Fruitcake Follies

"Okay," Otis told the theater employee manning the concession stand, "Two large popcorns, two large Dr. Peppers, one order of nachos with cheese, one pretzel with cheese, and one box of Junior Mints."

He paid for the food and as he picked up his share of it, said, "Next time I pay for the tickets and you buy the snacks."

"Uh huh," Capp mindlessly replied as he tipped his head down and started eating the popcorn sticking over the top of his bag.

"Theater room 4," Otis said as he looked at the flashing neon dots compiling the signs over each door, "this way. Remind me again how I got stuck with you to see this movie?"

"Everybody else had plans," Capp answered.

Otis rolled his eyes.

The two firefighters made their way into the darkened theater room that had scarce lighting to see by from the screen showing a preview for an upcoming film. Looking around, the seats on the ground floor were half full, and looking behind them up the stairs to the balcony seats, they saw people scattered all over, but most of the seats were vacant.

"Let's take the middle row," Otis said, "the view should be good enough there."

Heading up the steps dimly illuminated by small lights built into the wall beside them, they got halfway up and found two unoccupied chairs and made themselves comfortable while they waited for the movie to start. Around them they heard people quietly murmuring, others were not so quiet about it, people were loudly munching their popcorn, and some people were on their phones, which sent blinding blue lights into the otherwise darkness of the theater.

"I thought this place had a zero tolerance policy for cell phones," Otis commented.

"So complain," Capp said.

"By the time I get down there and back, the movie will already be starting."

"So complain to them," Capp gestured to the people on their phones.

"Oh yeah, I can see how well that would go over," Brian replied.

Somebody behind them coughed. A couple people were already getting up to go down the stairs and return to the concession stand for another bag of popcorn before the show started.

The opening credits were just starting when somebody else started coughing. And the noise didn't stop, instead it got louder and more frantic. The two firefighters turned in their seats and saw a woman a couple rows from the top writhing in her seat choking. They dropped their stuff and ran up the stairs, by now other people also realized what was going on and they ordered the bystanders back in the aisles to clear the way so they could work. Otis got the woman to her feet and started performing the Heimlich maneuver, after a few tries she let out a particularly loud retch and a wad of half chewed popcorn shot out of her mouth and went flying down into the next aisle. The woman let out a ragged breath as she went limp against Brian.

"Are you okay, ma'am?"

She wheezed once and answered as she pushed away from him, "Yeah, fine, just, I just," she heaved another breath as she collapsed back in her seat, "Picked the wrong time to inhale." She shook her head and looked up at them and said, still trying to catch her breath, "Thank you...oh my God that was so scary..."

An usher and the theater manager entered the room and came up the stairs to find out what was going on, it took a few tries with all three of them talking but the details finally got out, and once the woman assured them she was fine, the commotion died down, and once the manager left, everybody tried to get back to the movie since there was nothing more to see there.

"You...you're both firemen?" the woman asked them.

"Yes we are."

"Which firehouse?"

"51."

They didn't have any further words with the woman and thought everything was going to be left there.

"Where'd these come from?" Mouch asked as everybody spotted a large tray of cupcakes on the table in the common room.

Herrmann had been the first one in that day and he told the others, "First Watch said somebody brought them in about 10 minutes before we got here."

"And they didn't eat them before we got in?" Tony asked, then thought to add, "What's wrong with them?"

Cruz picked up one and sniffed it and shrugged, "Smells alright."

One by one everybody picked up one and bit into the frosted tops, then soon everybody was looking at each other.

"That doesn't taste like a cupcake," Otis said.

"What's that stuff inside?" Mouch asked. "Is that a raisin?"

"They're not bad, whatever they are," Casey said.

Nobody could argue with that.

Boden had just entered the room to say something when they heard somebody talking. Boden turned around and saw a brunette woman in her early 30s heading their way carrying a big platter with covered dishes on them.

"Excuse me," she said as she entered the room. She looked past Boden and saw the half-empty tray on the table, "Oh I got here too late, I'm so sorry, my daughter said she'd drop these off on her way to school and she took the wrong tray."

"I'm sorry, can we help you?" Boden asked.

The woman paused, then laughed and explained, "I'm Lara Durning, my sister, Lisa, and I were at the movies last night and two of the firemen from this house stepped in to help when she started choking."

Otis and Capp glanced at each other. They didn't remember anybody being with the woman last night, but then again everything had happened so quick and it was so confusing with everybody else getting worked up, it's possible they just overlooked her.

"Them!" Lara raised her knee to support the tray as she moved her hand to point at the two of them, "They're the ones. Lisa had an appointment today or she would've come herself, but we wanted to show our gratitude for what they did, so we baked you a batch of our family recipe fruitcakes."

"Oh," Boden was automatically thinking what everybody else in the room was thinking, but unlike the others who looked around at each other with looks of dread, he maintained a professional expression and position as he tried to gently break the news to the woman, "We appreciate that, but I'm afraid we're not too big on fruitcake."

The woman did a double take and inquired, "Are you sure?" She pointed over to Severide and added, "Looks like that guy's sucked down about half a dozen of them already."

Kelly immediately stopped in mid-bite of another cupcake and got out a muffled, "You mean...that's fruitcake?" He immediately grimaced, turned and spat out the mouthful in the wastebasket.

Lara giggled and asked the Squad lieutenant, "Did you ever see a cupcake with green cherries in it?" She looked at Boden and explained, "That was my daughter's idea for a joke, let people think they're getting a cupcake, until they bite into it and realize it's a fruitcake."

Mouch picked up another cupcake from the tray, peeled the paper off it and tore it open down the middle and looked in it and scrutinized the contents. All he saw was yellow cake and chopped bits of red, green and orange candied fruit, and a few raisins, and he asked the woman, "Where're the nuts?"

"Aren't any," she answered.

"Where's the spices?"

"Aren't any."

Herrmann took a whiff of it, smelling only butter and a hint of orange juice, and asked, "Where's the booze?"

"Ain't any," Lara answered. "That's why people actually like them."

"I see, well," Boden took the tray from the woman, which he realized was carrying three full sized fruitcakes on it and told the woman, "Thank you very much, ma'am, I think these are going to be a big hit after all."

"You're welcome, and Merry Christmas," she said as she turned to show herself out.

"Fruitcake?" Otis asked. He took the lid off one of the new cakes and saw it was shaped like a loaf of bread and already sliced to pieces. "Huh...and here I thought all fruitcakes were a bouncing rubber brick you gave the mailman."

"Begging the question, what did the mailman ever do to you?" Mouch wanted to know.