Monday, 26th September 1977
...
Over the next few days, James tried his utmost to steer clear of Lily, of her friends, her hobbies, the spaces she was wont to occupy. He was sorry for it, but the relative easiness they had achieved with one another had been snuffed out and extinguished with vigour. James tried to forget the way her lips had felt underneath his own, how willing she had been, how far they could've gone had he not had the good sense to think it through. With the addition of Head Boy duties and his role as Quidditch captain, James' workload had increased significantly; and it was easy enough to avoid Lily Evans if he tried hard enough.
The last full moon had been difficult for all, appearing suddenly through the tall windows of the Charms classroom. James caught the eye of Sirius and Peter and followed at a run as Remus tore to the doorway. It had been so many years of suffering, and with no end in sight, the Marauders had seen him through every transformation since they had met nearly six years previously. Remus made it past the Whomping Willow in just the nick of time, narrowly missing a first-year flying lesson and a gaggle of fifth-year Hufflepuffs lounging under their beech tree beside the loch. James' transformation into Prongs was seamless; the extension of his body felt natural, effortless.
Sirius had already transformed, his snout sniffing the air, apparently transfixed on something or another. Prongs knelt, and with his antlers, reached towards Peter to allow the rat to take hold, balanced between Prongs' ears.
The three of them followed a familiar path towards the entrance of the Whomping Willow. They ducked as Peter dove towards the knot in the wood, immobilizing the tree, and the trio entered the tunnel. James wiggled through, and Sirius followed the roaring echo of Lupin just beyond.
James' heart clenched at the sight, not a new one, but never easy to see. Moony's skin was stretched painfully over his frame, eyes wild and uncomprehending of what he saw. The shack, as always, was abandoned and bare. The grand piano was glossy in the light as it filtered through the slits in the walls, the boards thin and decrepit. The noise of Moony's roars was immense, and James knew that the howls of his friend had reached the castle. May the legend of the haunting of the Shrieking Shack live forever.
Sirius raised his haunches and growled as Lupin swiped with one claw towards him, and Peter took off towards his feet, his claws raised for the attack. James took the lead, as he usually did, distracting Remus while the others worked to immobilize him. James lowered his antlers and bellowed, charging with speed, successfully pinning Remus to the wall. He could feel Padfoot below him, pushing his body weight against Remus' legs as he attempted to move. Moony headbutted James strongly enough to see stars, and his back feet trembled and shifted backward an inch or two.
Below him, James could feel the rat Pettigrew jumping over his hooves, and by the sharp yip Lupin let loose, had bitten him. With a powerful kick, Padfoot was tossed aside, one of his feet twisted at a funny angle. James pushed harder, spinning with his antlers to immobilize his friend, hoping beyond belief that he wasn't hurting him, but knowing that he was. It was for his protection, and more than once, Remus had thanked him for it. God knows what would happen if he escaped.
Wormtail bit Remus again, and the werewolf howled in pain, ducking beneath James' antlers to swipe at the rat between his paws. He missed, thank God, and Peter ran towards Sirius while James managed Lupin.
His teeth were savage, sharp and jagged where they had broken on impact, and James ducked to avoid them. A single bite, anything that broke the skin, had detrimental and permanent consequences. While more protected in their Animagus forms, even animals were vulnerable to the bite of a werewolf. It couldn't make them change, but none of them wanted to take that chance.
Out of the corner of his eye, James noticed that Padfoot had risen to his feet, and he stood in front of Lupin, making sure that Padfoot and Wormtail were still behind him. Each of them did their part to protect Remus from injuring himself, but Prongs was the biggest and most capable, and thusly took the brunt of the attack. He knew that Sirius wished he could do more, but there were limits that a dog (even a large dog, as was Padfoot) could do against a twenty stone werewolf. He didn't mind, and the strength training he had done over the years as a Chaser had helped Prongs as well, strengthened his back, added muscle to his legs and power to his run. He was no longer the fawn he was in fifth year, James had grown and adapted. They all had.
Behind him, he could hear Padfoot growling, Peter doing that squeak thing he thought was intimidating (it wasn't) and could distract Lupin (it didn't), and James was glad to hear them. The effort of keeping Moony from hurting himself was enough to focus on. Over the years, they had developed several strategies as a team to immobilize Moony, and James recognized the stance Padfoot had taken. When he heard his paws bounding from behind him, Prongs leapt out of the way as Padfoot threw Lupin to the ground and pushed with all his strength to keep him stationary.
In their Animagus forms, none of them could grip, so where Padfoot took one arm, Prongs took the other, resting his weight on Lupin's belly and lower legs. Pettigrew scratched and bit where he could reach around Lupin's head, avoiding the mouth as he dodged and ran.
A midday transformation usually didn't last long, an hour at the most, and James could see the shadows lengthening on the floorboards, hoping that the clouds would soon hide the moon.
Below his feet, Prongs could feel Lupin slump and fall limp and knew that the slow transformation back into a human had begun. Padfoot collapsed onto his side, exhausted, and James did the same, concentrating on turning back himself.
Before long, the four of them lay on the floorboards, breathing heavily and in their right minds. Remus took a shuddering gasp and tucked his limbs into his body, silent tears running down his cheeks. Sirius, back in human form, limped towards a closet in the corner, pulled a woollen blanket out and hung it over Remus' back. Peter pulled Lupin into a firm hug, and Sirius moved behind him, rubbing Remus' back.
James moved towards the piano, pulling out his wand and a large bottle of Dittany mixed with powdered silver and held out the dropper with shaking hands.
"Did anybody get scratched?"
Sirius shook his head, rolling his ankle with a grimace on his face.
"I didn't either," Peter said, tucking the blanket further around Remus. "Close, but he missed. Glad he missed."
"I'm so sorry," Remus murmured, leaning back into Sirius' arms.
"You know it wasn't your fault, Moony," Sirius said quietly, tucking a strand of hair behind Lupin's ear. "Don't ever think it was your fault."
"It's not like it's something you can control," James agreed, stoppering the bottle and Vanishing it, falling into the heap himself.
"It was bad, this time," Remus whispered, tugging. "My bones ache, I—I feel like I'm two people in the same body. The monster and the man, and sometimes it's hard to tell which one I am, who I really am."
They sat in silence for a minute, their breath loud and uneven in the sudden stillness. Remus had been a werewolf for near on eleven years, whomever he might have been having not been bitten was a mystery, unknown to all of them but especially himself. The werewolf Lupin was unresponsive, vicious and blind with bloodlust. Even with him and the others helping as Animagi, it would never be enough to cure him, to halt his transformations. He was uncurable a monster in a man, neither one more than the other for the rest of his life.
"Well, I can tell you who you are, in the case that you've forgotten," Sirius said, Summoning another blanket and pulling it over Remus' form with a gentleness not noticeably apparent to be congruent with his character. They shared a smile, and James' heart tugged at the sight, the way they looked at the other for perhaps a moment too long, their fingertips dancing as they gripped the same edge of the blanket. "You're a lanky bastard named Remus John Lupin,"
"You have too many jumpers," Pettigrew added, an arm tossed over his eyes. "You couldn't possibly need as many jumpers as you have,"
"That so, Wormtail?" Remus said, his breath slower than it was a moment before, a smile tugging at his lips. "I can't see you complaining when the weather turns,"
"It's true, and you know it," Sirius said, curling his fingers in Remus' hair, pulling his head onto his chest. "Even Evans borrows your jumpers, and she's an ice queen. And to top it all off, you swear like a fucking sailor,"
"Least I'm not up and down all night," Remus said, laying a week hand on James' head, and they all laughed. "More animal than man applies to you more than me, so it seems,"
"That's alright," James said dreamily, resting his head on Sirius' belly, while Lupin rubbed his head with the tips of his nails. "Perfect, now that's the good stuff."
Peter looked over at Sirius. "How's the foot?"
"Ah, not bad," he said, rolling his left ankle back and forth. "It's always a gamble, being a dog. Never quite sure where an injury might land when one transforms."
James lazily lifted his wand, pointing it at his ankle, and after a quick healing charm was right as rain. Sirius sighed and crossed his arms behind his chest, and Remus pulled in, moving closer.
"I hope we'll always be friends," Remus said quietly. "I don't know what I'd do without you three."
"More than friends, with any luck," Sirius said, and Remus jabbed him in the ribs.
"Always and forever, I solemnly swear," James said, miming crossing his heart.
"To be up to no good, or just in the general sense?" Remus asked.
"Eh," James said. "Depends on the circumstance."
...
"Birds keeping you up all night, Potter?"
James waved his hand in acknowledgment and rested his head on his forearm, taking a huge bite of buttered toast. Sirius sat beside him, his hair uncombed and missing his tie. Out of all the Marauders, Peter was looking the best, cognitive enough, at least, to drink a cup of coffee before rousing his friends for class. Remus was still recovering in the Hospital Wing. James groaned and pushed his glasses up his nose, the Great Hall just beginning to clear out for the morning.
"Never knew your girlfriend to be a screamer, Yaxley," James said, standing with a groan. "And yet here we are,"
"Here we are, indeed," Yaxley said, pulling a book bag from underneath the Slytherin table. "I watched your practice the night before last. You've more talent than I realized,"
"Lots of things you've underestimated about me,"
"Seems so, Potter," Yaxley said, appraising him with a muted sort of praise, straightened his tie and walked down and out of the Great Hall. James raised an eyebrow and took another sip of coffee while watching him leave, trying to ignore the funny feeling in his gut.
"What was that about?" Sirius asked after Yaxley left, tucking his wand in his back pocket.
"I don't know," James said, narrowing his eyes at the blond ponytail as it receded down the hallway.
"Cauterwal's looking mighty glum this morning," Peter noticed, taking a leap-step to catch up with the long legs of James and Sirius. "Did Lily finally break up with him?"
James strained his neck and looked over to where Lily stood with her friend Mary Macdonald, her eyes red and downcast. Feeling her gaze on him, James quickly turned his head, feigning direct interest in whatever Sirius was saying.
"Head's in the clouds, Prongs," Sirius said, bracing both hands on James' shoulders, turning him towards the group. "Since when do you care what Evans' does?"
"I don't," James said a might too quickly, pushing his glasses up his nose.
"Right," Sirius said, "because that's apparent in the way you think and act."
Peter stood between the pair of them, his watery eyes fixing on both Sirius and James as if they were engaged in a high stakes tennis match and not a conversation in the Great Hall about Lily Evans. After a minute, Sirius cracked a grin and bumped shoulders with James, who rolled his eyes in response.
"C'mon, Quoron will have my hide if I'm late again,"
Peter scoffed. "As if. You could never go to Defence again, and that dunce would still speak nothing but praise at your impeccable shield charms."
Sirius and Peter laughed, but James tried his best not to look over to where he knew Lily was. He didn't regret his declaration from the other night; it felt good to have his thoughts out in the open. But the ache resulting from her actions strengthened his resolve to ignore her. If she wanted to talk about it, she'd have to bring it about.
...
Defence Against the Dark Arts was dull, and the sun pouring in from the windows made James feel dozy and stupid. Beside him, Sirius tapped the feather of his quill against the back of Alex Hornby's neck, which was causing the dunce dance in his seat like he had an invisible itch. Peter was hiding his laugh behind his textbook, which had been propped with this intention in mind. Still, like a clock, Paisley Quoron, the dullest teacher to ever teach D.A.D.A, droned on and on about Unforgiveable curses while James struggled to stay awake.
They had been out with Lupin for most of yesterday afternoon well into the night. If anyone noticed that they were missing for the rest of the day, they made no mention of it in the morning. Maybe, if they were very fortunate, nobody cared.
"Potter," Hornby's seatmate, Allyson, whispered. James stirred and accepted a folded bit of parchment from her hand and watched Quoron carefully before opening it.
"Who's it from, mate?" Sirius asked, finally setting his quill down.
"Dunno," James answered, looking around the classroom to see who might have sent it. It was public knowledge that James had broken up with his girlfriend at the end of last year, but he didn't see the possibility that any of the girls in his class fancied him. The parchment had been folded with care, the edges worn and smudged with ink. The writing was one he recognized, and he read it with a groan. "Lily's calling a meeting for the Prefects, and I have to be there."
"Tough luck, mate," Sirius said with a grin, "maybe instead of thinking well of you, Dumbledore just wanted to give you more work." He leaned over James' shoulder and let out a bark-like laugh, "You'll have to reschedule Quidditch practice," he said, circling the date presented with his finger, patting the back of James' head absentmindedly as he sunk his forehead onto the desk.
"That bird is gonna kill me,"
"Anything to share with the assembled body, gentlemen?" Quoron said from the front of the class, his nasal tone causing an outbreak of giggles.
"Of course not, professor," Sirius said with a great deal of dignity. "Please, carry on."
Quoron looked back at Sirius as if he had expected a different response. Instead, he let out of a satisfying sort of breath and continued about the dangers of the Cruciatus curse to the mind of its victim.
...
Midday hit, and the Marauders were rejoined by Remus in the Great Hall, who other than looking worn and tired was much the same as he always was. James patted him on the back with a smile and tucked into a steak and kidney pie.
Outside, the weather was mild, a gentle breeze with puffy clouds. James supposed it might rain later, but in the days leading up to the full moon, he wished for nothing but overcast skies. While it didn't alleviate his friends' lycanthropy, it minimized the jump scare of a sudden lunar appearance. Remus was looking haggard, wasn't eating very much. James had made the mistake of completing Lupin's half-finished transfiguration essay early that morning, working a clever little charm to make his handwriting look closer to Remus'. He had paid for it, though. There weren't many people at Hogwarts who knew about Lupin's furry little problem, and those who didn't know the extent the Marauders had gone to help their friend through his transformations.
He knew what they were doing was illegal, knew that this had to have a more permanent solution than transforming into Animagi, but there was nothing to be done. Lycanthropy was permanent; there wasn't a cure, and Remus would suffer for the rest of his life. This much was inevitable, and yet the facts didn't help James' conscience. So every once in a while, when Remus didn't notice, the Marauders picked up the slack. It was the least they could do, and it was inevitable that their professors would catch on before long. McGonagall had asked him to stay after class, and after waving his friends out of the classroom, he walked up to her alone.
McGonagall had always been his favourite professor, and truth be told, she reminded him a bit of his mother. All tight lips and Scottish belligerence. She and James were opposites, and he took to her instantly.
"Doing another student's homework is cheating, Potter," she said after class, Summoning a piece of parchment from her desk and letting it fall to her desk. "This is not Lupin's work."
"Professor, he wrote most of it," James said, tracing his finger to where Remus had left an incomplete thought, directing her to how little he had done. "He had fallen asleep; he hasn't slept in days. It was the least I could do."
McGonagall looked down at him over the rim of her spectacles, and James sighed, sat up a little higher. "The full moon came in the middle of Charms yesterday; he was up all night."
"I know," she said, sitting down at her desk. "Professor Flitwick told me."
There was a pause, and James shifted his feet, watching his professor in the eye. She, like most of the faculty, was at least aware of Lupin's condition, but McGonagall had provided opportunities for Remus others had not, and James respected her for it.
"I am touched by all that you do for your friends, Potter," she said, and James braced for the punishment she could deliver. He had yet to get off easy with McGonagall, and he doubted that it would begin now. She paused, and James waited in anxious anticipation. "But to be clear, I do not condone your actions. Had this essay been submitted to another teacher, you would likely be receiving a different result. However, it would be in poor taste to have our Head Boy in detention every week, so do try to be a touch more inconspicuous in the future, will you?"
James smiled, pushing his bookbag further up his shoulder. "Thanks, professor."
"See to it that Lupin rests; he's been pushing himself too hard."
"'Course,"
"And Potter?"
James turned around, and McGonagall sighed, removed her spectacles. "Lily has called the first meeting of the Prefects, do try and work together in the future. You are Heads together; keep in mind."
James nodded, not quite meeting her eyes.
"Good," she said, and James walked down the hallway and out of sight.
...
The rest of the afternoon passed with little incident, with the new N.E.W.T. class progressing through Potions, Care of Magical Creatures and a double Herbology before the school day finished. James sighed, his book bag bulging with more homework than ever before. If he pushed all night long, James reckoned he'd be able to finish his Potions essay before the end of tonight if he was lucky.
Sirius joined him in the Common Room, his books under his arm. "What're you starting with?"
"Potions, I reckon," James said, shifting his books on the coffee table. The room was loud but no louder than usual on a school night. Students milled about a game of Exploding Snap in the corner, and the group laughed as a cloud of smoke engulfed them.
James pulled his quill out of his bag and set the ink in front of him when suddenly struck with another memory of this spot. It had been on this sofa that Lily had snogged the living daylights out of him two days ago. He shifted uncomfortably, trying and failing to remember the way her lips had moved against his own, the feeling of her thigh to thigh, chest to chest, closer than closer they could be to one another.
He hadn't told the others about his nighttime escapade with Lily. One, it was none of their business what he did (and perhaps wanted to and didn't) with anyone, but particularly not her. Two, he was ashamed, profoundly and truly ashamed for what he had done and didn't want the others to know how badly he had mucked it up. Who was he to kiss her after she had just lost the relationship with her sister? How could he have taken advantage of her like that? Had he pushed her beyond what she was comfortable with because it was good for him? Good God.
"Ah, those were the days," Peter said, sitting across from them, his books in a state of disarray. He looked at James in a way that gave him a reason to pause. "Don't you have the Prefect meeting tonight, Prongs?"
James' heart stopped, his face growing paler by the moment. "Oh shit," he said, bounding up out of his seat. "Lily's gonna murder me!" He dropped his quill and bounded out of the portrait hole, Sirius and Peter laughing behind him.
James tried his best to muss up his hair, the humidity around the castle nearly unbearable for how much it had rained earlier in the month. Here he was, James Potter, running down the halls to the abandoned classroom on the fifth floor for a meeting he had not planned and knew nothing about. James tucked behind a portrait on the seventh-floor landing and appeared three doors down from the meeting place, and tucked the map in his back pocket. He checked his watch and breathed a sigh of relief. He still had three minutes to make peace with Lily before twenty-three prats showed up who knew this job better than he did.
To his relief, upon opening the door, only a few people were present, a handful of fifth and sixth year Hufflepuffs and two Ravenclaw fifth years sitting in the front row. Lily was over beside the desk, a handful of papers in neat piles.
"Good of you to show," Lily said icily, not looking up as he approached. "Since you have no experience as a Prefect, I thought I'd take the liberty to lead the first meeting of the year."
"That's, uh," James cleared his throat, shifting his feet in embarrassment. He could see the other Prefects watching them with curiosity, and he turned away. "That's kind of you,"
Lily harrumphed, turning her back on him, her long hair swinging as she turned. She had always smelled good, girls usually did, but something was different about her, and the way her hair turned colour in the light— "I'll call this meeting to order," Lily said, standing in front of the group with a clipboard and James walked over to meet her. "Please take your seats; we'll begin in a moment."
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Moony enter the classroom, sitting beside the other Gryffindor's. Remus passed him a look of pity, and James rolled his eyes at this turn of events. Before the meeting, Remus had grilled him on how Prefect meetings go, what was expected and frowned upon, and how best to get on Evans' good side. But this had been before, and Lily wasn't even meeting his eye. How was he supposed to lead when he wasn't allowed to help?
The room filled as the clock struck eight, and twenty-three expectant pairs of eyes fixed themselves on him. James had an uncomfortable recollection of the very first Prefect meeting on the train and deigned that tonight would not be a repeat. He could try harder, if not for himself, then certainly for Dumbledore, whose sanity had been questioned more than once when he appointed James to Head Boy. He had been flattered, sure, but he knew that others had deserved it more than he had.
Lily cleared her throat and begun the meeting, starting first with rounds. She reminded everyone that the school was still under threat from dark wizards and witches alike, and being aware of people who didn't belong was a new responsibility for the Prefects.
"Dumbledore would like to inform you all that Aurors will take up a new post around Hogsmeade and the Hogwarts grounds themselves in the coming weeks until our knowledge of You Know Who's whereabouts are known. Familiarize yourself with them, but keep your distance."
There was a gentle murmur, and Lily raised her hand for silence. "As the new Head Boy and Girl," she said, gesturing vaguely to James' right. "We will do our best to keep you updated on things as they happen, but our most important job is to stay calm and let the Aurors do their jobs."
A fifth-year Slytherin whose name escaped him, (something with an R?) raised her hand and stood. "I heard a rumour that Hogsmeade weekends might be cancelled, is that true?"
"Excellent question, Ruby," Lily said, sitting on the edge of the desk, placing her clipboard next to her, which happened to be on James' fingers. "It's true that until we can be sure that Hogsmeade is safe, weekend trips are cancelled."
Now that drew a reliable reaction. Was the outside world that dangerous? There hadn't been a Death Eater attack in over six months, but James could feel the tension in the room, it was palpable. People were deathly afraid of what Voldemort could do at any given moment.
"On that unpleasant note, I have one last piece of news to share," Lily said, leaning forward slightly, "Dumbledore and the other teachers are concerned about the danger of Quidditch—,"
"What?" James said outraged. Why hadn't she told him? She knew all this time and hadn't told him? "You can't cancel Quidditch!"
"I said might, Potter," Lily said with furrowed eyebrows. "It's for everyone's safety; perhaps it's for the best,"
"For the best?" He said, coming closer to her, folding his arms in front of his chest. "What do you know? You can't even fly a broom!"
There was a snicker from somewhere behind her, and Lily shot it down with a scathing look. "Maybe if you weren't so occupied on the here and now you could see the big picture!"
"What big picture? What does that have to do with cancelling Quidditch?"
"Enough!" Lily exclaimed, jumping off of the desk, standing nearly a foot shorter than him. She raised her chin and stared him down, but James refused. First, Lily wouldn't talk to him, then she used him, and now she was cancelling Quidditch? Was she mad? "Enough, I won't hear another word."
"You won't? Or you refuse to? I never pegged you as a coward, Evans,"
"What does cowardice have to do with anything? I'm telling you Dumbledore's—,"
"Alright!" Remus said, standing up and facing the Prefects, who were watching the spectacle before them with rapt attention. "You lot are dismissed, go on, you know what you're to do."
Obediently, the Prefects filed out of the classroom, furtively sneaking looks at James and Lily, who were shooting daggers at each other.
"The hell is wrong with you two?" Remus asked, looking aghast.
"Ask her," James said, folding his arms and trying not to look as guilty as he felt.
"I'm asking you," Remus said, turning to face James. "Which is fair, because you're the one who started it,"
"Started it? I didn't start it!"
"You sure didn't end it," Remus said. "C'mon, apologize, then you can go,"
James exhaled forcefully, facing Lily with a look of feigned sympathy, offering a hand to shake. "My most sincere apologies, Evans, for my truly atrocious behaviour,"
Lily stamped her foot, and without a word, leaving all her things behind tore for the door.