He had no idea how they were all still alive coming up against the Christmastime Killer. Well, sure, not just him, Ell and Jaxx keeping up the chase on the sleigh; but also the Richwells, Hartgraces and if all went well…
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
"Ell!"
"Fuck!"
WHIP-CRACK!
The sleigh swerved out of the way of the hovercars, through three red lights and weaved through two opposing lanes of the highway/skyway until Ell steered it into clear skies again.
Ed noticed Ell's gritty determined look as she flicked the reins, shaking off another lot of dark elves to their death. It also slowed down the goat-man's rooftop hopping, raining down to slap his head and trip him up.
"How far off from the Lawsons, Ed?"
"Just a sec Ell!"
Schreeeak-BOOM!
"Crumbled Christmas cookieeeeeeees!"
"Another fae bites the dust," he mumbled while opening up his phone's map, "The Lawsons are ten kilometres away!"
Clackclackclackclackclack!
"For fucksakes," Jaxx grumbled, "Why did the Lawsons have to live so far off from London? Couldn't they have built a property in the abandoned parts of the area and put their damn mansion there?"
"Maybe cause they don't have the right to, Oxford?" Ed wondered aloud, remembering from something he read, "Isn't it under government possession?"
"Oh yeah, that's what they all fuckin' say. We were in 'government property' earlier tonight when you found Zanta, right Ed?"
"But that was our ancestral home, Jaxx!"
"So it's not government property then?"
"… No! It can't be, there has to be an old will or something!"
"Well if the house is in that will, let alone the will existing any more, is the rest of the neighbourhood still government property?"
"Has to be…"
"Then- wait, why the fuck is it abandoned?"
"Well, I don't know-"
"Maybe they don't give a shit. They just own those places to fill with empty promises and let them rot like the greedy wasteful motherfuckers they are."
Ed was this close to aiming the cannon at his brother's head. Sidetracking son of a bitch.
"Oxford, I swear to god, I'm gonna mur-"
"Could you two shut your lawyering bullshit up for at least five minutes?!" Ell snapped, "This isn't a delicate moment like it as at Phoenix Industries with their drug ring conspiracy, so keep that shit to yourself! We've got a different asshole at hand here!"
Both brothers shared a stunned glance. But where Jaxx looked away to shoot those corrupt Christmas Angels, Ed kept glaring with narrowed eyes.
With nights like these, Jaxx was lucky he wasn't dead.
"In three kilometres, your destination will be on the right."
"So who's going down to the Lawsons?"
"I'll do it, Ell. Haven't had a chance to do a solo round against the bastard goat yet."
Maybe he'd also get a goddamn break from his brother too.
"Your destination is on the left."
Thanks, Google.
The sleigh drooped smoothly downwards as Ell could lead the deer, stopping outside the Lawson mansion doors.
"Okay," Ell exhaled, "Looks like we've left the goat in the dust for now. But judging from the open windows, the Lawsons will still need help. Good luck! And stay safe."
"No promises," Ed smiled at his twin as he hopped out the sleigh (thankfully Jaxx's back was turned so thank god he wouldn't have to look at him), "But I will."
He nudged through the open doors and got down to business.
Fortunately, the Lawsons were busy before him.
Thor and his wife Teresa were fighting monsterised giant plushies in the living room: him being armed with short-ranged silverware that raked and gutted them, and her swishing, slashing and thrusting into the bastards with a rapier. They were well in-sync with each other, always having their backs. Ed wasn't usually the romantic type, but he guessed this made for some hella bonding time.
Based on how they were faring, maybe it would be better to leave them be. Still, he gave them a friendly wave as he kept going ahead, and he couldn't shake off his bemused grin when the couple returned the gesture after gutting and decapitating a monsterous yellow rabbit plush with blue overalls.
Meanwhile, the dining room looked more like a traditional warzone, with the overturned table as a barricade and strategically placed chairs creating a roof and walls closing up the sides. From it, an ungodly amount of plastic BB bullets were being shot per second at the zombie partridges flying out a potted pear tree and destroying their pear-grenades. Yeah, his cousin Marie was back at her usually-curbed trigger-happy habits. Not only that, but based on the equally ungodly amount of nerf darts being shot out, sixteen-year-old Felix was at it too.
But Ed learned a trick about these damn birds and their weird weaponry back at the Hartgraces.
Step One: Catch a flying pear grenade.
Step Two: Pluck off the stem.
Step Three: Yeet it back at the birds-
BOOM!
Ah, right there. Good thing it was a small flock.
"Finally!" Marie grunted as she crawled out from the barricade, her dark brown horn-shaped double-quiff messing up and bouncing back to normal as she grabbed the mini-pear tree and yeeted it out of an open window before shutting it. "Oh, hei Ed!"
"Hey Marie. You and Felix know where Toby is?"
"Err, I'm not sure."
"He's taking care of a few rooms at once upstairs, so maybe check there!" Felix yelled as he pushed out one of the chairs from the bunker and started to retrieve his nerf bullets.
"Gotcha. Say, both of you bleached half your hair?"
"Gonna dye the lower half red in time for my twentieth birthday next month," Marie shrugged while pulling out an airsoft BB-pistol and shooting a stray zombie pigeon without looking, "Felix is gonna keep his tips frosted. Oh and by the way, thanks for the heads-up from Andrea!"
"No problem. Keep it up, you two are a good team."
"Thank you!"
Dashing out the room and up the nearest set of stairs, he turned to the right-
"What the shit!" Ed mumbled, "Jaxx wasn't kidding about what happened in Will and Charlie's room."
Banging the door of Toby's bedroom down the far end of the hallway was a human-sized piss-coloured rabbit animatronic. Worse still, that thing looked almost as old as Krampus. Jeez, how the hell did the goat even come up with these ideas?
No matter. He aimed his candy-cannon upwards at the robo-beast.
"Toby! You better open up your doors, I'm about to blast that thing to hell and back, hopefully while not breaking your house!"
The rabbit turned its head a full one-eighty degrees to look at Ed, its jaw dropping at the sight of him before the body realigned itself to charge.
"Yeah, you little Easter bunny bouncing bitch! Come at me!"
Stomp-stomp-stomp-stomp-
Schreaaak-BOOM!
The robo-rabbit was knocked all the way back to the middle of Toby's now-open bedroom, landing on its ass and skidding on the carpet to a stop. As Ed ran in too, he saw the animatronic's electric eyes rolling around in their sockets as if it was dizzy. But like he was having any of that.
Open balcony door?
Bingo Ringo.
"If you believe in a god of any kind," he aimed the cannon again, "you better start saying your prayers you mechanical roadkill."
The eyes realigned to normal, first looking to Ed before going down to the barrel of the cannon. It didn't look away as it stood back up-
Schreaaak-BOOM!
The animatronic was knocked back one last time, falling over the stone balcony fence and far down to the ground below like a ragdoll.
Clunk-clatter!
Good riddance.
"Ed? We got your warning from the Hartgraces just before everything went Texas, I'm so glad you and your siblings came! I wasn't so sure if my shovel would be able to take on that robot bunny, but I'm glad you had something to take care of it."
Back inside and armed with nothing but said shovel was seventeen-year-old Toby Theodore Lawson. Well, his name wasn't actually Toby, but everyone took to it since it was a million times better than Thor Jr.
"Good to see you too Tobes," Ed grinned as he shared a high-five, "Your family is seriously the most prepared compared to the Richwells and Hartgraces."
"Really?" Toby sounded surprised as he shut the balcony and bedroom doors, "Well, that's good to hear. Say, is your family alright? No attacks or anything?"
"What? No, no," Ed waved it off as they both sat down on Toby's bed, "They're all too old for Krampus to get any power from eating them. He told Ell himself."
"Good lord, that makes sense. Glad they're safe. I was just wondering how Laurie's holding up."
"Laurie? She's fine. Ell and I helped her with her homebrew hacking app through the time we've been here, she's been-"
"Ed. That's not what I meant. Remember when she almost got expelled last term?"
"Ohhh yeah! The radio prank where some nasty threats were made."
"Red Radio," Toby nodded, "And it wasn't just invasion and death threats. Someone impersonated the principal endorsing them, some old anthem was playing and fake ads for a 'Red Army' campaign came up. Obviously none of this was Laurie's fault. She's a hell of a hacker and techie, but it's not like her to do such a thing."
"I know, I know. I guess I should thank you for saving her ass, right?"
"Don't worry about it, it's nothing. I gave her a pretty compelling alibi which was true, but… I still feel awful thinking about it, Ed. Red Radio wasn't her fault."
"I know Toby, we all do."
"But one piece of evidence, no matter how good it is, isn't enough to hold her innocence at school. It's like goddamn Among Us all over again. The real culprit or culprits made sure there's still plenty of shit, which still makes her prime suspect."
Ed nodded, but couldn't respond immediately, not when all of this came onto him. It felt like a tonne of bricks had whacked his heart. Not like it wasn't badly bruised by Jaxx already, but thank god his cousin understood he needed a moment.
He glanced around the room a few times over, sometimes stopping to stare at certain parts of Toby's room. Despite having all the space he could've wanted, his cousin was a minimalist, his furniture taking up only half of the space up to the middle, where the balcony sliding door was. There was a closet which carried only his coats and special-occasion outfits. Two sets of drawers which held all his neatly-folded clothing. A desk with a lamp, a mini Christmas tree, sketchbooks and art supplies was sitting on the opposite wall to his bunk bed, which always had mismatched pillowcases and duvets. One of the intercoms which were scattered through the whole house was right next to the door, completing the look.
Ed remembered his last years in high school. When Toby was about eleven or twelve, he always let Ed and Ell take the bunks while he slept on the empty spot of floor opposite to the setup he had for himself. When they protested, he wouldn't take no for an answer. Hell, before moving out for uni, Ed would sometimes pick up Cora or Laurie from here because they'd been playing video games or studying together after school or delivery shifts. Hell, even Jaxx had nothing bad to say about Toby, compared to the one or two snarks he had on Marie, Felix and plenty more of their twin siblings. Sure they had their fights and disagreements about (mostly) stupid stuff, but… The Lawsons raised good kids.
But the youngest Lawsons…
"You alright to keep talking about it?"
"Yeah." Ed exhaled, "So what the hell can be done? How are you gonna prove her innocence?"
"… I'm not a hacker, Ed. I got really lucky when I managed to give Laur a solid alibi. But if there's something Cora and I share, it's a hunch."
"Wait, Cora? When did Cor get involved?"
"I had a chance to talk to her when she was with her friend… Erm, Emily was it? Right, Emily. I was in a call with them earlier before this shitshow started. There was a lot of deduction, elimination and in the end we all agreed on a very different prime suspect. Two, actually."
"Who?"
"I'd hate to say it, but…"
Bzzt.
"Hey kids?" Thor's voice crackled over the intercom, "Have you seen or heard Donny and Blitz around? Any sign of them?"
The cousins shared a glance.
What the hell?
"They aren't in their bedroom, haven't responded to even phone calls," Teresa continued, "Nothing. I don't want to fear the worst, but…"
Yikes.
"Tell them I'll go find them," Ed stood, tucking the candy-cannon under his arm, "And if they do turn out to be safe but… Well…"
"I know." Toby stretched before using the shovel to push himself off the bed, "But don't be too harsh on them, that'll be dad's job. By the way, one more thing?"
"Yeah?"
Toby grabbed a decoration off his mini-tree and handed it to Ed. It looked like a cat's breakfast that came out the wrong end and got dunked in gold glitter.
"If you can, blow this thing up for me. I hate it, but mum and dad won't let me throw it out."
"Gladly."
Despite what Thor and Teresa said over the intercom, Ed headed downstairs to Donny and Blitz's bedroom. After all, wouldn't hurt to double-check…
"Yeah," he muttered as he set foot in the room, scrunching up his nose, "For being named after reindeer, they certainly know how to make their room look and smell like it. Honestly, wasn't it like this last time?"
Donner and Blitzen's bedroom was the same size as Toby's, but it felt way smaller just by the sheer mess they left behind. Half-open closets, clothes on the floor and over their bunk beds, wastepaper bins overflowing (and not just with paper!), the only thing which was neat were all the posters and trinkets attached to the walls.
Even so, the posters in question were questionable: a suspicious video game he'd never heard of, a low-tier garbage anime where Ed couldn't get past the first episode, and comic covers for some cheesy yet unsettling series he recognised from a Wikipedia rabbit hole. Something about an ex-mercenary saved from the death penalty when he was recruited into a shady private military.
With all that chaos in the room compared to their lawful brother Toby, Ed could only wonder how the hell these two came into existence, let alone be Lawsons.
Still, he signed up to look for them, so he would.
An uneasy calm had settled into the room as he looped around the minefield of mess, the candy-cannon raised and ready to fire at anything that moved. For all he could tell, neither Krampus nor his minions had caused this chaos in here to search for the teenage twins. If anything, the clackclackclackclack shooting from the open window was a clear sign Ell and Jaxx were busy with them outside.
Ugh. Jaxx…
'This isn't a world where Christmas miracles can come out of fucking goddamn nowhere.'
Shut up, he told the memory. He had other things to focus on.
Ping!
What?
Ed turned to where he heard the noise and carefully treaded to where it came from: Donny's desk, specifically his hologram computers-what the hell, where did the kid get all of this? Not even he was that rich or smart enough to get his hands on so many, let alone the one Ed was looking at getting for Laurie! Whatever, right now Donny's holos were lit up with a notification on the lockscreen.
Sis: Where the hell are you two nerds? Mum's freaking out.
Ed shook his head. He didn't blame Marie for being so concerned-
Wait a second.
To do, 3rd Oct: (delet l8r)
-secure voice emulator calibration
-test ra. ads thru speaker speaker system on -Db.
-confirm scapegoat.
… What the hell?
Hold on, third of October. Wasn't this just a few days before…
Hmm.
This was weird already but it wasn't enough to convince Ed fully. Maybe if Blitz had something on his computer…
Hopping over a pile of clothes to reach the other reindeer's desk of hologram computers (little rich showoff!), Blitz's setup woke up. There wasn't anything on his lockscreens, but it didn't make that kid more or less smarter than his twin who left behind a weird old to-do list. Ed figured he could still get in.
Sure, he wasn't his little tech whiz sister Laurie homebrewing a whole hacking program, but he and Ell did help her out with it a lot over the break. And he was one of her teachers in her earlier days, so he had a chance. Maybe… Maybe it'd be a matter of guessing the password.
DB69420?
Incorrect password, two attempts remaining.
Donnyi5adumm455?
Incorrect password, one attempt remaining.
Hm. What would be a good password which Blitzen Lawson would use?
Looking around the room, Ed's eyes were drawn to the posters again. Actually, come to think of it, there were a lot more covers of the comic on the walls than there were posters for everything else, particularly on Blitz's side…
Maybe the main character with the year the comic series began?
ctn
Welcome, Blitz…
Bingo Ringo. The percent sign and no vowels were a lucky guess. Now about what Blitz had to say from his computer-
"For the love of everything good and holy, what the hell?!"
Blitz's browser tabs were open on accounts and forum threads on, of all places, 4Chan and Reddit. It was fine in and of itself, but the threads, with interaction from their own accounts… God, Ed still hoped they'd be at least decent kids when he'd find them, but this shit was…
'Shit always fucks up at Christmastime.'
Ed frowned and shook his head. It was just a memory of Jaxx on the walk, he could ignore it…
'Nobody is immune to the Christmas bullshit.'
Come on, Ed told himself, there had to be good in Christmas, try to think about something else!
'I hate it! I just fucking hate it all! I hate Christmas! There's no substance to it anymore Ed! There's no magic, no joy-"
Shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP!
Ping!
Ed forced himself to check where the notification came from again, unclenching his teeth and allowing the ringing in his ears to recede, holding back any tears which threatened to rise…
As he read the new message, his eyes widened.
KittyNan69: You and your twin better be reading this. The stunt you tried to pull off at your school isn't okay, let alone funny. You still have a chance to be better since it's Christmas, but… You may as well be on our blacklist. It is a kindness that you are not… For now.
Who the hell… ?
KittyNan69: You know who we are. We do not forgive, we do not forget. You are not part of Legion. Not anymore. Not since what you have done and during the aftermath.
Holy shit.
Ed tried to hold back the millions of shivers screaming through his body. He'd only heard historical rumours of some strange group which rose up after the international dismantling of Anonymous halfway last century, keeping up this legend of legion but...
Good god .
Come to think of it, he remembered learning 4Chan was shut down into a heavily monitored archive in school years ago. Same with a good portion of dark Reddit. But how… How?! How were they up, running and active on the computers of these two without their parents noticing?!
KittyNan69: If you want to get back in our good graces, apologise to your victims publically and recind your excess tech to others who need it more than you. And tell your parents especially. Or you will face consequences for your actions.
KittyNan69: And maybe change the password to your secret base from R_1620_a to something else more secure. You and your brother are clever children, but you sure as hell aren't wise. We're already in your systems. Expect us.
… That would explain the antique-looking keyboard in the middle of the centre wall. Couldn't have been too antique if it was an 'Internet of things' kinda deal. Or maybe it was complexly wired.
By instinct, Ed pulled out his phone and turned on its camera to record before placing it in a coat pocket where the lens could still see. He didn't know, he just had the gut instinct to.
His heart was pounding as he then typed in the password on the keyboard. Surely Donny and Blitz couldn't be that bad. Sure they were in a few rabbit holes and had weird taste but they were still decent kids, right?
'We do not forgive, we do not forget. You are not part of legion.'
Ed shuddered.
'Stupid kids,' he could hear Jaxx snarking in his mind, 'They must've fucked up real bad to get threatened by the goddamn successor to Anonymous.'
He flinched.
Click, hiss…
It was Christmas, he reassured himself as the secret door creaked open and he began his descent. He had to hope for the good in everything. It could still be alright, it was still possible!
… Right?
"Hey Blitz, pass some chips would ya? I'm about to nerf this noob!"
"Nah loser, you get your own, there should be some left in the stash. I'm about to send the PUP again to our 'get out of jail free' card."
"Aw, shit! Missed. Fine, I'll get my own damn chips. And dude, you can say its name. Nobody's here but us."
"You can't be too sure, Donny Dingus."
"What, asshead? After how many damn VPNs and multiple IP addresses we have? Shit dude, we got the best secret gaming and holo tech that nobody else knows about down here. Not even Legend of Legion."
Ed shivered as he slowed his pace to a creep halfway down the stairs. Legion's words in his head were loud as the fifteen-year-olds down below.
'We're already in your systems.'
"Oh yeah, no way Legion could ever break in here. We're that good. But for some reason this PUP won't damn well pull through to the other side! It works fine in practice but not actually to our scapegoat!"
"What do you mean it doesn't pull through?!"
He was at the doorway now, sweat starting to drip down his neck as he gritted his teeth.
"It didn't pull through, Don! God, what are you, an idiot? It always crashes and stops at the end of the load before it sends! I've looked through all our 4Chan and Reddit guides and I don't know what that bitch did on its end-"
"Nothing, Blitz. It's a dumb helpless bitch."
"But it must've done something! Either turned off its internet or its parents beefed up security or whatnot, because none of our shit fully makes it through!"
Goosebumps pricked Ed's neck as he tried not to gag at the sheer amount of garbage in the room. Literally and figuratively.
It? It?! Who the hell in their right mind would call someone it?!
"Dude, you've probably overstuffed it. Why can't you clear it up like a normal person? Y'know, clear out the gun before you load and fire the bullets."
"Don, I damn well reformatted everything in our PUP three times already!"
"Do it again, Blitz! God, sometimes you're just as dumb as Laurie . Still don't fucking know where it got that alibi and fucked over our plans…"
Icy firecrackers shot through Ed's neck, behind his ears and exploded in the back of his skull.
His blood burned cold.
Toby was right to suspect his brothers.
"If you're going to shit-talk my sister and keep scheming to ruin her life like the plague-ridden rats you are, you better stop calling her 'it' this instant."
The fear on the twins' faces as they slowly turned to face Ed and his darkest death glare was honestly cathartic .
He'd been right to hit record on his phone camera.
" You're the ones who did Red Radio."
"Ed, dude! It was just a fucking prank!" Blitz squeaked. Coward.
"Nobody got hurt! It was just a joke for some fun!" Donny gulped. Jerk.
"A school-wide shutdown after death threats and impersonating the principal? Trying to cover your tracks? Using Laurie as a scapegoat for all your horse shit? All while sitting down here and doing nothing to help your family fight off a literal monster ? You think it's a joke?"
Simultaneously:
"… Yeah?"
Ed aimed the candy-cannon.
"I'm going to give you the count of three to stop sending that shit to my sister and own up to your crimes. First to the principal himself through email, then your parents. By the way, Legion told me to tell you. They say hello."
"Ed!"
"You can't be fucking serious!"
"One."
"Alright! Alright, I'm cancelling the PUP…"
"Blitz, the fuck you doing?! He's bluffing, that's just a fucking prop in his hands!"
He gently squeezed its trigger, the soft whiiirrrrrrr of the cannon charging up gradually growing louder.
"Two."
Nobody was allowed to put his siblings through hell. Not even-
Shiiinnnnk, shiiinnnk, shiiinnnk… Click, click, click, click, click…
"Well well well! Naughty children are a much more gorgeous smell to follow than a plain good child, but leaving the doors wide open for the scent to waft through? HA! Edward, I have to thank you for leading me to such a meal!"
He whirled a full one-eighty behind him and shoved the cannon barrel into the goat's chest.
"Three."
Schreaaak-BOOM!
THWACK! KICK! CRACK!
After the first blast, Ed shoved the goat back further up the secret basement's stairs, anger boiling in his veins and imaginary steam burning out his ears. But Krampus would not buckle.
"Agh! Ow! Listen- augh!"
He didn't have to listen to shit.
"I get it, I get it!" Krampus tried again, "Those two are brats through and through! -AGGH!"
Krampus keeled from Ed butting the cannon barrel into his gut, but he didn't fall.
"Don't you think they need," the goat rasped as he heaved for breath, "a little punishment?"
Ed's eyes narrowed as he kept the cannon aimed at Krampus.
"Yes, Edward. They've been very naughty boys indeed. Some of the worst you could say!"
The both of them were now out of the stairway, on opposing ends of the messy bedroom.
"I can tell how horrible those two have been," Krampus continued, "And believe me, whatever punishment their parents may have in mind for them, it will be nothing compared to what I have in store."
Don't listen to him, Ed told himself, gritting his teeth as the two began to slowly circle around the room. Don't listen to the damn goat.
"And why not let me have at it? Besides, if your brother has been such a pain, why not let me punish him too?"
Every thought of Jaxx bombarded Ed's mind. From the walk to his internal arguments and all the shit he spewed and his stupid idea to go into the building- Why why why why why?!
Everything inside him dropped from light to dark. Cool to warm. And every thought of Jaxx in his stupid blue coat and stupid blue shirt and stupid blue bullshit just made it all feel…
Red.
His breathing became shallow.
"Oh, Edward," The goat crooned, slowly creeping closer, "Just leave the twins and your brother to me. My punishments for all three of them can redeem Christmas!"
His hands clenched tighter on the cannon.
"Besides, Christmas is a holiday of good after all! Nothing bad should ever happen on it!"
Click.
SCHREEEAK-BOOM!
The cannon blast knocked Ed back to his senses and Krampus against the wall. He hadn't noticed the grip on his trigger finger getting so tight…
God, he'd almost considered… No. God, no, no! He could never do that!
Besides, it was Christmas ! It was one holiday out of a few which he and his relatives celebrated, with good being repaid unto good. But… But it didn't mean bad didn't exist during that time. How else could he appreciate the bright side of life? Everyone had the chance to change for the better.
Part of even having that chance was because they had family who noticed and offered opportunities to change. Asshole siblings, relatives or whatnot, even if they didn't deserve the chance, it was still theirs to take it. For all he knew, Donny and Blitz could change. Jaxx could change.
A demonic goat-man who specifically ate people however…
Dark, warm and red feelings were still stewing and brewing inside.
Holding the candy cannon under one arm, he marched through the mess to where the seemingly unconscious goat was, grabbed one of his horns with a free hand and with it, threw the bastard across the room.
CRACK-SNAP!
The rest of Krampus slammed against the other wall.
"YIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGHHH!"
Ed clenched his teeth again, covering his ears with hunching shoulders, trying not to keel from the pain. Yet, he managed to look up: the goat was in front of the open bedroom window.
He shoved the broken horn in one pocket, dug out Toby's shitty decoration from another and loaded it into the candy-cannon barrel.
Perhaps it could be of better use.
Schreeeak-Ka-BOOM!
CRASH!
A shower of gold glitter, red laser light and glass flew halfway through the whole room, but now Krampus was out.
Ed maintained his aim at the now-broken window, glaring hard as the goat stood up outside.
Don't come back. Unless you wanna have a bad time.
Like the coward he was, Krampus limped away with shaking goat legs and a wonky balance.
Good bloody riddance.
The darkness fell away as Ed slowed his breathing. The red brightened into another colour. But the warmth remained. He tried not to dwell on it, but it wouldn't leave him alone.
"Mein Gott… That was the coolest shit I've seen in real life!"
He turned to see Blitz slowly creeping out from behind the secret door, his older twin right behind and looking disinterested. Ed's eyes narrowed, remembering Red Radio.
"Psh," Donny scoffed, "It was some special effects bullshit. Didn't really happen."
"Donny?"
"Yeah Blitz?"
"Shut the fuck up. It happened, right before our eyes. It was real, Don."
As bad Blitz was, perhaps…
"There's glass on the floor from the window," the younger Lawson twin continued, "Ed has the broken horn in his pocket, and the cannon even blew up Toby's shit decoration as ammunition!"
"That's what you thought you saw," Donny spat, "It's just special effects!"
Was this kid asking for a bad time? Even Blitz glared at him.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Donner?! Why don't you pick up the glass and cut your hand on it to see for yourself?!"
Though, he wasn't to be too outdone.
"Though, to your credit Ed," Donny continued, ignoring his fuming brother, "These are the exact kind of SFX we could use for-"
"Where the hell have you two been?!"
"Dad!"
"Oh, hei dad."
"We've been looking for you all this time during the battle! Look, go help your sister and brother fight off some giant monster teddies!"
Both twins cheered and whooped as they grabbed an impromptu weapon and ran out the door, but only Blitz stopped to look back at Ed's renewed death glare before heading off.
Yeah. He knew what they did.
"Seems like you got in quite the fight here, Ed."
He shook himself out of his stance and nodded at the elder Lawson. He felt like he'd been rocked by a shotgun.
"I love my boys," Thor went on, sighting as he leaned on one of their bunk ladders, "I just hope I'm raising them right and responsibly. Teresa and I did some things differently this time around since we were already exhausted from Marie, Toby and Felix, but I don't know if…"
Why couldn't his uncle see it? The mess? The chaos? The behaviour?
Thor had been smart enough to quit the police force. He'd been smart and kind not to rat out his cousin - Ed's own dad - even if he didn't deserve it. But he'd been too kind and naïve to see his youngest children acting like and becoming disgusting fish-faced demon spawn.
The holo-computers on the desks were still on and unlocked respectively from Ed messing around earlier. He spotted the secret door slightly ajar.
'If you want to get back into our good graces, apologise to your victims publically and rescind all your excess tech to others who need it more than you.'
Hmm.
Ed hadn't been entirely sure on Laurie's Christmas presents this year, but maybe… he could kill a few birds with one stone?
"Thor? May I have a word with you?"
By the time Ed finally came out of the Lawson mansion, his coat pockets - inside and out - were fuller than ever before.
"Bloody hell Ed," Jaxx had a double-take from the sleigh, "What's with that smirk on your face?"
"You win a jackpot or something?" Ell wondered.
"Eh, something like that," Ed shrugged with an unfaltering grin as he plopped himself into his sleigh seat, "Long story."
"Not long enough for some answers at least!" Said Ell as she flicked the reins, leading the sleigh back into the sky, "How did the Lawsons go?"
His phone, still in the front coat pocket, felt slightly heavier than before.
"Better than at the Richwells' and Hartgraces - well, for the most part."
"For the most part?"
"Weeell… Let's say some people are getting what they want and deserve for Christmas."
"I don't like the sound of that…" Jaxx gave a look as the sleigh rose into the air.
"What the hell did you expect it to sound like, Oxford? Shit got intense there!"
"How intense?"
Ed sighed before pulling out Krampus' broken horn from an inner pocket. Only then he noticed it was hollow. Huh.
"Holy fucking shit!" Jaxx blurted, "How- What-"
"When I say intense, I mean intense."
"…You broke his horn?!" Ell's eyes were as wide as teacup plates.
"I… I was really mad, to put it lightly."
"You don't fucking say!" Jaxx shook his head, "Glad I wasn't there for it!"
Yeah. Damn well bet you are.
"Hey Ed?"
"Yeah Ell?"
"Down below, on your left."
He hefted the candy-cannon in his arms again and aimed at the scrambling one-horned goat-man down below, followed by what probably was a trail of his minions.
Schreaaak-BOOM!
Clackclackclackclackclackclackclackclack!
"Ed, you keep an eye on the goat, I'll take care of aerial recon!"
"Ahee heee heeee heeeeee!"
Clackclackclackclack!
"Stupid fuckin pixies!"
He flinched at his brother's voice from the other end of the sleigh, trying to drive it out of his mind. But this wasn't a place where he could shut up now.
At least with the Lawsons, he had a fighting chance against those vividly returning memories.
Instead, they played in his mind again and again, over and over, ruining his jolly mood from before. Occasionally, he'd sneak a glance at Jaxx, and his thoughts became redder and redder.
Warmer and warmer.
Darker and darker.
The inside of ears rumbled as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus on the cannon blasts he made. At some point, the firing roles swapped, Jaxx was now blasting at Krampus while Ed took on aerial recon.
He forced a smile while firing the cannon again. But deep down, he wondered, hoping against his winning anger.
With all the chances he had, would Jaxx ever change?
Could he?