"Yahh, yahh! Move it!" Ell barked at the deer, "Faster!"

Jaxx was sure the deer could definitely handle faster, but he wasn't sure if he could. His glasses fogged up and almost flew off his face seven times already - how the hell could Zanta expect him to hold a coal uzi at these speeds, let alone use it?!

"The Richwells should be a kilometre away from where we're at now, if Google maps is right," Ed yelled over the rushing wind, "We might be able to make it!"

Ell laughed cockily at the news, but Jaxx didn't feel easy about it. Around him, he felt the air drop a few degrees colder, biting through his coat and sending jitters through his spine.

"Heeeeeeeheeheeheeheeeee!"

That's not Ell…

From some bone-chilling instinct, Jaxx gripped his uzi and fired.

Clackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclack!

"Aahhh!" A tiny, scrunchy, grinchy voice screamed, "I've been hit! Follow the unborn's scent without meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Jaxx?" Definitely Ell.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!," Jaxx straightened and cleared his nearly-falling glasses and readied himself to shoot again, standing and propping a leg on the seat, "Ell, Ed, we've got company!"

He could barely hear Ell's determined growl under Ed starting up his candy cannon and the howls of the wind.

"Almost there!" Ed called out, "We should be able to reach the Richwells' soon!"

Clackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclack!

"Aieeee!"

"You tinsel tits, that was my-"

Clackclackclackclackclackclack!

"Arrgggghh!"

"How soon, Ed- whoaaaa!"

The sleigh swerved and Jaxx fell out, landing ass-first on a thick pile of snow.

"Shit, what the fuck Ell- oh, shit!"

He scrambled off the snow and realised he'd landed in the Richwells' backyard. From where he was standing, he spotted the back door open, alongside the kids' bedroom windows.

He dared to hope for just a tiny moment-

"Heeeeelp! Papa!"

Oh, fuck.

The sleigh hovered above him as he readied his uzi.

"Ell, Ed!" he called up, "Keep the rest of the little bastards away, I'm going in!"

"Jaxx!"

"Jaxx!"

But he was already through the back door.

If he was to die tonight at the hands of the goat bastard, he wanted at least his siblings to stay alive.

It was his fault they got roped into this mess anyway.

Dark. Damp, from the snow brought into the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Jaxx tried to steady his breathing as he crept around the kitchen. Those little fucks could be anywhere for all he knew - only the moonlight gave the hints of chaos they caused: pots and pans on the floor, plates shattered, and-

Holy shit, was that blood?!

"Arrgh…"

He stiffened at the noise, but urged himself to silently keep moving forward.

Man… Some part of him now was starting to be glad his mate Oli wasn't here. He did puff himself up a lot only to look like a coward often. And his jokes were really shitty for a lot of situations, come to think of it…

No, this wasn't the time. The Richwells' had three children right now, he reminded himself - with a fourth one on the way. But if he didn't get his guts together, Thomas would lose his wife, his kids and… God, he didn't want to finish it.

So where did the noise come from? And where was the blood leading? It sure as hell wasn't one constant runny trail…

"Aheeeheeheeehee!"

He instinctively jerked his gun to the noise, harshly swallowing down his own fear-

"Aheee heee heee hee! Hello~! Who do we have here?"

Clackclackclackclack!

"Ow! That was my wing, you poopy present!"

Jaxx ducked as something swung at him and slapped his face.

"Son of a bitch! Get off me!"

"Aheee heee hee!"

He waved the creature off, unsure of his aim…

Clackclackclackclack!

"AHHH!"

The coal knocked the fucker to the floor and into the moonlight's gleam.

After he made sure the door and windows were shut and locked, Jaxx straightened his glasses and grimaced at what he shot down. It was about the size of a garden gnome, dressed in dirty white frills, but its face and dress were partially stained with dark red. The face also had the usual eyes of a twisted creepy doll, but now in pain thanks to their feathered wings and porcelain joints having been broken by the coal. The smile didn't move or change as Jaxx stood, pointing the uzi at it.

It was probably the worst-looking Christmas Angel he'd ever seen.

"Where the fuck is my first cousin once-removed, you godforsaken twat?"

"Hee hee hee! The one with the fancy box-glasses on his face? I pulled them off and tasty blood flew everywhere! Pity it wasn't much, but he's unconscious now and will make a wonderful main course for our master after he's had the unborn! Hee hee hee!"

Son of a motherless goat! He never fully liked his 'uncle' Thomas, but breaking his only means of sight was a hell of a NO for anyone , let alone whatever relatives or bastard minions had popped up from the back of nowhere.

"Where are his kids? His wife?"

"Ahee hee hee! My friends are after the delicious children, and you're lucky we can't find the unborn yet!"

Jaxx popped the bastard's head off with the short heel of his boot before crushing it with a stomp. Fucking piece of shit.

"Arghh… Fuck… C-can't… See…"

So that's what the noise from earlier was.

Grabbing paper towels from the kitchenette, he strode toward the new voice, grabbed his uncle's hand from the floor to pull him up, before wiping as much blood as he could from his face.

"Ah, ow ow… Sh-shit… Who's there?"

"Thomas, do you have your gun on you?"

His 'uncle' nervously reached into his belt, pulled out his pistol and cocked it. The top of it glowed blue and extended the length, illuminating the cuts on the sides of his head and his black, empty, blind eyes - sclera and all.

"Jaxx? Is that you? What are you doing here? Where's-"

"Shh, Thomas, you have to stay quiet. I need your help. The Christmastime Killer will be on his way, but he sent company first. Ell and Ed are outside keeping the rest of them off, but-"

"Amy and the kids," He understood, "You seem to have a better chance of fighting those fucks after them than me, but I'll do what I can."

Jaxx placed Thomas's free hand on one of his shoulders before holding his uzi again.

"Don't let go of me, and don't make a sound."

Thomas nodded.

The flight of stairs to the kids rooms was only a short one, but it felt like hours as Jaxx and Thomas made their way up.

Seriously, how long would it take them to get up ten steps? He wanted to joke about it, but Jaxx reminded himself this wasn't the right time. He wasn't Oli, for godsakes. Besides, it would just attract more of those bastards to them.

Every noise kept him on high alert as he reached the first bedroom: the clicking of a wind-up something, the faint tinkle of a chiming instrument… And the smallest whimper of a child.

"It's Anna," he could hear Thomas from under his breath, "She must be in her wardrobe. Can you hear her?"

"Yeah. The walls are bloody thin."

"I know. Glad we didn't renovate this year."

The duo swiftly stood next to her bedroom door, backs against the wall.

"What's her door password?"

"Once I say it, who the hell knows what could be in there."

Jaxx nodded, momentarily forgetting his first cousin once-removed was blind.

"I know. Let's do it."

"Bubblegum!"

The door slid upwards and the duo burst in, guns out at ready to fire at…

"Why the fuck is there a box on the floor playing music?"

"I can't see it, but I don't trust it."

"Don't trust it either." Jaxx shook his head, "The window's open, I'll try to throw it out. Keep your back against the door and be ready to shoot straight ahead."

"Good idea. Castle, close."

The door slid shut behind them as Thomas aimed and Jaxx softly stepped forward.

It's not gonna be harmless, he reminded himself, aiming his gun at the seemingly innocuous box, it's not-

BOINGYOIYOIYOING!

"Motherfucker-!"

"Ahahaha! Pop goes the weasel, Anna-"

Clackclackclackclack!

"Ow! You're not Annabel! And that was my nose!"

"You," Jaxx managed as he rolled out the way of a comically large and springy clawed hand, "Don't even have one!"

"Whaaat? Don't you want to play with your old pal, Jack-in-the-Box? Ahahaha!"

"Never met you till tonight!"

Clackclackclackclack!

Jaxx's coattail swished behind him as he dodged the arms of the oversized terrifying toy, sliding behind it.

Clackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclackclack!

"Ow! My back, that's no fair! You don't play nice!"

"You aren't nice in general. So go fuck yourself, you bulbous pinhead!"

He glanced over his shoulder and spotted the open window, narrowly ducking and dodging a grab from one of the swinging spring arms.

"Thomas, NOW!"

PEWW!

The Jack-in-the-Box knocked back in a perfect arc over Jaxx, some of the blue laser dissolving the creature's horrifying face as it did so. The hands tried to hold on and yoink the cursed toy back up, but…

Ka-Chick! PEWW!

Jaxx didn't get up to look out until…

CRASH!

Ah, there it was.

"Did I get him?"

He glanced outside before shutting the windows.

"Hell yeah you did. In the face, even."

"Papa!"

"You can come out now Annabel, I'm here and the monster's gone now."

A young girl with her father's dirty blonde hair and her mother's bright blue-green eyes nervously peeked from her sliding door wardrobe, before spotting Thomas and leaping into his arms.

"Papa!"

"I'm glad you're safe now, my little princess," Thomas sighed in relief, kissing her forehead, "But Jaxx and I aren't done yet."

"You gotta help mama, Will and Charlie, right?"

"Yes, but you have to stay here. Keep the light on, curtains closed-"

Click-click, click-click, click- THWUMP, BOOM.

"That was from the roof. He's getting close, the son of a-" Jaxx stopped himself, his face flushing as he realised the kid had heard his swearing earlier, "We need to move! Anna, keep the door and windows shut, let nobody else in unless it's your family!"

Getting into the Richwells twins' room was easy.

Finding them… Was not.

The lights were stuck at off, leaving the whole room in total darkness save for the gentle moonlight streaking through the open window. (Dammit, why were they always open?) Their cooking and workbench playsets had been dramatically overturned by whatever was in here, and the kids' toys were scattered all over the floor like landmines.

"Be careful where you step," Jaxx whispered, "It's like a war zone in here. For all we know, one of those toys on the floor could actually kill us."

Glancing behind, he saw Thomas nod and whisper something. The bedroom door then shut and locked itself with a click.

A cold air breezed through the room, gently knocking the curtains and sending chills down Jaxx's spine. He kept a glaring eye on the toys he could spot on the floor, silently daring any one of them to attack.

"Charlie? Will?" he whispered, "Where are you?"

Stupid move, he chided himself. If the creature or creatures they were facing in here went by horror movie logic, they'd pounce by now.

A full minute passed.

Two minutes.

Three.

He could hear his own heartbeat. His trigger finger tightened. He swallowed back every scream threatening to rise.

There HAD to be something here, something which forced even gutsy Charlie and Will to hide-

Whirrrr…

He froze in place. Didn't dare move a muscle.

Ding, ding, ding-ding, ding, ding-ding ding-ding ding…

Wait a FUCKING minute.

Time slowed down. The Toledor March hit a note. Jaxx whirled around, grabbing Thomas's gun from his hand before pushing him down..

PEWW! Ka-Chick! PEWW! Ka-Chick! PEWW! Ka-Chick! PEWW!

The robot's head fell off, the arms limped, and the metal body collapsed to the floor with an unceremonious clatter.

Time sped up back to normal when Jaxx heard himself panting, staring at the broken mechanical show-bear before him.

God, he absolutely loathed that-

"Papa! You killed it!"

He helped a stunned Thomas off the floor, just as two tiny seven year olds rushed to their dad from their hiding spots, crushing him in a happy hug.

The lights flickered back on, and the twins stared at Jaxx with their father's black 'eyes'. (Though hadn't he been used to them being genetic, he would've thought they were possessed). Charlie held her mother's fake-candlelit hanukkiah while Will had a tiny fake pine tree also from his mum. But Jaxx wasn't sure if he should've been disgusted, impressed or horrified by the demonic-looking dark pixies impaled and bloody on said holiday items. Maybe all three.

"Oh," Will said flatly, " You did. Why did you take papa's gun?"

"Because he's blind without his digital eyes, duh!" Charlie huffed, "He didn't know that the creepy bear robot was behind him!"

"There was a what behind me?!"

Jaxx calmly handed Thomas's gun back before picking up his own.

"Where's your mum?"

"Oh! She must be in our super-secret downstairs hideout!" Will grinned, "We told her to go there when the baddies came in and we fought most of them off! Your gun's pretty cool Jaxx, what is it?"

"A semi-automatic coal uzi. Look, your dad and I can't stay for long-"

"Coal? That's so cool! I heard in science class that it was used to make fires in the past centuries!" Will rummaged in his pyjama pockets and pulled two tiny boxes out, "Do you want to use my zippo lighter to light the coal and blow up the other monsters? Here, you can also have these matches I traded through school!"

"William Elliot Richwells, how many times have I told you!" Thomas scolded, "No fires for your cooking playset! It's not safe to play with the gas either!"

"But papaaaaa, I don't have gas, and Charlie gets to use real hammers and nails for her-"

"Leave it," Jaxx cut them off, accepting and pocketing Will's lighter and matches, "Thanks Will. You two join your sister in her room. Maybe you could make it a fort and kill more monsters from there."

The twins eagerly nodded, calling their door open and unlocked before dashing out, still with their Christmas and Hanukkah makeshift weapons in hand. It wasn't long till Jaxx heard pained, high-pitched screams that definitely weren't human and the scolding of their older sister straight after.

As much as he usually stayed the hell away from their dad, Jaxx always did have a soft spot for the Richwells twins. Even if they were occasionally little murdermuffins.

"So," he sighed, letting his heart slow down, "where's the hideout that Will mentioned?"

"The wine cellar," Thomas stepped towards the door, feeling his way around till his hand lay on the door frame, "Some parts of the apple don't fall too far from the tree."

"I really wish you hadn't said that."

Either the little bastards were scared or waiting for the right moment to strike, because Jaxx couldn't spot any of them back downstairs. Even Thomas, whose hearing had slowly become more sensitive, picked up nothing but their own soft footsteps.

"I wonder how Amy's holding up," Jaxx whispered, "Weird how we've barely heard anything from the little shits about her."

"Small wonder why I married her," he could hear the grin in Thomas's voice, "She's wonderfully clever. One of the many things the kids get from her."

They didn't say much after.

Jaxx pondered how Ell and Ed were holding up their end of the situation - had they knocked off the goat from the roof? Moved him away from the house? Killed him, even?

No, not to the latter. Besides, it wasn't good to get all his hopes up and all the eggs in one basket.

The two men creeped into the living room, the fireplace's faint yet crackling warmth thawing their chills. Its glow gently illuminated a basket of presents near the leather couches, giving a soft touch to the exquisite rug on the floor. Jaxx wasn't too sure about the area, though.

"Was the fireplace burning when they came?" He frowned.

"Starting to," came the reply, "Can't tell if it's dying out now… Hey, what's that weird smell?"

Jaxx sniffed the air - yeah, something weird was there. He turned to the fireplace-

Oh.

Ew.

Eeyuck.

"I don't think you want to know," Jaxx grimaced, barely able to take his eyes off the ashy, partially destroyed monster teddy in the fireplace, "But I'll guess the twins were certainly busy down here. Wait, one moment Thomas."

He strode over to the fireplace and tossed in a good chunk of Will's matches and a fresh log - gagging at the smell of the monster teddy, but damn if it wasn't satisfying to relight and see it burn with fresh fire. He lit the few remainders and tossed in the box for good measure.

"You lit the fireplace again, didn't you. It's gotten warmer."

"Yeah. Didn't really need the matches."

Tap.

"D'ah!"

"Jeez, Thomas!"

"Right, Okay, okay. I think-"

Tap tap tap.

Muffled, but certainly under the rug.

"Amy?"

Bump-bump-bump-bump-bump!

Glancing at Thomas for a split second, the two of them hastily made their way to one end of the rug and lifted it up. Looking underneath it, the trapdoor was clearly in sight of the floor, partially covered in kids' stickers.

Amy Richwells-Shafir scrambled out of the cellar: hot, sweaty and heavily pregnant.

"Thomas…"

"Honey, are you alright?"

"I… Urgh!"

"Amy?!"

"My water broke… Agh, early!"

Maniacal giggles from hell erupted through the darkness.

"Son of a bitch," Jaxx growled, scooting over to help Amy to her feet and then her husband, "Annabel's room is the only safe one, and the twins are there too. You two get there and keep it locked. I'll- I'll stay back and provide cover. Call Ell and Ed from the window, they can get you all out of here!"

"Jaxx-!"

"Argh!"

"Aheeee heeee heeee heee!"

"GO!"

"Jaxx," he could barely make out Ell's voice in the phone call over the sound of his gunfire, "This better be worth it, we just knocked the fucking goat back a good distance off from the Richwells house before we picked them up."

"I'm a hundred and ten percent sure it is! I can handle these bastards easy!" He fired at another plague-masked elf, "What's the status with the Richwells' and the hospital?"

"Almost there, Amy's not doing so swell-"

"Eeeeeek! He's coming! He's coming! He won't be happy!"

Around him, the horrid creatures scattered away from the living room, terror in their tiny, scratchy voices.

What the hell were they scared of?

"Hey, you still with me Jaxx?"

"Yeah, all the little fuckers I've been shooting at just scrammed. Any idea why?"

"... How much ammo do you have."

He fired a few rounds into the fireplace, letting its flame burn and rise brighter-

Click-click.

"Empty from its not-so-infinite cartridge. Why do you-"

Clatter!

FWOOOMPH!

"YYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

The goat-bastard's scream of pain almost made Jaxx's ears bleed.

Run. Like. Hell.

He swore his own heart leapt out of his chest as he skidded and scrambled to Annabel's room - his life fucking depended on it!

God, that scream… On one hand, he was excited and glad to find out the asshole felt pain and wasn't entirely invincible. Christmastime Killer with dark powers or not, it was clear that this fucker could die .

On the other… Fuck. He'd never get that noise out of his nightmares for a long time, if not forever.

"Bubblegum!"

He leapt into Anna's room, body-slamming himself onto the pink carpet, half-way to the unlocked and reopened window.

Oh yeah, the Richwells were long gone.

STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP.

"Castle, close!"

The door slammed shut as he heaved himself off the floor and scrambled to the window. He glanced at his phone and hoped this wouldn't be his final message.

Me: HURRY.
 The Twin²: WE'RE TRYING

BLAM! BLAM!

He started to climb out.

SCKRRRRRRR!

He gulped his heart down.

CRRRRRACK!

He jumped.

BANG!

"D'augh, fuck! My back!"

"Lucky catch, Ell!"

"Ed, that wasn't lucky, it was perfect . Straight into the back of the sleigh!"

Jaxx scrambled to his knees, his face blasted with the cold winds again while crawling to the sleigh's empty seat space, grabbing refill ammo and ignoring a stick-like object on the way.

"I," he sighed as he plopped next to Ell, "Was too fucking close. Wait, where are the Richwells?"

"The Richwells," Ell grinned, "Are alive and well at the hospital. Amy's a little premature, but there's one Thomas Jackson the Fifth who is safe and sound thanks to you."

"Huh! And they second-name their kid after me," he sharply inhaled and replaced the uzi cartridge, "Who's next?"

"The Hartgraces," Ell turned to serious mode again, "We got lucky this time, but who knows what's in store for us over there."

Jaxx wasn't keen to find out.