Disclaimer: I do not own SnK, neither the manga nor the anime. Any parts you recognize belong to their creator. All original content is my own. Specific lines are taken from Snk chapters "25: Bite" and "26: The Expedient Path"
Chapter Thirteen: I believe in you
Present day...
"If she dies, I will kill you."
Eren blanches. His chest heaves. Starbursts start to erupt in his vision and he feels as if he is being choked. In a vain attempt to free himself from the half formed Titan body encasing his arm, he struggles. Pain slices across his bicep as he pulls and tugs, his foot propped up as leverage. His boot sinks into the fleshy muscle below.
"EREN," Levi shouts in that deep booming voice of his, "Calm down."
"W-what? C-Captain Levi! She's...I can't…"
"I said," he practically snarls, "Calm. The. Fuck. Down."
Levi takes his eyes off Eren and looks down. He gathers Maia up into his arms. Ice cold panic freezes his veins, creeping through him like strangling vines. His insides coil together with wrenching pain. He never saw this coming. Not in all of his nightmares, the dark twisted images that play out in his mind when his body betrays him and forces him to sleep, never did he see this.
He is unprepared for the way his stomach violently lurches.
Levi grabs Maia's hand, her small fingers sliding limply into his palm. Her hand is so warm in his. He can feel the heat trying to slither up his arm, wrap around him, but the terror that shocks his body shoves the warmth away. Chilly fear grips him, squeezes tight.
"Hey, hey," he uses his free hand to pat at her cheek. It is shockingly pale. What he wouldn't give to see that golden tint bloom underneath his hand. "Maia, come on, wake up. It's me. You can't go to sleep, not now. You gotta wake up. Maia."
His heart skips a beat. Then another. Is he even alive anymore? Is this what it feels like to be truly and completely helpless?
Finally, blessedly, she stirs in his arms. Her eyebrows pinch together, jaw clenches. She moans, low and pained. A wounded sound. The smallest whimper follows. His insides shatter and the pain of it startles him.
"Lee," she whispers his name and he feels his body shudder. So many things are happening inside him right now — more emotions than a body needs to go through in the span of mere seconds.
Her head lulls back again as her eyes slip closed once more.
The smoke clears around them and Eren stops trying to pry his arm out of the half-formed carcass. His foot is propped up near his face as he continues his attempts to use it as leverage, but at the sight of Squad Levi with their swords drawn, eyes glaring at Eren and switching back and forth from him to Maia and Levi, he stops moving altogether. He doesn't even really breathe.
If he passes out from lack of air maybe he won't feel it when they hack him apart limb from limb.
Levi holds his free hand out in a calming motion, one that resembles what he has seen Maia do so many times with her horses. His other hand remains firmly wrapped around her own. She is laying back against his chest, her legs out in front of her, her head turned limply to the side. Her slender nose presses against the skin of his neck, shallow breaths puffing warmth there. He tries not to think of the blood from her head wound that now stains his shirt.
"I'm telling all of you to calm down," he warns slowly, sweeping his arm out, "All of you."
"EREN! WHAT THE HELL," Eld doesn't calm down. "Why now?! Without permission! You hurt Maia! MAIA. OF ALL PEOPLE."
"SHE TRUSTED YOU!" Petra is frantic, nearly hysterical with rage as her wide eyes take in Maia's tiny form slumped against Levi. "SHE ALWAYS TRUSTED YOU!"
Eren is shaking like a leaf and barely registers Hange shrieking with glee from somewhere to his right.
I know. I know she did. She is the only one who has ever trusted me. Looked at me like I wasn't a monster.
"ANSWER US, EREN," Oluo shouts, gripping his swords so hard his knuckles turn white.
She made me believe I was a hero, part of the team. She made me believe I was worthy of being alive. She…she always trusted me.
"I-I...is Maia…?"
"No," Gunther's voice is menacing, "don't speak her name. You don't get to say her name. First, prove you're not our enemy. No, prove you're not an enemy of the human race. PROVE IT NOW! IT'S YOUR DUTY!"
They are all shouting at him to prove it! Prove it! PROVE IT! And Eren can barely even stand up straight with his arm swallowed by the steaming meat of the Titan body below him. This can't be happening, not now. And Maia. Why isn't she awake? Her head...so much blood. Why did it bleed so much? Maybe he could help her if everyone would just—
"PLEASE BE QUIET!" He screams against his better judgement. The sounds claw their way from his throat.
Levi switches his gaze from his squad and back to Maia who struggles to open her eyes again.
"Please don't hurt him," she pleads uselessly as her words die off before they reach any of her squad's ears. Maia can barely move her arms. He watches her fingers twitch, slide over to grab the fabric of his pants. She twists with very little strength the black cloth over his thigh.
"Please."
Everything moves so quickly for Eren. He feels like he is not in his own body. When Hange comes running in, flailing her arms like a madwoman, he can hardly form words. She salivates over the Titan form for just a few seconds, burning her hands and screeching, before her spectacled gaze catches sight of Levi on the ground, Maia held posessively against his chest. Her eyes narrow as they take in the blood matting Maia's golden hair, staining Levi's tan shirt. The cravat he usually wears is soaked with crimson. All at once the scientist changes.
Immediately Hange is barking orders. Moblit is skittering around grabbing whatever Hange commands, while Squad Levi keeps their swords raised. Their glares never cease and Eren becomes woozy with the anger that radiates off of them. Their rage is palpable and it overwhelms him. He hears everything as if he is submerged underwater. Garbled words, frantic, clipped tones muffled by the pounding blood in his head.
They never trusted me. None of them. Not even after all this time.
They will never trust me.
Hange is attempting to pry Maia out of Levi's grasp and he is glaring at her menacingly, seething out threatening words that Eren can't quite make out in his daze. Maia's golden eyes blearily slide open to gaze up at Eren, her body still awkwardly pulled between her captain and her best friend. She gives him a pained smile that Eren thinks is meant to be reassuring but his stomach plummets to his bowels and he thinks he might throw up all over himself. Hange eventually slaps — slaps! — Captain Levi's hands away from the now unconscious veterinarian.
"If I don't wake her up soon and keep her awake she might never wake up again, Levi. Do you understand me?"
The pale wash of fear that bathes Captain Levi's face is enough to make Eren lean over the side of the smoking Titan carcass and vomit all over the grass.
Please don't die, please don't die, please don't die.
There is a flurry of motion that Eren is only half aware of; he hangs limply off to one side of his grotesque creation, the macabre extension of his own body.
"Wake up, Maia! Wake up, please, Maia, wake up! MOBLIT! Where are the damn smelling salts?" Hange is yelling at Maia, yelling at Moblit, yelling at Captain Levi, yelling at anyone who even attempts to do anything she hasn't commanded.
"Why isn't she waking up? Four Eyes, fucking do something—"
"Carry her, Levi. Carry her and follow me now."
Hange and Levi are running across the grass at full speed now, leaving him still encased in an abomination. Eren watches through half hooded eyes as their bodies disappear. He knows he is left with a squad who wants him dead.
Just kill me. Kill me, please, just do it.
His lungs rattle so hard in his chest that it's dizzying. His limbs tingle. Maybe he'll pass out...
Time passes, somehow, and Eren finds himself sitting at the base of cold, stone steps when his mind finally shakes the cobwebs of panic and anxiety out. The fog of the past hour has lifted and he visibly gulps, gasping for air. His legs sting all over as they come back to life.
How did he get here?
How long has he been down here?
He remembers asking himself that same question only a few weeks ago, after Trost, in that dungeon.
"Guh!" His throat is dry, constricted, but he takes in air like a drowning man that has been pulled from a lake.
"Easy, kid," a voice too close to him for comfort reprimands, "you'll hurt yourself."
Eren draws in a shaky breath, feels sweat bead on his forehead. He looks over and sure enough, Captain Levi is leaning against the wall to his left. His arms are crossed and he has removed his ODM gear, but his presence is still threatening. Levi can kill Eren with his pinky finger; the boy is undoubtedly sure of that fact..
"I…" Eren coughs. His throat is made of gravel. "I know that I'm still alive only because I'm here…"
He chances a glance at the captain again and finds the man staring forward, his steely eyes hard underneath brows drawn straight. There is no trace of the earlier panic Eren had seen there. He can't see any emotion there at all, save his usual indifference.
"I know that," he swallows, "you would have killed me if…"
"Yes," Levi barely moves. His tone remains impassive but firm, "I would have."
"So that means that Maia…"
"Is alive."
Eren pauses, tries again to find anything on the captain's face that betrays his feelings but he can't see anything except for the tiny smoothing around his eyes. The subtle relief that lies there.
"E-excuse me for asking, Captain, but, uh, then why aren't you with her?"
Levi blinks.
"HEY! Shitty Glasses, you better fucking fix her head or I swear to-"
"LEVI ACKERMAN!" Hange is ripping gauze with her teeth like some sort of feral cat. Even with her mouth full of bleached cloth she manages to sound menacing. "This is MY infirmary and if you think for ONE second that I won't do everything in MY power to save MY best friend then," she gets close, up in his face, and snarls, "I suggest you back away before you end up in one of these beds. Permanently."
"You better watch your stup-"
"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT THAT YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HER YOU LO-"
"FINE! I'm fucking leaving!"
"I," Levi has the decency to look down, at least, "was asked to leave."
"Well," Eren isn't dumb enough to keep talking about that, though he inwardly relaxes at hearing Maia is alive, "then, uh, there is something else I've been thinking about."
"Which is?"
"I also know that I'm a potential enemy to humanity...It's just, well, until the moment I experienced their open hostility I didn't notice…"
Eren looks down at his hands, remembers the feeling of quivering, living muscle attaching itself to his fingertips.
"...that they don't trust me."
"Tch."
At Levi's scoff, Eren shoots his head up to look at the captain, eyes wide and startled.
Levi tells him as if it's obvious, "Of course they don't. That's why I chose them in the first place," he relays all of his squad's statistics back at Eren, even Maia's. "You become a full-fledged Scout after having returned alive for the first time," he gives a humorless chuckle, "at least, that's a common opinion among the Scouts. But those guys managed to live through Hell not one but countless times, and it bore its fruit. They've learned how to survive.
"When you're up against Titans, there's always information deficiency. No matter how thorough your planning is, lots of situations you can't make heads or tails of will come up anyway. When that happens, your best chance is your speed and fast, firm, actions based on your prediction of the worst case scenario in a given situation.
"Still, it doesn't mean they've turned into a heartless mob, Eren. It's not like they didn't feel anything turning their blades against you. But…"
Levi looks down at Eren without moving his head. His eyes stare down at the sullen boy on the stairs below him.
"Don't expect them to regret it."
"She got hurt," Eren whispers. "I would have done the same thing."
Levi is silent for a minute before he reveals, quietly, "Then you're a better man than me in that respect."
"C-captain?"
"Eren," Levi's face is stoic but there's a shadow of something, maybe guilt, under the surface, "The only reason I didn't slit your throat is because the first coherent thing she strung together was to ask if you were okay."
"S-so you didn't kill me because—"
"She would have never forgiven me."
Eren looks down to the ground again. He sighs and Levi rolls his eyes to himself.
"And," he says the words almost like they pain him to be spoken, "you're an okay kid. An annoying shithead, but an okay one."
The Titan shifter has to quirk his lips at that. Well, it could be worse, he supposes.
Footsteps scuffing and echoing against the stone steps fill the stairwell behind them. A sandy haired man walks briskly down towards Eren and Captain Levi. He stops a few steps above where they are.
"Captain Levi, sir. Squad Leader Hange is calling you."
"Hmph," he grouses, "Bloody Specs sure has some nerve making me wait that long."
"She also said, uh, well…"
Levi sighs, annoyed, "What did she say, cadet? Spit it out."
The cadet in question gulps, "She, uh, said to leave your twisted panties at the door before you go in."
Levi blinks. Eren gawks. He thinks he is about to witness a murder.
To his surprise, however, Levi gives a short, quiet laugh.
"Piece of shit," he mumbles with just the very corners of his lips turning upwards.
When Levi calls Eren to follow him, the boy scrambles up the stairs after the composed captain, leaving the cadet to release a long breath of relief.
After walking in silence down several hallways and up a few staircases, they arrive at a door surrounded by the Special Operations Squad. Each member guards the door in their own way.
Petra is pacing worriedly back and forth in front of the door. She wrings her hands nervously around each other, mumbling something to herself. Eren thinks she might be praying.
Oluo is eerily still, unmoving, and leaning against the wall to the left of the door. His arms are crossed firmly at his chest. He has one foot propped up on the wall behind him. When he notices Eren and Captain Levi approaching, his lip turns upwards in disgust.
Gunther has taken a seated position to the right of the door. He leans his back against the cool stone and lightly taps his head against the masonry there. His eyes are closed. One leg extends outwards while the other remains upright. Gunther rests one of his wrists over his propped knee. His hand hangs lazily, but Eren is no fool. The second he opens his eyes, Eren knows Gunther will think about wrapping that hand around his neck.
And he would probably let him.
Eld is the calmest of the group. He is standing near Gunther, his right shoulder pressed against the wall so he can stare at the closed door. His expression is relaxed, but Eren notices the way his muscles tense, how they coil and ready themselves to lash out the moment he comes into Eld's view.
The distrust that rolls off of them in waves nearly bowls Eren over. He feels it suspended thick in the air. His shoulders slouch; he tries to disappear inside himself. Levi merely nods at his squad and jerks his head for Eren to keep following him.
"She awake?"
Petra shrugs her shoulders, still worrying her hands together. Maia is one of her closest friends, after all. "We don't know. Hange won't let us in."
Levi rasps on the door with his knuckles, "Hey, what's taking so long? You busy enjoying a sweet long dump or something?"
Eren's jaw drops open at the captain's words while the rest of Squad Levi attempts to rein in their snickering. The door bursts open, somehow quietly, and a hand yanks Levi inside the room. Eren finds himself alone with the squad who all very recently wanted to slice him into tiny bits — probably still do. He sighs and slumps against the opposite wall, sliding down until he can rest his head in between his knees.
If they want to take a stab at him, at least he won't see it coming.
Better for him to not know who takes the first swing.
Inside the room Levi is flinging Hange's hand off the section of shirt she had fisted. He grimaces at the dirt under her fingernails. A single sniff tells him he is going to have to clobber her over the head soon and submerge her head in a tub to get the stink out of her oily hair.
What a chore.
"Get off me," he complains tersely.
"SSHH!" Hange brings her pointer finger up to her mouth to silence Levi but the digit does nothing to prevent the spew of saliva from spraying on Levi's cheek.
Good grief, now he has to fucking set himself on fire to get clean.
She ignores his sickly expression and points over to the bed in the room. A small figure is tucked into a thick blanket. Levi forgets Hange's presence immediately. All thought abandons him. It takes him only three long strides to reach her side, Maia's side. He stares down at her and frowns.
She is so still...
"Why isn't she awake? You said if she falls asleep then she might never..." his words die in his throat.
She might never wake up.
What the fuck would his world even look like without her? Worse than the world he grew up in, where there was never a sun to begin with. His world now knows what the sun is; he has felt it on his face. What could a world without Maia possibly even be?
Could he even exist in the darkness anymore?
"Calm down," Hange demands with compassion in her voice. It is the soft and tender way Levi looks at Maia, the subtle panic that lingers around the edges of his gaze, that turns her words into gentle commands. "She isn't in danger of the sleeping sickness."
Levi takes in a breath, then two, then three. Relief floods through him. He looks more closely at the woman lying unconscious in front of him. His eyes narrow at her head.
"The bandages," he says plainly, trying to remind himself over and over again that she is just sleeping. "Where—"
"That's why I needed to talk to you," Hange tells him quietly, coming up to Maia's other side and running a comforting hand up and down her friend's motionless arm. Levi wishes he could do the same, but he already had her in his arms today. If he touches her again he truly thinks he won't ever stop.
Maia lays there almost peacefully except for the furrowing of her brow. Her pink lips are parted slightly, golden hair fanning out on either side of her head. He resists the urge to take a strand between his fingers and feel the silky molten gold that flows across the white sheets. No one would even be able to tell she had just taken a blow to the head not an hour previously — a blow that had bled for so long and so much.
Because there weren't any bandages on her head.
"I will put bandages on for when they come in to see her, but, first," Hange is reaching for Maia's head, "you need to see this."
"What the fuck are you doing?" Levi hisses, "Don't move her—"
"Look," Hange forcefully draws his gaze with her tone. She lifts Maia's head slightly off the pillow and uses her head to motion for Levi to follow her own eyeline. Levi does as Hange instructs, a glare firmly in place, and stops short.
"But…" He trails off, feels his heart beat loudly in his ears for a few, painful seconds.
"Levi..." Hange's voice holds disbelief and a little fear.
"There's no wound."
"Papa!"
"Hello, my sunshine."
Her father's face is warm as he sits on the porch of their little farmhouse; warm from both the heat of the sun bathing his skin and from the soft look he is giving his five year old daughter. His hair is a rich, deep brown, but there are shocks of grey at his temples. The old rocking chair he reclines in creaks under his weight; he is well-built still for his age, and due to spending hours outside chasing his small child, surprisingly agile.
Maia is running up to him, a huge sunflower in her hand. The stalk is a bright green, its petals a buttery yellow. She wears a deep blue dress, as dark as the sea, but no shoes. Maia is seldom seen wearing shoes. Her bare feet seek the earth the way a seed seeks the soil.
"Look how pretty!" She wields the flower in front of her and shoves it under his nose. He chuckles and brings her tiny hand back, away from his smiling face. Light lines press into the skin by his mouth, carved out from years of laughter.
"Yes, it's very pretty. Just like you, my little sunflower."
She crinkles her tiny button nose, "I thought I was your sunshine?"
Maia's father grins at her and lunges forward to grab at her middle, tickling her relentlessly. She cries out in joy and laughter, peeling sounds of delight falling from her mouth. With a flourish he stands up and brings her with him, turning her upside down so her golden curls fall towards the wooden boards of the porch. Her laughter continues as her hands swing lazily below her, one still gripping the sunflower tightly. A few petals fall off but she pays them no mind.
After blowing a raspberry on her exposed stomach, he rights her and hauls her up snugly into his arms. Her bottom rests in the crook of his arm and from her view above his head she can look down into his swirly blue eyes. There are wrinkles along his eyes that look like the thin tracks of a bird, years of smiling at his daughter and years of something she is too young to know about playing at the edges of his kind look.
"You are my sunshine and my sunflower. You are every little thing that the sun touches, my love," he tells her, a far away look suddenly in his eyes.
"Hm," Maia hums contentedly and then, twirling the sunflower around a few times between her pointer, middle, and thumb fingers, she asks innocently, "When is mommy coming home?"
Her father sighs. It is happening again. He pulls her close and presses his lips to her temple. His lips linger there for a minute, and Maia cannot see that he has shut his eyes painfully to keep the tears at bay. No matter how many times his little girl asks, no matter how many times he gives her the same answer, it never gets easier for him. Probably never will.
"Love, I told you," he tells her gently, squeezes her to him as if he's afraid she will go somewhere he cannot follow, that for all his continued strength and agility, he won't be able to catch her, "mommy isn't here anymore."
"But," her soft, golden brows furrow. She stares down at the bright petals of the flower, picking one randomly and watching it fall to the floor to join the others. "She said that I would see her again."
Even as young as she is, Maia can tell something is wrong. Her father blanches, clears his throat, tries to play off his strange reaction. He smiles at her again, but it doesn't reach his eyes. She can't see the little bird tracks.
"Come on, little sun," his voice is tight, "let's go inside."
"Awww," she pouts, forgets the topic at hand, it seems, "but I'm not done playing!"
"We'll get a snack and then come back out. How's that?"
Her eyes light up at the mention of food, "Okay!"
Maia's father guides her inside their small home. It is quaint and homey, the walls littered with her childish artwork. The crudely drawn and colorful images on the papers mean very little to Maia's father — he can't decipher their meaning, if there even is one — but to her they tell a secret story of her dreamworld, one she doesn't even fully understand yet.
Their home always smells of fresh, clean air and the earth. Flowing through the open windows is a constant melody of the farm and pastures they (mostly her father) tend to. Soft whinnies, gentle chirps, the occasional cooing noise, and the rare, clashing bray all meld together to provide background music to their homestead. Maia thinks it's perfect, always has, and falls asleep each night to the offbeat rhythm of her home with a smile on her young face.
"Papa," she is saying as she clambers up an intricately lathed wooden stool. "Why can't mommy join us for snack time?"
Her father sighs to himself, his back turned to her. Quietly, unaware that she is able to hear him, he whispers, "You remember so easily now."
With patience in his eyes, and a small amount of visible sadness, he turns towards her and gives a half-hearted smile that he hopes is good enough to persuade her that he's fine.
"Sweetheart," he leans down over the countertop and reaches for her tiny hands, "mommy is gone. You understand what that means, right?"
Maia's bottom lip quivers, her eyes begin to shine, "B-but, she said..."
"No, my sunburst," he soothes her with a soft tone and a calming hand on her cheek, "she didn't say anything. You've never met mommy. You know that, little sun. She went away when you came into the world."
"I never..." Maia's eyebrows furrow, an image of a woman with gilded hair and matching gaze flits across her mind, "...but I thought - ouch!" Her expressive, amber eyes squeeze shut tightly as she grips at the side of her head, tiny hand fisting the golden curls at her temples. "Mommy was here, though," she whimpers as the pain in her head presses tighter against her skin, "at the...the door."
The woman is reaching for her. Or is she...pushing her away? She can't see clearly enough, but she thinks the woman might be crying.
"Ssh," her father brings her into his chest tightly, his eyes pained as he stares at the wall over top of his daughter's head, "ssh, little sun, ssh. There was no door." His voice breaks.
It kills him. Every time, it kills a little piece of him.
He gently pries her shaking body away from him and wipes at her face with his strong hands. They are tanned and rough from years of hard, manual labor, but they comfort Maia all the same. Her cheeks, blooming with redness, are stained with salty tear tracks. He brushes those away.
"How about some tea?"
Maia hiccups, still holding her head, and nods.
With shaking hands, her father prepares some tea for the both of them; it is cinnamon and orange this time. When he reaches for the little vial that hides out of sight and out of Maia's reach, he watches his fingers tremble.
It kills him. Every time, it kills more and more of him.
When their tea is drained, their mugs sitting empty side by side, Maia's father watches her little eyes slip closed, and he begins to cry. The last thing she sees before her vision blurs are the bright, teary eyes of a man she loves with her whole heart.
"I'm sorry it has to be this way, my little sun. I'm so sorry."
She feels the sting in her arm before she wakes, and when her eyes open again she is met with a pair of cool, steely eyes.
Her heart flutters.
And she forgets her dream.
Eren still has his head in between his legs when he hears several sets of footsteps running down the hall.
I'm not dead. They haven't pulled their swords out and sliced my throat.
He lifts his head carefully. No sudden movements; he doesn't want Squad Levi to think he's making a break for it or about to strike. Peering down the hall, he sees his friends hustling over to where he and the Special Operations Squad have gathered out front of Maia's infirmary room door. Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Sasha, and Connie are all heading straight for him.
"Eren!" Mikasa is on her knees now, pushing his face this way and that with chilly hands. They feel nice against his blazing skin. He hasn't been able to stop his blood from rushing violently through his veins all afternoon. She inspects him for damage while Armin stands off to the side.
"What happened?" The blond asks, shooting his eyes to the side so he can survey the group through his peripherals. "We heard you were involved in some sort of explosion?"
"Tch," Oluo scoffs in a very Captain Levi way from his position against the wall. His arms are crossed and he glares down at Eren. One foot is still propped carelessly up against the wall. He is the picture of nonchalance but Eren knows Oluo could kill him in a second flat. "He was the explosion."
Mikasa's eyes narrow and she repeats Armin's question, this time with a bit more bite to it and staring directly into Eren's guilty eyes, "What. Happened?"
So Eren softly begins to tell his version of the events from the afternoon. His speech is jilted; he takes pauses often to clear his throat. He is nervous retelling the episode in front of Captain Levi's squad. Cautiously, he tells the truth and hopes they believe him.
Jean takes everything in, standing in the middle of the hallway, not on one side or the other. He can't believe Jaeger exploded into a half-formed Titan and that Maia got caught up in it. His eyes shift to the closed door. He wonders if she is okay, the woman who had smiled so sweetly underneath the burning lamplight after the recruitment ceremony. When he was very young, he knew of a family whose son developed the sleeping sickness after falling down in the school yard. He'd hit his head hard and never woke up again.
He swallows.
But Maia Beckett has to wake up.
As he thinks this, Petra meets his gaze. She gives him a gentle look, seemingly reading his thoughts. Her eyes tell him all he needs to know.
I hope she wakes up too.
They share a moment of locked eyes, each thinking that the woman behind the closed doors is needed in this regiment now more than ever, before muffled voices can be heard behind said door. It is perfect timing, as images of Marco are beginning to blur into focus in the back of Jean's mind. He'll take anything at this moment to wipe those memories away for now.
"Hey!" Eld's grin nearly splits his face, "That's Maia's voice!"
Eren breathes out a sigh of relief, nearly sagging down from the weight of his exhale, and closes his eyes. He feels two comforting hands on each shoulder; he knows they belong to Armin and Mikasa.
For a moment, everything is well.
Then he is reminded that Zoe Hange exists.
"EREN, THEY BETTER NOT HAVE KILLED YOU."
"Mmmph," Maia makes a strange groan from the back of her throat and Hange is back at her side in an instant.
"She's waking up!" Hange hisses and throws a nearby roll of bandages at Levi, "Quick! Wrap her head!"
He hurls them back and the roll hits Hange square in the nose. Levi growls, "You're the fucking doctor!"
The roll unfolds as it careens back towards the captain, spiking him in the head. The end of the roll shoots like a streamer into the air. The scientist's voice insists, "You're closer!"
"Fucking fine!" Levi fumbles with the unraveling bandages for a minute before beginning to hastily wrap Maia's woundless head.
"What are you trying to do? Smother her?"
"I might smother you if you don't shut the fu-"
"Lee?"
Levi pauses, his hands on either side of Maia's head. His palms brush her temples; he can feel the warmth of her skin radiating into his own. He draws in a quiet, shuddering breath when her eyes blearily open to stare up at him. The welling emotion in his gut is upheaved, an enormous wave that crashes inside of him with the force of a storm. It jumps up to his throat. The bandages he has done a shitty job of wrapping around her head are now falling into her eyes. He uses his thumbs to push them up and away, towards her forehead, so that her full, vibrant, amber stare is fixated on him.
She's awake.
Tension rolls off of him in swells. He feels his jaw relax, his teeth unclench. The muscles around his eyes soften, his gaze gentles.
She's awake. She's alive.
And for the first time in the long, torturous hours since she has been unconscious, Levi can finally breathe again.
"Hiya, sprite!" Hange's voice is decidedly too loud for the situation but Maia is too tired and groggy to say anything. "You gave us quite a scare! Especially this one here," she reaches across the bed to punch Levi's shoulder. The captain scowls as Hange continues, "I thought he was gonna crap himself like twelve times. Or never crap again. It was one of the two."
Maia's throaty laugh is the best thing he has heard in days. He feels the sound move him deeply.
"What happened? Is Eren…"
"The shithead is fine," Levi responds in that flippant and bored tone of his. "Although I left him outside with the squad so, actually, he might not be fine."
Hange sighs exasperatedly, "I'll go check on him. I can't have him die before I show him the spoon."
She gives Levi a pointed look that Maia doesn't see.
As she leaves, Maia sends a quizzical look over towards Levi. "Spoon?"
The door is thrown open and they hear Hange yell, "EREN, THEY BETTER NOT HAVE KILLED YOU."
Maia winces slightly but keeps a soft smile on her face. She is incredibly fond of that brilliant, mad woman.
When Levi realizes his hands are still on the sides of her head, he feels himself falter for a minute. Her rounded cheeks press upwards into the bottom of his palms when she smiles. He quickly brings his hands away from her, feels his insides cry out in protest, and crosses his arms over his chest. Maia notices him closing himself off to her but has too many questions at the moment to feel how her own heart sinks.
"Shitty Glasses thinks she's found out why Eren can transform sometimes and other times not."
"Hmm," Maia hums, shifts her shoulders around to get more comfortable and winces, "I'd like to hear that. Hey, did I fall or something? I can't really remember much except that I was sitting near Eren at the picnic table and then there was that loud noise."
"Yeah," Levi stares at her, hard, and frowns, "He transformed into half a Titan and you fell backwards. Hit your head on a rock. It knocked you out for a few hours."
"Oh," Maia has a strange look on her face as she reaches up to touch the back of her head, "but I don't feel—"
"Stop!" Before he can even think about what he's doing, Levi is reaching out and grabbing her hand away from her head.
I said I wouldn't touch her again.
A shock courses through him, courses through her. His eyes fly to their joined hands. His thumb rests in her palm, long fingers wrap around the top of her hand, grasp her warm skin to his. Great, hurling surges of comfort wash over him. His breathing hitches; he feels as if he has solved a puzzle he has been needing to figure out his entire life.
Maia's mind is racing. Somewhere, deep down inside of her, an aching rises up. It swells up and up and up until she has to brace herself by curling her free hand into a fist underneath the crisp sheets. There is a pain in her head, sharp and acute, but she ignores it. Too electric is the delicious warmth spreading throughout her chest that occupies her thoughts. Like a flower unfurling its petals in the early morning sunlight, she feels herself bloom.
Like a flower.
A flower.
"Hello, my sunshine."
"Ah!" She cries out as another stabbing pain pinches her, this time at her forehead.
Maia maneuvers her hand until her fingers lace with Levi's, unaware that she has just turned his world on its axis. She squeezes his fingers as a means to feel grounded to something as another agonizing ripple crashes over her.
He is barely breathing.
She uses him as her anchor, and that idea sparks a dangerous heat in his core.
Levi had no idea that the spaces between his fingers were meant to be filled. He had no idea that there existed shapes so perfect as to complete his hand's pattern so fully and completely that it looked seamless now, a finished piece of art.
"Maia," he manages to exhale her name on a shaking breath, tries to shake the molten desire away. There are more pressing matters. "What's wrong?"
"My head," she brings her hand to her chest, taking his own with it, "god, I just have a pounding headache right now."
"It's probably from where you slammed your skull on a rock," he tries to rein himself in, get a grip of his wits. He swallows. "You shouldn't touch the area. It's…still tender, I assume."
Lying to her feels like a blade to the heart.
"You're probably right," she agrees, still somewhat dazed. He releases her hand, feels a coldness seep deep into his bones. Whether that is from the lie or the loss of contact, he is unsure. Maybe it's both.
"Let me get Hange in here again. Your bandages need to...be fixed."
"I had a...dream," her voice stops him from turning away from her. She is straining her eyes, trying to remember. "It was...sssthhh," she hisses in pain, "something about a flower. Or maybe...a door? Or...was my father...ugh," she presses her head back into her pillow, dejected, "nevermind."
"Maybe you'll remember it later," Levi supplies, tries to be helpful but in reality feels woefully useless.
Maia turns her head towards him and looks at him, really looks at Levi. She frowns, knows him better than he knows himself, and can tell there is something deep and troublesome brewing inside him. "Are you okay? I mean," she licks her dry lips, "were you okay?"
"No," he relents, his reply immediate, and shifts his weight to his left, "I was scared shitless, Maia."
The admittance takes them both off guard, but Levi reasons that he has done a lot of touching her for one day and has gone through so many emotions in the span of a few hours that of course he is all messed up inside and would say something so raw and real. He didn't mean to reveal such a thing, but it isn't as if they both don't already know its verity.
"I think it's going to take a lot more than a rock to take me out, Lee," she tries to soothe him with her gentle voice, that voice that flows mellifluously and sounds agonizingly sweet to him.
"Maia," he looks down at the floor and Maia thinks that if he says her name like that one more time she will pull him down onto the bed and cling to him like a thistle.
A piece of his dark bangs falls down to obscure his eyes, but she can see his perfect mouth turned downwards.
"There are just some things in this world that I cannot lose."
His words strike her so hard that she makes a tiny, involuntary cry from the back of her throat. She feels her eyes water.
Then please, Levi, please, let me have you.
She wants to say it; she's going to say it. Years and years of this are wearing her thin, fraying her nerves. How much longer can they both keep this up? Can they both deny this? How much longer can they keep to what they decided all those years ago after that day?
But when she opens her mouth to reply to him the door to her room flies open and several of her teammates all but fall into the room, faces alight with wide grins.
"I couldn't keep them out for very long," Hange shrugs apologetically.
To Maia's surprise, Commander Erwin has also joined their waiting party. He glides to her bedside with the strong strides of a man burdened with the world's most noble pursuit. Maia has admired him since she met him, back when he was just a squad leader, and she in her veterinarian medicine training, and her awe at his entire being has not lessened over the years.
She knows another man who is just as great, just as righteous; she just wishes he saw himself that way too.
"Doctor Beckett," Erwin addresses her formally, but his smile is friendly and kind — it always is. "It's good to see you awake. You had us worried there."
"So I've been told," she tells him, suddenly very tired. Hange gives Levi a questioning look but he pointedly ignores her. "Is Eren here?"
"Uh, yes, he, I-I mean, I'm here," Eren's shaky voice calls from the back of the group crowding the room. The bodies part like a mountain being cleaved in two, and as he walks up to Maia he can feel either side of this new creation staring hard at him, as unmoving and unwavering as stone.
Maia extends a hand and he tentatively reaches for it, tries not to notice the way Captain Levi shifts his weight to his right. When he feels her warm fingers slip around his own, a rush of tranquil peace flows through him. It's like a quiet stream, lazily sweeping down his body from his head to his feet. He smiles, barely, and she returns his hesitancy with a bright, beaming tenderness.
"Eren," her voice is reassuring, "it's okay."
The rigidity of the room immediately relaxes. It is like Maia had the final say all along, and Squad Levi had just been waiting to hear it. Eren can no longer feel anger and virulence boring a hole into his back; there is only a pensive wondering now.
With a tug, Maia pulls Eren down to her level. Awkwardly, he leans his lanky body over hers so she can bring her lips to his ear, whispering something for only him to hear.
"I still believe in you."
When Eren pulls away from her, Maia notices his eyes are misty. She gives him another consoling smile and releases his hand. He takes a step back, into the folds of his young friend group, and stares at the floor. A red tint is on his cheeks.
"When will she be cleared?" Eld asks Hange which draws Commander Erwin's attention.
Petra takes the opportunity to make her way to Maia's side. Considerately, so as not to aggravate any injuries, she hugs Maia around the shoulders and gives her a light squeeze. Though her heart throbbed something terrible when Oluo had wrenched open the door and Petra had seen Captain Levi so close to Maia, she knows it is not her place to stand in the way of something so obviously right. No matter how much it hurts, Petra Ral is not a woman to be undone by a man who will never belong to her, by a man who was so clearly created for someone else.
No matter how frustratingly stubborn the two were about it all.
"Oh," Hange rubs the back of her head awkwardly and pretends to flip through some notebook pages, "well, hehe, uh, the extent of her injury is not as bad as it seemed. Head wounds do bleed a lot, you know. So, I say, actually, it should heal up in a few days! Yep, truly lucky that it looked way worse than it actually was!"
Several of the people inside the room blink. Hange hopes she played it off well but from the way Levi rolls his eyes, she's not so sure.
Erwin speaks, slowly, "Well, that's...that's great news. That means we won't be without our veterinarian for the expedition."
"Wait a minute," Petra says, a shocked expression across her pretty face, "she just got hurt! By him. You want her to go outside the Walls with us?"
Maia does not miss the way Eren winces at her words.
"Doctor Beckett is a critical part of the long-distance scouting formation," Erwin's tone makes it clear there will be no arguing with him. "We need her and her skills. Plus, there has to be a veterinarian to help supply the auxiliary and main units with back-up horses. She's really the only one they listen to anymore."
Everyone knows he's talking about the horses.
"Yeah, Ral," Oluo drawls, "plus she'll be with the auxiliary forces. All those supplies? She'll have every opportunity to get out if she spots trouble. There is no safer place for her."
Petra huffs, "Besides inside the walls."
"Actually," Levi cuts in. "We can have her with us. She's trained in both drafts of the formation. The stablehands and Zacharias' squad can handle the reserves."
"Alright," Erwin relents, "Beckett stays with her squad." He gives her a warm look and squeezes her shoulder, "get some rest. We'll get you up to speed once you're out of here."
"Which will be very soon!" Hange claps her hands and Maia feels the sound clank around in her head. "You should get out of bed soon. It's best to get you up and walking as quickly as possible for the optimal recovery time."
"Uh," Maia nods blankly, "sure?"
"Great! Everyone out!"
"Wait, now!?"
"Yep! Up and at 'em! Also, your clothes were totally bloodied so you're in a very revealing shift so, like I said: Everyone. OUT!"
"Who changed me?"
The sound of shuffling feet filing out the door fills the room.
"Why, Levi of course."
*thwack!*
"You goddamn slob, no I didn't."
"Okay, okay, I did, but his face was hilarious."
"Tch."
Maia watches everyone leave her room, Levi being the last out. He gives her a tender look when he turns back towards her, easing the door shut quietly. She smiles back and feels her heart simmering just underneath her skin.
"Hange," she asks weakly, "is it possible for your chest to melt?"
Her friend is busying herself with gathering a clean uniform she had procured from Maia's room. "Huh? Melt? No, honey, that's called love."
"I don't—"
"Yeah, yeah, sure thing," Hange thrusts the pile at Maia and inspects her bandages. Deciding to redo them before letting her change, Hange slowly unravels the strips of gauzy material, "Keep telling yourself that. Honestly, you two are impossible."
"I wasn't going to deny it," Maia admits quietly.
Hange merely raises a brow and cranes her head to look at her friend. She urges her to continue by arching her thin brow higher.
"I was going to say, I don't think he can."
Hange is quiet for a few moments. Maia almost thinks she isn't going to answer her. But then she hears Hange say something very softly in a voice that has none of the usual bubbling force in it. Maia thinks she also sounds incredibly sad.
"You're an idiot."
Outside, Erwin and Levi are walking down to the mess hall with the rest of the group. The pair lag a little behind for privacy.
"Are you sure you want her back there with you?" Erwin speaks low so as to not be overhead. "You'll be the first to draw the Intelligent out if there is one."
"We'll have the cover of the Titan forest," Levi reminds him. "And the restraining weapon. The squad is a well oiled machine, Eyebrows. They protect each other. I have no doubt that that is the safest place for her to be."
"And you'll be there."
Levi glares over at Erwin and sees the asshole has the audacity to smirk.
"Hmph."
Levi won't admit to Erwin that he's correct, that the reason he wants Maia to stay with the squad during the expedition is so that he can personally see to it that she makes it out alive. That they all make it out alive.
He thinks of her warm eyes, her soft skin that touched his so many times today. The way she laughs, the way she smiles. The way she has lost two of her squads right before her very eyes and had been powerless to do anything to stop it all from happening.
The way her head had split open on a rock that afternoon and now shows no sign of being struck at all.
He vowed to protect her with his life. All those years ago, up on that rooftop underneath the glittering stars. When her skin had been underneath his fingertips and her breath on his face. When her scent was all he knew, all his senses could understand, and the blissful way she had quivered and trembled had set his veins ablaze.
He had vowed he would never lose her. And if that meant never having her to begin with…if that was the only way to keep her safe, he would do it.
He would do anything for her.
Yes, being with him and the squad during the expedition is the safest place for her.
He would make sure of it.
A/N: Y'all this chapter was 1,000 words longer than last chapter. So much happened, I know, and a lot was revealed, so take a second to breathe it all in.
Anybody else want to clock Levi and Maia over the head? I write them and want to strangle them a little.
I don't really anticipate any reviews like so, but I want to address this anyway because I thought long and very, very hard about Maia's character. I fleshed out so much about her and came up with so many drafts before settling on the Maia that made me the happiest - the perfect version. So, clearly in this chapter a little bit of Maia's childhood is revealed and obviously there is something fishy going on there that she doesn't remember. I know that very often people throw around Ms. Sue's name when an original character has something special about them, but...if you think about it...anime/manga characters ARE Sue-like? Like...Eren has every ability ever? And Levi is humanity's strongest little storm cloud? So, how could I make Maia an uninteresting beige wall of a person? I hope you'll stick around and see where this story goes, if you're now on the fence about it all.
Anyway, your reviews have warmed my heart, truly and totally. They uplift me in ways words cannot properly express. thank you all so very much. Your reviews, favorites, reads, and follows - they motivate me and make everything in such uncertain times seem a little better. Much love to you all!
Let me know what you think? I love to hear from you. And, since this chapter is especially long, let me know if you spot a typo! I reviewed it several times, but my eyes only catch so much.
There is also the smallest little easter egg on where Maia is from. It's disguised quite well ;)
Be well, everyone!
Stay tuned! xx