She served Madoka at a tea ceremony, and didn't spill a drop. Madoka was dressed in a kimono, pale blue, with a yellow and red sash, flowers at the hem and on the sleeves; in place of her thin red ribbon, wore a red one and white polka dots. A cluster of purple and white stars adorned her hair-clip, a short braided strand of purple hanging down her beside her left cheek.

The morning sunlight filtered gently through the bed-curtains, and the dream faded, but the memory of Madoka's joy and delight lingered.

–

Hitomi wasn't quite sure what her other friends were doing, but it seemed that it involved making weird faces at each other... and after such an elegant morning. Maybe if I say something.

"You look ill. Is something the matter? ... What are you -"

"It's nothing!" interrupted Sayaka, trying to lead her away from the sunbeam, Madoka, "come on, let's go!"

What were you doing, and are you trying to hide, Sayaka? You're flustered and embarassed. It's not like you to get that way unless it's about Kyosuke...

They started to go, but then Sayaka spun back about.

Madoka looks more than a little flustered too. But happy.

For tens of seconds, her two best friends gazed at each other, saying nothing, looking intensely, as Madoka walked over, and the pair started to head off together.

Did they just really coordinate that without talking?

Hitomi's stomach was starting to feel funny.

"Excuse me. What's going on between you? Why do you keep staring at each other?"

"Huh?" asked Madoka, "Oh... Uh... It's... just..."

she's as happy as i've ever seen her, almost ashamed with happiness, but, she's brave about it, and won't even try to hide it...

"You will be my bride, Madoka!"

"I can't believe it! Just by looking at each other, you know what the other's thinking? Oh, for two people to become that intimate after one night... What did you do after I left yesterday?

It must have been the transfer student, Akemi-san; Sayaka saw she was making a move and she decided not to leave things to chance, and...

Sayaka mumbled some sort of half-denial.

"Well, actually..." Madoka began, "lots of things happened but..."

you're mine, madoka

mine, all mine

mine, all mine

you will be my bride...

"That's enough!" declared Hitomi. "You can't be serious! That's... forbidden love!"

She had to get out of here. It's not real. It's another nightmare; just run. Girls can't love girls. Mother would disown you. Which way is the exit?

"You forgot your bag!" shouted Sayaka, but Hitomi kept running.

–

The nightmare was stubbornly persistent.

And the two of them kept ... not-talking to each other in class. More discreetly, to be sure, but Sayaka was bad at hiding her expressions.

Kazuko-sensei was happily occupied with the lesson. "Take a sentence, 'he likes me'. The subject is 'he.' And since he is the one doing something, the sentence is in the active voice."

*He* likes Madoka. Girls can't... they're not allowed!

Madoka was distracted, sketching in her notebook instead of taking notes. I should be taking notes, thought Hitomi, then we can sync up after school in case she's missed anything.

But to be so close... that's like a story, it can't possibly be real. so what did they physically do?

physically...

She swallowed hard.

She thought of her father's lecture, after repeating a dirty joke. "You are a high class girl, Hitomi. You shouldn't indulge yourself with dirty jokes, and dirty thoughts, for the same reason you shouldn't indulge yourself with other things. If you're not an elegant girl, if you're not gracious, if you're greedy, then what you are is a rich self-centered jerk, and they'll put you in an anime as the rich girl with the stupid laugh that everyone loves to hate."

And it doesn't take a lot to cause gossip, she thought to herself, and all it takes is just one misplaced word, in the wrong place, or the wrong time, and that will be the reputation that people will remember you by, forever.

So it's best to be consistently elegant. And these are indulgent, inelegant, dirty thoughts.

The metaphor of dirt expanded in her head. She imagined Madoka in a kimono, and a cloud of heat and dust and dirt coming in on the wind. Madoka spun to meet it, and held out her umbrella to fend off the blast, but it wasn't enough, and the elegant blue fabric was covered in brown, and Madoka's shocked face was covered in grit. But then she turned, to face Hitomi, and the shock gave way first to concern, and then a playful expression.

"Hitomi, your face is all dirty," said the imaginary dirt-faced Madoka, as she folded the tattered umbrella and pranced over on her sandals.

Imaginary-Hitomi wanted to say "I'm sorry," if she could just bring herself to speak, but she was ashamed. And Madoka won't even worry about herself first, because she is kind. Even when it's my fault.

"Shh," said the imaginary Madoka in a quiet tone as she drew near, "don't worry. It's okay. Let me wipe it off." She slowly raised her right hand to Hitomi's head, leaned in gently, by her ear, breathily, and she stuck out her strawberry red tongue ...

...

NO! SHE WOULDn'T DO THAT! ShE'D ... SHE'd ... USE a HANDKERCHEIF! Or SOMETHING! SHE's NOT tHAT KIND OF GIRL!

Hitomi's cheeks were red hot with shame.

–

Take deep breaths.

Take deep breaths. She'd forgotten that so far today.

Take very deep breaths. Slowly. It will be okay.

"Hitomi!" said Sayaka, coming up to the door with Madoka in tow.

Be gracious. Be selfless. Don't indulge. Don't invite yourself along. If they want your company, they'll say so. Let them ask.

Sayska was always effective at making up excuses, but bad about delivering them. "Hey, uh, sorry but we sort of have a couple of errands to run, so..."

She proactively takes the lead, so that Madoka doesn't have to be quite as awkward. That's kind of her. I guess it leaves both of them less embarassed, too.

"Oh, something private?"

And at that, Madoka just had to smile, and Hitomi's cheeks were already flushing red red hot as Madoka reached for words to try to explain.

"I'm so jealous! I guess it's true what they say how two's company... and three's a crowd!" She was running away again, even as Sayaka called after her with another denial.

– It was a small mercy that she didn't have a piano lesson today.

In her bedroom, she laid out a simple, comfortable, flowing dress, a pair of short white socks with a little green ribbon in back. She took out a nice round cushion, and set it down on the rug. Then she took a long, cold shower, dried her hair, put the dress on her self and herself on top of the cushion, and she just sat, still, taking deep breaths, just focusing on her breath, eyes closed, not thinking at all, or maybe just thinking about not thinking, or maybe thinking about breath.

Deep breaths. It will be okay.

As the sun began to sink low on the horizon, the doorbell rang. She counted to three, then purposefully rose, put on a pair of sea-green slippers, and stepped out to the landing. She watched from the balcony for a moment, while the maid got the door for the porters, moving in a pair of suitaces, and then a well-dressed man entered the door, calling out, "I'm home!"

"Papa!" she exclaimed, and she took to the stairs - swiftly, but taking care to use each step, her dress trailing out behind her.

"My darling angel!" said Papa, throwing open his arms, and smiling.

"How was New York?" asked Hitomi, embracing him warmly.

"Oh, dear. Let not talk about New York just yet. How is your mother?"

"I think she's in the kitchen. You're home early!"

–

The family supped in the smaller dining room, while Papa related his trip, as Hitomi paid careful attention. Sometimes if you're careful you can get away with asking questions without even asking the questions. If you wait for the right moment.

"Last time," said Papa, "we committed to arrange client investments of three billion dollars - that's about 350 billion yen - to a new real estate investment platform, in three rounds. That's mostly going to multi-family developments, with a little bit of commercial office. I must have spent five days straight in meetings with Mr. Bishop, and then we spent one whole night just celebrating."

"Mmm-hmm," said Mama. "So what happened this time?"

"Well," said Papa, "I get over to the site, walk into the meeting, and Mr. Bishop isn't there. It's just Doris, Mr. Glenn, and their investor relations team. And they're all looking very, very serious."

"Oh my. Did something happen? Is he okay?" asked Hitomi, politely.

"Of course, the first thing I ask, before I even sit down, is, where's Mr. Bishop? And they come out and tell me that he was fired, because of professional misconduct relating to an affair. So I look over to Mr. Watanabe, and he looks over to me, and I count to three, and then I say very deliberately, gentlemen, you surely know, there's a key-man clause in our contract, and if either Mr. Glenn or Mr. Bishop are no longer employed with the company, then rounds two and three will be automatically off. And Mr. Glenn just nods, solemnly, and says, We know, and everyone looks very, very serious and worried. And I look over to Watanabe, and his eyes are just open wide."

"Oh. Oh dear," said Hitomi.

"So I sat down, and the good news is, there's a new deal," said Papa, "because honestly, we're something like 80% of their investment volume at this stage, though the timeline is about six months slower. But I had to spend all day negotiating with their firm and all night calling Mr. Nakazawa, so that he and Legal could work a couple of all-nighters drafting new terms. And then I have to pull strings with the board, and call an emergency meeting to approve the new terms, and convince them it's still a good idea over teleconference, which you know I despise, and there's like a five second lag on everything. But the good news is, we should be able to get about 15% better returns with the new capital structure, so we come out ahead. Still. It was a close thing."

"Well, thank goodness it's all right," said Mama.

"Thank goodness I have your smiling face to come home to, dear," replied Papa, "and my sweet angel who flies down to greet me at the door."

Hitomi blushed a little, squirming a bit under the table. "Well, I love you, Papa."

He beamed. "And how is school and how are your friends?"

Well, Madoka and Sayaka are dating, and I'm lonely.

"Well, Kamijo Kyosuke is still in the hospital," said Hitomi, racking her brain for anything but news of that, "but he's absolutely safe, and well enough to do physical therapy. And I did a perfect tea ceremony, the outdoors one, and, ah... Mrs. Kaname was sharing tips with Madoka and Sayaka about how to look cute for the boys, and - oh, yes, I found two love letters in my locker and my notebook, and I'm not quite sure what to make of them." and to be honest, I had almost forgotten.

"What's this now? You didn't tell me anything about these," said Mama, half-chiding.

Papa chuckled. "Ah, I see, my little girl is growing up, and the boys are starting to notice."

This was her moment, to ask without asking.

"Oh, Papa," she chuckled, "but I didn't say they were both from boys."

They were, but I didn't say.

Papa paused, and made a weird face.

"Dear," scolded her mother, "you shouldn't joke about things like that."

Well, it's an answer.

"It's not a joke, Mother," she said, earnestly, "and it's really, really easy to tell; boys wouldn't ever mist the paper with perfume."

"Oh, kids these days," remarked father, offhandedly; "What's it all coming to?" He put down his cup of tea. "Well, my angel, you're not a little girl anymore, but remember, you're still young. You don't need to go out of your way to fall head over heels in love with anyone if you're not ready, okay? Have patience."

Mama relaxed. "Likewise," she added, "I'm sure that you know you're a refined and elegant lady; you don't need to make yourself stand out with flashy baubles."

"Don't worry, Mama," she reassured. "I know."

–

She would confess to Madoka, and the two of them would run away together to ... to a hotel in the countryside, by the beach, and Father would be called away from a meeting in America, and it would be a scandal, and the rumours would fly from Mitakihara to New York. It would be impossibly romantic.

So she took out her smallest suitcase, one that she used for classes sometimes, and packed a summer dress and a swimsuit and put all her savings in an envelope.

And then Father would catch the pair, and he'd drive them home with Madoka in the back seat, and he would give Madoka a lecture, quietly, gently... but he would set her straight, and she would cry, silently, in the back seat, and he would tell her that's okay, and pass her a tissue, and then he would drop her off at home, and he wouldn't say anything else, even when they got home, and Mother would send her to bed without dinner.

So she flopped down on the bad in her nightgown, and played with the bed-curtains with her toes.

Maybe it's for the best this way.

Madoka was always quiet, and shy, and kind, but when she felt safe, when she found something worth doing, she was passionate. If she cared, she would just pour herself into a project, or a game, or a day at the amusement park, and she would want to ride all the rides. And Sayaka was always a better catalyst for that than she was.

Maybe Sayaka is what she needs. She looks so happy, these days. She's still shy, and quite afraid, but she's brave. There's a confidence inside her now.

And Sayaka is a better match anyway. She's spontaneous, unrestrained, ridiculous. I'm only graceful, and elegant. It'd be like... playing castle with two princesses.

And I'd make her look bad, but deep down where it matters she'd be a better princess than I would. She's kind; that's better than being gracious; her joy serves her far better than any elegance.

Hitomi sighed.

So maybe it's all for the best.

And if you're going to be gracious, Hitomi, you need to be happy for your friend. And when they grow less shy about it, you'll be there to listen. If they ever fight, if they're afraid. Maybe they'll even turn to you for advice, and reassurance. And you can stand up for them if people disapprove.

When she thought about that, it made her feel a lot better.

If those two need a little alone time, it's fine. No one is walking out of your life to disappear. The three of us are friends - forever, you know? You won't suddenly become a stranger.

–

Sayaka took the lead to protect Madoka, once again, chattering on about a mile a minute with overwrought gossip about a poor girl named Yuka. Hitomi would have objected to such talk, but it was clear that she was mostly trying to keep attention away from a quiet Madoka, so she smiled, nodded, said nothing. Had the pair fought? Had Madoka's mom said something? She would try to talk. Maybe a word after school, or at lunch.

–

The two girls conferenced on the roof at lunchtime, without Hitomi.

"It sort of feels like we're in another country, doesn't it?" asked Madoka. "Even though nothing's changed, our school is the same, our class is the same, Hitomi, nothing's changed. But I feel like I'm surrounded by strangers."