A/N: Finally, I've finished this chapter. Writing has become a doozy for me, but I love to do it and I cherish the fanfiction worlds I've created. I hope you all enjoy this update. Please, review and tell me what you think. Happy reading!

WARNING: GRAPHIC LANGUAGE, EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION, REFERENCES TO VIOLENCE AND ABUSE, AND SELF ESTEEM ISSUES. IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE OR DO NOT ENJOY IT DO NOT READ.

Chapter Ten.

"How many days has it been so far?" I ask as I write down a grocery list in my notebook. Asparagus, flour, sugar…

"Three. Damn, three days without a beer," Billy pauses for a moment as I scribble down chicken breasts. "I haven't been this sober since Sarah."

Sarah Black was Jacob's deceased mother. Jacob hadn't said much about her besides the fact that she had been killed by a drunk driver. I understood why he wouldn't want to talk about her, how the wound was still raw. My mother was the same way with my grandmother, who had died when I was seven. But even though there wasn't much talk about her, you could tell she was loved. An old painting of hers was hung on the wall in the living room, and there were several pictures of her around the house, my favorite being of her and her daughters, Rachel and Rebecca. They were all in matching dresses with their long hair down to their waists.

"She would be so proud of you, Billy," Looking up from my notebook, I lay my pen down and placed my hand on his. He smiles back at me weakly, takes a heavy sigh.

"If she could see me now she would be disappointed in how I've taken care of myself. How I forced our children to take care of me instead of vice versa."

"Hey!" At my sharp tone, he glances up with alarmed eyes. "You are making a change now and that's what's important. You are becoming healthy for yourself and your children. Jacob is going to appreciate the hell out of this choice, I just know it."

"You think so?"

"I know so! He thinks the world of you. This will just be the icing on top of the cake."

Billy laughs as I grin back at him, and I can't help but fall into a fit of giggles myself. A few minutes pass of us laughing and the mood relaxing.

"Thank you for being there for my son, Jessica. I don't know where he would be without you," Billy exclaims as our laughter ceased, dark eyes staring into mine. I can't help the tears that prick my eyes, but I quickly blink them away and pull my hand away.

Nodding, I say, "He's been great to me too. It's the least I could do to return the favor."

The rest of the morning is spent planning meals for the week. Around noon, Billy and I watched an action movie while I texted Lauren.

Surprisingly, she and Leah Clearwater had been spending a lot of time together. After Leah's apology, Lauren had shown at her house with a brownie mix and the two had spent the evening baking brownies and watching romcoms. Nowadays you would slimly find one without the other.

As our conversation turned to a comfortable silence, I finished up my grocery list. Since living here, I had taken to planning diabetic-friendly meals for Billy and healthier meals for Jacob, and you could tell the difference. Even before he had stopped drinking, Billy was losing weight and having more energy during the day. On top of that, I started to help Jacob out by making sure Billy took his medication and insulin on time when he had patrols and pack meetings.

In my new notebook, I wrote down each day and what the plans were for the Black family, what meals would be prepared, and what times Billy needed his medicine. Today would be an easy day. I didn't work, and Billy would be headed over to his best friend, Charlie Swan's house to watch a sports game and enjoy dinner. Sue Clearwater, Leah's mother, would be there too and I knew she would make sure that Billy would take his medicine. So, Jacob and I would be left to our own devices and possibly have a night to ourselves. That is if there weren't any scary vampires around.

As I shut my notebook, the front door swung open and in came Jacob looking exhausted and grumpy. He immediately wrapped his arms around me from behind and lay his head into my shoulder, grumbling, "Hungry. Tired."

"Do you want the rest of the leftovers from last night?"

"Mhm. Please."

He pulled away from me as I stood up and heated up the leftover dinner from last night, knowing it would fill him up enough to sleep for a while.

Billy had excused himself to the living room and was now watching some action movie on the television. Jacob scarfed down the food, barely giving himself time to breathe. I couldn't stop my eyes from looking over his face.

I didn't deny it anymore. I was head over heels in love with Jacob Black. But I also knew that he would never feel the same way about me. Yeah, he may love me as a close friend or like me because we're fuck buddies, but he could never love me as I love him.

Because I'm not Bella. Because I'm the DUFF. Because I'm a short, chubby cry baby while she's his childhood best friend who's super intelligent and has some weird hold on him because she can handle weird supernatural shit while I faint or panic at the very thought of it.

I'll never be the one for him, but I can still live in this moment. Help Billy get sober and healthy, help Jacob heal and move on. Help the Black family in thanks for letting me bum off of them.

"What are you staring at? Do I have something on my face?" Jacob teased, grinning as he finished his food. I shrugged, shook my head. "I know I'm handsome. You don't have to tell me twice."

Snorting in reply, I nodded for him to put his dishes in the sink before standing up and grabbing his wrist. "Come on, bighead. Let's brush your teeth and wash your face so we can sleep for a while."

"You sure it won't mess up your sleep schedule?"

"Aw, is Jacob worried about lil ole me?" I fanned myself and giggled. He rolled his eyes and ruffled my hair.

"You're a dork," he presses a kiss to my temple before leading me to the bathroom. "Come on, let's brush my teeth and clean my face. I want to pass out already."

After some teeth brushing and face washing, Jacob strips to his boxers and pulls my jeans and bra off. He's out like a light in seconds, while I lie awake for a while, running a hand through his hair that's gotten so long that I'm almost jealous.

I fucking love you, I think to myself as cuddles me tight, lips pursing. I love you so much, don't you see that?

Of course, he doesn't. I'm just chubby, crybaby Jessica Stanley. And I'll be alone forever.

"This is some bullshit! Why can't I lick the spoon? I'm the one that actually helped, unlike Jessica McLazyPants!" Lauren admonishes as I lick the mixing spoon, grinning up at her cheekily.

"I called it, bitch. You should be faster next time."

Lauren glares, narrowly missing hitting her cast on the counter. "Leah! Tell her to give me what is rightfully mine!"

"Leah!"

"Leah!"

Leah slams the oven closed and growls, and Lauren and I share an oh shit look. "You're such children! Gosh, Lauren, just eat the icing I hoard in my room. Jessica, stop being a bitch."

"Okaaaay, Ms. Clearwater," I say with a shrug of my shoulders before I start laughing. "No need to get angry."

Lauren nodded, chuckling. "Yeah, wouldn't want to see you lose your temper."

Scowling in reply, Leah just growls before heading to the living room. Lauren and I share a look before bursting into giggles that make our stomach aches. Those are the best kind, in my opinion.

Ten minutes later, we had settled into the living room together. Even with all the fun, we had been having, my mind was still worried. Worried about my future, my sort of relationship with Jacob, and my mother who I hadn't heard from since I moved out. The stress felt like it was becoming too much and even as I kept a brave face in front of Jacob, everything felt like it would crumble down around me.

"Why do you look so pensive?" Leah asks and I shrug, ready to bury my emotions far far down before I started crying for absolutely no reason, but she just tsks in reply. "No, don't do that. Tell me what's wrong. Come on, out with it."

Getting started with someone small seemed harmless enough, so I opened my mouth as the first thing came to mind.

"You know, I kind of don't want to go to school," I say, feeling the tension in my shoulder cease as I finally get the words off my chest. "But then I do at the same time? Like, I know that school isn't the end-all to get a great job, but also I want to make something of myself? Lately, I've been helping care for Billy and I really enjoy that, but I'm not sure if I could handle nursing or anything like that. But I have no idea until I try, honestly. Not to mention I really enjoy education too, but kids give me hives. I mean, kids are adorable but also they call me old and I am obviously not old. I mean, I look great for my age-" Leah covers my mouth with her large, warm hand and I whine in her palm, furrowing my brow at her. After a few seconds passed she pulls away. "Hey! Why did you cut me off like that, miss rude pants?"

She rolls her eyes as if it's obvious. "Honey, you were going off on a bunch of tangents. We need to bring everything back to the center and get back to what you were saying in the beginning."

"Which is, like, you are conflicted about school? Because you aren't sure what you want to do, which is everyone our age, probably. Except for Mike, who can just work at his daddy's business forever," Lauren adds and Leah hums in approval.

Suddenly, I feel cut open as they nod to each other, nervousness filling my belly to the brim. My future is, well, my future, and I can't help but want to cry as I think of never doing anything I enjoy. Like always, I can't help but cry as a few tears leak from my eyes. What is wrong with me? Do my tears not cease? How am I not dehydrated?

Two pairs wrap around me and a pair of lips kiss my temple, which only makes me cry harder. People are so nice, I don't deserve this. I don't deserve much of anything.

When they both pull away, Lauren cups my cheeks and says, "Honey, it's okay. We're here for you, we'll help you figure everything out. That's what friends do."

"You guys are so fucking nice, I don't deserve you," I sob and Lauren just laughs before pulling me into her neck and rubbing my head. The timer goes off on the oven and Leah gets up to check it, but I continue to cry on Lauren's neck.

When I finally stop crying, I pull away and Leah all but shoves a plate of brownies in my face, eyes looking away and cheeks reddening. "Here, take some and feel happy, please. You deserve it."

It takes about five seconds before I grab a brownie and bite into it, sobbing around the baked good. My mouth is full, but I can't help but cry, "You're such a sweetheart, Leah."

"It- it's nothing, geesh," She snaps, growing even redder. Setting the plate down, she sits down in the chair, playing with the television remote to distract herself. "Wanna watch some Smallville? I'm behind on the new season." Anything to deflect, Jessica thought to herself but nodded anyway, chewing slowly so she could savor the taste.

Lauren settles herself back down with a plate of brownies, cast propped up on the chair armrest as she dipped the brownies in chocolate icing. "Back to what we were talking about, what's interesting to you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked with a cock of my head, swallowing the mush in my mouth.

"Like hobbies. Or things you've been doing that you enjoy." I thought for a moment, pondered her words long and hard before it suddenly appeared out of thin air.

"I've been helping Billy get sober and lose weight to surprise Jacob. I really enjoy making the meal plans and keeping him on track. And I've even been helping Billy remember his meds while Jacob's patrolling."

"Oh shit, really?" Leah asked, looking shocked. I nodded shyly, my cheeks reddening. "That's fucking cool! Jacob's going to wife you after this."

"Oh, no he won't. He loves Bella."

Leah smirks. "Until you."

"Whatever-"

"I'm serious, Jessica-"

I sneer and snap, "That's a fucking lie. I know it is. No one picks me, so why should now be any different?"

"Need I remind you that Mike almost cheated on me and tried to get you back? Jessie, baby, you're beautiful and amazing and anyone would be lucky to have you. Especially Jacob, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way about you," Lauren exclaims and I shake my head. Horrible thoughts plague me.

"I can't believe that."

Leah muted the television and sat up, squaring her shoulders. "Why is it so hard to give yourself hope?" I couldn't find an answer, so I stayed silent. There were a million reasons, how was I supposed to pick just one? "You know, I dealt with similar problems. When Sam left me, it felt like my life was over. Then my best friend, my blood relation, fell for him. It was all so much, being abandoned in that way. I had no one." As her eyes started to fill with tears, my lower lip wobbled. "When my father passed, everything just blew up around me. Suddenly, I had become a murderer and interloper. No one accepted me, most still don't because I'm not a boy and I ruined their little club."

Lauren leaves my side to wrap her free arm around Leah, and Leah hesitantly leans her head against her chest.

"But, I learned the truth. That I wasn't the one to kill my father, that I wasn't the one that ruined my relationships. It was just fucking life. And my asshole pack mates. I deserve love and if no one will give it to me, I will give it to me." Leah pulled away from Lauren and they both walked back over to me. Kneeling down, Leah takes my face in her hands and stares into them, straight to my soul. My heart skips a beat. "Jessica, you deserve all of the love in the world. Especially from yourself. Love yourself more than anyone could love you. Love yourself when you feel like breaking and love yourself when everything is falling apart or even when you just have a bad hair day. People are dumbasses, so don't let others' childish behavior make you feel like you aren't worthy."

Tears rushed down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away, but that was okay. Leah just chuckled and pulled me into her arms, rubbing the back of my head as I cried. Everything I had been feeling, the self-hatred and disgust with myself, felt understood. And that it was okay to feel unhappy. But, I deserved love. I did deserve it. No matter what my asshole father felt, or Mike, or Jacob.

I could love myself despite assholes. Leah had survived so much, and she could. So I could, right?

"Thank you, Leah," I cry, holding onto her warm body tightly.

"You're more than welcome, sweetheart."

Right in the middle of my lunch break the next day, my mother walked through the door. She looked haggard, eyes tired and hair graying. It had been a while since she had dyed it.

When we caught eyes, she stalked right over to me and slammed her hand on the table. I jump at the suddenness of it, looking up in confusion.

"You've ruined everything for me," she states and suddenly, it all makes sense.

"Well, hello mother. Nice of you to check up on me after everything I've been through," I sip some cola from my cup. "You look well."

Sneering, she exclaims, "Your father barely looks at me anymore. I know he's going to leave again, I can feel it. All because you couldn't just listen and be a good daughter for him."

"That's good then. With him gone, you'll go back to normal. You'll heal, just like I'm doing."

The way she looks at me makes my skin crawl. But I ignore it, for my sake more than hers. I couldn't do this, I couldn't help her until she helped herself.

"Mom, please leave. I will be there for you when you need me, but you have to help yourself first. So, just leave." Opening her mouth, she goes to speak but I shake my head. "Leave, mom. Before you do something you regret."

With another glare, she turns around and leaves from where she came. I let out a breath, try to settle myself before finishing my break.

The rest of the night is uneventful, but the deep ache in my chest stays with me for the rest of the night. Until I'm cleaning up the diner, until I'm driving home with Jacob, his hand warm and reassuring on my thigh. Until I'm finishing dinner with him and Billy and settling with Billy in his bedroom, lotion in hand as I massage his freshly clean feet while Jacob helps him with his nighttime routine. It was one of the rare nights that Jacob didn't have patrol, but he wasn't slacking on his duties as a son. I was lucky to be able to help them both out.

When we finally settled into our own room, Billy sleeping peacefully and my body clean of the smell of fried foods and sweat, Jacob wrapped his arms around me and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I lied, giving him a confused smile. But he just shook his head and pressed a quick kiss to my lips again.

"Something happened, I can tell. You've been quiet all night," He pauses, cupping my cheek and caressing my skin with his thumb. "I understand if you don't want to tell me what's wrong, but I'm here if you need me."

It must have been the warmth of his skin or the tiredness in my bones but I couldn't stop myself as I said, "My mom came to the diner and said I've ruined her life. And I'm sort of freaked out about my future. I hate my job and yet I have nowhere else to turn to. All I have is you and Billy and I'm scared as fuck. And you're not even in school right now, what do you even do? Did you quit because of the wolf thing? Or do you guys get homeschooled? Who even teaches you? I don't think Quil's grandfather is qualified to teach a bunch of teenagers that are all different ages different materials, but I also don't know if he has a degree in-"

My speech cut off as Jacob's hand covered my mouth.

"Okay, that's a lot to unload," His hand slowly left my face and I stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. "Firstly, to answer your question, I haven't gone back to school in a while, but I probably should. The guys and I are so far behind, though. It would be such a hassle. And no, Old Quil doesn't have a teaching degree."

"I didn't think he did."

"And you can quit your job, find something different. And you don't have to go to school, it isn't the end all be all if you don't want it to be. We'll support you finding yourself because you're family now."

"Family?" I ask meekly and he nods, eyes serious and filled something I can't pinpoint.

With a shaky breath, he pulls me close and kisses me, and I melt. This boy, this person who I've fallen for so easily. If only I could be his if only I could be more than I am to him.

But, I must love myself first. I deserve it.

Jacob pulls away only to kiss my nose, then lays back on his pillow and smiles at me. "Whatever you choose to do, I will be there. Always."

I nod, muttering, "Always," even though I barely believed it. One day, we would part and go our separate ways. He would find someone beautiful and strong, not a cry baby. Not someone that went off on tangents for no good reason.

And that was okay because I would love myself until I found someone too.

"Hey, Jessica?" Angela's voice rang through my cellphone, and I peeled my eyes open as I sat up, shoving Jacob's overheated arm off me.

"Why are you up so early?" I question, smacking my lips in distaste at the nasty taste in my mouth. "It's only five am."

Angela curses to herself. "Forgot about the time difference, oopsie."

"It's okay. What did you call about?" Peeling myself out of bed, I head for the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. "Everything okay?"

"Well… you may want to sit down."

"It's okay, I'm good. Just tell me what's going on." I pour a glass of water one-handedly and quickly gulp it down. Ah, that's better.

With a sigh, Angela says, "Embry's kind of here?"

"Wait… what do you mean?"

"Well, he kind of just got to my apartment?" Distinctly, I could hear a loud hi, Jessica! before Angela shushes him. "Hey, be quiet! I have neighbors you know."

For a second, I'm dumbstruck. "Embry is in Korea."

"Seems so."

"With you."

Angela hums in reply. "Mhm, yep. He's here with me."

"Okay, one second. I'm going to wake up Jacob."

And this was how I found myself standing outside as Jacob tore Embry a new one over the phone. Playing with my fingers, I looked down at my flip flop clad feet and felt a bit guilty for ratting on him.

"Embry, you're seventeen years old and you got on a random plane to a country you have no idea about! Does your mom even know you left?" Jacob pauses as Embry answers, but he doesn't seem to like his response. "How irresponsible can you be? I'll cover for you now but when you get back, you're doubling shifts. I understand how hard it is for you to be away from her, but next time come to me or Sam about this." Another pause, and I bite off a hangnail on my thumb. "I'll let you go now, but I'll call you before I go to sleep. Have fun, and please for everyone's sake tell her the truth. She may take it better than you think."

They say their goodbyes and hang up the phone. When Jacob hands my phone back, he pulls me into a tight hug and kisses my forehead.

"I'm too awake now to go back to sleep. Wanna go get breakfast?" He grins down at me with his pretty, sunshine smile and like an idiot, I agree. Even though I want nothing more than to sleep until its a more appropriate hour.

We had an expiration date, I knew that. But for now, I revel in this little heaven I had created. And over eggs and bacon that early morning, I fell more and more in love with him.