It's A Wonderful Life
MacKenzie leaned back in her chair and sighed.
It was the night before Christmas. The last show before the holiday break had just finished, and afterwards everyone had scrambled to get away from work as quickly as possible. They had all gone to their usual hangout, Hang Chew's, but when they had urged her to come along she had excused herself, pointing at the stack of files on her desk and claiming that she needed to finish most of them before going home for the holidays.
Truth be told, nothing in that pile was so urgent that it couldn't wait, but she definitely hadn't had any desire for company tonight. Not that she had for the last couple of months, but with the holidays at the doorstep the whole Genoa mess was looming even darker over her life than usual.
She had failed. She had betrayed the most basic principles of her job as a journalist, as an executive producer, as Will's executive producer, and she had not only ruined her own career and reputation, but had torn him and the whole station down with her.
They had lost the trust of their viewers as well as the majority of their high profile sources, and sooner rather than later ACN would have no choice but to fire them, if they wanted to survive, irregardless of what Leona had told them weeks ago.
She wasn't overly worried about their young staff. They would be protected by their junior position and the fact that any network, with which they would apply for a job in the future, would know that they had just been following orders. Unfortunately this moment might be coming sooner than any of them thought possible.
But Will would take it hard. He might have appointed himself to be the Director of Morale, but she knew that he had been shaken by all this. He was proud of what he was doing, just as she was proud that she had gotten him to focus on quality journalism again, instead of putting ratings above everything else.
With a sigh she took in the state of her desk one last time, before she got up and put on her coat. She grabbed her handbag as well as her phone and was just about to turn off the light, when she remembered the little gift Will had given her after the show. She grabbed it from her desk and put it into her coat pocket, before she went to the elevators.
When she arrived downstairs she looked over to the bar, where she knew her staff was having a good time, but deliberately turned the other way.
She felt the need to clear her head, so she decided to walk in the crisp air of the snow covered city. She walked past an endless number of festively decorated store and restaurant windows without paying much attention, until she suddenly noticed how cold her hands had gotten.
When she looked up she realized that her aimless wandering had led her to the East River. She decided to take a break and stepped onto one of the piers that jutted out over the river, where she tiredly rested her arms on the railing and lowered her head.
Watching the black water passing by, white floe dancing in the angry current, she felt strangely drawn to the scene below her. Maybe this was a sign?
The balustrade wasn't high; it wouldn't be difficult to climb over it and then just take one more step. The water was so cold that she would surely pass out immediately, and then everything would finally be over.
No more hurt, desperation and guilt. And especially no more agonizing over Will, who was never going to forgive her. Neither for the past, nor for the present. If it just wouldn't hurt so much...
„Why didn't I die during that damn stabbing? WHY DIDN'T I?" She had angrily shouted the question into the howling winds, so the unexpected voice coming from behind her made her jump.
„What stabbing?"
Her heart skipped a beat, and she quickly turned around with a hand on her chest, facing an elderly woman with a kind look on her face. „Who are you?"
„My name is Clarice." She smiled. „I'm your guardian angel."
Mac snorted in disbelief. „Of course you are."
She turned away to look back into the water.
Why would she be surprised that, on top of everything else, she had to meet one of the many lunatics who called the Big Apple their home? But maybe she was lucky and the woman would go away, if she just ignored her.
Instead she stepped up next to her and also focused her gaze on the water below. „That water looks very cold. It wouldn't be a nice way to die."
„How do you…?" Mac stopped and stared at her. Then she shook her head. The woman had to have watched her for a while and, in combination with her outburst, had somehow figured out what she had been thinking about. Maybe she had subconscioulsly leaned forward or… whatever. She did not intend to strike a conversation about this. About anything, really, she just wanted to be left alone.
However, the woman that called herself Clarice, seemed to have her own ideas and looked at her.
„What stabbing?" she repeated.
„Wouldn't you know that, if you are really my guardian angel? In fact, wouldn't it have been you who saved me back then?"
„Alright, then let's talk about the Middle East. Why did you want to die there?"
„What the..? How do you…? Who are you?" Mac stared at the woman. How could she possible know that she had been in a war zone?
„Answer my question, please."
Mac felt strangely compelled to do just that and hesitantly started to speak, not sure why. „Nothing I have done over there has changed anything. Did the fighting stop? Do the American people care? Did me going away change anything here at home? Oh, I wish I had never been born!"
The woman's face turned serious, and she tilted her head back, eyes closed. After a moment of silence she nodded once and opened her eyes again. „Your wish has been granted, MacKenzie Morgan McHale. You have never been born."
Suddenly Mac was scared. „How do you know my name?" When the woman didn't answer, she repeated her earlier question. „Who are you?"
Clarice's answer stayed the same. „Clarice Odbody, angel second class, which means I am still waiting for my wings. I am your guardian angel, and I know everything about you; I've watched you grow up from a little girl…"
„Am I on ‚Candid Camera'? Is that what this is?" The laugh that escaped her sounded desperate, even to her own ears. „I just… Just leave me alone!"
Turning around she ran back into the direction she had come from and only stopped once she reached the ACN building, bending over to catch her breath. When she looked up again, she noticed that Neal had just stepped out of Hang Chew's and was coming her way.
„Neal!"
She saw him turning his head in her direction, but even though she waved at him, his gaze just wandered over her. „Neal, it's me. Mac."
She almost stepped in his way and reached out her hand to touch his arm, but he still didn't show any sign of recognition, frowning instead. „Do I know you?"
Before she could even answer he had walked past her, and when she wanted to follow him, she was held back by Clarice, who had appeared out of nowhere.
„Why does he pretend not to know me?
„Don't you understand, MacKenzie? He was not pretending; it's because you were not born."
„If I wasn't born, who am I?"
„You're nobody. You have no identity."
„Oh, what do you mean, no identity." She started to rummage through her purse for her wallet. „My name is MacKenzie McHale!"
„There is no MacKenzie McHale." When Mac stopped her search, realising that the wallet wasn't there, Clarice went on. „You have no papers, no cards, no driver's license, no social security number, no insurance policies."
Mac stared at her for a moment, but then she checked her coat pocket. „If I don't exist, how come that I was given a Christmas present earlier today?"
The second half of the her question came out slower, when she realized that Will's present wasn't there anymore. Surely she must have lost it, or somebody had stolen it, so instead she retrieved her cell phone. While she unlocked it, Clarice spoke again.
„They are not there, either."
„What?"
„The phone numbers in your contact list... You have been given a great gift, MacKenzie. A chance to see what the world would be like without you."
Mac gasped when she saw that there were indeed no numbers saved on her phone, but then shook her head. „This… This must be some kind of a funny dream. I'm going home."
„Home? What home?" The woman turned when Mac stepped away.
„Oh, shut up, cut it out! You're crazy, that's what I think. You're screwing… You're driving me crazy, too! I'm seeing things here. I'm going to see my friends, and I'm going alone."
Clarice watched her leave with a small smile playing around her lips.
Seeing her friends; Mac wanted nothing more right now, no, so instead of going home she walked into Hang Chew's.
The first thing she noticed was Jim, who was sitting at a table with Hallie, a laptop in front of them. When Mac stepped closer she noticed that they were busy working on an online blog called ‚Blitz News', and she was appalled by the trashy and sensationalist headlines she could see. What was Jim, her eager protegé and staunch defender of quality journalism, doing?
Before she could decide if she should talk to him, she saw that Will was sitting at the bar, a leggy blonde next to him, who was giggling at something he said. After a moment of just watching she approached them and hesitantly put her hand on his shoulder. „Will?"
He turned around at the sound of her voice and smiled, letting her breathe easier. She was sure he had recognized her, but then she heard his voice. „Hello there, doll." His eyes roamed over her body before they landed back on her face. „What a pretty lady. Unfortunately I'm already booked for tonight, but maybe another time... Would you like an autograph instead?"
Mac pulled her hand back as if she had been burned and stumbled backwards. What was happening?
She mumbled something along the lines of being sorry to have bothered him and almost ran to get away from him as quickly as possible. Outside of the bar she scrambled for her phone with shaking hands. Even if her contact list was empty, the internet would surely still work.
When she googled Will's name, she found that he was a famous late night talker on ACN, a womanizer who apparently lived a playboy's life with a different woman on his arm almost every night. Also it was rumored that he was no stranger to alcohol and drugs, but so far at least the latter had not been confirmed.
Jim was married to Hallie, and while working as an associate producer for Will's show „Talk to me" he also ran an entertainment blog with his wife.
How could that be?
Even if Jim was dating Hallie at the moment, he was in love with Maggie, she knew that.
When she searched for her Mac gasped at the result she found. Apparently she had committed suicide after returning from Uganda… Her eyes filled with tears. Maggie, her sweet and talented Maggie!
What nightmare did she land in?
Sloan! Surely Sloan was still the same intelligent and loyal woman she had gotten to know and befriended, keen on educating the public about the economy?
It was another blow when she found that in this reality her friend was a successful hedgefond manager with a portfolio as high as the budget of middle-sized European country. According to numerous entries she was only interested in new, profitable investment opportunities to make even more money.
The last name she typed into her phone was that of Charlie Skinner. She almost didn't dare look at the search results, certain that the Charlie she knew would never let ACN and Will operate like that. And she was right; his Wikipedia page told her that his alcohol consumption had risen in lockstep with his level of frustration with the programming decisions of ACN's top management, until he was fired from his job and now spent his days drinking himself closer and closer to a tragic ending.
Mac couldn't believe anything of what she had just seen and read. How could that be? How did she end up here and what had happened to her enthusiastic, caring friends who always wanted to make a difference in the world?
She only wanted to leave this place, but her legs were shaking and she didn't even know where to go. So she tumbled to the side, until she hit a wall, and breathed hard, nausea rising within her. She desperately fought it down and then called for Clarice, not caring about the looks of passersby she received.
„Get me back. I don't care what happens, just get me back into my life. Clarice, please. Please! I want to live again. I want to live again." She wiped away a few stray tears and turned to walk away, only whispering the last words. „Please God, let me live again."
Suddenly she heard someone calling.. „Hey! Wait!"
Will!
She would recognize that voice anywhere and quickly turned around, but then she remembered what had just happened and appeasingly lifted her hands. „It's okay, I said I wouldn't bother you anymore. I'm sorry."
„Mac? Are you alright?"
„I said I'll…" She stopped, realization dawning on her face. „Mac? Will, you know me?"
„Know you? What are you talking about?"
She looked at him with large eyes, but then shook her head. „Uh, nothing. What's up?"
„I tried to call you earlier, but you didn't answer your phone, and now I saw you walking past Hang Chew's. It's past midnight already, have you been working all this time? Are you okay?"
„I'm fine." Mac took a deep, shaky breath. The nightmare was over.
Suddenly a thought occured to her and she felt her coat pocket, giving him a relieved smile. „It's past midnight already? That means I can open your present, right?"
When Will nodded she pulled the little box he had given her earlier and that had suddenly reappeared out of her pocket She carefully removed the wrapping paper and found a little jewelery box underneath. When she slowly opened the lid she looked at a golden necklace with a pendant shaped like a small person. She gently lifted it out of its velvet bed and gave him a questioning look.
„It's St. Francis de Sales, patron of writers and journalists." Will shrugged. „I guess even though we are right, we can use all the help we can get."
Mac looked down at the necklace in her hand and swallowed hard. Of course Will knew how much the situation was getting to her, and she couldn't beginn to express how much this gesture meant to her. „Thank you, I love it."
She lifted herself on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, surprising herself as much as him. „Let's go back inside, I'd like to see the others."
When they entered the bar and approached their team, the whole group was cheering when they saw that Mac had joined them. Will ordered a round and they sat down, busily chatting away. Maggie was laughing at one of Tess' jokes, while Jim inconspicuously tried to watch her without Hallie noticing.
After a while Mac leaned back, letting her eyes roam over the group, and was immensely grateful. These people were her friends and family, and as much as they were part of her life, she was part of theirs. They influenced each other in a thousand little ways, but also in some of the big things, and she would never have thought that her sheer existence was so important to their lifes.
Suddenly she knew that in the end everything would work out, and she moved her head in search of Will. When she met his gaze she felt a comforting warmth running through her at the look in his eyes and the smile directed at her.
And right this moment someone touched one of the countless Christmas decorations that were placed all over the room. When she heard a bell ring, she remembered what her mother had always told her:
An angel had gotten its wings.
Thanks, Clarice.