Sorry this was a bit late, I have just received amazing news.

I will be training with the English Premier League Team in Hockey !

But back to the story,

Chapter 42…

{Clary's POV}

It was as if I were watching the actions of someone else through their eyes.

Inside I was screaming for myself to stop, but an overwhelming corruption was fizzing through my veins, like a viral cancer rippling through me.

I felt powerful arms wrap around me, dragging me back on my heels.

Savagely my body fought back, the need to wound and spill blood choking me inside.

All of a sudden it felt like a sudden weight was lifted off of my shoulders, but I felt really weak.

Collapsing to the floor on my knees I felt a wash of cold run over me, this had never happened before.

I looked over to Jace who was healing fast with an iratze, seeing the wound on his shoulder jerked my body up.

I had to get out of there.

I ran to the nearest window and leapt through it.

Shit.

I had forgotten the Guard was on a hill, I hit the grass hard - just remembering to brace myself with my knees and elbows.

Tumbling and rolling down the hill I finally hit something hard.

"Clarissa?"

I recognised the voice vaguely - Jocelyn.

I must have looked like a right mess, there was probably some grass in my hair and even thinking that there could be some of Jace's blood on my sleeve made me feel nauseated.

Standing up and brushing myself off I answered,

"Is there something I can help you with?"

I spoke cuttingly, this woman was far from my mother. I regarded myself as more of an orphan now.

"Urm…"

Her eyes raked me up and down, making me feel suddenly self-conscious.

"Actually, I was planning on talking to you before you left tomorrow. If that is ok?"

The uncertainty and the plead in her voice made me answer,

"Why not, where are we going?"

Her face lit up, not massively noticeable but her eyes had more of a twinkle in them now.

"We can go to the Fairchild Manor, it's just a 10 minute walk from here."

Jocelyn replied and began walking along the path, not expecting her to set off right then I had to jog a little to catch her up.

{Jonathan's POV}

The second Clary had leapt out of the window nobody really knew what to do.

"Jace are you ok?"

Alec asked him, making sure his parabatai wasn't badly injured.

"Nothing a couple iratze's couldn't fix, but did you guys see what happened?"

"Yes, I was watching you two fight and then something just switched inside her it seemed. It was like she was fighting in a real battle."

I explained to Jace.

"Jace, are you sure it's wise for you to go alone with her tomorrow? Alec and Jon were just about able to pull her off you,"

Izzy questioned her brother, and I had to admit her worry wasn't misplaced.

Jace was going to be alone with Clary for a day on their journey to Lake Lyn.

"I will be fine - as long as Clary doesn't fight me then there should be nothing to fret about."

Jace answered, gritting his teeth as he did.

From the day I had seen Clary and Jace together in that courtyard I had known there was something special between them.

The way they spoke of each other was of a passion I had not seen before, I knew that what they had was somehow mythical and unique.

Their love was different from every other shadowhunter relationship I had encountered, then again nothing about Clary or Jace was 'normal' to Nephilim.

Alec shot me a concerned glance, we both knew that seeing what we had just then meant Jace's safety could not be 100% guaranteed.

{Jocelyn's POV}

Once we had arrived at the Manor, Clary seemed instantly uncomfortable. Her gaze would float somewhere and then dart away instantly.

"So, why don't we sit?"

I gestured toward the chairs in the dining room and led Clary in.

She sat opposite me across the table, even though we were only 1 meter apart it felt as if we were worlds away from each other.

Clary looked and spoke like my daughter, but I still couldn't see it.

I had only known my daughter as the viscous demon-blooded monster my husband created - yet Clary seemed totally different. Capable of love, of fear, of all the things demon's weren't.

"So how is this chat going to go? Is it going to be an average daughter-mother conversation about how one tried to kill the other as a baby?"

Although I had anticipated Clary's anger at me, it still felt like a knife of guilt being pushed ever deeper into my heart.

"I think it would be good for us to talk about that, if you're ok to?"

"Jocelyn, I have been waiting years."

Again the venom in which she spoke my name twisted the knife in my heart excruciatingly.

"I wasn't aware of what Valentine was doing to me, he told me that the injections he would give me were 'beneficial for the baby'. I didn't realise he had been lying to me until the day you were born."

Clary's eyes didn't leave mine the entire time I spoke, making sure she heard every word correctly.

"By then I was mortified, how could I have let the man I loved do such a terrible thing to an unborn child. When you were born I thought that I could have learned to love you and that maybe you wouldn't be anything like the monster your father wanted of you."

"But I was wrong, the first time I saw your real eyes I knew that you were destined to be different. I panicked, I considered the destruction a hybrid could do to the Nephilim."

"So you decided that murder was the right choice?"

"Clarissa, please understand, at that point I had thought you were not capable of emotions. I had pictured a dark avenging angel only able to produce destruction and in its wake death. I now see you are able to do much much more."

Clary's eyes saddened, and she was silent for a while before speaking.

"I would have done the same thing."

She whispered, then continued,

"Every day the toll becomes greater. My humanity slips away further and further out of my grasp, I had once thought I would have forever to feel. But now I fear that I have less time than I imagined. Less time to be with…"

{Clary's POV}

Part of Clary had wished that the poison's Jocelyn had used on her had worked.

"Jace?"

Jocelyn spoke softly,

"You're talking about him aren't you."

I felt my cheeks flare a little before answering evenly,

"Is it that obvious?"

"Not to everyone, but I have seen the way you two have protected each other. You're different with him, and he is with you."

I was now definitely blushing.

"Well it doesn't matter. He can't love me. Amare est delere, et amari est deleri."

"What does that mean Clary?"

I sighed before translating for her, saying the words aloud to others was painful.

"To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed."

At that I knew I had to leave, thinking about Jace had refocused my mind on why I was here in the first place.

I had hurt the one person who had ever shown any genuine care toward me - rather ironic isn't it.

I had noticed that it had begun to rain, that type of rain that starts light but gets heavier with every passing minute.

"I have to go. I need to prepare Jace for our journey tomorrow. Goodbye for now Jocelyn."

I knew that I could call her 'mother', but the word didn't seem appropriate.

I had never had a mother, the closest thing I had ever had was Amatis.

And she was with Valentine, and I needed to get her back.

WIthout another glance back I left the house and jogged back to the Guard.

{Jace's POV}

I had left the training room soon after Clary, the others had stayed for more training.

I was now in the Herondale family home, not far from the centre of Alicante, handy for me.

When I had arrived, I had been relieved to find that my parents were still out and I could have the whole house to myself for a little while.

The rain lashing down on the windows was the only sound I could hear.

That was until I heard a sound from the sofa and smiled as I saw Max on it.

"Hey buddy? What brings you here?"

The young boy looked troubled to say the least, but I wanted to keep a smile plastered on my face for some reassurance.

"Is it true, are you leaving tomorrow with the demon girl?"

I winced slightly when Max referred to Clary as the demon girl.

I hated it when people called her that - there was so much more to her than her blood.

"I am, but Max it's gonna be fi-"

"Don't say that. Because you're lying, you don't know if you're coming back. I heard your parents talking, I know you will be facing Valentine."

Bewildered I took an involuntary step back, the anger in his voice catching me off guard.

"You are right Max. But I always come back, remember? I will come back to you, always."

He then jumped up from the sofa and swung his arms around my waist, he was still so small.

After hugging each other tightly for a few seconds Max stood back and looked me in the eye.

"I will hold you to that. And I will hold her as well."

I knew he was mentioning Clary, but before I could say that if I didn't come back it wouldn't be her fault he scrambled from the room and out the back door.

It was now slightly darker outside, the beginnings of sunset showing.

A sudden knock on the door diverted my attention, strolling over I pulled the handle and was startled and also relieved to see who was standing in my doorway.

Clary.

I hadn't expected to see her until at least tomorrow morning - in which she would be all cold again.

Instead here she was standing on my doorway in the pouring rain, with water dripping off of her.

"Come in, you must be freezing."

I said as I opened the door wide for her to step in trepidatiously.

I had never seen Clary look so shaken, and I didn't think it was from the rain or the cold.

"Clary are you ok?"

Her eyes looked into mine, this time they were a pale green, cold and hidden.

"I... "

She began but didn't finish.

"Hey, let's go up to my room, come on"

And we began our ascent up the stairs.

So sorry for this cliff-hanger, I just wanted to publish this chapter as quick as I could as I know it's been a couple days.

Hope you enjoyed, drop a review if your liking it

Song 20 ~ i love you - Billie Eilish