passion for that one particular English writer.
He then slightly bent over and looked at the photos onto the decorative wooden table placed against the wall: there was one with Vanessa, one of the whole Intelligence unit (Antonio was in it too), and one with just Hailey and Jay. He remembered Kim had taken that picture: it was springtime and they were at Kevin's for a barbeque, and Kim had spent the whole day testing the camera quality of her new phone by snapping pictures every chance she got.
It wasn't the first time that Jay had seen those pictures, but he'd just noticed how Hailey didn't have any pictures with her parents nor her brothers. It was odd, yes, but totally made sense.
"Nice view," Hailey commented as she was entering the living room, referring to Jay's position that allowed her to admire his butt.
"If you know you know," Jay turned around and chuckled, taking in her appearance and wondering how she managed to look absolutely stunning even in those old baggy clothes she was wearing, and with her damp, frizzy blond hair in a messy bun.
The way he was looking at her caught Hailey off guard, she could feel the heat rushing to her now red cheeks. She walked towards him and tipped on her toes, reaching for him and quickly kissing his lips, not giving Jay the time to process it because she quickly pulled back and took his hand in hers, guiding him to the couch.
They sat down and took their beers, Hailey immediately snuggled up against Jay's chest, happy to find her favorite place ready for her.
They were in an enjoyable silence: Jay was absentmindedly tracing shapeless patterns with his fingers on the side of her neck, his eyes never leaving the features of her face.
He watched her take a sip of her beer and then exhale a sigh: "I'm not exactly a fan of Christmas, I think it's kinda clear," Hailey started, turning her head towards her boyfriend, forcing a smile.
Jay nodded her way, willing to listen to whatever she was going to say to him.
She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, buying some time to try and make sense out of what she was ready to tell him. "Whenever I think about this holiday, all I can hear is my mom screaming because my dad is beating the hell out of her," she muttered, taking another sip from her bottle.
Hailey licked her bottom lip, her eyes were fixated on the ground as if she was reliving the moment in her head. "It was Christmas Eve and I was five, just starting first grade. I remember it because I managed to write my letter to Santa on my own and I was so proud of myself," she chuckled at the memory. "My mom wasn't feeling good, while my dad spent the whole day out getting drunk with his friend. They came home around dinner time, drunk as hell. I was in their bedroom with my mom, trying to keep her company. My dad enters the room and asks her to go to the kitchen and warm up the dinner for them. My mom tells him she doesn't feel okay and that he can do it himself, that everything's ready, he just needs to warm it up," Hailey stopped, Jay could see her clenching her jaw. He squeezed her arm, "You don't have t-" he started with a soft voice, but the blonde quickly interrupted him, vehemently shaking her head.
"I'm fine," she assured. "So. My dad gets pissed, of course - she chuckled bitterly - and tells me to get out of the room. Once I'm out of there, he closes the door behind him, and next thing I know… he's beating her," she concluded, sniffling and quickly wiping the corners of her eyes that were now filled with hot tears.
"I was so shocked I didn't realize what was going on. All I remember is her screaming and the blood on the stairs and the fact that I spent Christmas day with her at the hospital. He had busted her bottom lip and her left hand was broken," she added then, her voice hoarse due to the lump in her throat.
Jay intensely looked at her, not knowing what to say. It was all so messed up that he felt like whatever he wanted to say wasn't enough. He managed to bring his thumb to wipe a tear that escaped from her eye. Jay tightened the wrap around her body, pulling her closer to him. "I know sorry isn't enough, but I am so sorry you had to go through this," he mumbled against her skin, gently kissing her temple.
Hailey felt relieved she finally told the story out loud, it was something she'd been keeping to herself for all of her life. It felt good to finally get rid of such a heavyweight, it was almost like she could feel her chest physically get lighter.
She shrugged, wiping her tears with the hem of the blue sweatshirt she was wearing. "That's why I don't wanna go to dinner with them. They put me through too much shit, and now they wanna pretend like we're some sort of happy family. And I feel conflicted. I mean, I know my mum just wants to see me, but... it's not fair," she pouted, taking Jay's hand in hers and playing with his long fingers, finding it comforting.
"I don't know what to do," Hailey voiced her main concern. She didn't want to hurt her mother's feelings, especially since it was Christmas, but she also didn't know if she was able to go to her parents' house and play pretend.
Jay started massaging her palm. "Hails, look at me ‒ and she did ‒ You only have to do what makes you feel comfortable. You can't please everybody if it means you're getting hurt in the process… you gotta be selfish sometimes," he meant what he said and he was sure Hailey would've told him the same thing if the roles were reversed.
Hailey took in his words, carefully listening to them.
She nodded at him, still needing some time to process what he said, even though she knew it made sense. "I know," she agreed with him.
"Also, it's okay if you don't wanna do anything tomorrow, I understand-," Jay started rambling, but Hailey was quick to stop him.
"No, I want to wait for midnight with you," Hailey caressed his cheek, flashing a tired smile. "Plus, you promised me hot chocolate," she giggled.
"Oh, I see. You just want the hot chocolate, gotcha," was Jay's reply, to which Hailey nodded, smiling sheepishly.
And then they stayed silent for a while. It was comfortable, and calming, and allowed them to enjoy each other's company without feeling the need to talk.
When they finished their beers, "You good?" Jay checked in, gently squeezing Hailey's shoulder.
The blonde nodded, "Just tired," she said tight before covering her mouth. The big yawn she made was a confirmation.
"Wanna go to bed?" Hailey shook her head no, "The couch is fine," she said, her voice was a bit slurry.
Jay then stretched his legs so he was now laying on the couch and pulled her body towards his, making her lay onto him, her head on his chest.
Her blond hair was trying to escape from the rubberband she had and Jay decided to ease the situation, undoing her bun, seeing her blond waves sprawled against him. "Mh, better now, thank you," she softly kissed his chest, with her eyes closed already and a relieved smile, her arms wrapped around his torso.
Hailey's eyes were slightly puffy from crying, her cheeks red, but she looked adorable nonetheless. She looked so pretty that Jay couldn't help but smile as he was looking at her. Looking after her.
And maybe it was the steady rhythm at which Jay's heart was beating, or maybe the movement of his chest as he was breathing, maybe a combination of both, but Hailey was out like a light in no time. Jay had probably never seen her fall asleep that quickly.
He kept on staring at her, admiring every single detail of her face, trying to memorize as much as possible of it. Jay went on for who knows how long, before his tiredness got the best of him, making him close his heavy eyes and fall asleep.
So, here's chapter 2.
As you could see, it was pretty intense. It's a very personal chapter for me because everything I wrote about Hailey happened to me (I'm sorry but there's not a softer way to say it lol). Just like Hailey did, I witnessed some stuff a child should never see and it's probably the reason why I relate so much to her (and get super angry when I see bad comments about her lol). Hailey is a fictional character and doesn't exist irl but she still means a lot to me. She somehow is someone I look up to.
Now that we're done with the sad stuff (LOL), what do you think of the chapter? I honestly enjoyed writing it, even though I had to stop from time to time because it was being a little too much, it felt good, it was cathartic... I needed it.
The title and song lyric at the beginning are from Behind the wall by Tracy Chapman. It's a song about domestic violence and maybe you should listen to it, even just out of curiosity ahah
I really hope you like it, I'm ready to read what are your thoughts on this one! You're all super kind to me in your reviews, I don't even deserve that much appreciacion🙈
I'll see you you tomorrow with chapter 3. Little spoiler: a certain red-haired doctor will (lmfao) be there!